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It all happened as a result of Gin-san complaining too much. Which meant, all things considered, that Shinpachi could blame it all on Gin-san. So he happily did. An outsider might not understand, at first glance, why this ought to be blamed on Sakata Gintoki, which is why it is important to start at the beginning.

"Ahh, ahh, that Gintaman is really a lousy manga. The author doesn't seem to understand how to write proper manga."

Already it was Gin's fault. He should have known the author of said manga rode the same train as him. He ought to have known the author of said manga often rode in the same car as him. He ought to have noticed the guy scribbling furiously on a piece of paper next to him. But he didn't. It really was all Gin-san's fault.

The man next to him burst into tears.

He ought to have noticed that, right? That was definitely something anyone would notice. Even a really, really unobservant person ought to have noticed. Gin didn't even look up. He continued,

"JUMP has really gone down the drain recently. Maybe I ought to switch to shoujo manga. People would look at me weird, though. What a pain. Ever since the author changed, the comedy just falls flat for me."

Sniffle.

Gin finally looked at the man next to him.

"Would you stop sniffling? My source of entertainment has failed me, and I can't eat a parfait on the train, but you don't see me sniffling, do you?"

"Your upper lip is wobbling and your eyes are all shiny, though."

"Gintaman really was that bad."

"Was it?"

"Yeah. Why, you know the author?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I want to give him a solid punch."

"Um, I'm the author."

Gin considered this for less than a minute.

"Ouch!"

"I feel better now."

Sniffle. "Why did you punch me?"

"To show the construction of true humor."

"That was a kinder response than I expected."

"It's always a good idea to end a conversation in a 'cool' way."

"Then..."

"This is my stop."

"Please teach me how to construct true humor!"

"Another time, perhaps." Gin said in a "cool" voice. And then he "coolly" hit his head on the door. And left.

Okita was walking Kagura home from the movie,

"Because a little kid like you obviously needs someone to look out for you."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, sadist, but I'll have you know I am eight hundred and ten years old!"

"I have other ways to prove my old age."

"Better ways to prove old age that old age?"

"Certainly."

Kagura was amazed. "Like what?"

"Look, gullible is written on the ceiling!"

"I won't fall for that one." Kagura maintained, holding her head in her hands to stop herself.

"Oh yeah, why not?" His eyes glinted.

"That's the oldest trick in the book!"

The sadist wore a perfect smile.

"Correct."

Did Shinpachi know that Gin and the writer of Gintaman! rode the same train home? Before that day he was blissfully unaware of the fact. He now knew it, though.

"Will you teach me now, how to construct good humor?"
"Fine."

"What you lack is a straight man."

"But I put one—"

"No! Your Shimpathy used to be normal, certainly. But those other characters are rubbing off on him. He is no longer capable of being the straight man. You can change him back, or get someone new."

"So real ones are more normal?"

"Certainly. Allow me to show you."

It would have been better if a puppy had followed Gin-san home. It would have been better if Sadaharu had followed him home. It would even have been better if a man dressed as a large white duck-penguin had followed him home.

"Sometimes Shinpachi acts like Gin-chan and me are crazy."

"No offense to Danna, but you two are pretty close to crazy."

"What about me? No offense to me too?"

"No. You can take offense if you want to."

"I'm not crazy!" She faced away from him. Pouting.

"Insane, then?"

"No!"

"Weird?"

"No!"

"Awful?"

"What? You think I'm awful?"

"Awfully cute." he muttered.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing. Weirdo." He glanced sideways.

"Oy! I know you said something nice just then!"

"No I didn't."

"What a sadist. You're lucky; I'm forgiving you this time."

"Oy, Shinpachi! Come show this guy how to be normal!"

"What is it, Gin-san?"

"We'll make jokes, and you act like yourself."

"Why did the chicken cross the table?"

"To get to the other side dish?"

"It didn't because it was cooked chicken."

"That wasn't funny, Gin-san."

"Three men walked into a bar."

"One asked for a cup of water."

"One asked for a cake."

"The third man was given a cupcake."

"What about the water? Where did the water go?"

"But it was his birthday, and the other two got their cup and their cake."

"Gin-san, that was weird."

"You need better answers, Shinpachi."

"I don't get it."

"Two men walked into a bar."

"The fourth one ducked."

"Wait, you missed the third one."

"The third one was a duck."

"But if they're all men."

"It was Elizabeth. Don't question Elizabeth."

"Isn't she a penguin?"

"She always was too ambiguous to tell."

"Knock-knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Oh no."

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock."

In order to make it easier on himself, Shinpachi switched to autopilot Shinpachi mode.

"Banana."

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock."

"DONDAKE!"

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"DONDAKE!"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock."

"DONDAKE!"

"Who's there?"

"Banana..."

"But what really gets me is when people overuse phrases."

"Totally."

"Like that. You did that on purpose, didn't you? Sadist."

"Oops. Did I do that." He made no effort to make it sound like a question.

"But that isn't so bad. The one that really gets me is..."

"DONDAKE!"

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

"DONDAKE!"

"Thank you for helping me, Sakata-san."

He walked happily out the door, humming the theme to Gintaman.

"DONDAKE!" It seemed that Shinpachi was stuck on autopilot Shinpachi mode.

"You can stop now, Shinpachi."

"DONDAKE!"

Gin was beginning to wear down. All of this "DONDAKE!" was giving him a headache. If Shinpachi was stuck like this forever...

"Wake up, Shinpachi!"

"DONDAKE!"

He was going to have to use physical reinforcement. It couldn't be helped. He slapped Shinpachi across the face.

"DONDAKE!"

Whack!

"DONDAKE!"

Whack!

"No worries, kid. I'll protect you. I'll slap anyone who says that around you."

"Thank you." Her eyes were shining.

"Gotta watch out for kids."

"You're the kid!"

"Kids these days. They never learn."

"Kids these days. They're never stern."

"They never earn."

"It's a great cause for concern."

"I wish they would return."

"Well, we're returning home."

"Does that make us both—"

"No!"

"Yeah, definitely not."

"We're returning to the nursing home."

"Since we're so old."

"Yeah, that."

"Gin-san? Where am I? Why does my face hurt? Why do I have the urge to say: DONDAKE! Ouch! Why did you hit me?"

"No reason."

"Oh, it sounds like Kagura is home."

"Are you finished with the dondake?"

"Yeah. It's well and truly out of my system."

"Good."

"Good night, then."

Okita and Kagura kissed one another softly, briefly. The door opened. Shinpachi's mouth began to move

"DONDAK-"whack!

Okita brushed his hands off.

Kagura beamed at him.

"Good night, old man."

"You too, granny."

It really was all Gin-san's fault; Shinpachi nodded in agreement with himself as he rubbed his sore face.