7. Rescued When I Thought I Couldn't Be

April 2010

Astoria, Oregon

Harry

11th April 2010: It was three years to the day since I got my second chance at life, therefore, I found myself thinking about the decisions and actions that led me to where I am today.

Amelia's words six days ago had got us all thinking. "Everything happens for a reason." Is there a reason for the all the terrible events in the pasts of my family and me?

When you thought about it - it did make sense. Of all the places Esme could have run away to, she chose Ashland, and even though she lost her baby, she gained Carlisle and her adopted children. Bella chose to move to Forks, despite the fact she despised it, and because of that decision she met Edward. Carlisle has saved thousands of lives – surely that's the reason he was turned in a vampire. A bear attacked Emmett and Rosalie was assaulted, but if those things hadn't happened they would never have found each other.

When Sophia and me fled England, we went west instead of east. It was a seemingly random decision at the time, had we gone east instead, my life would have been turned out very differently.

I looked at the pictures I had drawn and placed on my wall.

Sophia and Me.

The Irish coven.

Sophia and John.

The young, too nice to live, Italian girl.

Me, Carlisle, and Siobhan in my cave.

I looked at some of the puzzle pieces of my life and reflected on how they all fit together.

1888

The Irish Sea

The sea was dark and silent. It was night-time so there was no way anyone could see us as we swim at full speed. Sophia swam just ahead of me.

We were fleeing, from England, from our coven that was responsible for the death of our family four decades ago. I had never liked them, not from the very beginning. I had never wanted to stay with them. They were bad people. From the very start, even when I didn't understand how my talent worked, I had known they were bad people.

I was glad to leave. Glad to get my sister from their clutches. She claimed the vampires of our former coven were respected, and because of that we should stay with them. Just as I could tell what people's personalities were, my sister seemed able to tell who was respected and who wasn't. It was the day she realised they didn't respect her that the trouble started. If I hadn't got back in time to fight alongside her, then she would be gone by now.

I watched Sophia as she swam ahead of me. After everything she'd done it was surprising to others that I still stood up for her. But I always would. She was my twin sister, and despite it all, we would stick together through thick and thin, just as we had promised each other as kids growing up together. She was my sister and I would protect her, as a brother should.

Also, I knew my sister was not a good person despite what she had done to me. Naïve, yes. But also friendly and loving. I had begun to recognise the different components of her scent for what they were.

I don't know why we had fled west instead of east. It seemed a stupid decision all things considered. To the east you had the whole Europe, while to the west all you had was Ireland, and then the Atlantic Ocean stretching out the long distance between us and America. What could we possibly find of interest in Ireland, the land of potato loving peasants? Oh well, anywhere was better than England right now.

1902

The English Channel

I was fleeing again. In fact, the situation was eerily similar to fourteen years ago. There was just one major difference – I had left my sister behind this time. There was nothing more I could do to protect her, and after everything she's done to me, why should I even bother anymore? Why did I ever bother? If she wants a mate that's malicious, deceitful and selfish that's her choice. I don't care how respected he is. Surely she should have learned by now how to tell the difference between the different types of respect. She's been living in a world where she can sense who respects who for over fifty years now, so surely she can tell the difference. But if she can, then why would she stay with a man who is only respected out of fear and hatred?

I had tried. We returned from Ireland after staying with the coven there for a year. And shortly after our arrival we ran into John and his coven. John, my thoughts sneered his name. I had tried to get her to leave. But my naïve sister hadn't believed me. Still I tried. For thirteen years, I tried. I had vowed I would always protect my sister, and it was that which kept me there for all those years.

But I would try no longer. I had already wasted fifty-four years of immortality looking after my sister. I couldn't do it any more. She had made her decision, and I had made mine. And last time I had tried to speak to her about it, she had had made it very clear that she would be perfectly fine without me. She didn't need me to protect her anymore. So I took her words to heart and left. If she didn't want my protection, then I was going to stop trying to protect her from her own stupidity and naivety.

And why, after everything she's done to me, should I try any longer? After everything she's done, she's lucky I tried in the first place!

1997

Volterra, Italy

"Why so distraught, my young friend?" Aro asked me in his usually chirpy tones. "So, you killed a human. It's hardly a new occurrence. Certainly no reason for such self-disgust."

"You know why," I spat back at him. His joyful manner was infuriating to me as I wallowed in self-hatred.

"You know I never understood your position on that. Killing only bad people. Forcing yourself to kill those that don't smell as appetising to you. Why do that when you, with your unique take on the world, could enjoy such a banquet?"

'My unique take on the world', well that was certainly one-way of putting it.

I had been in Volterra for the past few years. I had accidentally come to close to the city, as I had never been warned about the Volturi. That was usually a creator's job, but I was hardly created in usual circumstances. Aro kept me around, not because my talent was particularly useful to the guard, but because I was something of an oddity to him. Vampire talents don't usually affect your sense of smell, and the way I chose to live my, well not life, but existence, intrigued him.

"By killing good people?" I said sarcastically.

"Good people. Bad people. They're all people. Just silly humans going around their mundane lives."

"Lives we take away from them. While I don't mind taking away the lives of those I can tell do not make the most of them, I do not want to be a murderer of those who try to. Those who deserve the chance to live."

"What humans do with their lives is of no matter to us. This girl you killed – is her death really going to make any difference to you?"

I thought of the poor unfortunate girl. I hadn't noticed her until her scent hit me. The nicest I'd ever smelled. It called to me and I followed its call without thinking. I didn't even get a proper look at her until she was already dead. She was young, no older then seven. She had long black wavy hair and brown dead eyes. Eyes, that a minute ago, would have been filled with life. Until I found her. I wanted to run there and then. Run away from what I was and what I'd become.

She was an innocent, sweet little girl. She would have grown up to be a good person too, and in a human world full of liars, cheats, and criminals, that was a rarity.

And I'd killed her.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't just run away and leave her there. Even though I didn't want to look at her corpse, a shameful reminder of what I was, for one second longer, I knew I couldn't just leave her. Dispose evidence, it was a fundamental rule. And so I did just that, all the time with a crushing pain where my dead, still, heart was.

I thought I could be something different. I thought I could be of use to society, to kill only those that wouldn't, well shouldn't anyway, be missed. I had thought I could fight my temptation to kill those who smelled nicer. Those who were nicer. I was wrong. I was exactly what I should be – a menace to human society.

"Yes it is!" I answered Aro's question passionately. Yes it would. I would make sure my life, my very existence, would never damage the lives of those who deserved a chance at life.

April 2007

Rural Russia

I didn't know how long it had been. The burn in my throat was omni-present; it had been ten years since I had last satisfied my need to cool it. I was too weak to do so now anyway. I couldn't move, locked in my own stone body, trapped by the lack of energy. But I couldn't die. I would spend the rest of eternity frozen like the stone I was in this cave. So far away from the human populace they'd never tempt me again. This barren part of the wilderness of rural Russia was so deserted that not even any animals lived nearby. Or maybe that was just since I had taken up residency.

I would never move again. I would never kill again. As always, my thoughts returned to my last kill. The sweet, young, Italian girl. It had been her death that had shown me I was weaker than I thought. That showed me that unless I got myself away from humans, good people would always die because of me.

For the first time in a long time I sensed something nearby. One of my own kind. Influential, determined and strong-minded, it was a scent I recognised.

"Hello, old friend," I heard Siobhan say softly. What was she doing here? I hadn't seen her since Sophia and I had left Ireland in 1889.

"I had a run in with your sister. She said she'd been to Volterra, and they said you were starving yourself in a cave in Russia somewhere. So, she returned to England deciding not to intervene. Which I thought was a little harsh after everything you did for her. After you forgave her for what happened the night your family died. After you stood by her side and fought to save her as she made stupid decision after stupid decision."

There was a pause. I tried to look quizzically at her, but I didn't have the energy to do so. What did my siblings problems have to do with her? It was all part of a long distant past anyway. I wasn't Harry Leone anymore. I was just a starved stone statue in a cave, one that wished to be left alone to suffer for all eternity. Why was she here invading my self-destruction? To help? I was beyond help.

"Well, anyway, I decided I had to see you for myself. I owe you, and her I suppose, a favor anyway don't I?" she answered my unspoken question.

I wanted to tell her to leave. That favor or not, there was nothing she could do to help me, but I couldn't speak. My mouth hadn't done so in so long. It was like I'd forgotten how too.

"Leave … me…be!" I managed to get out.

"Now that's just rude, Mr. Henry." If I'd been able to, I would have rolled my eyes at her use of my proper name. Nobody called me 'Henry' nowadays, not since the day my mother died along with the rest of my human family that wasn't now immortal. It had always been 'Harry,' ever since the day when I was six years old and Sophia, and our elder sisters (I can't even remember their names now due to the blurriness of my human memories), had first called me it.

"I … don't … want … to … kill." I would have continued but I didn't have the strength to continue my argument.

"Well, luckily for you I have a friend who can help you. He owes me a rather large favor."

"I … don't … want…" I started to argue but she cut me off.

"You can't live like this for the rest of eternity. Let me get in contact with my friend, and we'll be back in a few days for you," she said forcefully.

"Don't … bother!" I ordered. I didn't want help. I wanted to be left alone in my misery.

"You won't have to kill humans again, don't worry." Even in my stupor this caught my attention.

"How?" I asked. She smiled knowingly at the curiosity in my voice.

"I'll leave it to my friend to explain. This will work, Harry. Trust me, I'm willing it to." She smiled then. I remembered the jokes there were about her 'power'. Did she finally believe?

"Two days, Harry, and you'll be starting a whole new life, see you then." Then she disappeared, leaving me to wonder if she'd been a hallucination. Could vampires go mad? If it was possible, I shouldn't be surprised if I had. I'd been starving myself in a cave by myself for ten years. What vampire wouldn't go mad in that situation if it were possible? I almost rejoiced in my madness. What did my sanity matter right now? I was never going to leave this cave.

My hallucination was returning. It was a very realistic hallucination. But she wasn't alone this time. There was another scent on the horizon. Over-riding compassion. Not anyone I'd ever met. Who was this? The friend Siobhan had mentioned? Could they really help me? Judging by there scent they most certainly would want to. In an under-world full of greed, bloodlust and self-indulgence, compassion was an unusual trait to find among my kind, especially to have it so over-powering, to have it as the only trait. Who was this compassionate stranger?

I heard them talking in the distance, but couldn't catch the words. Then I heard the quiet footsteps of the stranger disappearing, as the smell of compassion disappeared alongside it.

"Hello again, Harry," Siobhan said kindly, sitting down beside me. "My friend, Carlisle, went to get you a meal." A meal? I didn't want a meal!

"I … don't…"

"You don't want to kill humans, I know." I couldn't help but notice the way she emphasised the word humans. She said it like there was another choice. But I couldn't get my hopes up at that thought. There was no other choice! I was what I was!

Suddenly I smelt something I hadn't smelt in over a decade. The siren call of fresh blood. It didn't smell the same as I remembered though; there was a bitter tang to it somehow. I didn't care. My instincts overtook me, and using every amount of energy I had left, I moved for the first time in a decade. They were sluggish movements, probably slower than even a human. But I moved without thinking; it was pure instinct. I felt my mouth bite down on something, and I began to drink the delightful elixir I hadn't touched in a decade, though it tasted slightly bitter compared to what I remembered. Only when every last drop of the tempting liquid was down my throat did I stop to consider where it was coming from. I tried to force myself to look down, expecting to see a blood-drained human corpse as always, but I couldn't do it. I was a monster again and I didn't want to see the evidence.

I began wondering what kind of person they'd be. Suddenly I realised that I didn't know the answer to that question. I hadn't got any sense of their personality before I'd killed them. Had they really found a solution to my problem? Sheer curiosity caused my eyes to flick down to the blood-drained corpse I knew lay at my feet. It was a deer. Understanding flared in me. You could drink the blood of animals. Animals didn't have personalities. I had found a solution. Why hadn't I thought of this? Why didn't anyone tell me about this? I could leave this cave! I didn't have to starve myself anymore!

"So, what'd you think?" Siobhan asked chirpily.

"You've found a solution," I replied in awe.

"I didn't!" she replied. I turned my attention to her compassionate companion.

"Harry, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen." I offered him my hand and he shook it.

"Nice to meet you, sir." Even a century and a half later, I hadn't forgotten the manners my mama drilled into me. I took a closer look at him. He must have been about early to mid-twenties when he was changed, I guessed. But there was one thing about his appearance that caught my attention.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" I asked curiously. I couldn't help myself. Dr. Cullen smiled at me.

"It's a side-effect of living off of animal blood. Yours will go like this too if you stick to this diet."

"Are they like that already?"

"They're still too black to tell," Siobhan informed me.

"Maybe you should hunt some more," Dr. Cullen said kindly. I hadn't even been thinking about the burn in my throat. I had been ignoring it for so long to pay it much attention.

I briefly wondered if Dr. Cullen was another hallucination. It wasn't possible that after ten years, someone would bother to even try to save me, never mind have the perfect solution.

"I'm hallucinating, aren't I?" I asked casually. There was no need to be embarrassed around them. After all, they were just by-products of my starved mind.

"I ensure you, you're not," Dr. Cullen said gently

"Let's go hunt then, sir," I said. I may as well play along with the madness.

"Call me, Carlisle," he said and then continued, "follow me. I found that deer about twenty miles away. The herd shouldn't have gone to far."

I followed him, this hallucination of an angel who had rescued me from the depths of darkest despair. He couldn't be real, but I had nothing better to do then go along with the madness in my mind.

Can vampires go mad? The answer: it appeared was a definite yes.

April 2010

Astoria, Oregon

Of course I'd finally accepted they weren't hallucinations after that first animal hunt. I had been offered a choice. I could either have gone with Carlisle and meet the Cullens, gone to Denali, or gone my own way. After ten years of isolation, I had no intention of choosing more solitude. I didn't like the idea of going unannounced to some unknown coven either. In the end I chose to go with Carlisle, for lack of any better options.

It wasn't until we were on the Cullen's private plane on the way to America that he mentioned the word 'family'. I had bristled at the word. I didn't need another family. I decided I would stay with them a short while, learn the basics of the animal-feeder lifestyle, and then leave him and his 'family' in peace. Obviously that didn't turn out as I had planned.

I looked at the pictures on my wall, detailing my life. As resistant as I had been to the idea of a new family at first, slowly I find myself enjoying family life.

The idea of parents was amusing to me at first; I hadn't had them in over a century. I was older than Esme, for crying out loud. But resisting the gentle love Esme so willingly offered to everyone who crosses her path is impossible, especially coupled with the gentle compassionate patience of her husband.

My attitude towards siblings was different however, due to my past experience with my twin sister. If I had learned one thing in the past hundred and fifty years it was that siblings were more trouble than they were worth. However, I had never had brothers before. Surrounded by sisters as a human and my one remaining sister as an immortal, I found the companionship of Jasper, Edward, and Emmett new, but enjoyable. I was, of course, more resistant to the idea of sisters. Sisters had brought me nothing but trouble and death. But hating Alice and Bella was a near impossibility, and I even found Rosalie if not likeable, then misunderstood.

It had been six months into my stay with the Cullens, shortly after my talk with Esme where I had broken down and called her 'mum' by accident, that Alice and Edward had happily informed me I'd decided to stay with them. And I couldn't disagree. I no longer felt the desire to leave.

"Everything in life happens for a reason."

The words echoed in my head again. Yes, we most definitely went west and not east for a reason. For if we had never gone to Ireland, we'd have never met the Irish coven. If I'd never met Siobhan, then she'd have never shown any interest in my decision to starve to death, and if she didn't come to Russia to save me, then neither did Carlisle, and I would probably still be half-dead in a cave.

The jigsaw pieces of my life all fitted together to bring me to here. To the Cullens. To my family. But was there still a piece missing?

"Everything in life happens for a reason." Amelia's voice taunted me as I considered what the missing piece could be.

A big 'thank you' to Project Team Beta as always.

Any thoughts on Harry's past? Reviews are always welcome.