So I wrote two chapters and I was going to do them separately, however they're both quite short and they're really just chapter-fillers so I've just put them both in this one. Anyway blah blah blah you know what to do - make sure you review! Comments so far are excellent, thanks so much!
Jade's POV
Beck Oliver is slipping through my fingers. I can feel him becoming so withdrawn, so distant, yet I'm far too stubborn to do anything about it. I really hate it – we used to be so together and now it's as though he just doesn't care anymore. It's all Vega's fault.
Who does she think she is? Who is she to swoop out of nowhere and steal my boyfriend? He's been under her spell since she first arrived at Hollywood Arts. Everyone thinks she's so nice, so sweet, so innocent, and I appear to be the only one who can see right through her devious plot.
But lately I'm starting to wonder if it's really Tori who's pulling him away. The thought of Beck separating himself from me purposely physically hurts, so I try hard not to think like that. But deep down I know that Tori Vega doesn't really have enough power to make anybody do anything, therefore my mind strays by itself and comes to heart-breaking conclusions. I really should confront Beck, I know I should, but I don't have any proof. This has never stopped me before, and I love people to strongly believe that I'm not scared of anything, but Beck confirming my suspicions is my biggest fear of all.
People were wondering why I was smiling the other day. It wasn't because I was happy for Tori at all, I mean, am I ever happy about anything that pleases her? Of course I'm not. I was glad because the fact that she was dating surely meant that I could relax a little bit about Beck. But then I saw his face. He looked so… stunned, floored, I don't know. He hated it, I could tell he hated it, I've known him long enough to know when he doesn't like something he's heard. I know the faces he pulls – at first he lowers his eyebrows, then he raises one ever so slightly, then he raises them both as he puts on a fake smile and a cheery voice. That's exactly what he did. I can read him like a book, but I really wish I didn't know how to.
I can't lose him. He got me like nobody else ever could – he believed I could do anything I put my mind to and he encouraged me to follow my dreams. Having a father like mine often put me down and gave me the impression that I would never be anything, but Beck changed all that. He came out of nowhere and swept me off my feet without my consent, and people don't know how much I need him. He himself doesn't know how much I need him, but I do.
Nobody knows him like I do. Not Cat, not Andre, not Robbie. No one. I don't need anybody else in my life but him. When we last broke up it was the worst feeling in the whole world. I won't go back there, I can't, I refuse. If I want to keep him I need to tell him what I'm feeling, but I can't do that either. I'm Jade; I bottle up my hurt emotions and transform them into fury and then take it out on other people. I can't help it – Beck knew what he was getting into when we first got together, but now I was so sure that he'd changed his mind. You can't just change your mind and you can't shut me out that easily. No, the day I let Beck go is the day that my Dad does a cartwheel. I wouldn't count on it anytime soon.
Tori's POV
I couldn't look at Beck. He knew. I knew he knew. He knew I knew he knew. But none of us said anything and I did my best to ensure I wouldn't cross his path.
So things finally worked out with Kane. He called me the other night and asked me on another date. We're officially an 'item' now. I'm not sure I like that word. It's like I belong to him, which I don't. But that's what I wanted all along, I think, to be someone's? Oh, I don't even know what I want, why am I so fickle?
Beck hasn't been the same with me since the kiss. I did my best at first to show him that I wasn't going to let it affect our friendship. I flashed him smiles and waved at him and whatnot, but he made it perfectly clear that I ruined it all. And I didn't even mean to. I wish I hadn't done it now.
I don't know what it was that made me lean in like that. I hesitated, I'm sure I did, but he didn't pull away either. I was really upset and Beck comforted me. The things he said we're really sweet and lovely and I suddenly became aware of his super-attractiveness. Don't get me wrong, I've always thought Beck was handsome in an 'I wouldn't ever go there' kind of way, but that night, I don't know. He became amazing to me… and now that's exactly how I look at him every single day. I just can't seem to shake this kiss off, it replays in my head every time I shut my eyes to go to sleep, and then it keeps me awake knowing that I'll never be able to speak to Beck like I had done before. I miss our funny and stupid conversations already and it's only been a couple of days.
That kiss though, I felt something. I'm so unsure about what it was, but it was definitely something good; a spark maybe, a connection. It sounds so cheesy and unrealistic but I swear that something about him had captured me for that moment. That's why I pulled away and ran without much explanation. I'd gotten scared – he had a girlfriend for God's sakes, a mean one at that, and there was no way he wanted me. He was just being friendly, albeit that was a little too friendly, but he probably felt sorry for me.
After I'd gotten the phone call from Kane, all of those feelings for Beck escaped me. I knew immediately they couldn't have meant much if they were gone that quick, and so that night I vowed to myself that I wasn't going to make it difficult for either of us. I would be his friend and nothing more because I knew that would be exactly what he wanted. But now, it seemed, Beck didn't even want to be a mate. He wanted to be as far away from me as possible, and even then that wouldn't be enough.
Despite the promise to myself, every single time I catch a glimpse of Beck now those feelings from that night come flooding back faster than lightening. I don't want to feel like this, I really don't. I'm happy with Kane, incredibly happy. At least I think I am.