The next morning dawned bright and early at Yorozuya Gin. The owner of said shop, of course, was still sleeping. But Kagura woke up early, because Sadaharu looked as if he was feeling stir crazy. Kagura smiled at Sadaharu, and kissed him on the nose. She pulled on her chinese outfit, shoved a pack of sukonbu into her pocket, and led Sadaharu outside.
"Kagura loves you, uh-huh," she said to him, "So let's have fun playing today, ok?"
"WOOF!" answered Sadaharu. They reached the park, and Kagura picked up a nearby bench.
"Go fetch!" she hurled the bench.
"WOOF!"Kagura smiled, sitting where the bench would have been, and landing on the ground, content as she pulled her knees up to her chest. It was just then that a boy with light brown hair and dark red eyes walked by.
The gravel under his feet crunched as Okita Sougo neared Kagura on his morning rounds. Kagura didn't notice his approach. She was chewing contentedly on a piece of sukonbu. Okita, however, out on patrol, did notice her. Who doesn't notice a girl sitting on the on the side of a park where there used to be a bench?
"Yo, kid. What are you doing down there?" He asked. Kagura slowlyturned around to face him, and he observed the peaceful look on her face, watching it transition to curiousity as she surfaced from the deep-space of Kagura-land.
"Waiting for the bench to come back." she replied, as if this were the most normal thing in the world. Before Okita could respond, however, the ground began to shake. Then, in the distance, between the trees, a large furry white blob appeared. Was it an earthquake? However, as the shaking grew closer, Okita realized that it was not an earthquake but, instead a, well, what exactly was it?
"What is that?" he asked Kagura. Kagura turned to him with an angelic look on her face.
"Sadaharu." she answered.
Suddenly, the huge white dog stopped its charge in front of Kagura. He dropped the bench directly above her head, but she lifted her hands and caught it, depositing it back onto the ground. Then, she reached forward to pet Sadaharu.
"Good boy!" she giggled, as he licked her, throwing her arms around its furry neck. It was early, but Okita began to feel thirsty again. His sadist nature never had been very patient, and now it was urging him to do something, anything, to feed it. He noticed a man similar to Hijikata crossing the street. Surely he could frame something on him. He walked slowly toward the man, fingering the trigger to his bazooka, sitting on the bench to watch for an opportunity.
Sitting. On the bench. It was wet. It was gooey. And it broke in half as soon as he sat on it.
That, compounded with the sight of Kagura roaring with laughter as she saw him sitting on the ground, was enough to snap him out of it.
"Who's the kid now, uh-huh?" Kagura laughed, puffing up in a pose she considered macho. It made her look like a bird puffing itself up. He chuckled. Like a cockatiel. She's a Kagura-tiel. He burst out laughing.
"What's so funny huh?" Kagura demanded. "You must be pretty fat to break a bench like that, Mister Fat Stalker."
"Woah! You said it right."Okita considered writing down the date and time to preserve the evidence that something this unlikely had ever happened. "But it wasn't me that did it, it was your... uh..." he looked back at the large dog.
"Sadaharu." she stated.
"It was Sadaharu." he declared.
"Nope, he couldn't have."
"It was definitely him."
"I'll ask him. Ne, Sadaharu, have you broken the bench?"
"WOOF!" he barked, his tongue hanging out as he did so; showing a mouthful of splinters.
"He says no." she said speedily.
"That looked like a yes to me!" Okita smiled.
"It was a no, uh-huh."
"Yes for sure!"
"Innocent until proven jilted!" Kagura proclaimed in broken Ingrish, changing instantaneously into a lawyer outfit.
"It's guilty!" Corrected Okita.
"No, Sadaharu is not guilty!" Kagura yelled, "Judge, my client will be disturbed by these unbased claims," she said, turning to Sadaharu.
"WOOF!"
"Oy! How can he be the judge and the client?" demanded Okita.
"It's a cold, harsh world for children to grow up in, and life isn't fair," Kagura proclaimed, looking out into a nonexistant sunset, "A boy takes another step toward manhood. Hold fast to your dreams." She patted Okita on the shoulder.
"I'm older than you, remember?" said Okita.
"You wish."
"Anyway, what are you planning to do about this bench?" he asked. Kagura turned to observe it.
"What would Gin do? He'd say to calm down and look for a time machine." she abruptly turned to Okita. "Seen any around?" she asked seriously.
"Nope." he replied, wondering at the similarity between their superiors.
"Then, what would Shinpachi do? He'd yell at Gin for thinking of such a stupid idea." she proceded to punch herself in the head, "You calm down, you idiot. Where would we find a time machine?" Okita looked on, amused.
"Only one left. What would you do?" He said.
"Me? Hmm. I'm the calm one. I'm the brains. I'd calm down and fix it," she said, nervous under the pressure of being both the calm one and the brains, and pulled out a hammer and a piece of sukonbu, and proceded to hammer the sukonbu into the bench. Okita's eyes almost popped out of his head.
"Oy, that doesn't look very calm to me."
"Sukonbu fixes everything, of course," Kagura said, sounding desperately unsure of herself, but obviously trying to look as if she knew what she was doing.
"Huh." was all he said.
"Well, if you're so brilliant, then what's you're plan, Mr. Fast Talker?" Wait, wasn't it supposed to be fat stalker? Okita didn't want to remind her of that, though. After all, how could he be a bishonen character if he was fat?
But back to the topic at hand. What would he do? He pulled out his bazooka, and aimed for the bench.
"Destroy the evidence." He declared, his lips curving into a frightful grin. If it had been Hijikata, he would have got the beginning of a lecture, or indiscriminate yelling. Kagura leapt over to his side and pulled out her purple umbrella, aiming it at the bench, popping the sukonbu-nail into her mouth.
"You're a genius!" she declared, and they opened fire on the hapless victim. The bench didn't stand a chance. "You must be a prodigy, to be so capable at such a young age," said Kagura, talking around the sukonbu sticking out of her mouth and nodding knowingly, "It must be hard for you at work, eh, kid?"
While certain elements of this statement were obviously ridiculous, Kagura had hit the mark in others. Yes, it was strange to be shorter than most others, though he'd never tell. Still, they were satisfactorily terrified of him, so he rarely thought about it.
Kagura frowned at him. "Here." she said, tossing him a piece of sukonbu. "You probably have a sad story to tell, but Gin-chan and Shinpachi will wonder where I am if I don't get back soon. Sukonbu is the right thing to eat when listening to a sad story. So tell yourself your sad story, and savor my hard-earned sukonbu, kid. Next time, maybe I'll crunch on some sukonbu and listen to it, too."
"Er, thanks. I'm older than you, you know."
"Whatever, whatever. Sadaharu, come!" the dog flew towards her, ready to tackle. She countered the flying leap with an aerial kick, and Sadaharu landed next to her. The two walked off down the street.