Chapter 20

Christmas

Lily couldn't believe she was here. She couldn't believe that Gemma had honestly talked her into coming. She didn't know why she had let Gemma talk her into in the first place. She figured that it must have had something to do with Gemma's sick expression, the growing pain attacks, and the depression from James and every other thing that was currently happening. But still in hindsight, it seems like a rather small excuse to be sitting in the small infirmary off of the Potters Living room.

She was perched gently on the edge of the small bed; staring blankly at the floor. She remembered the last time she was here. It was only a few months ago but it seemed like forever, a complete other lifetime. A happier, pleasant, more understanding world where everything made since. But then again, nothing has changed. It's still the same world; she just needed a way to understand it again.

"Well now, it took more than it should to get you here this time. We can't have been that bad to you last time around."

Lily gave a shaky laugh. "No, last time was really fun, thanks for letting me stay, it's just…" Lily tried to find the words to kindly tell Julie that she currently hated her son. She couldn't find any.

"Well, I suppose you do have your own family to be with right? No..." Lily hadn't meant for her negativity to be so well spelled out on her face.

"Uh, not really."

"Hmm." Julie pulled a piece of hair away from Lily's face and tucked it behind her face. Lily automatically felt calmer. "Well, I suppose whatever the reason, I'm sure it's legitimate. Now. What's this problem Gemma's told me about?"

"Um, why don't we start with what she told you?" Just to set some ground work Lily thought

"Well now, let's see, She mentioned things like routine spasms, perpetual pain, convulsion, burning sensations, lack of sleep, focused attitude and diet, things like that."

Perfect, Lily thought, Gemma told her word for word what I told her she could tell. Except for that last part what is that about-

"Although I think the lack of sleep, focused attitude and diet are more contributors to depression are they not?"

Lily looked up at Julie again. Her face was soft, caring, like always, but with a stitch of sadness spilling from her eyes,

"Well, not exactly depression but-"

"Lily, I know about James; about what he did to you."

A rock appeared in Lily's throat as she slammed her eyes shut. A single water drop slid down her cheek. Lily wiped it off her face, annoyed at herself. "I'm sorry, really I-"

"Don't be. Don't you dare be. You did nothing wrong. But I want you to know I recognize the courage it took you to come here."

"Gemma asked me to. She's been so good through this. She looked so scared."

"Aren't you?"

Pause.

"Of course. I'm terrified," More and more drops trailed her cheeks. Lily was shocked at the mass of them; she had thought she was out of tears.

This silence was much longer, in which, Julie held her in that motherly way she had desperately needed. She hummed under her breath, rocking back and forth softly while the springs creaked. She petted her hair and occasionally murmured a comforting thought. Sometime later, after the salt water had dried and glued Lily's face together; she slid away from her, using her hair to hide her face, and embarrassment. After wiping her face with her hands, she folded them in her lap.

"Did he tell you? She asked, her voice cracking

"Not exactly. But I gathered."

Pause

"I think I forgave him a long time ago. I can see the pain I put him through and as bad I feel about that, but I just can't do it. I can't look at him anymore and not remember what he did.

"I understand, it's perfectly reasonable."

"But he's your son, and you've been so nice to me, so thoughtful, I mean, surprise holiday and now this? I should treat him better-"

"Don't forgive him because of anything we do."

Lily shook her head again. This visit was going the exact opposite as planned.

"Hey Mom? You in there?" James voice rang through the house. Lily jumped automatically looking for an escape. Julie closed her eyes and breathed through her nose.

"What is it James?" She asked, standing up and going to the door.

"Andy woke up, he was crying in his cradle." His voice was closer now, right outside the door

"Hold on," Julie said, facing Lily for a few moments before going out the door. Lily cautiously sat back down on the bed, through the door, she could hear people talking. James and Julie at first. Then a man that had to be Marcus. A second later they were joined by Ashley. From their voices Lily assumed that they were planning a trip someplace. She pounded her palm against her forehead, internally cursing herself for being here. What was going to be a short trip to get medicine had turned drastically wrong.

"Yeah hold on I'll grab it mom." Ashley said pushing open the door to the infirmary. When she saw her exquisite face clouded with confusion, shock and then happiness.

"Li-"

She was cut off by Lily's hand movements. Ashley's eyebrows moved together. Lily slammed against her lips, then made a motion like shutting a door.

Ashley obliged, placing the door back in its frame before turning to her.

"What?" She whispered.

"He he still there?"

"Who dad? Yeah he's there-"

"No not Marcus- the other one"

Ashley looked at as if she'd just sprouted hooves. "James?" She asked

Lily winced before nodding.

"Yeah, I thought you were friends with him?" her voice volume returning to normal

"SHHHHHH"

One of Ashley's eyebrows moved up her forehead, her lips puckered but she didn't say anything. She turned around, retrieved some cream from the cupboard and walked out, her face tight.

After she walked out, Lily sank back onto the bed. This was such a horrible idea. She thought as she waited for Julie to return.

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3 days later, on Christmas morning, Lily was curled up on her bed, asleep. Despite the tonic from Julie her pain attacks had literally cut through her skin, leaving her bleeding. By the time she had showered, wiped up her room, washed her clothes and relaxed enough to fall asleep, it was quite late. At 8:04 she had jolted awake, half of her Pain attacks already had been in her sleep. That was an experience she never, ever wanted to do again. After all these factors, Lily had slept in until far past 10.

An owl pecking on her window woke her up. It was large and well groomed; she immediately recognized it as the Potter Family owl. Completely bewildered, Lily sat up and stumbled to the window. She opened it and the owl swopped in, dropping a parcel on her bed before flying back out. Even more bewildered still, she walked over to the package and tore it open, shaking it up it down on her bed. 3 items fell out. A box of honey dukes chocolate, a large fluffy bear with a red bow around its neck, and a letter. Lily looked at it. A bear, chocolate and a letter. Maybe it was sent to her on accident?

She picked up the letter and sat down, tearing it open with one finger. She unfolded to paper concealed inside and read;

Dear Lily,

I'm so sorry about the Constance thing, and I pray you can forgive me. I hope these gifts will help you forgive me and be my friend again.

Merry Christmas,

James.

Lily put the letter on her nightstand with a sharp noise. Staring at the wall. All at once, she stood up, walked to the door, holding the chocolate and the white bear, which looked at her with shiny black eyes. She stomped out her room and into the hall, she past her mother in the living room, who looked at her in confusion before her eyes settled on the gifts in her hands.

"Lily, what in the world?" She began before being silenced by her daughters look. Lily swept out the door, down the snow packed street and to the community homeless shelter. She rang the door bell. A moment later a frail looking women with gray hair and wrinkles opened the door.

"Here you go, "Lily sais, dropping the items in her hands. "Please give these to some one less fortunate. Thank you." With that she turned on her heel and walked away, not turning at the women's "thank you, and merry Christmas. She glared all the way home, thinking of what an insufferable, rotten little git James Potter was.

Hey! Sorry that chapter was so dragging, I just wanted to post it soon so it's not as good as some others. I don't know when I'll be able to update again…. Anyway, please review!

LIZIES