ok so im not really sure where im going with this anymore but i think its going to have like 5 more chapters maybe

and sorry for the late update i had writers block for this story.

i dont feel like this is my best work but yea

enjoy! hopefully

oh and thanks for the reading and reviewing whoever has read and reviewed!

Disclaimer: dont own nothing recognizable

"James is my best friend by now NB. I have gone over to his house and just cried and he would hold me and we would sit in silence, he just let me cry. I would cry but I didn't exactly know why, I guess that show made me question a lot. I may be like eight going to nine years but I understand a lot more than what people think, all eight year olds do. I didn't know what half of the things on the show were said meant like rape, but I understood some of it to make connections. Rape was a bad thing. It also didn't help that my mom was taken by immigration the other day, her visa had expired a long time ago and she stayed, but now she was gone. James helped me through that two. Papi had pushed himself away more now and I was kinda glad. I didn't worry about him coming into my room at night for a while. James could tell I was happy again, the happiest he has seen me but he didn't know why. I spent more and more time with James and his family and I saw the difference. I saw how his dad was with him. I saw a love between them that I knew wasn't like mine and my dad. I knew there was something wrong with Papi after how I saw James and his dad." Carlos took a small pause and looked at his friends. He smiled at how much they cared for him. He looked at James and somehow knew today untold feelings would be said.

"I was at James house one day and we were playing video games. I was losing very bad and he knew something was wrong, he said he could tell by the look on my face I had something else in my mind, and I never lose this badly. I told him nothing was wrong but he wouldn't take that answer, man he was stubborn. " The 4 friends laughed a little at that, the tension in the room was too much and that had made everyone have a smile for a second. Carlos continued.

"I know something is wrong with you Carlos. We have been best friends for like almost the whole school year now I know when something is bothering you." is what he told me. For a second I wanted to tell him what was going on at home. The constant nightmares, the lonely feeling I have sometimes, the joy of being able to stay away from papi, I wanted to tell him everything so I told him something else I wanted to tell him.

"Well ok I'll tell you. I am so happy we are friends James. I am so happy I met you and we became friends and now we are best friends! I just I couldn't ask for anything else." he smiled at what I said and he looked at me. "I love you James you're my best friend." He smiled even more and he gave me a hug.

"I love you two Carlitos." I gave him a kiss on the cheek. At eight years old love wasn't as complicated as it is when your older. I loved my mama, I loved my doggy sparky, and I love my best friend James. I couldn't say I love papi, he's a meany. I didn't know that the love I had for James would become greater as we got older but at eight years old I loved him even though I didn't exactly know what love is.

The summer passed by really quickly and I spent most with James. Papi ignored me at home and mama still wasn't back. Papi did come in at night a lot though to my room. He would spend hours and hours in my room, sometimes I didn't know when I was dreaming or when I had a nightmare until I saw James, that is when I knew I wasn't dreaming anymore because James never shows up in my nightmares. Papi started getting worse NB. He would touch me longer and ignore me longer and then touch me again and again. I knew it wasn't right anymore so on my birthday on August 15, my only wish was that he would leave my life forever and he goes to jail so it can be just me and mama, or me and James but not me and papi. Carlos Garcia Age 9.

James spoke up first.

"So did you right this diary as you were growing up or all together?" Carlos looked at him.

"I was in therapy. They told me to write down everything I remember and to make it a diary so I wrote it with my feelings from back then and my feelings now." He answered.

"You were in therapy?" asked Kendal, this was news to him.

"Yea remember when I told you guys mama would take me to her book club? Well she took me to therapy." He answered again.

"Didn't your mom get back in your life by freshman year?" asked Logan remembering that.

"Yea she did. That's when she was able to get back from Mexico. She used a Coyote to get over here cus she wanted to see me again."

"What's a Coyote?" asked James.

"Its like a person who you pay to get you across the border illegally." The three friends looked at Carlos and James gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"So what did you mean by the whole you love me part?" Carlos looked at James and kissed his lips.

"I meant that I love you now at sixteen years old since I was 9 but I didn't really realized it until I was nearly raped."

"You what?" Kendal accidentally yelled out. Carlos looked at Kendal and then at James.

"Yea I was almost raped its in the diary. So we will get there." he answered back calmly. James looked at Carlos with one question bothering him since rape was mentioned.

"So then are you a virgin? I know we talked about this before and you said you are but like this is a different situation and yea." Carlos looked at James and smiled.

"Yes I am." he answered. James smiled and kissed him one more time. They heard a small get a room from Logan and pulled apart. James sat back on the floor next to Kendal and Logan. Carlos turned the page and continued.

"Actions speak louder than words by Carlos Garcia."

ummm yea review!