Chapter 39: Words

"Are you okay?" Marlene asked as they walked into the waiting room at St. Mungo's and followed Martyn to where Charlus was.

James didn't answer, he'd been very quiet since they left the others and Marlene had assumed he was thinking about his father.

"Look I know you're probably sick of hearing those three little words, but in these times, those words are going to be heard a lot, you do realise that as soon as..." Marlene trailed off when James turned his head slightly to look at her.

"I'm not thinking about my father." James said sighing slightly. Marlene stared at him and he flinched. "I mean..." he struggled to find the words to describe his thoughts but nothing came out, instead he settled on a name. "Lily."

Understanding washed over Marlene like a wave does on the beach. "Ah, the dreaded L word, when you least expect it can be a right shock to the system."

"You heard her say it?" James said narrowly missing two Healers and a levitating bed as they came round a blind corner.

Marlene nodded, "To be honest I think it's a bit early for both of you, but what's done is done."

"It's just a word." James countered trying to believe his own thoughts, but when Marlene gave him a disbelieving look he admitted defeat. He instead decided to be cocky and arrogant. "I think you're wrong, it's about time she said it, I mean who doesn't love me?"

Again Marlene looked at him. "Don't push it, and don't act out, when we get back tell her how you feel."

They had reached Charlus' room and before James entered after Martyn he turned to Marlene and looked her straight in the eye. "I don't know how I feel."

Lily was kicking herself, how could one little word make someone feel so... she struggled to find a word to describe how she was feeling. Half of her, wanted James to say it back to her, wanted James to get the hint, that she was telling the truth and that is how she really feels about him, while the other half of her hoped James hadn't heard her say it, as she had probably said at the worst possible time.

She surprised herself never mind Marlene, who gave her a shocked look as soon as she had said it. They had been dating for just under six months and it had just come out. She wasn't even sure Marlene had said the L word to Sirius.

A year ago she wouldn't been seen dead going out with James let alone saying that to him, now with everything that was going on it just came out, on the spur of the moment. Lily flopped down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling what she needed was someone to talk to and with Marlene with James and her sister not talking to her, that left her mother. Grabbing a quill and some parchment from her desk she started writing.

Mother

How is everyone? I guessing Tuney's told you that she doesn't want to talk to me or see me and that in her own words has disowned me? If she hasn't, then please don't talk to her, that's her decision, I know now that her jealousy had spurred her to take drastic measures. The incident at Christmas two years ago didn't really help.

However, I'm not writing these words to talk and moan about my dear sister, instead I need advice. You might want to read this sitting down, and away from father because I already know your reaction.

There this boy... (I'll pause whilst you grin smugly to yourself and whisper 'it's about time'). Do you remember me telling you about James Potter? Marlene's childhood friend that spent his spare time following me around and trying to get me to date him. Well I've finally conceded. It was strange, for the majority of sixth year, he was almost like a normal human being, he matured and grew up. I suppose it didn't help that Marlene is currently going out with his best friend, and before you ask no she didn't forget about me, rather invited me into all their conversations. Their band of four became six because Marlene and I started spending our spare time with them. I tolerated James for Marlene, but I ended up seeing the real him. His true colours started shining through and I realised that I actually liked him.

We got closer over sixth year (and I regret not telling all this to you over the summer) and when we returned to Hogwarts for our final year it was to find that James Potter, prankster extraordinaire had been given the role of Head Boy, in an effort to put some responsibility on his carefree lifestyle. So our lives were pushed together, the only spare time I had to myself where bedtimes and the rare classes we didn't have together. As Head Boy and Girl we had to set an example and be seen on good terms, working together. Then he asked me out on a date. We went to this lovely restaurant and just spoke about current affairs in this world. Spoke about school and responsibility. It was really lovely and I enjoyed myself.

The point I'm making here, is that I need advice, the date was in October and it's now May and I think I may have made a small mistake. I have really enjoyed my time with James, and yes he sometimes reverts to his original ways but he's longer patronizing and arrogant. I can see that he cares for me, and I care for him. Well his father has taken ill, and he and Marlene have gone to visit him, only as they were leaving I said that I loved him. What I said was the truth, and those are my feelings for him, but I'm worried now that it was a little premature. He was going to see his sick father and I land that bomb shell on him.

I'm a little worried, Marlene is busy with James and as much as I would love to speak to her, I think I need advice from someone who's gone through it all. You.

Please write back, as I am at a loss of what to do.

Love Lily

She put down her quill and reread her letter. She was pleased with how it turned out, a little long winded perhaps, but as far as speaking to her mother about boys, well it was fairly non existent. Everything she felt she needed to say she had put down in words.

She had just addressed the evelope and had placed it in her robe pocket to post after dinner when there was a knock at her door, knowing that it couldn't be Marlene as she either barged in or did some fancy knock. Lily straightened up her already tidy room with a flick of her wand and went to open the door.

A small first year jumped when the door was opened.

"Oh sorry, Miss Evans... Professor McGonagall asked if you and..." the first year hurriedly glanced at a piece of parchment stuffed in her pocket. "Mr Black of Gryffindor, Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew would all go down to her office." The first year hastily stuffed the parchment into her robes and grinned up at the red head, obviously proud that she had delivered a message to the Head Girl.

Lily smiled down at the small girl, remembering that her name was Rachel. She stepped out of her room and locked the door behind her.

"Thank you Rachel, you don't have to call me Miss Evans, Lily will do fine. And whatever you do, don't call Sirius and James, Mr Black and Mr Potter, their heads will get even bigger than normal."

Rachel sniggered, and continued up the stairs, disappearing into the first door she came to.

Lily entered the common room, to find Sirius, Peter and Remus all huddled in a corner by the fire. They looked a little lost without James, it looked weird to see three of them. Realising that she was missing James as well, she walked over to the boys to pass on the message.

James had other pressing matters to attend to. The surprise of Lily saying that word was nothing compared to the shock he got when he entered his fathers private room. His father was asleep, but even asleep it didn't take a Healer to know that he was seriously ill. He was very frail and pale.

James heard Marlene gasp as she entered in behind him. Martyn was already talking to a Healer who looked up when the two teens entered.

"James Potter?" the healer asked coming over to them. James didn't know where to look. His father reminded him, watching his mother slip away and knowing that his father might do the same took all the energy out of him. Ignoring the healer, he went and held his father's hand, sitting at a newly conjured chair, Marlene had thoughtfully provided when she saw James head over to Charlus' bed.

The healer looked stunned at Marlene's boldness of using magic outside school and turned to her with a stern look on his face. "And you are?" He asked rather rudely, he had only be expecting one visitor. As far as he knew, Charlus Potter only had one child.

"Marlene McKinnon, I'm here because James asked me to be here for morale support."

The healer nodded. The fact that she was a McKinnon as well, proved her right to be there. "Martyn, a word?"

Martyn nodded and with a brief look to James, Marlene and Charlus, walked outside with the healer.

As soon as her brother was out of earshot she walked over to James and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"What am I going to do without him?" James muttered. Marlene couldn't answer she just watched the man she loved like an uncle sleep.

"The healer said to prepare for the worst." Martyn said returning to the room and hesitantly placing a hand on his sister's shoulder. He had been expecting her to shrug it straight off, but she accepted it without complaint.

"What's wrong with him?" James asked, "Your letters have been very informative Martyn, however sometimes you went off on a tangent and started sounding too technical."

The healer cleared his throat.

"Your father, in laymen's terms is losing the will to live. That may seem harsh, but there is no other way to put it. The stress your father went through during your mothers death took a huge toll on his health, combined with the surprise news of the death of two of his best friends, his health nose dived."

James sighed, "probably doesn't help that I'm running after D..." James paused remembering who else was in the room. "Well taking my NEWTs this year, is what I meant to say."

Marlene saw her brother's face change when he realised what James was going to say, but fortunately he didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, dad." James said, squeezing his father's hand. "I love you." The healer busied himself in checking Charlus' chart just for something to do.

"Tea, James?" Marlene asked, needing something to do.

James nodded and with a nod of her head to Martyn the two of them left James with his father. The healer finding an opening to leave without being dismissed followed them out.

The silence was awkward as the two siblings walked side-by-side to find the cafeteria.

"I got your letter." Martyn said, breaking the silence.

Marlene nodded. She had to be civilised for James' sake. If she lost it with him here, then James would never forgive her. They were here for James, not to settle some differences. Plus she was supposed to be slowly coming round to her brother, for Dumbledore at any rate.

Pretending to be interested in her brothers point of view, when corresponding by owl is easier then being interested when you are talking face-to-face. Almost immediately after she left the room with him. Her Occlumency barriers were up. Not that they would be any use, because she was still quiet rubbish at it.

"How's Regulas?"

"Still not talking to me, it's not my fault, his nose should not have gotten in the way of me and my snitch." Marlene said matter of factly, a faint smile on her lips as she remembered the final Quidditch match of the season.

Martyn laughed, "well when he is talking to you, tell him I say hi."

"Will do."

"I must say, Marl, it's a relief to speak to you again, I really have missed you, you-know." Martyn, risking it and pulled his little sister into a hug. "I know it must be hard for you, but I'm here for you."

Marlene kept her tongue. It was definitely harder than she thought. Putting on her poker face, she smiled up at him and excepted the hug, all the while squashing the urge she had to hex him.

The news came at midnight, written in Marlene's shaking script as she struggled to contain her emotions, she had sent the letter to Hogwarts. Originally addressed to Professor Dumbledore, but knowing that he would pass it on to everyone it applied to.

I am writing this short note to let you know that Charlus Potter passed away earlier this evening. James is understandably upset and wishes to remain away from Hogwarts while he can sort things out. I am staying with him to help. Please let Sirius, Remus, Lily and Peter know that we are both fine despite the circumstances and we will be back before the week is out. It will not affect our school work.

Marlene.

A/N: Wow, this chapter has been a long time coming and now prepare yourself for my pathetic excuses... I have now returned from my six month working overseas. When I lasted posted a chapter I believe I was in Portugal. Well since then I moved to spain. Anyway, I'm home and with my new laptop on my.. er.. lap. (It's a MacBook... it's so pretty...) I have for you the last of my double whammy and the first of hopefully what is going to become regular updates. I apologise if things are blotchy, or don't make sense that's my fault and I apologise.

Please R&R (please be nice) and I'll write again soon.

Naomi