Another somewhat short chapter! I was just lazy earlier this week and didn't want to proof read both =X I'll make up for it next chapter though I promise! I'm pretty happy with this chapter, it gave Nathan a chance to really vocalize some emotion that's been building since he met Edward - and also shows some consequences of their relationship since he isn't your standard human.

So I'm outlining for some future chapters - and I really can't decide if I want to have the James/Laurent/Victoria Coven included in some sort of conflict. If you have any thoughts on this either way lemme know! =D

Enjoy!

Edward

There was no time to enjoy my meal. In the ten minutes I'd been here, I utterly gorged myself on blood. It took several full-sized elk to satiate my hunger, the entire time my mind on Nathan. I tried to fight the fantasy of Nathan's blood flowing through my mouth; rather than some animal's. The perverted thought disgusted made me hate myself even more.

My hands gripped the elk's neck with unwavering strength while the animal slowly died. I wiped the food from my mouth, ascending uncomfortably. I glutted myself such a short period hoping that it would make his scent more bearable. This tenacious connection between Nathan and I was so…wrong. Every part of me ached to kill him in his presence, and yet my life felt so much more complete when I was around him. Just knowing that he was a part of my life caused emotions that I had believed were dormant until several days ago.

The cliché sounded like a line straight out of a Jane Austen novel. My legs carried me as fast as they could throughout the forest while my mind stayed preoccupied. I flashed back to Nathan's thoughts while I, regrettably, had to hunt. Did he really skitter off into the forest? Impossible – he was far too injured to go any great distance. Then again – Nathan had the uncanny ability to do exactly what I expected him not to. And apparently, what was the most dangerous path.

If I truly did care about Nathan – I would leave him. Simply accept the fact that both of us are unnatural creatures and leave. He would eventually forget me over time, he was mostly human afterall. I'd had but one conversation with him and he ended up in critical condition.

Imagine if something, anything developed between us. hurting him made me flinch from a pain that wasn't at all physical. Perhaps the more appropriate question would be if I was even capable of staying away from him. Had he put a sort of spell over me, made it impossible for me to say no? Did he have this affect on everyone? The rest of my family noticed the intensity of his scent – however it didn't affect them the way it had me.

I'd reached a familiar part of the forest – I was minutes away at this point.

Alice's thoughts appeared loudly although it was Nathan whom I was searching for.

Nathan sat there huddled at the brim of the woods just outside of our house. So he did try to leave. Unbelievable.

Alice had gone to him soon after I left. I knew he intended on leaving our house – but I didn't really think he would actually do it. Perhaps just teenage melodrama. Apparently not. I'm sorry Edward – But I knew you wouldn't want him to leave. Alice apologized.

Alice was incredibly difficult to surprise – but I could feel the sense of shock when she saw Nathan's eyes at that moment. His eyes carried a misery that I'd never seen before. The color of his eyes were intensified by the crystal droplets that fell freely from them. The whiteness of his eyes remained pure and unnatural even in the midst of his sobs. This creature…even consumed by angst he was beautiful.

I couldn't watch anymore. I needed to see him? Where was he?

Frantically, I scanned for his thoughts, every inch of me hoping he hadn't closed himself from me – although I guessed that he was in no state to do so.

Found him.

Nathan's thoughts continued to grow and evolve from the dark spiral earlier. The image of my face continued to reappear in the cluster of images – only to be replaced by intense regret

I stopped about ten feet short of him and began to move at a human speed. Those ten feet seemed like eons. I could see his back trembling from the sobs, and yet even with my acute hearing I heard nothing. What was his past like – where he had to learn to mourn in absolute silence?

I took a seat next to him – careful to keep a safe distance. Nathan paid no attention to me; he was drowning in misery

How could I talk to him after what I'd done?

A fresh cascade of tears began to fall while his mouth jerked slightly in an attempt to fight off the emotion.

"Nathan…"

His breathing faltered at the sound of my voice.

"You did nothing wrong. You need to stop thinking like that."

Nathan's thoughts carried a certain clarity at my words – unlike the glossiness before. What I'd said was the catalyst for rage that had been building for much longer than this very long hour. Now that rage was directed toward me…For once – a small part of me was afraid. That fear reminded me that… I wasn't the only monster here.

"Don't you get it?" he laughed without humor.

"These feelings you have for me – I made you feel them." The agony evident in eyes pierced right through me. I didn't need to hear his thoughts – he was not trying to me with his small speech; but himself.

"Every part of me wants you. Just being this close to you and being unable to touch you…its unbearable. I've never wanted anyone before…I must be forcing you." He spit out the last words.

"Its just what I am" he finished, making sure to utter every last syllable.

How could I prove to him …

"Do you remember the first day?" I asked.

My question was intentionally vague – but I watched the image flashed through his memory like a video tape. I would never forget that day – even though he was human…something told me he would never forget it either.

"Yes." He said apprehensively.

"Why did you drop your illusion that day? When we made eye contact?"

It was unmistakable. Part of him wanted his theory to be true. Admittedly, so did I…it would be so much easier to ignore him knowing that these emotions that were awoken were not of my own doing.

However, we both knew that wasn't the case. From the moment we set eyes on each other, from his addicting scent, to his unnatural attraction to me. We wouldn't be able to fight this. How could anyone fight something so right?

The moment flashed before my eyes, this wasn't my memory, but Nathan's. When we made eye contact he seemed stunned – the infatuation manifested itself immediately. The sensation that flowed through him was identical to mine.

"I wish I had the power to leave…" I began

A new form of panic rushed through his eyes.

Please no. I knew he would leave me. I knew it. How can I live with this…I've only known him for a couple of days, but life without him seems impossible.

No. He's right.

This is what I deserve – my kind isn't meant to love.

Love? Is that what I felt?

Nathan didn't dare speak after my last comment.

"But I can't."

"You…can't?" His told held a mixture of confusion and chagrin.

I reached for his hand, ignoring it when he pulled his hands closer to his lap. I took the hand and felt the electricity run up and my palm. Fighting the sensation to close my eyes in pleasure "I don't want to stay away from you. Whatever we have…it feels too good to ignore."

"I'm sorry, Edward. What I did is unforgivable..."

The tears began to fall again while his mind continued to explore the dark spirals of emotion. Without any warning I wrapped my arms around him delicately in embrace. His scent enveloped around me. I had to be careful not to squeeze him too tight – but just enough to give him the comfort he needed. The thirst was just as powerful as it always had been – and yet my will to fight it intensified. There wasn't any other option. I'd made my choice, no matter how selfish and irresponsible that choice may be.

Nathan melted into my grasp. I could hear his heart rate slowly ease; his breathing relaxed. The warmth radiating from him heated me to my very core. His thoughts focused on my scent while he buried his face in my chest. Was he hiding something from me?

Safe…

"What are you thinking?" Even when he wasn't blocking his thoughts they were incredibly difficult to read.

"I thought you could read my thoughts?" He said, not looking up from my chest.

"You seem to have an uncanny ability to leave me in the dark" I smiled.

"This is the safest I've ever felt." He whispered, so quiet a human probably wouldn't have heard it.

Was he suicidal? Apparently he has no sense of self-preservation, he was in the grasp of the predator of all predators and felt safe. Utterly foolish. My posture must have changed. If Nathan had done anything since I'd met him, it was prove to me that I wasn't nearly in control as I had once thought. Of course he noticed. I had less than a second to think of a reply

Nathan ascended from my chest to look at me in the eyes; the soreness from the tears disappearing from his face as quickly as they'd appeared. Something so small…and yet so very unhuman…

"Did I say something?" Concern thick in his voice.

The truth? The truth was very rarely the preferable answer, any human would be partial to the lie I lived. The beautiful and very deep lie. 'He isn't all human' I reminded myself, and took the risk.

"You are in the most danger when you are with me…" I tried with great difficulty to keep the sorrow out of my tone – I knew I failed.

"You won't hurt me." He said with unyielding confidence.

"Didn't you see how close I was to losing control earlier?" Nathan was perceptive – surely he knew why I had reacted in such a way.

"But you didn't."

"That isn't the point."

"The point is, it doesn't matter." Nathan said. How quickly sadness turned into irritation with him.

"It doesn't matter?" I hissed – pulling him away.

"It doesn't matter." Nathan rebelled indignantly.

Don't pull away he whined. He gave me a pleading look, keeping his eyes wide enough while still managing to furrow his brow. Nathan seemed to have perfected the technique, and knew he had won the battle before it even started. I smiled in defeat, being angry at him seemed impossible.

"Promise me something." I said, giving him the full weight of my gaze.

"Anything" he blurted out. Shouldn't have said that.

I ignored it, I wouldn't reprimand him for his thoughts.

"Never think like that again…"

Well I can't lie…before he started thinking in Cantonese again. I'd already ordered tapes that would hopefully help me learn Cantonese – would be my 13th language, I can't imagine it being too difficult. But why did he say he literally can't lie? It seemed like a bizarre way to phrase things.

He looked at me and smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "You don't need to worry about that."

Dodging the answer again. I suppose I have no choice but to phrase it so he can't avoid the question. Nathan was unnaturally opposed to lying.

"You seem to be very capable of avoiding uncomfortable subjects." I let the suspicion echo in my voice.

Nathan fidgeted slightly on the dirt ground hoping that I would just drop the subject. He wouldn't be so lucky, Nathan didn't know how stubborn I could be…

"Why can't you lie?"

Straight-forward, I would have an answer.

"Sidhe don't lie." Nathan answered, and I knew this conversation was over.

"Later?" I asked, unleashing my own pouty gaze. I'd never really had to resort to such tactics, but was fairly confident that he wouldn't be able to resist.

"Fine." He snapped.

Nathan rubbed his arms to maintain a level of warmth. How hadn't I thought of this earlier? It was early November, probably 50 degrees outside and he'd been sitting here for at least two hours. No jacket, just a sweater. Nathan really was insistent on testing his mortality.

"Lets get you inside? Its cold out." I suggested and stood a moment later holding my hands out to him. He took them both welcomly while I pulled him up, careful not to pull too fast and dislocate his shoulder.

Even if he wasn't completely human, he was just as fragile. I would never be able to lose control with him - even for a second. In the end though, it didn't even matter. I wouldn't have any other alternative…his humanity was a part of him that I loved just as much as the rest of him, and I wouldn't take that away.

"Let me carry you." I demanded.

"No."

I concentrated on the warmth of his hand on mine while we walked at a glacial pace toward my house. Nathan and I walked in silence, neither of us thinking of anything in particular. The quiet was a relief, there was no crisis we had to deal with; a welcome change.

"Nathan?"

"Yea?"

I hesitated – even though I'd read about it thousands of times – no book can fully describe the fear that was deep in my throat before I said those very precious words.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

At that moment, I swore that as long as I existed in this unnatural life, that I would love and protect Nathan with all of my being.