I have had wonderful reviews and interesting ideas and thoughts. It is time to come back to earth. That was it for the sweet stuff time to get back to nitty gritty of vampire politics and life as the telepathic wife of a vampire king (what a job). Who better to bring our heads out of the clouds than Pam…it also made my next dedication a real easy call.

This chapter belongs to Ericsmine! It made me smile to read your review "I can smell the angst a mile away" Follow your nose wherever it goes…

Pam

The End

Chapter Eight

The same night of my coronation I cleared out of Louisiana. This was my first week in Arkansas. Unfortunately I had to bring Gideon with me for the first three days of it. Eric was going away on a honeymoon of sorts and with his guard with me it would be assumed that he was as well. Ugh. Needless to say it was a trying three days. It took a lot of discipline not no hurt him when he lost his shit in Louisiana. He fed alone and as one can expect of a vampire his age he killed two humans. Not that I cared but it was an inconvenience on my evening. I ruined my gown and my hair restraining him so he wouldn't go on a rampage. Gideon was gifted and one day he would make a phenomenal immortal, the likes of which few could reckon with but he annoyed me to no end. Contrary to popular belief I was not jealous. Everything about my younger vampire brother was the polar opposite of mine. Starting from his butchered fashion deprived hair cut to his sneakers to his manner of speech it all pricked at me. I would still fight with him and defend him I just wouldn't be very enthused about it.

My rule had already been somewhat established. It was something I had been working on long before I arrived. The finances were already in order. The homes I owned were all decorated to my taste. I had also taken some players from the Louisiana regime with me. Eric offered me Thalia. She would make an excellent enforcer; old and feared but she could be described as ill-tempered on her best day. So far the only person that could muzzle her was Eric. I wanted nothing to do with her. I couldn't trust any of the people I brought any more than I could trust another vampire but at least I could count on them to keep the vampires here in line. It was temporary. Eventually my kingdom and that of my maker had to be seen as separate. It would not bode well for either of us if our world saw me as hiding behind him.

With my upcoming union with Isaiah there will be more stability. I could focus on building wealth instead of focusing entirely on protecting my borders and throne. The only true companion I had was Tristan. He was making a name for himself. It was more important for him to be feared even more so than I. In this arena he was excelling. There have been rumors and whispers that vampires have gone missing for one reason or another. He was presumed to be behind it. Of course I was in no way going to confirm or deny anything. I sanctioned half assed investigations in the matter that led far from him. They had all been coordinated preemptive strikes. The people he had taken out were proven spies and were going to be a problem. Why put off for tomorrow what you ca do today.

I had just joined the world of the living. In the corner of my day chamber was the fairy. He was wearing a smug smile. I haven't seen him since the night before Eric's wedding. Being around Sookie I was able to experience many things pertaining to femininity that I otherwise would not know. It was interesting to attend a bachelorette party. It was notable for more than one reason. I have never had the pleasure of getting more than a few chaste kisses from Amelia Broadway. That night I had her; all of her. Dermot and I both did. It was even better than I would have imagined sharing a woman with him. The little witch was limber. We wore her out rather quickly and focused on each other, she watched. It was certainly something I wanted to repeat. What I also remembered about that night was Dermot telling me to call of come to see him. Last night was the dead line he had given me; fucking pigheaded fairy.

"You should not be here" His presence had potential to be detrimental.

"Had you not wanted me here then you would have called" Yes and no. I had never agreed to the afore mentioned dead line. Calling would have given him the idea that he could make demands and that I would meet them. I was not keen on that from anyone. He walked over to me and ran his hand through my hair. I leaned into him despite myself.

"If you do not have time I will leave, I just wanted to see your face" His warm breath was falling directly on my face. He sounded strangely understanding for once instead of condescending or uninterested in my time constraints. His hands were roaming my body. It wasn't to initiate sex. It felt as though he wanted to remember my topography. He was breathing in deeply to draw in my scent. He kissed my head; the tip of my nose; my cheeks. I held his face and kissed his lips. I felt his relief, his excitement and his love. Then my phone rang. It was my personal cell and only a few people had the number. We both knew I had to answer no matter how badly I didn't want to. He sighed loudly and dropped into the nearest chair.

"Pam" It was Eric. "Sookie will be coming in my stead to your wedding" Fuck, fuck, a thousand times fuck. To him this information was not one that should be kept secret. He would not think to adhere to caution. I was about to have a very bad night. I closed my eyes. Dermot had very good hearing even for a fairy. I could hope against all hope that he didn't hear that but there was no way he hadn't.

"Very well then" I closed my phone and took my time turning around. Judging by the look on Dermot's face we had something's to talk about. I walked over to him and knelt between his legs. All the while he was silent and still, a very good vampire impersonation by the way. His eyes were boring a hole into the wall ahead of him. He was angry obviously. In fact that wasn't a proper depiction. He was livid. I wanted to smooth the frown lines from his face. Such things weren't favorable to my overall good health. Now my only hope was to keep the property devastation to a minimum.

His voice was muffled by his rage and pain. "Why didn't you tell me?" I did not look at him. I couldn't. When you didn't know what to do it was best to do nothing. In my indecisiveness that was what I chose. I knew I should have said something. I thought I had time. Then again the more time passed the less likely it was that I was going to say anything. There was no way to undo the damage my silence had done. I was afraid of losing him. Simultaneously I wanted to fulfill my duty. I hadn't even told him I was named queen. In my defense albeit a flimsy one he never asked why I was moving to Arkansas. Damage control, I wanted to salvage what I could.

"It was irrelevant. I care nothing for him" My tone was clam. I wanted him to give me a chance to explain. I wanted him to see reason. Not an easy thing no one has ever accused him of being reasonable.

"Do not lie to me" His tone was acidic. "Had it been nothing you would have told me" I saw his head turn and he was finally looking in my direction but not really at me. His voice had lost its anger and was now just full of pain. I wanted anger not this. It tore at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Pamela look at me" My fangs extended and I ran them into my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. I did as he asked. "This isn't about you wedding some vampire that I know you care nothing about. I certainly wouldn't have cared. I would have understood had your maker ordered it" I cut him off that wasn't it. It would have been easy to say Eric ordered the union. It would have been a lie. Lying to him would make it all worse.

"Eric didn't order this. I chose it"

He shrugged. "It was done out of necessity" He continued. I knew he was wrong in his assumption I wasn't entirely sure why. Instead I told him a different truth.

"I am queen. I do not expect you to understand. But I have duties and responsibilities" Combative and useless but the truth. I moved from in front of him to put some space between us. He would not allow the distance. He followed me. My back was leaning against the wall and he was towering over me holding my blue eyes in his. My heart was breaking. I knew it. I felt the pain pulse through me. It was something that I was entirely unfamiliar with. It left me unable to speak. But I am vampire. I am death. I knew the meaning of pain; of loss. I had caused and fully experienced both. This was nothing. It was what I was telling myself over and over again.

"In spite of what you may think I understand. You didn't try and we both know I would have preferred to hear it from your lips" He seemed to be thinking out loud. "But this isn't about any of that. You wanted to deceive me" I was shaking my head to say no but stopped as I found he was right. We both fell still and silent.

"We were fooling ourselves" This was inevitable. There was no place for him in my world. There was never really a place for him in my life. This was wrong it always has been. I steeled myself it had gone on long enough. It was time to let go of what I wanted but would never really have. Before him I had been a realist. I had let him shake that. He was turning me into a fantasist. It would get us both killed and quite possible a lot of other people. I had to let him go. "The world we were trying to create does not exist. It cannot exist; not within this one" No matter how much I wished it wasn't so. It was. It was a truth, one that I have been running from. "I am doing what is best" This was best for him, for me and for countless other vampires that were tied into the delicate alliance between three states.

Slowly pain subsided and anger became the dominant emotion on his face. I welcomed it I could deal with his anger much more than I could ever tolerate his hurt. The seconds passed and his face became colder and colder and knew my Dermot was gone. In the room with me was just a hostile fairy. That pained me more than I would have thought .

"That is sophistry" I couldn't read the expression on his face. "This was just a catalyst you had been waiting for and you manipulated it. The moment you felt something for me you began seeing us as an end; your end. I felt your uncertainty; the hesitation in your touch." His hands were bracing the wall keeping me where I was. "I am a fairy. By all rights I shouldn't want to be close to you" His voice was returned to a whisper "But here I am and every time I give myself to you it is because I trust you; it is an act of faith" I was silent. It was true for me as well. I trusted him as much as I could trust someone that was not of my blood.

"Trust requires courage. Faith requires strength. You are a coward. I doubt if you have truly loved anything or anyone in your life; living or otherwise" I flinched. His words cut deep.

"You go too far my love"

He growled it was an unadulterated noise of hostility. "Don't call me that. You did this to prove something to yourself" His voice was withdrawn and he dropped his hands.

"I love you" It was only thing I was sure of in this mess. He wasn't looking at me. He shook his head bitterly. Through the wave of strong emotions my anger was growing. He was belittling what had been between us. "You are mortal. I am vampire. Whether in thirty years or three hundred you will expire" It happened very quickly I only caught the tail end of his movement. While I was very capable of fighting him I didn't.

His right hand wrapped around my neck. He lifted me off the ground so we were eye to eye given our height difference I was a long way up. Then he ran my head into the wall behind me. My fangs ran out. I struggled to remain conscious.

It was not the time but the mural behind me had cost a lot of money. It was a mosaic image of a nude Aphrodite in a meadow atop the clouds. It was crafted from the finest marble and the colors were soft and brilliant. Now there was a crater in it the size of my head and small fissures were running from the point of impact. My blood was staining it as well. It was ruined.

Tristan was in the room his saber and his fangs were out. "Non si muovono Tristan" He was glaring at Dermot.

"Release her" Dermot ignored him I was the target of his aggression. I could see he was having trouble keeping his features in check. Even then I knew he would not end me. Given what he was feeling and his usual lack of restraint I knew he would kill my child if he pushed him if for no other reason than to cause me pain.

There was a small silver dagger to my throat. "Tristan, do not move" I repeated. His movements had not gone unnoticed by the fairy. He was creeping closer and closer whether it was the draw of the fairy blood or my safety he was going to die. The dagger was dangerously close but I did not cringe. I felt my skin crawl but he did not burn me. I kept my face empty. In my body I felt so much pain and rage. The pain I was sharing in but not the rage. I was not angry. I deserved this. Had the tables been turned I would have done worse, much worse.

"Your words are a testament that age does not afford wisdom" His eyes were boring into mine. "I could end you here and now and your expiration will precede my own. What good is your immortality then?" All of a sudden I felt like quite the dumb blonde. I closed my eyes. I had no rebuttal; no straws to cling to. I was panicked. It had nothing to do with the blade that was still at my neck. He was right again. I knew the night was out of sorts because he was never right about anything.

Being with Dermot made me happy but it made me afraid. I felt things that had been lost for so long; something's I had never felt. It made it difficult to be what I should. Marrying Isaiah was the best thing to do. I wanted to prove to myself that I could put duty before all else that I was a true vampire. When I could not kill him I stopped being that creature. I just couldn't see it. I had been lying to myself. I thought I could let him go but I couldn't. He pulled away from me and I crumbled to the floor. Now the first person I ever loved was on his way out.

"I love you" It was all I could think to say. He shook his head.

He disappeared without looking at me again. The flicker in the room was the only inclination that he had ever been. He was blocking me from feeling him. His absence was absolute.

Nothing could describe this; nothing could compare to what I felt. The look on his face was going to haunt me until the true death claimed me or the end of the world came. It was such a heavy combination of all betrayal, hurt, and anger. I knew when I pictured his face that was what I would see; pain that had been caused by me. There were no words; no parallels to be drawn. This couldn't be what humans referred to as a broken heart. No mere human would survive this. I am a creature of the super natural and it was threatening to break me.

I made no movements to right myself. I remained in the same undignified position Dermot had left me in. Tristan came to kneel in front of me he surveyed the damage to my head. He ferreted out bits of plaster and marble from my hair and body in silence.

"He's gone" I said. It was the cadaverous truth. Yes of course I was telling many truths tonight after it no longer served any purpose. "He's gone" Tristan carried me to the bed. He lay next to me and pulled me into his chest. His posture was protective and possessive to compensate for my vulnerability. Though "I told you so" would have been fitting. He said nothing. It was then I realized that there was nothing to be said. He had warned me. Eric had warned me. Dear Abby had warned me. In expecting an end full of pain that I imagined was inevitable; I created one that was very real. I had caused this. There was no one to be angry at, no one to blame, no one to hurt, it was a putrid state of being.

Tristan bit into his wrist and brought the wound to my lips. I drank from him. His blood would dilute that of the fairy faster than that of any human.

"He will come back to you." He was smoothing my hair back as he spoke. I was a realist who prepared like a pessimist. He was a realist that held some belief in optimism. The night we met he knew I was something other. It did not deter him. When I had taken too much blood I was conflicted about letting him die. He looked so much like the cousin of my best friend. The human whose name I could no longer remember. The human who inadvertently led to my end, Tristan favored him physically. It seemed like such a waste. I had only intended for my blood to heal him but I was young and over cooked him. In no way did I want to be a maker and in no way was I ready. Even then I could not stake him. That was where I learned the lesson of detachment. If I could go back and kill him I would. As it stands he is the best mistake I ever made.

Tristan held my face and kissed me. Ever so slowly he pulled off my night gown and he removed his clothes. I was looking into his dark eyes and seeing his dark hair. It was all wrong. None of that stopped my body from reacting to his touch. All the while everything in me was screaming and crying for a different pair of hands, warmer hands and a sweeter scent. Those hands wouldn't hold me again. He would never make love to me again. He was gone. I was holding back tears. Tristan's touch was gentle. His hands were intertwined with mine above my head. He held them in place as he kissed my lips; even as he teased my nipple and bit softly. He held them as he licked my bloody tears away. He pushed into me. It was slow and deep; a tender coupling. I tried to drift away and let the pain go and the pleasure in. I couldn't. The scent of the fairy was still in my day chamber. So no one of those emotions won. They warred and my entire being felt torn in two; my moans mixed with my sobs. Tristan held me tighter. He was not trying to replace what I had lost; he was not trying to make forget. Nothing could, my child was attempting to comfort me. We hadn't been lovers in so long and like me his taste had shifted predominantly to the same sex. He was doing this for me. He wanted me know he was devoted; that he too wouldn't leave me. After the forced release my sobs became uncontrollable. My frame shook. He tried to comfort me and when he couldn't he wept with me.

Life goes on; my empty undead half-life continued. Physically I had dimmed the effects of Dermot in my body. My child's blood had adulterated it to the point where not every human smelled like moldy dirt anymore. I fucked and fed more than normal; even more than necessary. I was keeping busy. There were many ventures to be pursued in my state. The Fanged rose was my pet project. It was a three story building in the most upscale part of my state. I was proud of it. Not a single thing was black or red. It was a reflection of a softer side of me. It was a classy in its décor. It was geared toward the more elite crowd. They could experience the vampire scene in a non-threatening atmosphere. The grand opening yielded quite a turn out and the future for that establishment looked bright. Another thing for the record I despised having to drape myself in black from head to toe. It was a brilliant marketing gimmick but it was an affront to my fashion sense.

I had my routine duties as queen that kept me occupied. Even the smallest of tasks that I could delegate I performed on my own. All in the interest of keeping busy it was useless. The hour before dawn I still wept. It was revolting and I was becoming the picture perfect vampire brooding and ill tempered. I wasn't sure if I wanted the fairy to come back to me. At this point the only thing I wanted to do was forget. I wanted to rid my mind of the feel and memory of his body on top of mine; his laughter; his smile; his scent. I halted those thought in their tracks. I needed to fuck something.

"I have a new favorite" Tristan announced pulling me from my musing. I was reading over a deposition for the tenth time. "He is quite the minstrel" my child continued.

"Is there something you need? I'm busy" I tried not to sound annoyed but that has been my permanent setting as of late. Working from first dark till dangerously close to dawn meant that eventually I would run out of things to do. Tristan knew this. He has been watching and waiting for this to happen. He came to look over my shoulder.

"I know that you have read that at least five times. I have read it twice" I looked at my polished desk. It was neat and lacking more distractions. I tossed the deposition to the side.

"Come with me to hear him sing" I frowned that sounded simply and utterly dreadful. I hadn't been on any outings or public appearance that weren't necessary since the fairy left me. Tristan was my personal guard. I knew if I refused he would not go. It sounded as though he very much wanted to. In no way should I care but I did. He was a good child; obedient mostly; and loyal. He has been proving essential to my rule here. There was no need for me to thoroughly depress the both of us. In lieu of sitting about and tormenting myself with the lousy assortment of humans I would humor him.

"Ready our escorts and find me something to wear" He bowed and left my office.

It was not as awful as I anticipated. I enjoyed the music and the change of scenery. Considering we were in some dive downtown. The music was a cross between classical and Celtic. Tristan had understated the voice of his pet. I wanted him to perform a few nights a week at the fanged rose.

A month had passed and my wedding was here. One thing I knew I would miss was the fast pace of Louisiana. By fast paced I meant the hell that seemed to break loose whenever Sookie was around. It was invigorating. Yes my only trusted human friend was coming for a visit. Tristan and I went personally to escort her from the airport. There was no other person that would receive this kind of reception form a royal. The statement I was making was loud and clear. As her flight descended into my state I found I missed her. Strange but true. The doors opened and I had to smile it was as if she came ready to lift my mood.

I flashed in front of her there was a smile on my face for the first time in a month. "Sookie you look terrible"

THAT WAS HARDER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TO POST. BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT WAS THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THIS STORY TO BE WRITTEN.

HE ANGSTY SEX WAS STRANGE, NO? I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE. WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK?

ON ANOTHER NOTE, SOMEONE HAD A PREDICTION (I WILL NOT SAY WHO) BUT IT WAS VERY SPOT ON...A DOUBLE DOSE OF VIKING IF YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT! IT WILL KEEP YOU ALL BUSY WHILE I WORK ON MORE CHAPTERS. LOL :)

Give it up one more time for Ericsmine!