Disclaimer : I don't own CCS. CCS is owned by CLAMP.
Chapter Dedication : To my beta Aoi Itsuki. Thank you very much for the suggestion, for your support, for your patience. Thank you for that certain email, it really means a lot. I'm sorry that I've been so unprofessional… But thank you very much for all of your help and concern…
Thank You for reviewing and waiting: cheng, James Birdsong, Midnight Ghost, Death101 – Fox Version, Malu Daidoji, mysticalphoenix-avalon, chainedheart999, Oncinlity (thanks for commenting my blog!), tomoyo-amethyst, Anonymous Amethyst (you're right, sadly, this is nearing the end), Mackie, Shanaa12, Scrappy Cocoa, skybluescramble, Shenhui, Krissy, animefan88tv (I hope you're already feeling well now…*hugs), kryuzei, bshinigami, SnowCharms, xiLynnx, sie ching (hehe, inget kokk..), and kYousEke aKira. I apologize to all of you. I am so sorry that this chapter comes really, really late.
Summary : Once upon a time, with a Cursed Man and the soon-to-be Cursed Woman. Set 9 years post CCS series.
The Misfortunate Tale: Beauty and the Beast (Not)
:: Chapter 11 : :
The End of the Reverie
He knew that she was a troublesome woman.
After he finished his talk with Kaho in the kitchen, Eriol walked out and entered the living room again. He was expecting to meet Daidouji Tomoyo there, but there was no one. The girl was already gone –and she had obviously took her belongings too –meaning that she really had left the manor. As soon as he realized that, panic and annoyance crept up to his heart and he hurriedly dashed out of the living room. He bumped into his moon guardian on the way and chose the opportunity to pose her the question. "Ruby Moon, do you see Tomoyo?"
"Tomoyo-chan has just left, Master. She said sorry because she had a sudden important meeting with her college friend and –" Ruby sighed once she realized that continuing her explanation wouldn't provide her Master the reassurance. "Why don't you just call her cell phone?"
"You're right," he agreed. Eriol took his own cell phone from his pants' pocket and dialed the number he had memorized. He thought that the girl wouldn't answer his call or just would simply reject it, yet his suspicions were proven wrong once he heard Tomoyo's voice from the other end of the line.
"Yes, Eriol?"
"Where are you? Why did you suddenly leave without telling me?"
"…I already told Nakuru-san. I have to meet my friend. I'm currently on the way to her."
"But couldn't you just wait?"
Tomoyo didn't reply.
The silence told him that something was not right. He supposed he was used to women and their mood swings, but Tomoyo was one of the few women who could handle mood swings well enough. It wasn't that he had never encountered her in the PMS mode or something, but she usually was more reasonable. So, Eriol found it confusing that she was acting as if she had a silent grudge towards him.
"Are you alright?" he asked cautiously.
"…Yes."
"You're not," he concluded, gripping his cell phone tighter. "Where are you now? I'll just go there and we can have a talk and –"
"Eriol…"
"…Yes, Tomoyo?"
"I think… I need some time alone right now. I don't need a long time. I just…need us to be away from each other for…a week or so."
"Why do you suddenly have the stupid idea to avoid me?"
"It's not stupid."
Eriol sighed. "Fine. Why do you suddenly have the idea to avoid me?"
He could hear a rustling noise through the phone, as though Tomoyo suddenly clutched her phone tighter. "I just… need some time to think, Eriol."
"Think about what?" he questioned –honestly confused. "Does your little thinking session require you to stay away from me?"
"Yes."
He hadn't expected it, but her answer had torn at his heart in a way more painful than he had imagined. Sighing, he asked again. "Did I do anything wrong?"
The reply was soft and weak –almost as if she was defeated. "No, you didn't."
"Then why? Do you hate me?"
"No…"
"Then –"
"Please, Eriol. I just need time to think. And I want to be alone. And I don't want you to go search for me. And I surely hope that you would not spy over me with your Magic Mirror or something this time."
"But –"
"Please."
He sighed deeply before finally murmuring a very reluctant 'Fine'.
"Thank you," Tomoyo spoke earnestly. "Well, until then," she announced and abruptly ended the call.
Eriol could only gaze at his phone with anxiety growing inside.
He had often experienced how it felt to suddenly have Daidouji Tomoyo out of his life.
The first time was… well, after he left Tomoeda a long time ago to London. Back then, she was a mere kind-hearted friend –one that didn't have any magic and thus didn't hold any strong bond with him. While parting to a good friend was regretful, Eriol had taken it easily. There hadn't been anything attaching him to Tomoeda (or her) and so, it had been easy to continue his life without her presence for the following years until he reached the age of 21.
The second time was when he suddenly had to welcome Mizuki Kaho, who also came to Tomoeda. He had disappeared from her life for around 3 weeks, and he still vaguely remembered the fidgety sensation and discomfort of not having the raven-haired girl around him. But it had not felt that much of a trouble either.
The third time was after she discovered the little secret he had hidden. It had been a month full of regret, sorrow, and guilt. It had felt terrible, but at least, to ease his burden, he had always watched over her from his Magic Mirror –trying to ensure her safety and well being every passing day.
But at the moment?
She was gone, out of his life again. Only worse.
That moment, he didn't know where she was, nor was he allowed to find out.
That moment, he made a promise to really let her be alone. This would mean that he would undoubtedly be filled with (more) guilt and worries.
And foremost, that moment, he knew that losing her brought a deep wound because he knew that he cared deeply about the girl.
It agitated him.
Eriol sighed and cast a spell to summon the magical Hour Glass. Once it appeared before his eyes, he carefully took a firm grip on the object and examined it. The golden sand granules were almost filling the bottom glass –there was only little amount of sands remaining in the top glass.
It instantly explained 2 things:
First, that Tomoyo had undergone the Curse too many times already. She had experienced too many bad luck (although he tried to make sure of her safety through the entire time) and was still patient and strong enough to bear it.
Second, he knew that she was beginning to fall for him.
Months prior, if he had found this piece of news, he would have had a satisfied grin on his face–knowing that his plan was working. He wouldn't have felt any kind of guilt –for he knew that he would erase the girl's memory anyway. He would have been happy that he finally had the chance to love the one he wanted to love.
But at the moment…
He wasn't that sure.
The satisfied grin was replaced by a tired, frowning face. Guilt was forever present and the happiness…
What happiness?
To finally be happy while he knew someone else he cared a lot for had to suffer because of it?
No.
He knew he would never feel that kind of happiness.
The early signs were present too.
It was exactly a week after she bid her 'farewell' that Tomoyo showed up again to meet him at his manor.
After seeing the purple-eyed woman, Eriol's first reaction was surprise. He knew that it was 7 days already and that he should have expected her coming. But a part of him just believed that she would never want to meet him again. Thus, he needed a couple more seconds before he could finally comprehend the whole situation and let the woman enter his residence. He guided her towards the living room and motioned for her to sit.
"How are you doing?" Tomoyo asked casually once she seated herself on the couch.
Eriol, who was currently more rigid than a wooden doll, just replied awkwardly. "Fine… I guess."
"I'm glad," she said with a smile.
He nodded and he waited.
7 whole seconds.
Finally, she opened her mouth to speak again. "I've been doing a lot of thinking the whole week."
"And…"
"I've come to a hypothesis. A very simple guess."
"…What guess?"
Tomoyo then sighed. "I'm not sure whether it's true or not… so, I need to test it first."
"Test?" he felt rather stupid for repeating her words again. But any other sensations were quickly erased once he sensed it.
Her lips on his.
Her lips were soft, yet very addictive –like the rest of her. Her natural warmth and strawberry scent both comforted him and set him on fire at the same time. He had been surprised at first, but following his instinct, Eriol then snaked his arm around the girl's waist and pressed her closer to his body. And it was in that kiss that he realized how much he had missed her, how much he wanted to be with her.
If he had noticed, he would have realized sooner that there was something more than a mere expression of craving and care in that kiss.
In a magical way, Eriol sensed that his Sun Key suddenly shone bright, and the sudden discovery made Tomoyo slowly end the kiss.
The magician flushed as red as a tomato and he had slight trouble deciding which one was more important: to hide his obvious blush (a futile attempt, actually) or to pay attention towards the bright key. Tomoyo pointed and signaled to him that he really should have prioritized the shining key first, and he obeyed.
The key was floating in the air, still as bright, and Eriol instinctively touched the object. The glimmer and shine on the key immediately died once his pale hand touched it.
"Command the Cursed Hour Glass to appear," uttered Tomoyo softly. It slightly amazed him that she (the ordinary, non-magic girl) instructed him (the reincarnation of a great sorcerer) to do something that involved magic in it. But he trusted her enough to summon the Hour Glass –the symbol of the Curse he bore within. Once the summoning spell was done; the magical Hour Glass appeared, yet he found that he was almost afraid to touch and examine it.
Because he had the feeling…
That he would lose something precious.
Tomoyo chuckled softly at his reluctance and she gently caressed his cold hand –calming him. "It's alright."
With that, he finally had the courage to take a closer look at the Hour Glass.
All of the sand granules were filling the bottom part of the glass.
There wasn't even the tiniest granule of sand in the top part.
Eriol parted his mouth slightly because of this as he began to realize what it meant.
Tomoyo was the one who spoke the conclusion. "You're free. The curse is lifted."
His time seemed to pause.
…
He couldn't exactly describe the feeling, that inner turmoil that he was having inside. It was the mixture of relief, confusion, and yet foremost…
Emptiness.
This was what he had been dreaming –this was his ambition. For this goal, he didn't know how many times he had forced himself to be the villain. He had hurt too many hearts, he had hoped too high, he had thought that it had been impossible to get rid of the curse, and he had sacrificed many –too many – to have the little wish fulfilled. Now his dream came into reality…
And yet, he couldn't decipher which expression he should be expressing.
Happiness?
Regret?
Eriol blamed himself for even doubting what he should do. Of course, he should have been happy, but he…
…He couldn't.
"Congratulations," Tomoyo spoke, and it was that voice which resumed the time that froze around him again.
He looked up and saw her smiling truthfully, yet sadly.
The only reply he could mutter was "How?"
The raven-haired lady leaned back to the couch when she replied, "Funny how the Clow's reincarnation asked me instead. But I guess, the answer is already obvious."
He stared at her. Contrary of his first inquiry, Eriol almost begged her not to say it.
She ignored his silent plea and spoke it with determination. "It's because I'm already in love with you."
Eriol paused, and for a moment his attention was dragged back to the Hour Glass.
It broke.
Instead of sharp shards of glass or golden sands spluttering everywhere, the Hour Glass broke into countless tiny little sparkles, glimmering beautifully for some seconds before disappearing.
Just like that.
Just that easy.
He blinked in disbelief and she began again, "That's the proof. Your curse is gone."
"No, it can't be…" he muttered unconsciously.
"You saw the sand had all fallen to the bottom part. You saw that the Hour Glass has disappeared. They are proof."
"I-It's impossible… There must be some kind of mistake."
"No, it's not a mistake." Tomoyo sighed. "The curse will be lifted once you make a girl fall in love with you, right? I know my own feeling, and yes, I truly am in love with you."
Eriol gritted his teeth at this. He couldn't wash out the feeling of helplessness inside. And he didn't know why, but he kept on forcing himself to deny the certain fact, because Daidouji Tomoyo couldn't be in love with him. She shouldn't.
"This must be a misunderstanding," he voiced out. "I must research it in Clow's book, I have to figure out what's –"
"Eriol."
He sighed and looked up at her.
Tomoyo patiently repeated once again, "The Curse is gone. You are free now."
"I…"
"You'll have the life that you've been dreaming for."
"Tomoyo –"
"You don't need to be afraid to hurt anybody now."
"Listen –"
"You finally can be together with Mizuki-san and –"
"What about you?" he interrupted.
There was a couple seconds of silence and Tomoyo almost couldn't think of what to say. Almost. "Me? Well, I'll just…move on with my life. I know it would be hard and I'm sure that I will need time to heal, but I'm sure I can do it."
"Tomoyo…" he pleaded. To see her like this, to see how…selfless and strong that woman was… it made him feel so ashamed of himself.
"Don't give me that look, Eriol. I'll be alright. I am a Daidouji. And Daidoujis are much stronger than you think."
Eriol stared at her in disbelief. "…I don't understand…. Doesn't it hurt?"
Yes, it did. To her, none of the bad luck, none of the physical pain (if any –since he was always there to protect her), none of any embarrassment, none of any pain could hurt her more than such an unrequited love.
Perhaps… her love was her curse.
She noticed that the blue-eyed sorcerer was waiting for her to reply his question. Oh, how she wanted to lie, but she realized that this man would always be able to see through any of her lies.
So she told him the truth.
"I never said that it doesn't."
And at the mention of this, his resolution strengthened. He lunged forward, pressing his cold hand on her forehead and began to cast several mantras. She couldn't comprehend what, but she had the feeling that she knew what it was.
"No!" Tomoyo shouted as she slapped Eriol's hand off her forehead. "Y-you're trying to erase my memory, aren't you?"
He managed to keep it calm on the outside. "…I'm not going to let you feel anymore pain."
"I don't want you to erase any of my memory," she spoke without any deterrence.
If moments prior he had gazed at her in disbelief, now he gazed at her as if she came from another planet. "Y-you said… you love me," he murmured –the last part was spoken in barely a whisper.
"Yes. I do."
"And… you want me to be with Kaho?"
Tomoyo nodded. "Because I know that will make you happy."
"But if I do that… you'll be left alone… you'll feel pain…"
"I will," she admitted. "It's…" and for the first time, her calm exterior broke, her voice cracked. "It is even painful now."
He hated to see her like this. He hated to see her cry. He hated to see her in pain. "Then why?"
She wiped a single tear that had rolled down her cheek and tried to compose herself again. "Because I love you. And I will be happy as long as the person I love is happy."
Eriol stared incredulously at the heiress and felt an unpleasant sensation that resembled wrath boil up inside him. "It's not the time to be stuck on your pointless and stupid idealistic principle!" he snapped. Half of him hated himself for snapping at the girl, but the other half just convinced him that she deserved it. Daidouji Tomoyo surely needed someone to knock some sense into her thick head.
"…I believe in that pointless and stupid idealistic principle, Eriol."
He was taken a back. He could feel his fist clenched tight; his own blunt nails pressed hard –almost making his hand bleed. "But you are hurt…" he said while looking down. "I can not… I can never let you be hurt. After all that I've done to you… After all pain that I've created for you… Shit, Tomoyo. At least…let me erase your memory! You don't deserve to feel any pain. You don't deserve to remember someone like me. You –"
"Please," she said, and another reluctant tear fell down on her cheek again. "Don't erase my memory."
"But –"
"Please…"
…
…
His throat felt dry and his head felt heavy… so heavy…
And his heart…
His heart cried…
How could someone ever have the courage and kindness Daidouji Tomoyo truly possessed?
How could it be that he was bound to hurt such golden heart?
Hiiragizawa Eriol often admitted that he was a selfish man. Even to Kaho or even to Sakura, he would often force things to get what he truly wanted.
But for the first time ever, he was willing to think of another person more than he thought about himself.
"Why don't you ask me to love you?" he inquired.
"I won't." Tomoyo sighed.
Why don't you ask for my heart? I will give it.
"You love Mizuki-san. And I know you don't love me. Love is not something that you can force, Eriol."
Even if you ask for my life, I will give it…
"So, I won't ask you to love me. I'm happy to love you like this. I won't ask for anything more. Foremost, I won't ask for something that is clearly not there," she whispered.
Just ask, and I will give you anything in this world…
"It's enough for me to love you…" Tomoyo took a deep sigh, her violet eyes showed clear determination, and her mouth spoke in a final tone, "It's enough."
Eriol was silenced, his heart frozen, and time seemed to pause again. He couldn't stop or even murmur a single protest when Tomoyo finally stood up and walked out of his mansion. He wanted to hold that hand, he wanted to hug her, kiss her, but…
Another touch and she would possibly break even more.
So he only pried his eyes off and let her slip away
Out of his life.
: : To Be Continued : :
A/n : I'm SO sorry for slacking off again. My beta has actually sent me the revision since a long time ago, but it was the lazy me who couldn't exactly find the time to edit this chapter. I am so sorry to all of you, especially to Aoi Itsuki. I know that it's the holiday season already and I should have all the time in the world. But since I'm chosen as a team member for a competition, I really am not supposed to have my 'other life'. And yes, that means my time in front my computer will mostly be limited to research for the competition. I'll still try to find the convenient time to keep updating this fic (rest assured, I won't leave you hanging here –unless computer viruses attack my laptop and destroy my files), but I just wanna say I'm sorry for my slow update…