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Chapter 9

I spent most of the next morning laying in bed with Van Gogh and looking up recipes for the dinner I was supposed to making tonight. Steak and potatoes had been my first thought because that was Doug's favorite, but I didn't have a grill. Also I was iffy about any reminder of Doug, and so I was unsure of what I should cook.

I had asked Carol what I should make but she was no help. She joked that Thomas once loved bear in the years before they became vegetarians. I don't think you can eat bear. I think it's illegal, and how would you even cook that?

Hamburgers – I could cook those on the stove but that seemed too simple and more like a casual cookout than a dinner. I wanted to cook salmon, but Dad already eats fish every other day so chicken seemed my best bet.

"Chicken, Van Gogh? Does that sound good?" I looked at him as he wagged his tail. "You've never even had chicken before," I scoffed with a wide smile.

At the store, I found everything I would need and stuffed it in the small cart. In the bread aisle I jumped when a small girl ran by, happily screeching for her papa. I was even more shocked when Paul walked by with the same girl in his arms as she stroked his face. Paul had a kid? It would actually explain all of the hostility he's had if he's been staying at Dad's and not with his daughter…

I grabbed another bag of rolls, and as I turned the corner, another cart smashed into mine.

"I'm so…" I stopped when I saw Paul with a woman and two kids. He was still holding the little girl and there was a boy standing behind them holding a box of cereal. The woman was pretty and then she turned her head and I saw the scars on her face. I'd seen worse in burn units, but these were not scars from a fire but from… an animal. Maybe there really are bears here.

"Rachel?" Paul looked surprised.

"Sorry!" I blinked, finding my voice. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"It's okay," the woman shook her head with a bright smile on her face. She still looked beautiful; she looked like one of those happy-mom types that you read about in books. "I wasn't either…" she looked expectantly at Paul as he just stared at me until she nudged him with her elbow.

"Oh… Emily this is Rachel, Rachel this is Emily…"

"Hi, how are you? You're Billy's daughter, right?" she smiled rolling her eyes at him and stuck out her hand. They seemed friendly enough together…

"Yes hi, Rachel Black. I just moved back so I'm still adjusting, but I'm good."

"Oh! I wish I'd known sooner," she turned a glare at Paul. "I would've come by to help you unpack and got you'd settled in."

"Oh I had no trouble. Paul actually helped a lot – and Seth… sort of."

"That boy!" she laughed. "I've got some stories about him and the-" It was Paul's turn to glare and she stopped short. "Well Sam has some good stories about him running around as a kid…"

Then a light bulb flicked on in my head and everything made sense now. I knew who this was – Sam Uley's wife. The girl he'd dumped Leah Clearwater for. I remember when Becca called to gossip about it and I couldn't believe it. I couldn't quite understand why Sam left Leah because they'd been the real deal. Leah never really connected with anyone growing up, but when you looked at her with Sam… they had one of those special 'together-forever' connections.

But what do I know? I'm not exactly great on relationships, am I?

"Yeah, I've got some too," I nodded, feeling so awkward. "Um…"

"Momma, can I get a candy?" The little girl pointed to a small shelf of different candy bars.

"No."

"Can papa get me one?"

My chest felt heavy. Paul and Emily had a daughter. Then whatever happened to Sam? She'd spoke of him in a friendly way but…

"No," Emily shook her head again. The little girl pouted turning her head into Paul's neck.

"Paaaapaaa…"

"No can do, sweetheart," Paul rubbed her back.

"So I should get going," I cleared my throat. "It was nice meeting you."

"Wait, here's my number. Call me if you need something or if you just want to talk or hang out," she said, scribbling down her number on a scrap of paper.

"Thanks, I will," I smiled, hoping that it looked genuine, and waved goodbye.

So Paul and Emily had a daughter? Did that mean they were together still or not? Or was she a surprise – happy accident? Is Emily really still with Sam?

Why do I care?

Why does it hurt so much?

I didn't want to admit it, but I think I… liked Paul.

"Go with the Froot Loops," Paul's voice startled me.

"What?" I turned to look at him. He leaned pass me and grabbed a box tossing it into his empty cart.

"You've been standing here for like five minutes now…"

"Oh… yeah," I stuttered grabbing a box. Had I been standing here that long? "Where's Emily?"

"Home," he shrugged.

"Oh…" I nodded, following him down the aisle.

"Yep, I'm picking up some groceries for Billy."

My face fell and I could feel the blood running from my face. As the oldest child I should be responsible for taking care of Dad especially since I'm living here on the Rez now. I should be the one buying him groceries – not Paul.

"You don't have to do that – I can buy Dad groceries – I mean I should be that – I just-"

"No, it's okay. I really need to buy him groceries because Seth and I ate all of his food. Seth's starting to chew on the furniture now."

"Okay," I sighed. I would have to look at his bills the next time I was over there.

"Seriously don't worry about it too much."

"I won't," I nodded as he gave a soft laugh. "What?"

"I know you will."

"Well then…" I turned for the checkout lane, mocking offense.

"Hey what time is dinner?" he called, asking me the silent question that I wouldn't dare myself to think.

I bit my lip and tried to hide my smile. "Seven is good…"

…

You: I have something to say but I don't want you to go overboard and start rubbing it in my face

Carol45: okay. Shoot. (Ill try my best but can't make any promises)

You: I do like him

Carol45: him? Him who?

You: Uggggghhh I hate you

Carol45: who? I don't know who we're talking about

You: fine! I like Paul

I waited full two minutes and there was no response from Carol. Thinking about her age, I was kinda alarmed.

You: Carol?

Carol45: What has happened to my wifey?

You: Thomas?

Carol45: yes?

You: I don't know. Whats she doing? Is she ok?

Carol45: I guess she's ok. Definitely mental. She's always been that way but I guess a young person would consider it dancing.

You: oh…

Carol45: now shes rotfling

You: Wow. Please tell her I hate her when she recovers

Carol45: oh well I'm taking full advantage of her position now so it'll take her a few days to recover when im through with her.

Carol45 has signed off.

I wrinkled my nose at the screen. My first conversation with Thomas, and he tells me he's going to have sex with his wife. It was kinda cute since they've been married forever and they're still totally in love.

It's good to know it happens for some people…

AN: dont freak out! im keeping about everything in cannon...

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