5. Guilt All Round

April 2010

Astoria, Oregon

Amelia

"The search continues for missing eighteen year-old Amelia Hunter,"the news reporter started his report.

The Cullens were out hunting. I had refused to join them, as I had done every time they'd offered in the last month. I would fake-smile my way through Carlisle's patient questioning and Esme's gentle attempts at persuasion. I would laugh along at Emmett's jokes about my refusal. I would make sure to hide my fear in front of Jasper. And I simply ignored Harry.

So they went to hunt, and I sat down to watch TV. Flicking at vampire speed, which was undeniable fun, through the hundreds of channels on the Cullen's TV, I had been intrigued upon finding the BBC news channel. BBC. It reminded me of home. Of Britain. Of my human life. It turned out to be a much bigger reminder of my human life than I had expected.

I watched as my mother and father pleaded for my safe return. "We and her little brother and sister miss her very much." Guilt flooded me as a picture of me with my three-year old brother and one-year old sister appeared on screen, followed by a shot of my parents crying. I had wanted to save them from this pain, but there was nothing I could do.

I wiped away the tears that flowed down my cheeks. Venom tears – a reminder of what I was now. The fact that I could cry at all was a reminder of what I specifically was: 'Amelia - the world's freakiest vampire'. I wasn't Amelia Hunter anymore. But the people who still loved the girl I used to be continued to search for her. But they will never find her, me.

Now I knew what Carlisle and Esme had been so desperate to hide from me the day I returned from my first hunt. The last drop of anger I had felt towards them quickly melted away. Listening to Esme's back-story had washed away any ill feelings I felt towards her. Though they had returned briefly, it was impossible to stay angry with either her or Carlisle, when they had been nothing but kind and supporting since the day I woke up to this new life.

Harry, however, I could remain angry at. What the hell was his problem? I asked myself this over and over again; obsessing over it slightly, to be honest. He kept changing from being perfectly nice to shouting at me, and I could never tell why.

And he claims I'm unpredictable?

As the news report continued, I considered what would happen if I simply phoned home and told them I was OK. I had my home number memorized from a young age, to the point where I could rattle it off without thinking about it. This meant that even now, when I was forgetting so much, it was still there.

Just one phone call couldn't hurt anyone.

Except it would, because how could I tell my family I was OK, but couldn't ever come back, without hurting them more? It was better for them to think me missing and then, eventually, presumed dead. Guilt and grief washed over me as I came to my realisation. I couldn't help them. I couldn't stop their hurt. As much as I may want to, I was powerless to do anything to help them. I couldn't even give them a phone call.

Suddenly anger flared up inside me as the news story continued. Three familiar faces came onto the news, talking about how I'd left them to head in a different direction. Liars.Nicole, Emma, and Holly, my mind hissed the last name. I couldn't help my parents, but they could - all they had to do was tell the truth. But of course they weren't doing anything but covering their own arses. The anger that flared up in me was like nothing I'd felt before; I was just so angry. I wanted to hurt them. I wanted to make them feel pain. I wanted to kill them. I wanted to get on the next plane to Britain and hunt them all down individually; make them pay.

I'm fairly certain I would have thrown the remote through the Cullens' TV if the news report hadn't moved on again. This time to a shot of my Grandma Kathleen, again pleading for my safe return. All the anger dissolved as I stared at the face of the woman who had always spoilt me – a fact I may have used to my advantage quite a few times in my youth. Who had loved me so much I'm fairly certain she would have given anything for me. I was her first grandchild and her only grandchild until my brother followed me fifteen years later.

What sounded like the soft footsteps of vampires approaching the house distracted me, and I quickly turned the channel over. There was no need for them to know I'd seen it. No need for Carlisle to feel guilty about his decision. No need for them to know I wasn't doing so well adjusting to this new life.

*****

Harry

Just when I thought Amelia and I were making headway, I went and ruined it. Again. I should just have let her look at the pictures of her I'd drawn in my sketchbook.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. Her on the day she woke up. Her victorious a week after we'd arrived home and she'd beat Emmett 10 – 0 on the 'retarded knitted cow game'. Her on the day I had returned from school to find her wearing a pair of Esme's paint overalls. And so I did what I had always done when something was on my mind. I drew it.

But the idea of having to explain those pictures to her was so embarrassing that I had acted how I had.

I had tried in the month since now and then to make it up to her. But her temper just wouldn't go away. I could sense there was anger over something else as well, but I wasn't going to take the life-risking option and ask her what.

But she still played on my mind. Her standing in that sunlight. Her glistening face mere inches from mine. Her ripped dress clinging to her feminine curves. Me being decidedly ungentleman-like in my appreciation of her, before she had looked up at me, and I had forced myself to do the right thing and look away.

"Could you please think about something else?" Jasper's voice cut across my internal dwellings. His nose was wrinkled in disgust.

Of all my new siblings it was Jasper that understood me best. Yes, Edward knew what it was like to try and hunt the evildoers of this world, but he had lived off human blood for mere years. Not decades like Jasper and me - over a century in my case.

"You really need to sort things out between the two of you, " he said, "if only for my sake," he added jokingly.

"Your sake?" I questioned back mockingly.

"Do you realise how all over the place your emotions are? And hers for that matter." Her emotions were all over the place as well? Did that mean she was more then angry? I had resorted to trying to use her minor personalities to figure out what was going on, as I would have been able to do with any normal vampire, but had given up. They were just too haywire. Were her emotions the same?

"Well, sorry!" I said sarcastically. "Now you know how I feel around her," I joked to him, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. He shot me a look that reminded me how stupid an effort that was with an empath, for crying out loud. I really was not functioning normally anymore. And it was because of her, even when she wasn't here.

"I doubt I do – especially since I actually do know how you feel around her!" He smirked mischievously at me, reminding me he knew exactly how I was becoming to feel about Amelia. Damn the impossibility of keeping a secret in the Cullen household. At least Edward wasn't around to read my thoughts about her as well. That may just take me over my embarrassment threshold. Over a century in which hardly anything could phase me, and now I was acting like a fool over a girl who clearly didn't return my affections.

"Guess what?" a chirpy voice called from the trees. Its pixie-like owner arrived in front of us. "Edward, Rosalie, and Bella are home!" she chimed. What was I just saying about at least Edward wasn't here? Clearly God was feeling sadistic today. I felt a brief moment of religious guilt over that thought, not that I had been an actual practising Christian since my days as a human in Victorian England. Religious belief was something that I had lost in the fire of transformation. A century and a half later, even the discovery of a religious vampire hadn't been enough to bring it back into my heart.

"Oh no!" Alice exclaimed as she returned from a vision. She was being protective – I was instantly on edge. "Edward doesn't appreciate Amelia's presence!" A rush of anger flooded me. If he'd hurt her! The anger left me as quickly as it had appeared, replaced with a contented calm. Jasper. I turned to look angrily at my brother, but he was too busy paying attention to Alice.

"He hasn't said anything to her. She doesn't even know that they've seen her. They're come to speak to us. Edward is vivid about something in her thoughts, and Rosalie is going to be angry once she finds out what happened. We need to tell the others." Alice disappeared into the forest. Jasper followed her instantly, and I followed a few seconds later, wondering what the repercussions of my hasty request to Carlisle would be now. I was lucky that the rest of the family had intentionally accepted her as one of their own. Would Edward, Rosalie and Bella refuse to do so? I hated the idea that I could be responsible for a rift in the family that had so generously taken me in. But if the other option was to have left her to die … it was an unthinkable thought.

We followed Alice to where the other three were hunting.

"The others are home and they want to speak to us," she announced to them.

"Do they know about Amelia?" Carlisle asked and Alice nodded.

"Edward's heard something in her thoughts that's annoyed him, but I don't know what it is or what he's going to say. He keeps changing his mind."

"How's Rosalie?" Emmett questioned about his wife cautiously.

"She's going to be angry once she finds out," Alice replied.

Then she turned to her husband. "Prepare yourself Jasper, emotions are going to be running high." Jasper grimaced at her words. At times like this, I really didn't envy him his talent. It was bad enough having people's personalities flying around me, at least I didn't actually absorb them.

"Oh, and don't try to calm them down. It just annoys them further in the end," Alice told him.

What were we going to tell them? How could I explain what had happened? I needed to get my thoughts in order before Edward got here. I most definitely needed to not think about her in that ripped dress. I quickly changed my stream of thought, I was right; I most definitely did not need to think about that with Edward around.

"What were you thinking Carlisle?" Edward said with disdain, he didn't bother with any form of greeting as he arrived in front of us with Rosalie and Bella trailing behind.

"Edward, let me explain," Carlisle requested calmly.

"Her parents are looking for her." He grimaced at us then, and I knew that the others' guilty thoughts had joined my own in his head.

"You knew?" he spat at us, looking around at us all in disgust.

"Edward," Bella said calmly, grabbing hold of her husband's arms.

"What's going on?" Rosalie asked annoyed. "First we get home and there's some strange vampire in our house, and then Edward tells us to follow him without any explanation. Who is she? Where'd she come from?"

"Yeah, Carlisle, where'd she come from?" Edward asked sarcastically.

Rosalie was going to hit the roof when she found out Carlisle had changed another dying girl. She's misunderstood is Rosalie; many people only see the vanity and the selfishness. But I can sense there's more to her then that – the loyalty and protectiveness of her family to start with. But her self-loathing over what she had become has been a part of her for so long that it reappears frequently, even though recently she has been trying to let it go. The news that Carlisle had changed another dying girl was sure to bring back all sorts of memories and regrets for Rosalie, and I pitied her for it. I didn't mean for my decision to cause her any more pain when she had already suffered so much. The fact that Amelia was so different, so very human in many ways, was only going to hurt Rosalie more.

While I was thinking about Rosalie, Carlisle was explaining what happened in that Tube Station, except the way he said it made it sound like it had been his decision alone to transform Amelia. As expected, Rosalie flew off the handle. Only I could tell that she did so out of the knowledge of her own self-loathing. In a bizarre way, she was trying to protect Amelia, even if it was from something that had already happened. Protect her from the repercussions of Carlisle's decision. My decision.

"What do you mean your decision?" Edward turned to me. Damn mind reader. Even after three years I still forgot. "You two are omitting something here. What aren't you telling us?"

"I asked Carlisle to change Amelia," I explained. I purposefully thought about that night, about her scent, about her niceness, and how irrational and spontaneous my thoughts had been.

Edward's anger seemed to deflate as he listened to my thoughts.

"Good people die every day, Harry," he argued half-heartedly, but I could tell his spirit wasn't in it anymore. He was looking at Alice; I wondered what she was telling him. Or was it something in my thoughts that had affected him?

"I know what it's like to be alone, Harry" he said rather randomly, his arms pulling Bella closer to him as he did. What? What did my decision that day have to do with being alone? I hadn't been thinking about her as a potential mate that day. I had been thinking about how I couldn't let another good person die, not when I'd already seen so many killed, often at my own hands. Then again, the thought of her as my mate…

"Harry!" both Edward and Jasper snapped at me.

Sorry, I thought at Edward, purposefully concentrating on feeling apologetic for Jasper's benefit.

"You changed this girl for Harry?" Rosalie asked Carlisle incredulously. "You just don't learning your fucking lesson, do you?" We all gasped then. Did Rosalie seriously just swear at Carlisle? Though Carlisle and Rosalie's relationship was not as close as that of him and his other 'children', she still, perhaps grudgingly, had some respect from him, or so I thought. It would be interesting to see what Sophia made of their relationship. Not that I ever intended for Sophia to met them. It would be too complicated to explain how I came to want a new family to the only surviving member of my old family.

"Rosalie, language!" Esme scolded her daughter, she seemed as lost for words as the rest of us, and appeared to be falling back on what she knew.

I used the long drawn out silence to sample the atmosphere. Carlisle was self-doubting again; clearly Rosalie's words had triggered some old doubts to resurface. Rosalie's protectiveness and defensiveness was over-whelming in her scent. Is she trying to protect Amelia? But from what exactly? And what is she being so defensive about?

"Because it turned out sooooooo well last time," Rosalie spat at Carlisle sarcastically. Last time?

"Actually it did," Edward pointed out to her. Seven vampires looked at him incredulously. "Last time, when Carlisle turned Emmett for you," he continued, looking pointedly at Rosalie. "This isn't so very different. Harry requested Amelia's change. Just like you requested Emmett's change." He heavily emphasized the word 'requested'.

"Edward, enough!" Carlisle ordered. Why is he ordering Edward to stop when Edward is defending him, especially since his self-doubt has disappeared at Edward's words?

Rosalie's defensiveness was at an all time high, Emmett was being protective and Edward was being malicious, that was a new one from him. I couldn't understand the situation, and I don't like being in situations where my intuition can't help me to predict people's response. Right now I had no idea what Rosalie, Edward, Emmett, or Carlisle would say next, and how the others would react, and it put me on edge.

Knowing Rosalie I would have thought that this was related to her hatred of her own transformation, but what did that have to do with transforming people for others? Rosalie wasn't transformed for anyone.

"Well, I'm sure glad she did," Emmett said jokingly, but his face didn't match his tone. He pulled his wife closer and shot Edward a look that clearly said 'shut it'. It was weird seeing his usually joyful face so serious.

"We should be getting back, we don't want to leave Amelia alone for too long," Esme said, in a completely transparent attempt to change topics.

Bella was looking intently at Edward the way she did when she had let her shield down for him to read her thoughts.

"Can I just explain something first?" Edward asked.

"Go ahead," Carlisle said, when no one else replied.

"When we arrived, Amelia turned the news report about her disappearance - yes she knows - over, thinking it was you returning. She didn't want Carlisle and Harry feeling guilty over their decision. Something about that … innocence in her thoughts made me enraged on her behalf, hence my angry reaction."

"It's ok, we all already know you're a melodramatic know-it-all, Edward," Emmett stated and everyone laughed at that. Trust Emmett to find a way to cut through the tension.

Bella shot her husband a look that suggested that she was mentally scolding him.

"And I'm sorry Rosalie – I didn't mean to be offensive to you," Edward apologised. I'd guessed he'd offended her, but I still couldn't figure out why.

"It's okay, Edward," Rosalie said grudgingly, suggesting it most certainly was not OK.

"Let's all head back now," Esme ordered gently, and with that her, Carlisle, Edward, Bella, Rosalie and Emmett set off towards the house. I was about to follow them when Jasper caught my attention.

"So, want to know what that was all about, Mr. Curiosity?" he asked me mockingly. He knew how frustrated I got when I couldn't figure things out; it was side effect of instantly knowing what sort of person people were. Edward was even worse for it than me.

"Fine, what was that about?" I asked annoyed. Alice smiled impishly at me.

"You didn't think you knew every Cullen family secret did you? It'd been around for 90 years when you joined, you didn't think we'd told you ever part of our past." Now they're just winding me up.

"Are you going to tell me why talking about transforming people for others is such a sore spot with Rosalie or not?"

"So you figured that much out at least," Jasper mocked me. "Because Rosalie was transformed for someone," he explained. Alice just smiled mischievously.

"For who?" I asked my curiosity increasing. Alice and Jasper just looked at each other, both wearing identical smirks.

"Edward," they answered together. Edward? I looked at them questioningly. Rosalie was changed for Edward? Why?

"Let's just say Carlisle's match-making skills seriously suck," Alice said emphasising the last two words. It all clicked together then. Carlisle had found Rosalie dying and decided to change her for his unmated son. Clearly that didn't turn out well, and nearly eighty years later she was still furious about it. Knowing Rosalie it was not just because of her transformation, but also because of Edward's rejection. And Edward's words had her on the defensive because she had been changed for him, but he hadn't requested it – reminding him of her rejection.

But still … Edward and Rosalie? Mated? That was just an unthinkable idea. I suddenly felt better about not being able to guess at what was going on. Who would ever have guessed that? How could someone as intelligent as Carlisle have ever have thought that could work out? His matchmaking skills really did suck, to use Alice's turn of phrase.

Clearly things did work out a little better when he allowed his children to pick out the person they wanted changing. Rosalie and Emmett – now those too were perfect for each other. Yin and yang, so different and yet perfect combined. Would it work out as well for me with the person I had, unknowingly at the time, picked? Judging by the last month … no. Amelia was being even more standoffish with me than Rosalie was with Edward.

So that makes it 2-1 down for Carlisle's matchmaking abilities.

"Do I even want to ask what's got you so down all of a sudden?" Jasper asked. I shook my head in response.

"My money's on a certain freaky brunette newborn vampire," Alice said. "And you don't bet against me," she reminded us.

No Alice, I wouldn't dream of it. As, once again, you're right.

*****

Amelia

I didn't know what was going on. I was sat watching the TV again, I'd changed to some mindless American sit-com, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was certain strange vampires had been here and left. Had it been the missing Cullen family members or different vampires altogether? I shuddered at the thought of other vampires – traditional vampires. Just then I heard the sound of more vampires approaching. Instantly I tensed, then relaxed as I recognised the now familiar scents of Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett, along with the three strangers.

Carlisle and Esme were the first through the door. Two strangers, that I recognised instantly from the descriptions I'd been given, and from Harry's pictures, followed them. Bella and Edward. Then came Emmett, with another stranger I figured was his wife Rosalie.

"Amelia, this is Bella, Edward and Rosalie," Carlisle told me, pointing to each one of them as he said their name.

"Erm…hi," I said shyly, I didn't know what else to say. What do you say to people when you've pretty much just pushed your way into their family while they were away? And what if they didn't like me? I didn't want to have to leave, but how could I stay if I wasn't liked?

"It's nice to meet you," Edward said politely. He smiled at me kindly. "And you don't need to worry, no one's going to make you leave." How had he known what I thinking? Oh wait. He's the mind reader. Just great. What between the psychic, the empath and the intuitive I was already finding it difficult to have any privacy in my own mind and decisions, so let's just add a telepath as well. Just bloody great.

"Did nobody tell you privacy is an impossibility to come by in the Cullen household?" he asked me, his voice much harder then before. Shit, had he heard all that?

"Yes," he said coolly.

"Shit, I'm sorry!" I blurted out without thinking, not that it mattered. He'd have heard it whether I thought it through or not. He laughed then. Great, now I was the court jester as well as the freak show.

"Sorry, it wasn't you. Esme was mentally envisioning washing your mouth out with soap." Humph, I was trying to control my swearing. Old habits are just hard to break, not all of us were born in the 12th century or whatever.

"I ensure you, none of us was born in the 12th century," Edward said, he sounded amused now.

"Edward, get out of the poor girl's head," Bella snapped at him. Then she smiled smugly at him. "I'm shielding you for now, he won't be able to read your mind while I'm shielding, but I can't keep it up for too long." I smiled gratefully at her.

"What was that, Carlisle?" he asked quizzically over my shoulder to his father. I turned to look at Carlisle. He seemed to be concentrating on something. Just then Harry, Alice, and Jasper arrived back.

"Show them your freak thing, Amelia," Alice ordered chirpily. Of course, let the freak show commence, I thought as I went to the kitchen and got a glass of water

"Freak thing?" I heard Bella ask.

"That's definitely one way of summing it up," Edward was saying as I returned from the kitchen.

"Well go on then, world's freakiest vampire," Emmett said jokingly, but it sounded forced. I noticed him tighten his grip on his wife. Without further prompting I drank the water. Three vampires stared at me in amazement.

"And you really have no idea why she can do that?" Edward asked Carlisle. I turned to look at him again.

"No," Carlisle replied.

"Rose!" I heard Emmett say behind me. I whipped round to look at them instead. Rosalie shot me a look of pure hatred. What had I done? This is what I had feared. How could I stay if one of them didn't like me?

"Don't be so selfish, Rosalie," I heard Edward say to her.

"Get out of my mind, Edward," she hissed at him.

"Rosalie. Edward. Stop it!" Esme ordered.

"Leave her alone, Edward!" Emmett stood between his wife and his brother.

They were arguing. They were arguing because of me. I couldn't stay, not if I was going to cause arguments. I wouldn't be the reason a family was divided.

I have to leave. The thought filled me with sorrow, even though I had been expecting this day in many ways. After all, it just didn't happen like this right? You don't get pushed down a flight of stairs and taken in by a loving vampire family that easily accepts you. Life isn't that simple, even I wasn't naïve enough to think that.

But where would I go?

"You're not leaving!" Alice and Edward said this at the same time.

"I don't want to cause arguments in this family," I said forcefully. I didn't want to leave, but I would do if I had to.

"Don't be ridiculous – you're not leaving!" Alice was even more forcefully. Hope filled me; they didn't want me to leave.

"Do you actually want to leave?" Carlisle asked me gently.

"No."

"Then it's simple, stay," Esme chimed in. I nodded. Rosalie looked around her at all her family and then stormed upstairs. Emmett looked back at me apologetically and then followed. Edward, Carlisle, and Esme walked off in conversation about the trip to Forks. Harry, Jasper, and Alice disappeared, also in conversation. This left just Bella and me.

"Sorry, I don't know if you noticed, but I couldn't keep my shield up." I shrugged, it wasn't her fault her husband could read minds. Wasn't his fault either, I realised.

"Don't worry about Rosalie. She didn't like me to begin with either. She'll come round eventually," she said kindly. I could see she was trying to make me feel better.

"Thanks." I smiled back at her.

"Hey Bella!" Alice was suddenly back. I noticed Jasper and Harry were now watching the TV. She hugged Bella tightly. "So where's Nessie and the dog?" Alice asked.

"Billy's not got much longer left, and Jacob wanted to stay till the end. However, we accidentally ran into Mike and Jessica Newton and they were a little suspicious, and you know how Jess likes to gossip, so us three had to leave before any more suspicions could come about. I'm not sure we'll be able to return for a while, but maybe Charlie and Sue could visit us here, since we'll no longer have to visit Billy," her voice tailed off sadly. Whoever this Billy was, it was clear she was upset by the thought of him dying. "Anyway, we left Nessie with Sue and Charlie for the week. It seemed too cruel to take her away from Jacob right now." That confused me. Why would taking their daughter away from the wolf be cruel?

"And Edward's okay with this?" Alice asked surprised. Bella smiled at that.

"Edward and Jacob have come a long way in the last three years." I could sense a story here, but I wasn't going to ask.

"You have to come see my new purchases for your closet!" Alice chimed excitedly. Bella groaned. Alice had mentioned to me her determination to get Bella to understand the importance of clothing. Watching Bella's reaction, I knew it was a doomed mission.

I left Bella to complain to Alice and flitted over to the TV. The boys were watching some American comedy show. About ten minutes later, Jasper darted off upstairs, leaving just Harry and me. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I had hardly spoken to him since our argument over his sketchbook.

"Would you really have left?" he asked me curiously.

"Yes. I don't want to be the reason for a fight between a family."

"Can I ask you a favor?" he said.

This should be interesting.

"Sure, go for it." I faked nonchalance.

"Please, don't," was all he said. I looked at him in surprise before nodding my head, unsure of what to say to that. He smiled at me and then turned his attention back to the TV.

What was that supposed to mean?

A big 'thank you' as always to Project Team Beta. I think I forgot to mention that last chapter, so a big 'thank you' to my two Betas for Chapter 4 as well.

Reviews are always appreciated. I understand that this fic is less popular than my other fics; I was expecting that as it has two OCs as the main characters. But for those who are reading this, please let me know what you think. It would make my day :)