Sorry that once again the updates are growing few and far between! I'm trying to write and proofread whenever I have the opportunity. Luckily, the end is within sight. At least for this fanfic; but there will definitely be a sequel. I suppose I just see this fic as one section of the story - So be prepared for more! I'm hoping to have it finished by December; when I originally started the last year.
But yea - Here we have a little more clarity being shown on the situation, and a little more unstable Nathan :) Please RxR!
Enjoy!
Edward
"I'm sorry Jasper." Nathan mumbled.
Jasper, who was eagerly waiting to get out of the car, brought his current train of thought to a halt so he could focus on Nathan. I never took my eyes off of Nathan throughout the entire duration of the ride, but now, Jasper too was looking over at Nathan curiously. The first time he saw Nathan after the three year lapse Jasper wasn't nearly as curious. But his thoughts echoed both Alice and mine. How can he be sitting here in a pool of his own blood and none of the vampires in the car could notice?
Thinking of that fact both terrified and excited Jasper. Just the mention of blood brought an understated pleasure to him – it was subtle enough that no one except for maybe Alice and I knew…but his eagerness made me even more nervous. If Nathan's concentration were to slip for even a fraction of a second it would send Jasper into an animalistic frenzy.
"What do you mean?" Jasper asked – continuing to very subtly dim the intensity of Nathan's emotions. Nathan wasn't put to sleep like earlier but instead ignored the rest of us in the car and focused on his surroundings.
"The pain followed me here." Nathan muttered while looking out the window.
What is he talking about? Jasper thought while looking at me. If Nathan noticed our nonverbal communication he made no effort to show it.
I shook my head and Jasper sighed "Everything is fine Nate, don't worry. Alice and I are going to go hunting for a while, well be back by tomorrow."
"See you when I wake up."
"What do you mean Nate?" Alice asked
"Jasper is there when I wake up."
Nathan must have noticed the slight grimace that shaped my lips because he added on moments later "Never mind. Edward will be there."
"You two should go, we're only a couple of minutes away." I suggested.
Both Jasper and Alice left, maybe a little hastily, with only the barest of goodbyes. Both of them were shaken by Nathan's bizarre behavior… they weren't the only ones.
While the car was stopped Nathan moved into the front seat with me driving – he seemed to be slightly more engaged than before when he was staring dreamily toward the landscape; but he made no movement to initiate conversation. I caught him glancing at me occasionally before he faced forward with an unreadable expression.
"What happened?" I asked with utmost control; focused on avoiding the heart-splitting anger that was radiating through my being. Once everything was settled and Nathan was back in a stable condition I would be sure that each and every one of them died. There was a pleasure rushing through me that almost rivaled what I felt when reunited with Nathan at the airport.
He didn't look at me while asking "Why are you asking now?"
"I wanted to give you time to digest everything at first, and then you probably wouldn't want to say it in front of Jasper and Alice. You may not even want to tell me, which you have every right to…after what I've done." I rattled on.
"I don't want to talk about it now, there's something more important." This time Nathan turned to look at me. I stopped the car once we reached the house and turned toward his piercing stare. There was something very unfamiliar about the way he looked at me…before there was a hint of innocence sparkling through his multicolored eyes - that wasn't there anymore.
"What is it?" I asked, surprised at the tenderness in my voice. Even with that small sentence it was so difficult to utter a single syllable over a twisting pain in my heart.
"Why did you leave?" Nathan asked me with glistening green eyes. His eyes held an emotion that he carefully kept out of his voice.
"I wanted to protect you. I was a fool to think that if I left you would be able to live with the humans. Every day you spent with us you were risking your life…"
"Do you still think that?" Nathan cut me off mid sentence.
Yes…he was risking his life around us. Nothing has changed since the moment I left him. Except by leaving him, I managed to inflict a level of harm that I hadn't thought possible. Before I would have just lied to him; to ease his worries. Now the thought of lying to Nathan seemed utterly repulsive – I took a quiet vow to myself that from this point onward everything that I said to Nathan would be truth.
"Yes."
Nathan pursed his lips; irritated with my response. He shifted his shoulder uncomfortably and allowed his eyes dart toward his arm briefly before looking back to me – his rage showing through the two eyes glaring at me.
"You don't know anything." He scowled and went to open the car door. I moved without thinking and reached over to grab his arm. Even after whatever he'd been through, to jump out of a moving car? But I was the one who was wrong. Not only had the car come to a complete stop without me realizing it, but we were parked in front of my house with Jasper and Alice gone. The realization must have left me in a daze – once I was reunited with reality he was gone. Nathan was gone.
Nathan
"Where's Edward, Nate?" Carlisle asked in a concerned voice. "Its not like him to leave you alone."
"Wouldn't be the first time." I thought out loud. The atmosphere in the Cullen's infirmary went from confusing, maybe even a bit awkward, to unbelievably tense. Carlisle didn't deserve to hear this – it wasn't his decision to leave. He'd tried to convince Edward that they should stay in Forks with me…I'd seen that much in my visions. I gave Carlisle the apologetic look he deserved, I wanted to speak, to repair the damage I'd just caused, but something wouldn't let me.
Ever since I was released from that facility nothing seemed to be in my control. Even simple tasks were a battle, it was as if someone else was controlling me. My thought process…jumbled.
I watched Edward from an omniscient perspective, sitting contently in the car talking to someone who wasn't there.
Carlisle let the comment go unnoticed and continued with feigned ignorance "Where is Edward?"
"He'll be here soon. He's still in the car." Truth. Edward would have complicated this. He needed more time to understand that he was not the predator anymore…
I am.
Not that I have any recent predatorial tendencies, but now I understood why my aunt had little trouble dealing with vampires. A similar thirst for revenge didn't run through my veins, a fact I'm very grateful for.. There was no difference between Vampires and Humans – my Sidhe abilities seemed to affect them both equally.
There was another illusion taking place that was much more potent. I'd used the shine to such an extreme that the typically simple task had left me drain. Or maybe it was the gallons of blood that I'd lost? I was prepared to drop the illusion so Carlisle could treat me. Maybe even a small part wanted someone to be here with me. I wanted that one person to be Edward, and yet at the same time it seemed intolerable to have him near me. My kind does not forgive easily, and his incredibly flawed logic…
I stopped my train of thought at the boiling feeling in my stomach; the accumulation of rage.
"Why do you do it?" I asked without thinking, not even certain if these were my thoughts.
"Do what?" Carlisle asked – smiling kindly at me.
He was happy that I was back, and not just because Edward seemed like himself again. Just me. I could feel an inkling of happiness twist in my stomach, the foreign sensation played around for a few moments before gradually fading.
'Like himself.' What did that even mean? These thoughts…they just come into my head – I can't perceive the difference between my imagination and didn't seem to matter anymore, whatever I thought seemed to come true…
"Why do you sacrifice so much for Humans?"
"A simple question…but a very complicated answer. Why don't you let me see what's really happened so I can tell you while I set up?" Carlisle asked convincingly.
Forgot. I looked down at my sweater that was now crusty with blood and had successfully turned the rust color that happens when blood dries. When I concentrated on the pain I could feel the minor incisions tactfully placed throughout my abdomen, but then looked back at Carlisle. A puddle of fluid was now flowing where I'd been sitting – even with his seemingly infinite self control, could Carlisle truly ignore the scent of my blood?
"Are you sure it will be alright?" While asking Carlisle I tried to think of the possible outcomes in hopes for some sort of vision that would shed my doubts. The only thing my mind's eye could think of was Edward. The illusion was going to fade soon. Edward sitting next to me.
Now that it was real…it was all too real. Seeing him next to me hurt just as much as the absence of him for the last three years. He will just leave again, I yelled at myself for thinking it…but the thought continued on a loop in my head tearing me from the inside out.
The pain must have shown because Carlisle looked suddenly concerned.
"I assure you everything will be fine, hurry and let me see. I promise I won't hurt you." He smiled reassuringly.
The illusion fell off my skin and it felt like taking a deep breath for the first time. The sensation of it leaving my being tickled a little bit, or maybe that the pain from my wounds. Carlisle hid the alarm from his expression when I let him see clearly for the first time.
"Take off your shirt please – So I can see the wounds clearly." Carlisle's voice was no longer comforting but all business.
With just a nod I pulled the sweater from above my head, tugging and pulling at it awkwardly. All of the blood made it cling to my skin, three years ago when I still plagued by human emotion, the difficulty with a inane task would have embarrassed me. Now it was so incredibly insignificant that no emotion or thought came to mind.
Two cold hands grabbed the edge of the sweater and grazed my skin forcing me to jump and almost fall to the floor from the memories that a simple touch can provoke. Lots of touches. They never ended well. Once the sweater was successfully removed I could heard the blood swashing and pouring onto the white tile floor, my immediate reaction was to look down and see but there was something much more magnificent standing directly in front of me.
Edward's brilliant yellow eyes stared at me so closely I could feel his cool breath rub against my face. The sweet vanilla scent made parts of me squirm and ache to touch him.
And then reality hit me.
Edward was standing in a pool of my blood, and I couldn't concentrate enough to mask anything. I was overwhelmed by the close proximity, of everything I'd experienced in the last 36 hours. My eyelids felt heavy out with fatigue – the only thing desire right now that could compete with Edward at this very moment was sleep…Something I hadn't had a taste of in years.
Unlike Carlisle Edward's pain was so clear in his eyes that I knew so well. It killed me to say this but I forced myself "You need to leave, there is too much blood." I warned.
"I'm fine..." He whispered into my ear.
Without realizing it – I was lying down on the medical table with Carlisle addressing all of the wounds silently. Both Edward and him exchanged the occasional eye-contact, but I didn't need the physical clues to know the nonverbal conversation the two were having. They wanted to know what happened to me…
The problem was…I'm not complete sure of that myself.
"How long have these incisions been bleeding Nate?" Carlisle asked – sewing a particularly large gash on my right arm.
"Since I left." I whispered.
"Left where?" This time Edward asked – with a deadly conviction in his voice.
"I'm not sure."
Edward's hands covered mine, rubbing ever so slightly while he basked in the warmth. I knew my warmth layered itself and danced around his body – just as the coolness of his seemed to envelope me like a glove. I lay there contently, never daring to look away from him. The fatigue was growing overwhelming. Carlisle had put an IV in with something I assumed to be a sedative.
Edward was just as perfect as the day I'd left him; not a thing about him had changed. I hadn't aged in these three years either…But so much has changed within me since we were last acquainted.
Next time, how significant would the difference be?
I clenched his hand tight enough that he winced at the strength which brought him wide eyed with surprise for the smallest of moments before he fixed his expression and asked "What are you thinking?"
A voice whispered to me as if sitting right there. The sound of it was not the Goddess – but it wasn't male or female, nor was it me. I'd stopped thinking about the specifics…now all I did was listen to what these things had to say to me. 'He will leave. – there will be no other choice while you are different.'
Both Edward and Carlisle turned perfectly still once my thought echoed in my mind – neither of them moved or even dared to breathe.
I didn't bother to ask the two Vampires – sadly – I didn't really care. Edward was here for now…which was all anyone could ask for. It was happiness, temporary, but happiness all the same.
Edward looked at me with a new intensity; his eyebrows furrowed and mouth turned into a pained frown. "I promised you Nathan, I will never…ever leave you again."
Carlisle continued to examine me for what felt like hours. Time was stagnant. Little pricks here and there, but Edward was here.
"Most of these should have scabbed up within hours for humans – why are they still bleeding Carlisle?" Edward asked
Carlisle eyes darted back and forth toward a freshly printed piece of paper. Edward's body was tense, he wanted to look at the data for himself even though I knew he was watching it all through Carlisle's thoughts. The two of them looked at each other; making an effort to hide their expression but ultimately failing.
"Why would they do that?" Carlisle muttered.
Their conversation was becoming increasingly difficult to follow; with each blink my eyes began to close longer
"What are you talking about?" I grumbled.
Edward's hand carefully grazed my cheek and I instinctively smiled at the familiar gesture. "Its nothing, go to sleep my love."
I forced myself to sit up even against both Carlisle and Edward's immediate demands for me to remain seated. I glared at both of them, suddenly fighting off a new wave of frustration. Secrets just as usual. Nothing had changed had it? Would Edward leave me again just like last time?
"Tell me" I demanded stubbornly – fighting the sleep that was growing stronger with each passing minute.
"It's nothing." Edward said gingerly, stroking the side of my face with his cold hand.
Once upon a time that touch would have made me agree to anything – but things were different now. There weren't many things I wanted other than Edward; but answers…well that was one of them.
Pulling myself up, this time taking great efforts to make it seem like a smooth movement, I glared at the two vampires looking toward me with concerned yellow eyes. "If you don't tell me – I'm leaving." I threatened.
Edward's expression turned to a dark place briefly before him and Carlisle made brief but meaningful eye contact. I knew them both well enough, and it was Edward who was withholding the information from me. It was growing increasingly difficult to keep the rage that was building inside – it wanted out. It wanted to blame Edward for everything that has happened these past three years. Not only breaking my heart – you broke me. I thought to myself, it was such a charged statement, filled with so much emotion…I didn't think to shield the comment.
Edward's expression went from dark to almost manic. I watched a vampire feel pain for the first time. The pain that was inflicted by my words would be deeper than any physical wound could manage on a vampire. Inklings of guilt tickled my stomach but I remained silent, my words were truthful.
"You have every reason to think that" Edward said quietly, albeit neutrally. His brief display of emotion had ceased and was now a neutral and statuesque as he spoke. "You've been given levels of a blood thinner so large it would be fatal to humans. As it stands…" Edward paused – looking over me once more, but this time analytically rather than the fondness I'd seen previously.
"Now will you please go to bed?" Edward pleaded – a small fire in his eyes appeared as if melting the ice he'd developed in my absence.
Looking into those eyes a surge of emotion hit me, so strong our reunion paled in comparison. Edward knew everything, and with my body now clean and free of any blood…there was no force that could stop me from touching him. It didn't need to be sexual; just needed to be Edward.
Afraid.
Edward took his hand in mine and sat at the edge of the medical table so the denim of his jeans rubbed against my bare flesh.
"You're safe here."
Rushes of thoughts, emotions, and memories ran through me making it difficult to focus on Edward. A pain that Edward had distinguished returned, but there was an unfamiliarity to it that had previously gone unnoticed. The images – some of them I couldn't recognize?
Were they mine?
They have to be, I reminded myself. However, despite my reminders I was unable to purge the fear that was paralyzing me.
"Nothing good comes from the dark." The words shot from my mouth without thinking, just as they had been since I was reunited with the Cullens. It was unclear whether some outside for was forcing the words from my mouth…or if my memory was playing tricks on me.
One moment emotions flew. And then there was nothing.
"I won't leave your side until you wake up" Edward said with great intensity. His golden eyes stared into mine with an emotion I'd never seen from him. Before all of this had happened, before when I still carried the weaknesses of humanity…I would have believed him.
I believed him now – but it was not the intense passion in his eyes that swayed me. I knew he spoke the truth.
Nodding weakly, it wasn't but a few seconds before I succumbed to the sedatives.