13. Celebrations Marred by Ghosts of the Past

Astoria, Oregon

June 2010

Harry

Emmett's name was called first, and then mine.

"Harry Cullen." I followed my brother onto the stage and collected the high school diploma from the fake-smiling principal, who relunctantly shook my hand. I heard a small cheer and knew it had to have come from Amelia. I had been most surprised when I had first smelled her scent in the high school. Suddenly, her determination to build self-control made a lot more sense. I was extremely touched by her effort, remembering my own newborn struggles with bloodlust all too well. Though, of couse, Amelia's situation and mine were very different.

I turned the diploma over in my hand. I knew this meant nothing to my siblings – they had been through the American education system more times than I cared to imagined – but to me it was an achievement. I hadn't attended school since I was human, let alone graduated.

Once Rosalie and Jasper had received their diplomas as well, we went over to meet our family.

Amelia came rushing over, at a pace that could just about pass as human. With a squeal, she threw herself into my arms. Slightly thrown by her public display of affection, I was a little slow to react.

"Well done," Amelia said with a smile, taking a step back and looking slightly embarassed. She looked so adorable that I had to resist the urge to pull her into my arms once more, despite the public setting.

"You did it, honey."

"You did it, honey," a different voice said in my head.

I turned to look at Amelia, trying to stay in the present. I tried to look into the honey-colored eyes she was so proud of, and realized in horror they were now a deep dark blue.

"Like oceans, you always said," Amelia said. Her curls were now much longer, down her back. Her oval face had become a heartshape. She was still pale, but 'English Rose' pale, not vampire pale. She was dressed in the clothes of my era. She wasn't Amelia anymore.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered that this wasn't right. I had to be seeing things, but in this one moment I didn't care.

"I'm glad to see you so happy," Cecilia said. "You deserve it. All these years. All these centuries you've hated yourself because of what happened. You deserve a second chance. Amelia seems nice."

My throat had closed up. I had so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't say any of it.

"You did it, honey," she repeated. "I remember that night. You'd been so preoccupied with helping your father organize his plans for his town. You came rushing into our bedroom to tell me the plans were finished, and I told you I was with child again - what would have been our third child." She smiled sadly. "Stop mourning for me, Harry. I loved you. I love you. But I'm dead. And you have to move on. Amelia and I are very different people. She's not a replacement, she's your soul mate. That's how it works for ... for what you are now." She looked sideways. "I have to go now. The mind reader's looking at you funny, but don't be afraid to love again." Her face was thoughtful for a second. "And forgive Sophia." She was fading now, disappearing from my life once more. "Victoria and Albert say 'Hello, Daddy.'"

"Harry?" Amelia's voice was frantic. Her eyes were gold once more. "Harry?" she repeated. "What the hell just happened? Are you OK?"

"Fine," I murmured. My mind was still reeling. What had just happened?

A decade in a cave and I decide to lose my mind now.

"Er... no, you're not," Amelia told me forcefully. She was currently emitting persistant and stubborn once more. The rest of my family's personalities were as normal, except Edward, who was sympathetic. He had heard it all.

"We should go home," Carlisle announced into the unusually tense atmosphere. They may not have known what I had just seen, but it was obvious the rest of my family knew something was wrong.

We all began to walk. Amelia's eyes never left me. Somehow, Edward managed to make it so it was just me and him in a car.

"Don't," I ordered sternly as soon as he sat down. "I don't want to hear it."

"You really need to talk to Amelia," he said.

"Why? So she can think she's just Cecilia's replacement," I said bitterly. For despite it never being my intentions, surely that was how she'd see it if she knew. "She's not. I'm not trying to replace her," I said frantically. I was aware I sounded like I was trying to force myself to believe my own words. I thrust my head into my hands in frustration, sighing heavily.

"Clearly things aren't OK as they are," Edward said to me, not unkindly.

"Things were fine until everyone started trying to get involved and mentioned Cecilia."

"Don't blame us. You couldn't have hid from this forever. Cecilia - and Victoria and Albert - are a part of who you are."

"Can you leave the pyscho-analysing to me, please? I'm fine," I said forcefully.

"You just envisioned your dead wife speaking to you," Edward said gently.

I shook my head. "What happened in there?" I asked. "Amelia just became Cecilia. I always wanted them to be separate. They're separate people from separate lives."

"How can you claim your human life as separate when you've clung to it so hard?" We were pulling up outside the house now.

"Can't a man lose his own mind without everyone getting involved nowadays?" I muttered.

"You're not losing your mind. Trust me, I've seen inside the minds of the truly insane before."

"Then how do you explain what just happened?" I asked desperatedly. I needed some answers.

"You lost somebody – somebodies – you love and now you're moving on and it feels like a betrayal. You want to think Cecilia would accept that fact. That's why your version of her told you to move on. You were trying to give yourself permission."

"Would the real Cecilia have said that?" I asked.

Edward's brow furrowed. "I don't know. I never knew her, remember? Only you can answer that." He got out of the car and, relunctantly, I followed him.

The others had made it home before us. Amelia met me at the doorway.

"We need to talk," she said softly.

"Uh-oh," I forced myself to joke. Trying to act normal. "No good has ever followed that sentence." Amelia rolled her eyes at me and then linked her hand into mine.

Running together, she lead me to the clearing we had spoke together in just under two months ago, where I had first told her anything about my human life.

"What's going on with you? You've been acting weird ever since the annual sibling hunt thing." She was being loving and concerning, and I knew her heart was in the right place.

I closed my eyes gently, sighing. Distractedly, I ran my fingers through my hair. I could feel Amelia's eyes on me.

Where to begin? What to say to her?

I knew I had to. There could be no more hiding from this anymore. I felt the gentle pressure of Amelia's hand squeezing mine comfortingly.

It began to rain.

Without opening my eyes, I began to speak. "Amelia, I… I need to tell you something." The words were spoken so quietly I'd be surprised if she heard them, vampire hearing or not.

"What?" Her own voice was barely louder than mine.

"I…when I was a…there was…" I trailed off. Unable to speak the words I was thinking.

When I was a human there was a woman I loved more than anything.

I heard Amelia gasp as a flash of light caused me to open my eyes. A few seconds later, the thunder followed it.

"We should go home," I suggested gently, relieved by the distraction.

"No," Amelia shook her head vigorously, causing her now soaking wet hair to fly out around her.

"We can talk at home," I promised. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was stalling. She looked at me critically for a moment before agreeing.

I escaped to my room once we arrived back home, much to Amelia's obvious chargin. I knew I had promised her an explantation, but I simply couldn't do it.

Changing out of my wet clothes, I went downstairs to join the rest of my family - hoping Amelia wouldn't bring anything up in front of them.

I tried to ignore them and their scents; I didn't need nor want their opinions on the matter.

A part of me knew I was being stupid, that I could procastinate all I wanted, but I still had to tell her eventually if I wanted Amelia and I to work as a couple. And I did. I truly did.

I just couldn't tell her today.

"Harry-" Edward began.

"Don't. Just don't," I ordered.

"Don't what?" Amelia asked, choosing exactly the wrong moment to walk down the stairs.

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"Oh, not this again," she snapped.

"What can I say, Amelia? Some people are just cowards," Rosalie said snarkily. Before I could stop myself, I growled warningly at her. Whatever her reasons - for I could tell in her own twisted way she was trying to help - I was not in the mood for this.

"Oh Rosalie, will you just shut up," Amelia snapped on my behalf. "This doesn't involve you."

"I think it does," Rosalie retorted.

"Oh, just shut up!" Amelia shouted. The weirdest thing happened then: for just a second Rosalie's scent disappeared from the room.

"What the hell was that?" Three different voices asked.

"Erm... Rosalie? Can you try to talk?" Alice said uncertainly. Rosalie opened her mouth to speak and no words came out.

"What the fuck did I just do?" Amelia shouted. She was backing away from Rosalie, panicked. Her hands were over her mouth in shock, and she was looking around with wild startled eyes. Her eyes finally settled on Edward.

"I have no idea," Edward replied.

"Did you feel that?" she whispered in shock. She was staring at Rosalie again, who was making wild hand gestures. She opened and closed her mouth uselessly.

"Yes," Edward replied.

"Her feelings disappered for a second," Jasper asked.

"Her personalities too," I added.

"What the fuck is going on?" Emmett asked furiously. He was trying to comfort his irate wife. I noticed his body was placed to put himself between Rosalie and Amelia, even though whatever Amelia had done, she certainly hadn't physically done it.

All of us were staring at Amelia. She had backed herself against the wall, afraid. Carefully, I made my way over to her.

"What just happened?" she muttered. Gently, I wrapped her into my embrace.

"I don't know, dear," I told her truthfully.

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