Chapter 10

"Hey James"

He looked over quickly, as if he hadn't noticed her either. His face was soft, strangely vulnerable, without any of the usual cockiness.

"Hi." He breathed the word, his face held a shocking confusion. Lily looked away; the way he looked at her was unsettling

"Orion is high tonight." He said after a moment of them looking wordlessly up at the stars.

"Yeah" she murmured, her eyes not leaving the sky. She hadn't appreciated stars in a long time. Hadn't just stood and looked because she wanted to, not since…..

"The full moon is tonight." She realized, seeing the light appear on the horizon. James winced "I know" He looked sick and regretful. She sat down, after a moment he came over and sat on the cobbled stone with her. They were silent. Lily hated the quiet, at least she did when the stars were out, astronomy wasn't her worst subject because she sucked at it, but because she couldn't stand to look at the stars. It was always the favorite past time, one that now burned….

"You know," James said, twirling a flower he had picked in his fingers. "I always thought that you would love Astronomy, it seems like a class you would like. But for some reason, you get your worst grade there." He said this all politely, not like a question, but more of a friendly and concerned observation.

Usually, no matter how kind the words, any talk that directly remind her of the…. Incident was shunned. The conversation stopped. The change of subject immediate. But this time, this time Lily felt something else. Something like the way she could tell Gemma about the pain attacks, the way she could rely on Sev for wizard information without judgment, she could trust James with this secret.

"Her name was Constance."

A wind came from the west, ruffling the petals and shaking leaves. An icy chill settled over them with the mention of the dead.

"I killed her."

The confession was bleak; Lily had nothing to hide behind. Reason to hide but nothing to shelter her. James eyes widened, the full moon reflecting and magnifying the shock.

"Who?"

"Constance, my sister" The words felt wrong on her tongue, they didn't belong, this was one of the things best left unsaid. "She was older than me. She would be Ashley's age by now."

Lily looked away, staring into a bushel of flowers. She would be, yes, would being the operative word.

"What happened?" His voice was strangely calm, like a piercing light in the darkness.

"I was 11. When I first got my letter, I was happy, so amazingly happy. I wasn't insane, I wasn't sick I wasn't dying of some paranormal dieses that made me do the magic I could. Even better, I was going to others who were just like me.

"You don't know what it's like James, you, who grew up with people doing magic, watching Quidditch, and seeing magic. Never once did you wonder if it was real. I did. All the time, I was so scared, afraid to tell my family, my sister Petunia saw some of it, her reaction should have been enough. I was such an idiot."

James didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue.

"When I got my letter, it was even better than Severus telling me what was going on. I was finding out myself. The piece of paper was real, 3-D proof that all of my dreams were true...

Sadly, my sisters didn't share that with me.

Petunias reaction was the easiest. She tried to get in, when she couldn't she hated me, a "freak" she said. But it was nothing compared to Constance, Petunia didn't like having a Freak for a sister, and Constance refused to. We fought all the time. "

Images flashed through her head, much like the pain attacks and just as pain full. She remembered all of the things that were said, the actions committed, and finally….

"I didn't mean to." Tears spilled out on her cheeks, blurry her image of James putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Of course you didn't. What happened?"

"We were arguing, again, one night, when she said she was leaving. She was seventeen, almost eighteen she said her plan was to drive, just drive away from me, and come back when I was gone before leaving forever. She said she never wanted to see me again. My parents tried to talk her out of it, her peers and friends, but she refused to stay. When she was storming out, I went out after her, it was my fault, and I felt as though I should fix it. Great lot of good that did.

When I caught up to her, she was putting her bags in the car, her back to the street. I reached out to grab her hand and she jerked back, totally and completely…" Lily searched for a word strong enough to describe it. "Disgusted, appalled, shocked, horrified, that I would actually touch her. She jumped away, back into the street, right as a moving van drove by. It didn't kill her instantly…."

Lily voice broke again, fingers rocking, lips trembling, throat burned with the words so long left unspoken. She remembered it all so well, the horn of the car, the look on Constance's face, the vibration that seemed to emanate from the earth, and that scream which pireced through the air and left a scar through the night sky.

"It didn't kill her instantly, she suffered first, she was in the hospital, bleeding from everywhere, so many doctors hustling around her. My family crowded in, talking to her, trying to comfort her, it was working until I took her hand. Her heartbeat all but exploded, and she ripped her hand away with enough force to dislocate her arm from her socket. She yelled to not let the freak touch her, not to let me touch her ever again. And then she died."

With that last word, the wind blew again, carrying Constance's scream on it's back.

James arms turned cold, Lily expression turned painfully thoughtful.

"When she ripped away, Some of her blood flew on me, I literally had her blood on my hands, I did then and I always will."

James listened without a sound, her words painting morbidly realistic images in his head, finally, after several moments in silence. He shook his head.

"No, you didn't kill her, she killed herself. If she was stupid enough to look at you and see something anything less then the wonderful and amazing person you are, then she wasn't worth the turmoil this gives you."

His words lifted her slightly, but not enough to fill the horrible hole in her chest.

"She always loved the night."

The two sat there, holding each other and wondering, thinking, discovering and remembering, Watching the stars. Each filled with their on thoughts, but all thoughts pertaining to the other.

The end. Some Lily-James fluffiness there at the end. But whatever. Hope you like it please review!

LIZIES