Note: Hello everyone (if there is anyone left that is willing to read this XD) I know it's been two months (although I had warned only for one) and I am truly sorry for that. I have good news though! I have found a co author! Her name is Shinozka and she is a friend's friend (although I guess now she is also MY friend too) and she will help me. So just so you know we aspire to update a chapter of THAT length every two or three weeks.
So... Enjoy! This is the first chapter we have co-wrote by the way XD
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Square Enix.
The doctor came in smiling. Leon and Roxas exchanged a look, and then looked at the doctor. She was a plump woman with a very beautiful face. She had brown hair that reached her shoulders and green eyes. Roxas smiled slightly at her while Leon got up to greet her.
"How's the pretty boy?" she greeted them and went closer to Roxas to check him. . "How's the pretty boy? " She asked, her tone strangely nice, and sounding completely fake. The boy taken a little aback by her way too friendly behavior, leaned back and nodded at her.
"Fine," He muttered.
"I suspect you had a panic attack according to what this man told me," she said as she sat at the edge of the bed. "Has this ever happened again?"
Roxas nodded again and looked away. "I have a problem with crowds," he muttered and the woman smiled at the boy again.
"I see," She said, and for a slight second seemed to think about something for a bit "I'm going to give you some medicine to relax and you will be able to leave either tonight or tomorrow morning," she said and wrote something on paper. I'll come by later. Have fun with your friend."
The door closed and Leon let out a sigh of relief. "I hate hospitals," Roxas said to the older man.
Leon nodded, understanding how the boy felt; he, too, despised being in a hospital. He looked at Roxas, and added, "She is a faker," he said to Roxas and the blond looked at him.
"Fake doctor?" he asked confused and sat up. "Why do you say that?"
Leon shook his head and sat more comfortably in his chair."A fake good person." He smirked at the blond who grinned back at him. She was faking that she cared. I call people like her "fake good people". I must say, she's not a very good faker. Her eyes screamed how she didn't give a shit about us and that she thought us lunatics. "
Roxas looked at the door and sighed. "Yeah, she did."
Leon touched his shoulder to grab the Roxas' attention. "You were telling me before about that guy inside you…"
"Oh,yeah…Bahamut." He lay down again and looked at the ceiling. "He is not a guy, by the way, he is a dragon. The king of dragons."
"What about Squall? In my dreams, he appears to be a guy. He's human."
"He is." Roxas confirmed. "I warn you again, you won't like it."
"Tell me." Leon insisted.
Roxas sighed and looked away from Griever's chosen one, preparing himself to reveal to him that he was in fact the chosen one. And that that was why he had felt so different from the world all his life.)
"The world is not what it seems to be. Things… peculiar, illogical things happen."
Roxas glanced at the man, who had an emotionless expression on his face.
"Squall is one of them but he is also part of a much bigger and more illogical thing that exists. What I am going to say sounds crazy. I thought it was crazy too when Bahamut told me. But it's the only explanation I can give you," Roxas said, watching the man. He began.
"There is a world within the world we live in, hidden from us and no one is allowed to go there or leave that place and go back." He paused for a second, and hesitated. He didn't look at Leon's face, afraid that he would not be able to continue now that he was going to reveal it all.
"This world is magical and has a completely different system from ours. People there also believe in a different deity, Griever, an angel creature. Their Deity has a rival and legend says that Emiya, Griever's enemy, desired to take over the empire from his eldest brother, in the end they had to fight a very long and dangerous battle, in which the great angel was nearly defeated. He managed to beat Emiya but was so hurt and tired from the battle that he had to sleep until he was strong enough again to take over. By doing so, he locked Emiya in a ditch that will only open once the Angel wakes up," Roxas explained.
"The Great Angel has been asleep for centuries now and that's why the people are hiding. The whole empire is hiding; they are waiting for the Great Angel to wake up and lead them away from their magical prison. For the angel to wake up there is a certain ritual that is necessary to take place." He paused and looked at Leon who had an expression that looked like a mixture of shock and fear.)
"The ritual demands Griever's chosen, the messiah, to go to the holy land where the angel's spirit is sleeping and wake it up with the help of the four mages that are the hosts of Griever's children. The spirits' names are Shiva, Valefor, Leviathan and Bahamut."
Leon opened his mouth and got up. He went to leave the room but stopped at the door without opening it.
"I told you wouldn't like it." Roxas looked at the ceiling again and sighed. "Even if you had decided not to know though, I'd still have to tell you. It's my duty." He told him. "As it is yours to listen."
Leon turned and glared at Roxas. "Duty?"
"Calm down and sit. You need to listen to the whole story and then decide whether it is your duty or not," Roxas told him, and then the man looked at the door once more, before he marched towards the bed and sat at its edge.
"Years ago, there was a man that was the chosen one. Before him, there had been some others who claimed they were the chosen ones but none of them were. That man managed to find the four hosts and they started the journey to the holy land but on the road they were killed by Emiya's soldiers: the corrupted priests who used the Gladiators, the warriors that fight for the protection of the empire."
"That man was Squall," Leon stated, having realized what his supposed part was in this story and Roxas nodded confirming.
"You are his reincarnation and for your safety you were born here, at the outside world."
Leon eyed the blonde boy suspiciously. "Are you from…you know… there?"
Roxas immediately shook his head denying that statement. "I am like you and I think the other three mages are like that. The spirits were hiding as well, waiting for the time to be right for you to come back to this world." There was a pause between the two males and Roxas sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know in a way what you are going through. You need time and that's understandable to me. Although it's not to Bahamut but what could a dragon know?"
Leon half laughed, half chuckled at the last comment and relaxed a little. "Why are you doing this?"
Roxas raised his shoulders and shook his head. "I honestly don't know. It's not like I AM irreplaceable. The only unique enough to be called that is you. That is what I learned earlier actually and why I had that panic attack."
"What do you mean?" Leon asked.
"Bahamut can have anyone as a host. He just takes over a body. He's been living within me for seventeen years I think or so he says but despite all the difficult situations I have faced from being his host and not understanding why a voice was talking in my head, it is acceptable if I die. Bahamut just takes over another body and continues with them instead. " He looked at the ceiling and scratched the back of his neck a bit. "The same counts for the other hosts, I think."
"That's…."
"Cruel?" Roxas offered seeing that the older man was struggling to find a word.
"Unfair more I'd say, but it is also cruel." Leon clarified. "IF, and I emphasized that, IF I help, will I die or something? Like go to be with the great Angel or something?"
Roxas then had a thoughtful look, and seemed very concentrated. Leon guessed he might have been talking to the Dragon within himself. It was his first time seeing someone contacting an inner being in them, but yet he didn't find it strange at all. He wondered for a second what that would it feel like. Having a voice, who would never go away inside you? His thoughts were interrupted once Roxas spoke. "We don't know but we can't say for sure that nothing would happen to you. This has never happened before, as I told you."
Leon nodded. "If it had, we wouldn't be talking right now." A silence ruled between them before the brown haired man opened his mouth again.
"My family is still my family, right?"
Roxas raised an eyebrow at that question and then started laughing a bit. "Sure they are," he said to the man after he calmed down. "From all aspects. Both because they raised you and because they are biologically related to you." He laughed again a bit more.
Leon glared at the boy and got up. "I have work so I can't stay here more," he announced impassively. "I'll come back during the afternoon so don't leave, even if you have your ticket."
A laugh escaped Roxas lips but he collected himself as much as he could and nodded at the man. "I don't really have anywhere to go so I can do that." Leon nodded in turn and left the room, leaving the boy alone in the hospital room. After a moment of silence, Roxas started half laughing, half chucking again because of Leon's question.
The door closed and Roxas laughed a bit more. He couldn't help but find his question funny. Out of all the things to worry about he chose to worry about his family? Of all the things to possibly ask? He closed his eyes and took big breaths trying to relax and control himself.
That was immature.
Bahamut's tone when he said that was so close to sulking that Roxas was sure he'd burst into laughing once again. It would certainly annoy Bahamut though, and an annoyed Bahamut would annoy him inside his head until the dragon felt like stopping. The spirit's weakest point was his ego. It was so easy for people to offend him.
We don't have time. We need to start traveling.
Roxas sighed and shook his head in annoyance because of Bahamut's behavior and insistence. "He needs time."
If we don't start now, today or tomorrow, he may be dead.
Roxas raised his eyebrow at that.
You may also be dead, if you stay here for too long.
Why?
The dragon didn't speak for a moment and Roxas felt his heartbeat fasten, which was a sign that what he was going to hear was bad news. Very bad news. He took big breaths to calm down and looked at the room around him to find an object to lay his eyes on to relax. But unfortunately the more he looked, the more everything seemed more dangerous and he became more anxious. He didn't want to have another panic attack so he closed his eyes and with his left hand grabbed his right one and squeezed his nails inside his flesh so hard that he bled. But the action helped his mind and heart to quiet down.
"What is it, Bahamut?" he asked out loud in an even voice.
The temple
"Yes? What about it?" Roxas asked impatiently.
They know.
"What do they know?"
That he is alive again, born in the outside world. They have found out also the location of his whereabouts. Not the exact place but the wider area. If the Gladiators that were acquainted with Squall come here, they will be able to locate him very soon. Sooner than we did and much easier.
Roxas didn't speak, didn't move, didn't have any kind of reaction. He just lay down and breathed hard and deep. The dragon worried about his host who had a weird and dangerous temper. Roxas had had a panic attack because of that story and had to talk to Leon a few minutes ago. It was too much for the young man's head and Bahamut wished he could allow him to rest for some minutes but there was no time.
And Roxas' temper was an obstacle the spirit wouldn't allow to interfere with his father's awakening.
"How much time do we have?" the boy asked in a strained voice that betrayed his emotional distress, despite trying to hide it.
I can't say for sure but at the most we have four to five days and at the least we have two days. It's a matter of who comes to find him and how quickly they will decide that.
The boy remained silent, trying to find some privacy inside his head to calm down and think about the situation he was in. It was difficult for him, the dragon knew that and he had to congratulate the boy for controlling his emotions so well. But he had to press him, to save both him and his father.
But we must not play with our luck. The dragon insisted but the boy again didn't react. The others know and are moving towards a certain spot where we will begin our journey. We agreed to meet there in a week or so.
The boy rolled at his left and closed his eyes. "What if he doesn't agree?" he asked the spirit after a moment.
Then we will force him to come and when we are all together we will convince him.
"If we do that, he will never be convinced." The boy muttered tiredly. "He seems to be very stubborn."
True, but he is very moral too and will place the greater good above his. He is mixed in this situation no matter what he decides and he will be hunted down and killed by them, even if he says, he is not willing to do anything to help us.
"So he has no choice."
Indeed. The dragon confirmed. Roxas sighed and rolled around the bed.
"I want to sleep," he said and closed his eyes. The dragon didn't speak after that and allowed the boy some moments of peace and quiet. He could sleep until Leon came back. He was going to have to reveal to him more and that was going to tire the boy very much.
Cloud hadn't slept at all during the night and he found it awfully hard to concentrate at the meeting that was taking place in the room. Everyone was talking and some were fighting but the only thing he could register was that they were being noisy and annoying. He just wanted to get up and leave the room and come back in a few hours after he got some sleep.
Tifa moved from her chair next to him and kicked his leg playfully to get his attention. He just opened his eyes to look at the female with a sleepy look.
"I want to leave the room," he muttered and the woman caressed his head and laughed slightly.
She slightly pinched his cheek and smiled at him. "You didn't sleep well."
"Didn't sleep at all actually." He admitted and he imagined Tifa's smile turn into a smirk. He already knew what she was thinking before her. The same counted for her. It was explainable since they knew each other since they were seven years old.
She moved closer to him and pressed her head against his. "Thinking of a certain someone?" she asked although she already knew the answer.
He nodded not really in the mood to start a conversation about that matter. It wasn't that he didn't trust Tifa or that he wouldn't talk to her eventually but it wasn't either the place or the time for that important and painful conversation to take place.
"You know that I will be with you whatever you decide," she whispered to him and squeezed his hand. "Like I was then."
It was moments like this one that made Tifa so important. Although she was strong, independent and always spoke her mind, she was always so supportive of him and respected his wishes and decisions, even if she didn't agree with them. She made her disagreement clear but she didn't prevent him from doing what he wanted. It was something he wasn't sure he could do for her. He was way too selfish to respect her like that and when he thought himself right he did everything he could to prove it. But she never stayed angry at him for long.
"I know Tifa," he acknowledged of her and she smiled.
"But do me a favor and think before you act this time." He opened his eyes to look at her, confused and a little offended by her statement.
"This may be the last chance you'll have, Cloud," she said cryptically and got up to leave after kissing his hair.
Everyone was leaving actually he noticed. As he was about to get up and leave the room too, the door closed and he saw Ashe move towards him. He knew that this meeting between them had to take place but he didn't want it to happen so soon. He was still very confused about what he wanted and thought.
She sat on a chair and crossed her legs slowly, her eyes never leaving Cloud's. "We need to have a talk, Cloud." She said and motioned him to sit as well with a movement of her head. "There are things I want to tell you. One thing actually."
The man sat and warily watched the woman. He and Ashe weren't friends and he had to admit that he was a little hateful towards her for being the one who killed his lover, even if he was also trying to kill him. It was an instinctive reaction that he couldn't help, although logic explained to him how wrong he was. He nodded at the woman to continue.
She opened her mouth but no sound came out of it. This surprised him because she was the kind of woman who always knew what she wanted to say. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "This is going to sound weird or even ironic since it's coming from me…,"she looked at the ceiling without talking any further.
"Ashe..?" Cloud called to her seeing that she didn't continue,
"You know how things sometimes don't go the way they should because we people, make the wrong decisions. How we usually make those decisions by using our brains and not our feelings… "She stopped again showing clearly how uncomfortable she was feeling.
"What about it?" he asked, suddenly feeling a coldness inside him. He wasn't sure what she was going to say or mean with her words, but he knew he wasn't going to like it.)
"We all," she began, and looked at him with an expression that was so close to sadness, Cloud felt himself at the loss of words. "We all make that mistake and we should always learn by our mistakes."
"I don't… don't understand," he stuttered slightly as he felt a strong pain in his stomach.
"We are human and make mistakes." She said again. "And we come to this world to be happy and we have a right to strive for it." Before the man could react and say something to her, she got up and walked quickly towards the door. She got out and closed the door behind her without looking back.
Cloud got up and ran outside of the room but she was nowhere around.
He ran a hand though his hair and took deep breaths in a fruitless attempt to calm down but it didn't work in the end.
So he ran. He didn't know where he was running to but he ran as fast as he could.
He stopped when he reached the familiar place of the empty cave that he and Squall used to go to. Here they spent private time together. He hadn't been to that place for years trying to avoid the memories it would bring. But it seemed that fate had decided that the past could not be forgotten and he was too afraid that he would repeat its mistakes if he tried to deny it instead of learning by it.
Does he remember me? Does he still love me, even as a memory from a past life?
He wanted to find the answers to these questions and he wanted to know as soon as possible. That moment as he looked at the cave, he didn't care if he received orders to kill him. He wouldn't obey.
He wouldn't be able to do it.
All the memories they had shared in that cave came back at him and his heart ached because in that moment of solitude he was allowed to miss him and all he offered him. Here they made love for the first time and here they ate and talked for hour.
Here they had known each other.
But not all memories were pleasant ones. It was here, in the cold and dark cave, where he had last seen Squall as his lover and companion. Inside this cave, they would always talk as the best of friends, and they would always find comfort. The last time Cloud had spoken to Squall they had been lovers, and then they had been enemies.
Cloud looked around, remembering vividly every memory that had happened here, and feeling his heart throb. The cave held a huge chunk of his memories: all his happy memories, all his sad memories, and all his intimate memories. It was like a second friend, and Cloud had always loved being inside it because it had always felt to him like a secret no one could find. In here, Cloud could never suppress what he felt no matter how good or bad he was feeling. He could always cry, and let everything out. Often he would take his Buster Sword and just attack the cave, smashing it around the impenetrable boulders to release his anger. He didn't often get angry, but when he did he would come to the cave.
After the day that he and Squall had fought, he had never come back. He was afraid that if he did, he could never get over the pain. So he repressed it, and hid his feelings deep inside his heart, locking them there forever. Outside, he was stoic and strong focusing on what he had to do and listening to his orders, revealing nothing but confidence. No one who saw him ever doubted his strength nor ability to control his emotions. If he was angry, he controlled his temper. If he was hurt, he would bare the pain silently, and if he was happy he would keep it in.
He was good at keeping any unlikable feeling or thought deep inside his heart. In this way, it could never surface outside, and could never reach his brain to process. It was always locked shut, and never opened even if it was trembling to be released. The only times it would even slightly unlock was when he was with Squall or Tifa. Something about them had always been able to nudge whatever Cloud was hiding. They could read him so well, and had always been able to tell if something was wrong. They would gently urge for him to speak, and Cloud would always find himself talking. It had never surprised him during those times, but as he stood there in the cave he now knew how rare of a gift that had been.
Tifa still had this gift, even now as he was holding everything back, trying desperately to not give in to all he felt, she could still get him to talk. This was why Cloud had often raced back to his room, pretending he had something to do. He could never tell Tifa everything he felt, because he didn't know where to begin. She always offered him to start at the break-up with Squall, always seeming to believe this is where it started. Was this where it had started? Cloud didn't know, but he was determined that somehow being inside the cave he would get the answers he needed.
He began walking further into the cave, feeling suddenly old as if he had never been there in thousands of years. Despite his long absence, the cave looked the same. It still had 3 boulders that were in sitting positions, many cracks that would illuminate the cave from the high blazing sun, and a small little pond that Cloud suspected was the drink station for any critter that lived there. The only difference he spotted was the fresh moss growing in the middle. 'Had it been that long since he had come here? 'Cloud wondered, as he sat down, finding himself more than welcome by the cave. Then the sounds of fragile falling raindrops echoed throughout the cave. He felt his shoulders relax a little, as he tried to calm his composure. He did not want to go into hysterics. Not just yet. He decided to concentrate on the tune of the drops, hoping they would help him. He took a second to look around, and then he stopped. He didn't want to relive every painful memory that had occurred in the cave. Neither did he want to relive every joyful memory, but that was proving a hard task as he recalled when certain things had happened and where. 'Maybe I should just leave'. Then something caught his eye, the sight of something odd on the ground.
He sat up a little, reaching for it to figure out what it was. It was a torn piece of clothing. Curious, he examined it. At first he couldn't make out why it seemed so familiar. He hadn't been in the cave for months now, and maybe even a year, to have dropped anything. He never trained here, and when he had trained it had been years ago when he was younger. Back when he and Squall trained excessively to get better. He contemplated the possibility of someone else knowing about the cave, but then he ruled it out. Only he knew how to get here, and he had shown only Squall.
Then it hit him. This was the shirt he had worn when he had fought with Squall.
It was a piece from his dark blue sweater vest he used to love wearing when he was younger.
He felt himself grow cold, and his heart throb harder.
He wasn't listening anymore to the sounds of the drops. Instead he found himself thinking about the very dark memory he dreaded remembering: the day he and Squall broke off. He looked at the corner where Squall had sat that day, being able to envision him so well as if time had never passed. Squall had been sitting a few inches from him, eating his usual plain sandwich, lost in thought. At the time Cloud had been curious as to what his thoughts were, but had never asked. He never pestered Squall, figuring Squall would tell him when the time was right. He had known it was serious from Squall's grave expression, but he had continued eating. Then Squall had spoken to him.
Flashback
"Cloud I need to travel to the Holy Lands along with the hosts," Squall said, staring straight at the cave, his expression unfaltering. Cloud looked at him, taken back by the random sentence, as he ate.
"What do you mean?" he asked, raising his eyebrow curiously.
"What it sounds like. I'm not thrilled about this but it has to be done."
"Wait," Cloud said, confused. He stopped eating. . "Squall I know you want to be an amazing Gladiator, but you can never be Griever's Chosen One. The one who is has been born from birth with this title, and only they can go to the Holy Lands along with the hosts," Cloud explained, figuring Squall had just heard a rumour or was joking. He expected Squall to burst out laughing, but Squall did not.
Squall stared at him, his face with unknowable thoughts. The expression made Cloud shiver with a bit of fear. Why was Squall like this?
"I am Griever's Chosen One."
"What?"
"I have known for a while now Cloud. I came here because I was the Chosen One, and started training because of this very fact as well. However I didn't know I was going to have to sacrifice myself to let Griever out," Squall said, bitterly. He clenched his fist, and Cloud could sense he was scared. "They told me this just yesterday".
"Squall that doesn't add up...They don't just give these kind of tasks last minute," Cloud said, unable to believe Squall. How could he? It was ridiculous! Squall the Chosen One?
"They did for me. Obviously they knew I wouldn't be so thrilled to sacrifice myself. They keep saying it's for the greater good, and for me to comply. I know the history but it's unfair. I'll have to get killed, and this is why tomorrow I'm going to the Holy Lands."
"It's impossible. There's no way you were the Chosen One. It would mean-"Cloud began, but got interrupted.
"Haven't you wondered why I learned so quickly Cloud? Why I was exceptional as a fighter, and why I gave off an odd vibe? You always said I was odd at first."
Cloud froze. He had said that. He had thought that, when he had first been training Squall. Squall had nailed everything perfectly, never needing to see something twice, or it to be explained twice. For any move they were learning or magic spell Squall had always learned it fast. Even his wounds had always healed fast...He had always figured Squall was just a prodigy: a talented man with exceptional skill. But why had he never found him much stranger than that? When all the other Gladiator Apprentices were different? When all the apprentices had taken many moons to train.
Squall stared at him. "Remember how I could heal fast? I was never like the rest of the apprentices, Cloud. I knew why. I was Griever's Chosen One ".
"There's no way. I would have sensed it ".
"You did. Only you turned what you sensed into an attraction towards me. You were fascinated by me, and I liked you too much to say anything."
Cloud swallowed hard. He felt himself cold and his head dizzy with confusion. He knew Squall wouldn't be lying about this; there was no gain to lie about such a heavy title. Not when Griever's Chosen One had to prepare themselves for certain death. Squall never lied or joked when it was something so serious. Squall was the Chosen One. He didn't doubt it now, but he was finding it hard to digest.
"Then that means...You knew about this from the very beginning when you met me," Cloud said, unable to look straight into Squall's grey eyes. From the corner of his eye, he saw Squall nod.
"I only knew I was Griever's Chosen One. Nothing about sacrificing myself until now," Squall replied.
"But you knew, and you came to me to learn how to get stronger? You came to me knowing I would teach you how to become a great Gladiator so you could harvest Griever's Strength." Squall said nothing, and Cloud realized it was true. Which meant Squall had used him from the very beginning...?
Cloud could feel a small pain in his chest. His heart was beating fast, and he felt himself nauseous at the truth.
Bothered, he asked, "When did you plan to tell me anything? Or did you think you would keep quiet forever?"
"I was going to tell you when the time was right. It's not something easy to say, or believable. But then I found out I was going to have to die and I couldn't keep that a secret from you-"
"Yeah, because you'd be dead, and I'd be wondering where you were!" Cloud spat, angry now. "I'm not an idiot Squall!"
"I know Cloud! I never said you were!" Squall replied back, moving closer to Cloud as if sensing how hurt the blonde man was. "Cloud let me explain. It's not how it sounds like. I-"
"It's not? So it doesn't sound like you used me, kept a huge secret, waited until now when you're going to have to die to tell me?" Cloud interrupted, not letting Squall continue. He was more than pissed now. His heart was shaking badly, and he couldn't get the feeling of nauseous out. His stomach felt empty, and he held his head to focus but everything was starting to spin.
Everything he had ever believed in was a lie.
"Cloud let me explain. You're jumping to conclusions. It's not like that at all," Squall said, next to Cloud. He was worried for him, but Cloud was too busy being angry and hurt to notice Squall's worry.
"There's nothing to explain. You used me as your port of information, and as your mentor to train you." The words hurt Cloud to say aloud, and he was having difficulty breathing. But there was one thought he hadn't voiced aloud yet. One thought that transcended every time he took a breathe. Had Squall ever loved him?
"Let me guess. You also seduced me so my defence would weaken and just focus on you while we trained in private," Cloud stated rather than asked. This had to have been true. From the very beginning Squall had been very eager for Cloud to take him as his only apprentice, and he had made himself very interested in Cloud. "You charmed me so you could be the only person I wanted to train, and so you would have an edge. That's why you scouted me from the very beginning, isn't it?"
"I also thought you were attractive, however I had no intention to seduce you. I found you annoying at first remember? But then I-"
"What difference does that make? I was just a stupid fling for you to use as you saw fit! ".
"No Cloud!" Squall yelled, his voice serious yet desperate to explain himself. "I never did that! At the beginning I was thinking of ways for me to get stronger, but as I grew closer to you I-"
"You what? Fell for me? Don't even say it because it's not true Squall! I'm not buying it anymore!"
He felt his blood start boiling, and a whirlwind of emotions go through him. How dare Squall use him like that after he knew how hard it was for Cloud to open his heart! Cloud had given him his heart, his training, his secrets, and Squall had only used him! He felt betrayed, but more than anything he felt hurt. Suddenly he felt himself have a moment of vertigo.
He couldn't hear anything anymore as he fell on his knees. His mind was spinning with a violent velocity, and his heart made itself very clear in his ribcage, as it beat loudly. He felt himself grow pale, and he felt himself cold once again. He didn't even notice when Squall's arms suddenly were on his body, wondering what was wrong. No, he couldn't notice anything as he was lost in thought. He couldn't get over the idea of having been used so badly. All these months of snatching information, asking questions and asking permission to be told news about Griever had just been because Squall had known he was the Chosen One. Every time Squall had asked, Cloud had always figured it was only because of curiosity from his prodigy. Now it all made sense why Squall wanted to know so much relating to the topic.
As he lay there, feeling ill, Cloud felt stupid. He had fallen so easily for Squall and all this time Squall had just sneered behind his back in triumph. How proud he must have felt all these months getting everything he wanted while Cloud was unaware. He had placed Squall in such high regard, seeing him as his flawed but lovable partner, and loving him more than Squall could have ever known. What an idiot he had been!
He slowly started to regain his strength, and noticed Squall was looming over him, worried. He pushed Squall away, not wanting his pity after everything he had done. He didn't want to feel his touch, and it even shamed him to think he had made love to this man. He got up, and now his heart which had risen for months, now slowly sank back to its resting place, about to break.
"Cloud what's wrong? What just happened?" Squall asked his eyes full of worry and threatening-to-fall tears. Despite all the pain Cloud felt, he was taken by surprise. Squall never cried. "Cloud let me explain," he said, and it suddenly occurred to Cloud that Squall may have been crying because he was scared he was going to lose him. 'No. That's what my heart is hoping it is'.
He felt the tears burning, but he would never let Squall see them. He would never give Squall the satisfaction of seeing how heartbroken he was.
"It's over," Cloud said, feeling his strength dying. The tears were trying to escape his eyes now.
"Cloud you have to let me explain," Squall cried, seeming extremely hurt and sounding as if he was pleading. "You have it all wrong. I never used you when I said I loved you!"
"You did use me Squall. All this time you did," Cloud replied, his voice grim.
"No Cloud that's not what I ever meant. I originally wanted to get stronger but Cloud I did fall for you!"
"Stop lying," Cloud said, turning his face slightly away, as he looked down. He couldn't look at Squall.
"I'm not. Let me finish so I can explain better, and-"
"I said stop."
"I'm not lying!"
"I'm leaving," Cloud said, and began to turn away, wanting nothing more than to run out of the cave. Suddenly Squall grabbed him by the vest, trying to keep him at bay.
"Let go!"
"No! You have it completely wrong Cloud! Stop being stubborn and listen to me!"
Cloud violently punched the brown haired man, making Squall accidentally tear a bit of his vest as he fell down hard on the cave's cold floor. He didn't look at Squall, and instead, Cloud ran out as fast as he could. His heart which had been shaking now broke into a million china pieces.
-End of Flashback-
Reflecting back on it now, as he held the torn piece of his old vest, Cloud felt himself once again stupid. He had never let Squall explain properly, and Squall had never been good at explaining anything. He was always so straight to the point and awkward that it always came out wrong. 'I bet he had started with the news of him going to the Holy Lands because he was scared to die, and wanted my comfort'Cloud thought, wondering how Squall must have felt, after he had left him in the dark cave, alone.
He clenched the piece of fabric in his hand. "I'm so stupid!" he said aloud, frustrated. "He wanted to explain it all to me and I just made assumptions!"
He threw the piece of fabric away, in sheer irritation, not wanting to recall anymore. Throughout the whole ordeal when Squall had told him the news he had just made assumptions, and lost his cool. It was understandable why considering what he had thought, but as a Gladiator he should have never lost his composure. Not without knowing precisely what was going on as the Gladiator Law stated: Never make assumptions until you were a hundred percent clear.
He had completely forgotten the law, and even worst he had run away.
"Some Gladiator I am," he said, still frustrated. Sitting on top of the rocks, he took deep breathes, then closed his eyes and concentrated. None of this was going to help him now. What had happened was in the past and he couldn't change the past. It was all there in stone, and the only thing he could do was focus on now.
And right now, Griever had reborn Squall and the Gladiators were going to find him. If they did, and if he accepted to go, he would see Squall again.
He felt his heart do a little leap, and then felt himself smile at the thought. His eyes were tearing from joy, and for the first time in a long time he let himself easily be swept with emotion. Would he be the same Squall? Or would he be a very different man from the man Cloud had fallen in love with? Could they possibly fall for one another again if he was the same?
He stopped, and decided to stop crying. There was no reason to rejoice just yet.
He kicked a stone, and despite feeling the wave of possibilities through him, he felt unsettled. There were too many questions, and to many things that were out of place. Like the council's reluctancy to explain themselves. Why were they being so secretive about this mission? They had never acted this way before, and had always been detailed in explanations. Even if it was because this involved Griever's Chosen One, Cloud couldn't understand why they would suddenly behave this way. In fact wouldn't they have to behave on their best if Griever could come back?
'It doesn't add up. Something is wrong. They're keeping a secret from us' Cloud leaned back on the rock, sitting on the ledge wall of the cave, as he thought about the council. He couldn't imagine what type of secret they were hiding, but he knew it wasn't good. 'I wonder...does Ashe feel the same way?'
As his mind came to Ashe, he suddenly remembered, some time ago, Ashe had been trying to talk to him. Maybe she was going to mention her doubts about the council? 'Wait no she had been trying to talk to me about a mistake', Cloud thought, as the cave seemed to get quieter. He felt suddenly an eerie sensation, and thena darkthought passed through him. What if it had been a mistake to kill Squall? What if his lover had never had to die?
He shivered.
There was no way this was possible. The council were leaders for their very wisdom, and they were always correct. No one ever questioned them, and as a Gladiator you followed orders: no exception. By law you had to entrust the council, and you had to give your loyalty. There was neither doubt nor ever a question if they gave you an order. You simply pledged loyalty and finished the order. When they had given the order to kill Squall, no one had questioned it. Cloud hadn't truly liked it (as much as he pretended he did because he was angry at Squall) but he had never refused the order. And all of them being the great Gladiators had gone hunting for Squall, more than ready to show their loyalty.
But what if the council had been wrong? Cloud couldn't help shudder at the very thought. For years he had seen the council as his family, and for years he had given them his loyalty. He couldn't imagine that the very people he loved and respected could lie to him.
But he was questioning them right now, and even Selphie, and a few of his other family members were as well.
He began pacing up and down the cave, contemplating about the council, and what he would do if he didn't trust them. He knew he had to go and see Squall again, but if they gave the order to kill him, would any of the Gladiators do it? 'Surely Ashe would' he thought, as he recalled she had been the one to strike the final fatal arrow shot at Squall. She had been the one to show her loyalty, and she had been the courageous one to do what he couldn't. It wasn't a bad thing, and he admired her (in secret) for her strength, but did she trust the council? Would she pledge her loyalty even if she didn't?
The council to Ashe (and Cloud) were like family. Each member loved her, and found her more than impressive. She had been one of the favourites since she had become a Gladiator, and on the day she had killed Squall, they had rewarded her with the Golden Gladiator Room and a celebration: the ultimate reward for a Gladiator.
In a lot of ways Ashe was heavily tied to them, and she would not easily betray them unless there was a good reason. Cloud knew it, and he also knew a lot of the other Gladiators felt the same. None of them would ever dream of betraying the council so easily, and even if he doubted them, he knew that he had to be a hundred percent clear before making another stupid mistake. But if they had lied and Squall had never had to get killed, then that meant he had suffered for many months over nothing...
He shook his head, and then leaned against a wall, closing his eyes. He tried focusing on one thought. Already he had cried out of happiness, and already he knew he wanted to let out every emotion he felt. However, he knew there was still another matter to deal with: Ashe.
After the day of Squall's death, Cloud had always held resentment towards Ashe. On one hand she had brilliantly been more than impressive as she had displayed courage and strength. She had aimed from far and she had pierced Squall's heart. Not many Gladiators had this talent to attack from far and strike well. Cloud couldn't do it. He was much better in front-to-front combat then any distant attack. The moment he had seen Squall, he hadn't attacked. And not because of any lack of skill: he could not kill Squall.
He had always been thankful that Ashe had done the task, but he hated her for killing his lover.
It was an understandable feeling, but one Cloud could not have as a Gladiator.
Gladiators were bound by Codes of Loyalty, and Trust. If a Gladiator didn't have any trust for their teammates and for the orders given to them, they were useless as one. They were obligated to be fiercely loyal, thinking of nothing else but the good of protecting and obeying orders from the higher councils. In exchange they would be given amazing strength, skills, and a safety of home. It was an amazing honour, and one Cloud did not take lightly. He loved being a Gladiator, and loved all the teachings he had gotten from his mentors. He loved the chance to fight for what was right, and he loved the security he felt. But he kept so many secrets from his "family".
And nothing was supposed to be kept secret or hidden.
If a Gladiator had a secret or concern, they were supposed to address it to one another to discuss it. Even a friend would be alright if it meant getting any load of their chest. They had to stay free from any repressed emotions if they were going to do their job right. The high councils believed that if anyone kept anything buried, it would only prove distracting during missions.
On the first day they had discussed the rebirth of Griever's Chosen One, they had discussed the course of actions to take. During that meeting Cloud had been conflicted with his feelings for Ashe. They were supposed to be bonded as family, and even stronger than family. They were supposed to be willing to die for one another in combat, and be prepared to always fight no matter the circumstances. When Ashe had been discussing the issue, Cloud felt everything but this bond. He had not wanted to listen; instead, he had focused more on his tiredness. This was his usual way of dealing with meetings from Ashe, and every Gladiator had noticed and addressed him on it many times.
Flashback
"Cloudy you're going to have to forgive Ashe one day," Selphie said, leaning close to him as Paine and Rikku stood near her. "It's not good for the Gladiator Code, and it isn't good for the atmosphere. Plus think about it, Ashe must hurt knowing you hate her so much."
"Yeah! And it was her duty!" Rikku chimed in, helping the hyper-active brunette. "We are told to do our task, keep quiet, and then celebrate if we succeed. It's not glamorous but you know the drill by now. I mean, what else could she have done? It was either kill him or have a hair-rising punishment. And we all know how disasterrific those are..." Rikku said, looking down, and shaking her head.
"We know you and had been together," Selphie teased, nudging him, "But Ashey had no choice. I know how you feel about losing someone you love but we have to deal with the pain."
"Mm-hm," Rikku agreed, nodding her head. "You have to keep memories inside."
"I know all this already, but it's not easy," Cloud replied, looking at the two girls.
The next voice that spoke came from Paine. Her tone had been cold and serious. "You have to get over it Cloud. If you don't forgive Ashe it'll make it worst for you, for us, and for the rest of the Gladiators. You knew the risk of becoming a Gladiator. You knew it meant that we may have to suffer and grieve over lost ones"
"Paine, we're trying to encourage him not deter him," Rikku said, uncomfortable with the vibe they had now.
"No. He needs his facts. Either he controls how he feels, or he'll be useless as a Gladiator."
"You wouldn't be so calm if you lost Rikku or Yuna."
"Cloud, Don't you see? You're emotions are affecting you. If I lost Rikku or Yuna I would have quit being a Gladiator, because I know I would have been useless as one," Paine said, looking down.
"Paine," Rikku said, looking at her, touched.
"I need to tell you something Cloud, and it's supposed to be kept in silence but you should know so you can make a decision. Lately your attacks have been bad with your fighting skills very hazy. The council has noticed, and are debating what to do with you. They believe you're like this because you're losing your touch but want to know why you're really like this? It's because you won't let your feelings out. You keep it in and in, and that is affecting your body," Paine explained, looking into his eyes.
"You can't keep all that in forever," Selphie said, "Or you'll never recover from the heart ache."
Paine continued. "You have two choices so you have to decide: Quit being a Gladiator, or Forgive Ashe. There is no other choice."
End Flashback
Paine had been right. Those were the only choices he could make. If he continued like this, he would get dismissed, and all his hard work and love he had being a Gladiator would go to waste.
The old Cloud would have never recognized this new Cloud.
Not this Cloud who kept the betrayal, the resentment, the anger, hurt, and sadness all inside. The old Cloud would have come to the cave, and would have felt at ease letting anything out. Now all of it being bottled up inside were affecting his body. Last time he had gone on a mission he had felt his Buster Sword heavy, and he never had felt it heavy before. He was always tired, and he was always never hungry.
If he didn't do something, he knew he would get worst. He knew he had to let it all go.
The sounds of drops brought his attention back to the cave. It seemed darker than it had been before, and he felt cold against the hard wall of the cave. He looked around, feeling alone, and the cave almost seemed to invite him further into its isolated home. Not wanting to keep it anymore, he started to cry.
He let the tears freely pour, as he leaned against the wall more comfortably. He wasn't ashamed to let the tears fall, and now that he had started he was afraid he would never stop. He couldn't concentrate on any memory anymore; instead he concentrated on his emotions, letting it all out as he felt a warm breeze pass through the cave. In here, he could sob as long as he wanted with no fear of being seen, or seeming weak.
And so he did.
By the time Cloud stopped crying, the cave had gotten pitch black, and the sun was descending away, bringing his wonderful brightness with it. He wiped the fresh damp tears from his face. 'Huh, I feel completely lighter now. All those emotions bottled in me must have given me weight' he thought, as he stretched a bit. He felt wonderful compared to what he had felt a while ago. He felt as if he had just unlocked and freed every jammed thing there was in his heart. He felt liberated but above all he felt at ease.
'Maybe I should continue to free it much more'.
He glanced around the cave,hearing the drops again, and listening to their tune. For the longest time he stayed in a trance, listening away as if the drops washed away all his problems. Suddenly he felt a strong determination within him rise, and then as if it had been all fogged up before by useless thinking, he made a decision. He would not quit being a Gladiator, and he was going to forgive Ashe. Somehow as he said it aloud to himself, it seemed so simple and clear that he felt almost laughable at having taken so long.
He began walking back to the entrance, feeling himself lighter than he had ever felt and loving this new sensation inside him. Loving the burning determination, and strength he felt. As he neared the entrance, he gave the cave one last look. It was extremely pitch black, and it seemed to have grown more silent as he was leaving.
"Thank-you. I'll be back soon, I promise, but let's hope my conversation with Ashe goes well," Cloud said, talking to the cave, feeling a bit ridiculous. Then as if to answer, a small wind passed through, slicing the sharp silence and he smiled.
"Take care until I come back to tell you what happened."
The Gladiator's Hall was long, and empty as Cloud headed towards Ashe's room. He could hear every footstep he took, and he could hear any echo that took place. The halls were scarce with no Gladiator's in sight and Cloud wondered if they were all still training. Would they still be training at this hour? It was common for them to do so, but somehow he figured it had more to do with the news of Griever's Chosen One.
Squall...
He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts from Squall as he walked down the halls.
It didn't work.
In order to not occupy his ten minute walk to Ashe's room with thoughts of Squall he figured he would focus on the halls. But then as he tried to do so he started reeling about the conversation he was about to have with Ashe. He was about to tell her, he was going to forgive her, and she was probably going to continue the conversation that included Squall she had tried to say a few hours ago. 'The one about the mistake...'He felt himself nauseous and determined, more than ever to distract himself, he glanced at the hall.
They were long, spaced halls, that on each part of the wall had majestic Greek columns all made out of the finest marble. The columns were the colour white that contrasted very beautifully with the beige halls, and the ceiling above him was exquisite. There were decorative carvings that resembled those of the elaborate carvings in Victorian Classic Mansions, and they seemed almost as if someone had used cake icing to design the frilled yet detailed work. There were small little lamps that resembled torches, on every column, brimming with almost the brilliance of victory. They added a warm and cozy feel to the halls that made any guest feel welcomed yet impressed.
The floor was made of pure marble, and had a long red carpet for the Gladiators to walk on. To make them feel superior as their title. As he walked on it, he stood a little taller, feeling as tall as the columns. Cloud loved walking down the hall. It always made him feel so strong, and proud of what he had achieved. It had taken him years to get where he was now, and he wouldn't let himself feel less when he was in the presence of such a hall.
He turned a corner, noticing now gold framed pictures of every Gladiator. He smiled as he passed by them, particularly finding it hard not to laugh as he saw Selphie's and Rikku's. They were in such strong, confident poses that it seemed so dramatically different from how he knew the two girls. However he admired their picture, and decided to not exchange a look at his as he passed his own. He hated pictures of his own, especially in over-sized huge photos.
He started seeing the glow of a gold door. As he slowly began to approach Ashe's door, he felt all that tall confidence die down. He was beyond nervous now, and he stopped as he looked at the door.
'Ashe'
Suddenly he felt a stab of fear. What if, he didn't want to know the truth? What if the truth was unbearable? What if she told him Squall had never needed to be killed?
He closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Ashe asked, from behind the door. He could tell she had been expecting someone from how close she sounded.
"It's-"
"Cloud," she finished, walking closer to the door.
"Yes."
He heard the sounds of footsteps, and the loud unlocking of a door. Ashe appeared in front of him, looking as beautiful as ever, and looking like she had been expecting him. He looked at her, and noticed she looked as nervous as he did which in odd way gave him comfort. 'So this will be hard for both of us'he thought, as he gulped.
"Ashe," he finally began. "We need to talk."
That's it everyone XD We would really like your opinion about the mixed writing style (if you understand that some difference has taken place.) and about how the story goes. Since this is Shinozka's first chapter, please welcome her with... *thinking pose* four reviews for that chapter... what do you say? Can you do that?
Anyway... Thank you very much for reading this XD