Chapter 3

Tears and regrets

I had no idea where to start but I knew what I had to do. Harry had not told me or anything, but still I knew. I had this feeling, like his voice whispering in my head. In this time of safety and joy for the wizards, his friends should have been together; moving on, heads up and going forward. It was what he wanted. He had died to make the world a better place for us and we were all blowing it away, wallowing in pain and despair. I had to fix this.

That's how Sunday morning I ended up at Neville Longbottom's house. I shyly knocked on the large wooden door and waited. Soon, I heard footsteps inside and a very old woman, strangely dressed in wizard robes, opened the door to me. She looked at me with a questioning look. I guess visitors weren't a common thing around here. I didn't really know what to say. I had not seen Neville since the end of the war. I drew up a smile for his grandmother. "Hi Mrs. Longbottom. You might not remember me, it's been a while. I'm Ginn… Ginevra Weasley. I was wondering if I could talk to Neville?" I said, remembering the one time I had seen her at St. Mungo's. It wasn't one of our best memories.

"Of course I remember you darling. You've grown into a beautiful young woman." She replied with a crooked smile. "Thank you." I said, still standing on the front porch. I couldn't hear anything inside and I began wondering if Neville was even living there anymore."Come on in." She said. "I'll call Neville. The poor boy, he's been so sad ever since Harry passed away." She added as I walked in, closing the door behind me. "But I guess you are too. He was some kind of friend to you I recall." She asked politely. "Huh… yes." I replied in a whisper. What was small talk to her was a living nightmare to me but I couldn't blame her either for not knowing.

Mrs Longbottom left me alone in the living room to get Neville. The Longbottoms were already coming back down the stairs. I composed myself a normal face and contained the tears I had felt rushing to my eyes. Neville was paler than ever and looked embarrassed, but he was in a quite good shape. I waved to him and he did the same before throwing his arms around me, sobbing on my shoulder. "Ginny, it's good to see you. I was so worried. I can't believe he's gone. I can't believe it." He sobbed as I hugged him awkwardly, quite startled by this sudden emotion wave he was pouring down on me. "Neither can I."

"It's my entire fault. If it wasn't for me, he would have never died." He said as he pulled away, wiping his tears with his shirt. "I'll leave you two alone, I'm sure you have lots to say. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. Neville, why don't you offer something to drink to your friend?" Mrs. Longbottom said before she disappeared in the kitchen, where I guessed she would be listening to our conversation, probably trying to determine if whether or not I was Neville's girlfriend.

"Oh yes. I will." Nevilled replied, heading in the same direction.

As I sat on the couch, I still couldn't believe that his grandmother still treated him like a baby, even at 18. 18… It suddenly struck me. Harry had died on his birthday. I guess he blamed himself for it. Harry had never made it to his own birthday. Neville came back with lemonade, pulling me away from my thoughts. I took the glass he handed me and took a long sip, trying to stop my lower lip from shaking.

"Neville, I know that you would probably prefer not to talk about it, and so would I, but I want to know. I need to know. Are you upset because Harry died on your birthday?" I asked, choosing my words carefully to avoid another outburst. It took a moment before he answered. His face went from surprise to resignation in a few seconds. "Yes… I… I… It's all my fault. Harry should have never died." He said, his chin shaking from his contained sobs. "This is not your fault. It's no one's fault. You can't blame yourself for what happened." I replied, having no idea how I would calm him down. I knew how much Harry meant to him.

"Yes! I can! If I was the guy the prophecy was about, You-Know-Who would have killed me and not him! And Harry would have killed him because he was the best. He would have been the hero he deserved to be, he would be here and he would be with you!" I had no idea he had so much bottled up. I wish he would have told me before. That he blamed himself for everything that was happening to Harry ever since he found out. "Oh Neville…" I switched couch and sat beside him, an arm around his shoulders. He sobbed again on my shoulder and I let the tears run down my cheeks. It felt good to cry once.

"Harry was a hero. It was who he was and no one could have changed that, especially not a prophecy. He died doing what he was best at: saving us. The only thing we can do now is to move on with our lives. Even if it's hard, even if we can't seem to see the light at the end." I said, surprisingly taking strength in being the one he turned to. "You're right." Neville said finally. We sipped on our lemonades for a while before I remembered the first thing I actually wanted to ask him.

"By the way, have you seen Hermione lately?" I asked, keeping my voice cool. I didn't want him to guess how worried I was about her. "No, not since you know, the day it happened." He replied. "Me neither. The last time I saw her, she was running up to the Gryffindor common room. I thought she needed time alone but she never came back. It's just like she disappeared." I explained. "That's strange. Hermione always did what was expected of her, she never ran away."

I know, that's what worries me the most.

I needed to find out. I patted his shoulder and stood up. He did the same. I kissed his cheek quickly as he did so. "I have to go. There're lots I want to do before tonight." I said, moving toward the front door. "Okay." He said sadly.

"We'll be in touch. Don't hesitate if you need anything." I said with a small smile. "I promise I'll write if I get news about Hermione. I'll remember I'm sure." Neville said, his cheeks turning red. "Thanks. Take care." I said as I walked out the door. "Bye."

I left the Longbottom's house and got back to my motel room on the Diagon Alley. I was surprised to find an owl sitting on the side of my window, apparently waiting for me. I wondered who could have written to me. It had only been a week since I left home; a month and a half since Harry had died. I grabbed the letter hesitantly and opened it. The owl flew out by the open window, as if it was aware of the coming storm. I recognized my mother's handwriting before the letter had even started.

"Ginevra Weasley!

How could you leave like that without saying anything? I thought you had been kidnapped! You could've been tortured, killed or even worse! How can you scare your own mother like that after everything we've been through?" The letter shouted as soon as I opened it. I should have known Mom would freak out but I was suffocating in all their sadness, I had to get out. The letter took a breath and I wondered if it was only preparing for another round of shouts. Surprisingly, its tone became softer.

"Anyhow, I am sure we will have the opportunity to discuss this further soon enough. I was also writing because I have found something this morning as I was going through Harry's stuff. I thought it needed to be done and since you were gone, I didn't know what else to do. If you need help, don't hesitate sweetie and come back soon." It was only then that I realized that there was an enclosed letter. I detached it from the main one and my hand began trembling as I saw Harry's handwriting on the cover. "To Ginny, if I don't make it through".

Had Harry known that he wouldn't make it? Did he go head first into this fight knowing this would be his last? No, I couldn't believe that. He had asked me to marry him. He was planning our future. I sat down on the bed, unsure if I wanted to know what was inside this letter. I finally opened it and read through it all. It was some sort of last will. He was asking me to make sure all his friends and loved ones wouldn't lose each other; that we would stay united because that was what made us stronger. He wanted us to rebuild the wizarding world together in his memory. As I finished reading, I realized I was actually smiling. It had been a while since I had felt that way. It was as if I could feel him beside me, his hand on my shoulder, giving me the strength to go on. I would do it; I would get everybody back together, even though everything had fallen apart.

For you I will Harry. I swear I will.

I got up resolutely only to be hit by a wave of dizziness that got me quite worried. It wasn't the first time it happened in past few days and I wondered what was wrong with me. Maybe I should go home. Mom would know what to do.