John looked at her open mouthed
`You look beautiful `, he said
Angel smiled at him unable to answer.
`It's all right honey, really , I do understand`, he said
`I know , and that's what makes this so hard`, Angel said softly.
`They should be back by tomorrow evening`, he said.
`Oh John , I love you so much`, she said as she threw herself into his arms.
John held her , closer and tighter and let her bury her head in his shoulder as she started to cry.
`We can do this honey, we talked about it , and right now this is the best thing for you`, he said,
`Then why doesn't it feel like it? She sobbed.
`It will do , in time,` he said `I promise.
Angel nodded and let go of him.
`God I must look a mess`, she said.
John laughed.
`Just a bit, but I love you anyway`, he said. `Now get yourself tidied up and I'll meet you outside when you're ready, okay?
`Okay`, she said.
John smiled at her and then walked towards the front door, turning once to look at her and wishing with all his heart he could make things right for her, and give her
the happiness she so deserved.
….
Craig watched them as they arrived at the mansion knowing that none of them really cared whether they got here or not. They were a day late for Angels departure,
one lousy day, and she was gone without any of them having the chance to say goodbye. Damn life really sucked sometimes. He knew that Chief would withdraw and
accepted the silence, knowing that he would sort things out for himself in his own time, Actor too was quieter than usual, but what bothered him most was Goniff and
Casino. The two of them being quiet was one thing he had not bargained for. It was going to be a long few days, he just hoped that if he kept them busy they could
work their way out of the depression that was setting in.
They opened the door and all stood still as they listened to the silence.
Goniff spoke first.
`Funny ain't it? But you know me mind must be playing tricks on me cos I can smell bacon`, he said.
`That ain't your mind Limey, that's cooking `, said Casino as they both looked at each other and raced towards the kitchen.
`Angel`. They shouted as they saw her standing at the stove.
`Thought you might like breakfast`, she said as she smiled at them.
They raced towards her and both tried to hug her at once.
She pushed them away.
`Go wash up, ` she said `Breakfast will be about fifteen minutes.
They both kissed her cheek and headed out of the kitchen door almost knocking down Chief ,
`Hi`, he said.
`Angel turned and looked at him.
`Hi`, she said `Breakfast in fifteen okay`, she said turning back to the stove.
Actor walked in , took her hand and kissed it.
`If you need anything`, he whispered.
Angel nodded but didn't look at him.
Craig hobbled over to her.
`You alright? she asked as she saw the walking stick and the bandaged hand.
`I was going to ask you the same thing`, he said.
Angel turned and went back to cooking the bacon.
`Angel, talk to me`, he said.
`Can't , not now , not yet, she said tearfully `Please just leave it , let me deal with this my own way, if you try to help I'll fall apart, please just leave me alone`,
`I'm here if you need me`, he said as he touched her shoulder.
Angel nodded and got herself a glass of water and dried her eyes. She heard him shuffle out of the kitchen but did not turn to look at him .
She straightened herself , took a deep breath and went back to her cooking.
….
`What d'you think happened then? Asked Goniff.
`How the hell would I know `, said Casino.
`She's hurtin'`, said Chief to no one in particular.
`Anyone can see that Injun`. Snapped Casino.
`Then perhaps we should just try and keep things as they would have been if none of this had happened `, said Actor, `At least until we know for sure what's going on.
`Good idea`, said Craig from the doorway.
`You shouldn't be up here Warden, Doc told you to be careful, don't think climbing stairs was on the list of things you should be doing.` said Actor.
`Needed to talk to you, said Craig, `She's home , but she's hurting , only just holding it together, won't take much to get her to fall apart , so be careful okay`,
`Not going to be an easy breakfast is it? Asked Casino
`Let's just do our best to get through it, talk about the mission, talk about anything that doesn't have to do with her being here, instead of in the States, `he said.
He looked towards the door as he heard her call them .
`Right , let's try our best not to mess this up shall we? Asked Craig.
They headed downstairs and found themselves looking at a table filled with bacon , eggs , toast, and a pot of coffee,
But Angel was nowhere to be seen.
…
They had been back for two days and Craig again rang the cottage only to get no answer.
`I've given her enough time , I'm going over there`, he told Actor.
`Do you think that's wise? Actor asked
Craig shrugged his shoulders
` I don't know. What the hell am I going to say to her Actor? I know she's hurting but I didn't expect her to stay away this long. She told me to leave her alone,
you think I should do that, let her come to me? He asked.
`I think we should at least make sure that she is all right, then if she needs more time, we can give it to her`, he said.
`Right , you get the jeep , we'll go and see what the hells going on with her,` said Craig.
They pulled up outside the cottage thirty minutes later and Craig stood at the front door deciding whether he should knock or just walk in.
The door opened and Angel looked at them both.
Both men were shocked at what they saw.
She looked awful. Red eyed from crying and exhausted from lack of sleep .Both men tried hard not to stare.
`Suppose you want to come in`, she said, as she turned and walked back into the cottage.
Craig looked around the room in astonishment, it was a mess, with boxes and clothes scattered everywhere.
`What happened,? He asked.
Angel looked at him.
`Oh `, she said as she saw what he was staring at. `Sorry about the mess, brought some things back from London, haven't felt like clearing them away yet`.
`Have you eaten lately? Asked Actor
Angel shrugged her shoulders
`Don't remember, don't think so`, she said.
Actor headed for the kitchen.
`You alright ? Asked Craig.
`Just fine`, she said as she sat down.
`Would it help to talk? He asked.
`Yeah that would make it all better , now wouldn't it? She answered sarcastically.
`Only trying to help`, said Craig.
Angel sighed.
`I know, and I'm sorry to be such a bitch, haven't felt this bad in a long time`, she said tearfully.
`What happened Angel? He asked quietly .
`I made a choice.` she said.
`Between us and him? He asked already knowing the answer.
Angel didn't answer him straight away, but just stared into thin air.
`I loved him Craig, so very much, and if I could have spent the rest of my life over here , I'd have taken my chances in London and to hell with the bombing and I
know we could have been happy, it was just the States seemed so far away and ….
Angel sighed and looked at the floor.
`I just knew, that if I left and one of you got hurt and needed me and I wasn't able to get back to you that I would never forgive myself, I care about all of you
so very much , so we talked and in the end we called the wedding off.` she said.
`We? He asked.
`He understood Craig, and that was the worst thing. If he'd yelled or been angry maybe I would feel better, but he didn't, he understood why I couldn't go ,
said he'd always love me and that he'd wait as long as he needed to for me to decide that I wanted to be with him, Told me that after the war was over, if I still
cared for him then all I had to do was find him,` she said.
`Sound like a very special man`, said Craig.
`You know the only thing he asked was that I try the dress on so he could take a photo , said it would be something for him to carry with him, a hope for the
future`. She said tearfully.
`You could still go to him Angel, if being apart from him is making you this unhappy , then maybe it's not the right thing to do `, said Craig.
`You think I haven't thought of that over the last two days? She asked.
`Sorry honey , just thinking out loud`, he said.
`I need to be here with you , all of you, until the war is over, I know that it's the right thing to do , not just for me , but for all of us. I think I would have died a
little every day if I'd gone with him , just waiting for the telegram that might arrive telling me that one of you was lost or hurt or worse. I couldn't have lived like that
and John realised it. Who knows maybe if I'm very lucky and it's meant to be, then John may just be waiting . It's a chance I have to take and as much as I want to go
to John, I don't think I could ever be truly happy worrying about all of you, always feeling that I should be here with you, just in case anything happened, I would
never forgive myself if you needed me and I wasn't here, we've been through so much together, I should do what feels right, shouldn't I ? She asked.
Before Craig could answer Actor entered the room
Angel turned to look at him as he walked in and put the plate down in front of her.
`Eat`, he said simply.
Angel smiled and wiped the tears away.
`Yes Sir`. She said.
Actor smiled back at her and watched as she slowly ate the sandwich he had made for her.
Angel looked at them both.
`I can eat without being watched you know`, she said.
`I know , it's just that we worry about you too, it goes both ways you know`. He said smiling at her.
Angel sighed.
`I know, and I appreciate it, but there's nothing you can do right now , honestly`, she said.
`Could be there with a hug if you need one`, Craig said seriously
Despite everything Angel found herself smiling back at him.
`Would like that a lot Little Brother`, she said.
`Could take better care of you if you came back to the mansion , you feel like staying with us for a while? Asked Craig hopefully `Being here alone isn't helping now is it?
Angel looked at him shook her head and sighed.
` Okay, providing that you tell Goniff I really don't need mothering`, she said. `I'm going to be fine, it may just take a while. It's not like I'm not going to ever talk
to John again, he's going to call when he's settled and we can still write, I just need a little time now and then , okay.
Craig smiled at her.
`I'll do my best with Goniff, but I can't promise`, he said.
Angel nodded.
`Look I need to clean up here and then get changed and pack a few things, why don't you just pick me up this afternoon? She asked.
`Why don't I just ring for reinforcements and then we'll get done quicker `, he said as he headed for the phone.
`No Craig really , you can't expect them to come and clean`, she said.
`Honey if I tell them the sooner this place is clean the sooner you get to the mansion they'll be here before you can blink`, Craig said.
As Craig left the room Actor came and sat next to her .
`Are you anywhere near to being alright? He asked.
`Of course I'm not`, she said sadly, `But I will be , just give me a little time`.
`You know I am here if you need me, don't you? he asked.
Angel smiled at him and kissed his cheek.
`That is one thing I have always been sure of`, she said as she put her head on his shoulder.
`The troops will be here as soon as they can`, said Craig. `How about coffee while we wait?
`I'll get it`, she said.
Actor made to argue,
`I am still capable of making coffee`, she said,` Now sit`,
Knowing that she needed something to do neither men argued.
…
Angel returned to the mansion but if Craig had hoped that she would be better there he found that he was mistaken.
She had spent the first day in her room , and he had not bothered her, letting her get the sleep he knew she badly needed. Actor continued to tell him to give
her time, but after three days this advice was wearing a little thin, and he was starting to get more concerned about her every day.
`You want coffee Warden? Asked Chief from the doorway.
Craig looked up and nodded his thanks.
Chief came back a few moments later , put his mug on the desk and turned to leave.
`Thought I might take Angel for a walk later if she'll come`, he said.
` Good idea do your best to encourage her to go, it will do her good,` said Craig.
Chief left without saying another word.
Craig smiled in spite of everything, they were all trying so hard to help her, and he knew from experience that this help would eventually drive her crazy.
`Mind if I hide in here? Angel asked as she entered his office .
`Be my guest Honey `, he said smiling.
`If Goniff asks you haven't seen me, okay? She said.
`That bad huh?
`I just need a little piece and quiet, and between him and Casino arguing over who's helping the most , there are slowly driving me crazier than I am already`,
she said smiling.
`Welcome to my world`. He laughed.
Angel chuckled and them gave him a pained look as she heard the knock on the door.
`Hey Warden`, began Goniff. `Oh hi love , been looking for ya`, he said as he saw Angel.
`Goniff , not now`, said Craig.
`Just wanted to know`, continued Goniff.
Craig stood up and walked towards him.
`Goniff, we are in the middle of something, and I'm sure that whatever you want can wait until later, okay? He said firmly as he pushed Goniff gently towards
the door.
`Oh yeah, right Warden, see ya later then`, he said.
Craig looked at her and smiled.
`The things I do for you`, he said
`Much appreciated ,` she said.
Craig took a sip of coffee.
`Alright `, said Angel. `Go ahead and ask .
He looked at her and smiled.
`That obvious huh?
Angel nodded.
`Okay , how are you felling , and the truth would be nice`, he said.
Angel sighed.
`Good times and bad I suppose, sometimes I just get a little tearful, it's nothing that anyone does, it's just me, I know I made the right decision, but it still makes
me feel miserable sometimes, but I'm going to be fine`, she said as she saw the worry on his face.
`I'm here if you need me ,` he said.
`What do you think I'm doing here? she asked him `You're always good for a place to hide if nothing else`.
He looked at her and smiled.
`Well that's a good sign`, he said.
She looked at him , puzzled.
`The first signs of a sense of humour returning`, he said laughing.
`I'll keep trying, I promise`, she said as she stood up. `Well , I am going to try and make it outside without a bodyguard, I'll see you at lunch`,
`Okay Honey`, he said as he walked over to her and kissed her cheek.
`Let me know if you need anything`,
`I will, I promise, and thanks Craig, for everything`, she said.
Craig stared at her as she left and shook his head. She had given up so much for all of them and she still stood there and thanked him, not thinking for one
minute that it should have been the other way around . Not for the first time he thought how lucky they all were that she was a part of their lives. He walked to the
window and watched her walk towards the woods and the quiet places that she had found there, he smiled as he saw the figure follow her and knew that there was
no way she was going to be left alone. Each of them was going to help her in their own way whether she wanted it or not. He just hoped that she wasn't too crazy
before they'd finished.
…
Angel sat with her back to the tree and closed her eyes , and listened. There was nothing but the sound of the birds singing and the ducks flapping about on
the pond. Peace and quiet that's what she needed, no Goniff chattering or arguing with Casino , just stillness. She smiled to herself.
`You want to get out here? She asked.
`Didn't want to disturb you`. Said Chief quietly.
Angel opened her eyes and looked at him.
`You are the quietist person I know,` she said. `And you don't disturb me`.
Chief smiled, and sat down beside her.
`You want to talk? He asked.
Angel shook her head.
`All talked out`, she said, `Just want to sit and listen `.
Chief put his arm round her and drew her too him so that her head was resting on his shoulder.
`This okay? he asked softly
Angel didn't answer, just nestling closer to him.
Chief leant back against the tree and relaxed, instinctively knowing that right now silence was all she needed.
…
As they entered the mansion it sounded as if all hell had broken loose.
`Admit Limey , you stole my pie`, yelled Casino.
`Didn't see no name on it`, said Goniff innocently.
`Why you little…..
`Now come on mate it was only a piece of pie`, said Goniff laughing
`My pie`, said Caino as he turned towards the sink.
`Aw mate now you wouldn't do that now would you?
Angel screamed at the cold wet wash cloth that Casino had aimed at Goniff missed him completely and hit her full in the face.
`Casino , yelled Chief,
Casino looked at Angel and tried unsuccessfully not to laugh.
`Hey wasn't my fault, the limey shouldn't have ducked.` he giggled.
Angel picked up the wash cloth , walked passed Casino without a word and dropped it back in the sink, and then just as calmly walked out of the kitchen .
`Damn it Casino, why did you have to go and upset her? Asked Chief angrily.
`Yeah you should go and apologize mate`, said Goniff stifling a grin.
`Perhaps you should both go`, said an angry voice from the doorway.
`Oh come on Warden we didn't mean nothing, it was an accident
You know we wouldn't do anything like that to Angel on purpose`, said Goniff.
They both looked at Craig
`Okay we're going`, grumbled Casino. `But I'll tell you one thing , she sure ain't any fun any more`,
`You don't say Casino`, said Angel as she came through the outside kitchen door and stood behind him
Casino turned to look at her and was about to speak when he saw the pan of cold water in her hand.
`Aw come on baby, it was only one little wet cloth`, he said
`Yeah I know, but it hit me Casino, ` she said.
`You gonna let her do this Warden? He asked.
`Casino, do you really think I'm stupid enough to try to stop her? Asked Craig .
`Okay , I surrender, I'll do anything, but hold off on the drenching will ya? Asked Casino
Angel lowered the pan.
`Anything? She asked.
`What do you want? Asked Casino
Angel looked thoughtful for a moment.
`Breakfast in bed for a week would be nice`, she said.
`What? Yelled Casino.
Angel raised the pan once more.
`Okay , but the Limeys helping`, said Casino. `He's the one that caused all this, `
Angel stared at him.
`He ducked`, he said smiling at her.
`So he did`, she said.
Casino sat down, pleased that he had at least for the moment shifted the blame to Goniff.
`Well in that case, we'll make it two weeks, shall we? One week each`, she said.
`Aw well done mate , you just got us two weeks instead of one, ` said Goniff.
Angel looked at Craig and smiled the first real smile he had seen in a long time.
`You know , I decided, I can make my own breakfast ` she said as she emptied the pan of cold water over Casino's head.
Casino leapt up screeching .
`Guess we're even`, she said smirking at him.
Casino ran his fingers through his wet hair.
`You think? He asked
`Yeah I think`, said Angel.
`Well think again baby, cos you're going to get a lot wetter`, he said as he reached for the pan and walked to the sink.
Angel headed for the door
`Well don't just stand there , move`, she yelled at Craig.
Craig laughed and stood aside.
Angel grinned at him and then looked at Chief and winked.
`You got that pan filled yet baby? She teased.
Casino looked at her and laughed as he put the pan down.
`Ain't going to bother, not right now anyway, but this ain't over baby, ` he said `Like someone once said , revenge will be sweet`,
`Gottas catch me first`, she said smiling
`Easier if you were gonna stick around here for a while, ` he said hopefully.
Angel looked at him.
`Never was one to run away from a challenge Casino`, she said.
This time the wet cloth hit nothing but the wall.