"Lucas" I whispered into his shoulder as he combed his fingers through my tangled hair. I longed for the feel of his touch. A feeling that I'll never get to feel again... Pain shot through me just at that thought. I ignored it and showed it away from my mind as I gently pulled away from our embrace after a few seconds. "What did I do, Lucas?" I muttered.

"What do you mean?" He frowned and let his hand fall from my hair

I tried to meet his eyes but he didn't meet mine "Lucas, I need you to know this life wasn't my choice and neither was yours. I never would ever choose this for either of us and I know that you know that but what I don't is why you are acting this way? Did I-"

"Bianca, I love you. I know that this choice wasn't in your hands and I'm not blaming you for anything" he grabbed my wrists with his hands. His grip hurting more than it should "I swear that I'm not" he locked his dark green eyes with my pale greyish blue ones "It's just I'm not who I was before and I just don't want you to see me this way"

I looked at him quizzically "What do you mean?"

"I'm a" he swallowed. "A vampire, Bianca. Not even half a vampire like you where. I kill hurt innocent people. I ruin their lives- actually end them. This I why I never wanted to be who I am now and even though I was in the Black Cross and all, I was still protecting people"

"You could never hurt anyone, Lucas-"

"I could hurt you" his eyes gazing deep into mine like they were staring right into me, looking into my soul- that is if I even had one. "I just never wanted you to see me this way. Ever. Once it comes over, the thirst, I know I can't control it Bianca"

"I trust you" I said. He couldn't hurt me though, even if he wanted to. I'm pretty sure blood is not exactly what runs through a ghost's veins. "You'll always be my Lucas no matter what and nothing can change that" I trailed my finger down his cheek.

He gave me a sad, soft smile. "I love you"

I took his hand in mine. "I love you too with all my heart and I'm not going to stop fighting now and neither are you. We'll find a way to make it through this" he instinctively started leaned forward toward me. Caught in the moment, I also got and automatically started leaning forward, my face inches from his. Our lips brushed each other's lightly and suddenly Lucas stumbled backwards like he'd been electrified.

"Oh crap" I muttered "I forgot..."

"Forgot what?" his eye still wide in shock, his back was pressed against the banister.

"That we can't mix DNA"

"Mix DNA?" he titled his head like he was puzzled.

"Yeah what I mean is that we can touch" I a step towards him and held his hand to prove it "But we can't make out basically kiss because we are kind of mixing DNA..." my voice trailed off. "My point is" I took a deep breath to stop my voice from crackling "We can't kiss without you being shock waved. I don't know why, I don't how, I just know"

He ran his hands threw his dark golden hair. I couldn't read his expression but it looked like it was caught between confusion, frustration, sadness and anger. Suddenly he spoke again "Well, this just keeps getting better. So what you're saying is that I'm never going to get to kiss you ever again?"

"It's not forever" I hope I added in my head "Just for now"

"For now?"

"Until we get this situation sorted out" I sighed. "I'm praying Miss. Bethany will know or my mum and dad or someone at Evernight" I wasn't even sure if it was possible to be brought back from the dead?...

"Well, while we're on the topic, is there anything else I need to know?" a crease appeared in the middle of his forehead and his jaw was clenched tight together.

"Only that I love you" I smiled and took his hand in mine "And that this life sucks"

"You got that right" he chuckled "And I love you too but really, I'm being serious here, is there anything else- any more guidelines or rules or whatever?"

"None that I know"

Lucas eyes met mine as a moment of silence wrapped around us. He eyes drifted from face all the way down my body like he was studying me. I found myself doing the same. I noticed that his skin was paler, his eyes looked shaper and he looked... fiercer but apart from that he still looked like Lucas. My Lucas. A creak from the top of the stairs caught our attention.

Balthazar looked down at us, tiredness spread through his face "Am I interrupting something?" he voice shook like he'd been crying which was so weird when you think about it. Balthazar always appeared so strong on the outside but maybe on the inside there was more to him.

Lucas's perfect voice interrupted my thoughts "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Honestly?" Balthazar raised an eyebrow "I don't know but I'm just going now" he started to push pass us but Lucas's hand caught his wrist and pressed Balthazar's body to the banister. Balthazar tried to push back again Lucas's grasp but he was so weak that it was too easy for Lucas to hold his neck with his hand and push him harder against the banister. A low growl escaped from Lucas. His eyes turned cold and wild almost hungry. He opened his mouth, his fangs ready to strike.

"Lucas!" I shrieked. He didn't even notice that I said anything. He leaned down closer to Balthazar's neck. I heard Lucas whispered something that sounded like 'blood'...

I walked towards Lucas and grasped his shoulder hard and used all my strength to pull him back. His eyes felt so distant looking into mine. So cold. "What the freaking hell are you doing?" I shook him.

"I" he looked at me. "I- don't know" His voice shook. The hunger slowly faded from his eyes and his face relaxed. He took in a shaky breath. "I don't know" he whispered. I leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck. He didn't pull away. "I don't know" he whispered into my hair. "I could smell it... the blood and then I couldn't control it"

I raked my hands through his hair. "It's okay" I whispered "It's okay. We'll get through this" he pulled back and placed his hands on my waist and leaned his forehead against mine.

"I'm so sorry" he ran his finger down my cheek.

"I don't think I'm the one you should be apologizing to" he looked puzzled for a second before realising that Balthazar was still in the room.

Lucas pulled away gently, his hand on my waist. "Look man, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. The blood was so... strong" Lucas's eyes flitted down to the bright blue vein on Balthazar's neck.

"Lucas?" I turned to face him. I held his face in my hands. "You okay?"

Lucas eyes flicked back to me "I don't know" his eyes showed that he was being completely truthful.

"Hey guys, is everything okay?" I recognised Vic's voice before he even reached us. His footsteps became louder as he made his way up the stairs. "Oh" he looked at all three for a second when he reached the top. He stood there taking in the site. Lucas with his arms around my hips, Balthazar with his back pressed against the banister looking a bit stunned.

"Vic" I said slowly. I felt Lucas's body tense up next to me.

"So you guys made up?" Vic's eyes flashed between Lucas and me.

Lucas held me tighter to his chest "Huh? We never were-"

"Yeah sure" Vic ran his hand through his hair "Hey, you okay?" he looked at Blathazar.

"Yeah" Balthazar pulled away from the banister. "I'm fine" he made his way down the stairs leaving Vic, Lucas and I on the top of the stairs.

"What happened?" Vic asked.

"It's nothing-" I started but got cut off by Lucas.

"I'm sorry but I need to get out of here" Lucas pulled away from me and started jogging down the stairs in vampire speed.

"What's with him?" Vic looked at me. It hit me. Human blood smell was stronger than vampire blood or at least that's what my parents told me.

"It's the blood. It's so strong too him" I tried my best to explain it to Vic but he looked a bit bewildered. "Lucas is a new vampire; the smell would stronger for him. It's hard for him to stay in control. Human's blood has a stronger smell than a vampires but still he would still be in pain trying to bear it"

"Is that what happened with Balthazar?"

"I didn't let it get that far" I stepped a step down. "I need to go check on Lucas" Vic didn't say anything and just let me pass him. I ran the rest of the way down the stairs into the basement. Lucas was standing next to the bed with a stake pointed to his chest. I wondered where'd he get the stake from but that was one of the least of my concerns.

"Lucas" I started and his head jerked up at the sound of my voice. "Put the stake down"

"I can't do this anymore" his voice trembled. His whole body trembled. "I don't want to do this anymore"

I stepped forward, closer to him. "Just put the stake down" I wanted pull the stake right out of his hands put knowing his vampire reflexes something really bad might happen in the process. "You can do this Lucas, just put the stake down" I took another cautious step to him "We'll talk this through once you put the stake down"

"But I don't want to"

"I want you to" I said

"I don't want to hurt anyone"

"You won't hurt anyone" I was just a metre from him "You'll them more if you die now" He'll hurt me the most.

"I am dead" he looked at me like he was stating the obvious.

"I don't know what got into you but just put the stake down"

"Why should I?"

"Lucas just hold on honey, just till we get sanctuary in Evernight and then we'll talk to Miss Bethany and we'll be out this mess"

"You don't know that" he shook his head.

"No, I don't but I believe that" I stepped a tiny bit closer "And I believe we can make it through this and I also believe that you'll put the stake down for me"

He looked at me and lowered the stake a bit.

"For me?" I asked again. "Put the stake down for me" the stake slipped from his fingers and relief flooded through me. "Thank you"

"You okay?" I asked.

We stood in silence before Lucas spoke again "I want to go"

"Where?" I brought both my eyebrows together.

"I want to leave tonight"

"Where exactly?"

"Evernight"

"It's the night, Lucas. We'll go first in the morning, I swear just not now please. Not tonight" too much had happened today. I needed to think everything through. Lucas seemed to sense my mood and didn't argue.

He lay down on the bed and stretched his arms above his head "Will she accept me?"

"Who?" I sat down next to him.

"Will Miss Bethany offer me sanctuary after all I've done?" his question caught me off guard. Honestly, that had never crossed my mind before. Would she forgive him? Lucas didn't mean or do any harm while he was at Evernight. He just wanted to find out the truth, she couldn't punish him for that.

I leant back down against the bed. "All you wanted was the truth, you didn't hurt anyone"

"Actually I did. You know with dad and..." his voice trailed.

"I won't let her" I prayed I sounded confident for Lucas's sake. "My parents are there and I'll convince them or something to let you stay. They owe me that much"

"They owe you more than that" he brought his hand to my face and brushed a strand of hair my face.

After another silent moment I asked "How are you?"

"I'm dead"

"Lucas" I groaned "You know what I mean. How's life now? Is clearer? Can you hear better?"

"It's different. You know the times you bit me and the next day I could hear everything and everything so bright- it's sort of like that but much worse especially when there's...people around"

"You'll get through this" I said "I'm here with you every step of the way" I twined my fingers in his and cuddled against him and closed my eyes, knowing that tomorrow would be one hell of a day.

XXXXXXX

"Is that everything?" Vic examined the bags in the boot of the car.

"Yeah!" I said as I slid into the backseat next to Lucas. He was tense. Really tense. His face looked strained. It almost hurt to look at him. "Don't think about it" I whispered.

"Maybe I should only go" he squeezed my hand really tight that it hurt.

"It's only you, me and Balthazar, okay? One car ride to Evernight and that's all it is" I said. "Just don't think about it"

Lucas looked at me "You could get hurt"

"I could but I won't"

"But-" Lucas was cut off by the slam of the boot causing the car to shake.

"Let's go people!" Vic yelled.

"Shush!" I opened my car door "Can you please keep it down? It's five in the morning"

"Sorry Binks" he winked me. "How's Lucas?"

"He's holding up" I nodded.

"Okay well be safe and don't get yourself killed...again" he sighed. "I'll see you Bianca and pass that on to Lucas too, okay?" he gave me a sad farewell smile.

I nodded and shut the door. "Vic says bye" I said to Lucas whose head was pressed against the window. "Honey, you okay?" he just nodded and pulled me closer to him. He wrapped me in his arms tight. "I love you" I whispered "No matter what happens, I'll always love you"

"Love you" Lucas looked at me with sad, hopeful eyes.

"You guys do know that I'm in the car right?" Balthazar turned around in the driver seat to look at us with a look that I couldn't really interpret.

"Just drive" Lucas said not even looking up at him to acknowledge his presence.

Balthazar shot him a glare before turning around and reversing out of the driveway. I pulled on my seatbelt and buckled it and Lucas clasped his. Our fingers brushed together at the same time and we both looked up each other at the same time with the same hopeful look in our eyes.

Sorry I'm kinda ending it at a weird place now... Did this chapter confuse you? Was everything happening to fast? I don't know and I need you tell me wheter it was,please!

I know I gave you a super long wait but I did make it up with a long chapter of weirdness right?

Anyways, Thank you so much for reading! And to all those amazing people who added me to their alert and favourite lists. A massive thank you to all the awesome people who dedicated 5 seconds of their life to write a review (you guys rock!)! And a huge thank you to XinLovewiththeSpernaturalXx who sent me some pretty cool ideas for this story!

The amazing Claudia Grey owns the breath-talking Evernight Series (I just own the plot for this fanfic and my laptop!)

Oh and Afterlife by Claudia Grey is expected to come out sometime in March this year!