Previously on Under a Killing Moon...
Bella and company take on a couple of pyschottic vampires. In the true spirit of Mortal Kombat, they FINISH THEM. In an act of redemption, Renee sacrifices herself against the Volturi and Alice assures her the only way to protect themselves and the rest of Forks is to unleash a wave of energy that has the potential to blow up the forest.
Disclaimer: I, uh, I think I keep forgetting to remind you all that I do not, in fact, own Twilight or the characters. I do, however, own a lot of really fucked up movies that may or may not be responsible for some of the weirdness that follows. Typically, if I feel like posting music I'm listening to or inspired by...I do it at the end, just for funsies. But, in the event that you'd like a little mood music for what's to come, I'd like to suggest:
www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=NH1wp_YGJ7Y Massive Attack, Antistar
www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=NH_05x-wHBg The Foreboding Sense of Impending Happiness, HIM (if you are a fan of HIM, this song is actually dubbed over their "Join Me" video, I believe)
www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=1CsD4TTYKdA Weapon, Matthew Good
Chapter 16
BPOV
It's dark. I can't breathe. I'm trapped. Buried. The smell of wet earth surrounds me. I don't scream, or try to claw and kick. The pressure makes my ears ring. I'm not afraid, only exhausted. My eyes close, I want to sleep. The darkness grows heavy and it becomes uncomfortable. I try to shift, but I don't have any room. My muscles are stiff. I've been down here too long.
I won't be able to breathe at all soon.
My body contorts in ways it shouldn't. I push against the edges, hoping for more room and finding none. I try to twist my body to push against the top. I'm trapped and wasting air. I don't cry, because that's useless. Instead, I give up.
I was dead anyway. Dead enough to be put in the ground.
Bella…
It cuts through the silence like a bottle rocket. I jump at the sound. Is that my name? It sounds so foreign.
Bella…
The darkness falls away, piece by piece. It's almost too much for my eyes to take. I shut them tightly when I feel myself descending into the brightness. I try not to flail and tuck into myself. A soft melody surrounds me, but I'm too afraid to open my eyes. My knees hit first, digging deep into sand. I finally open my eyes when my fingers clutch the grains.
I am Oceanside. It's not a place I can remember, but it must be special. The sun and the moon are both hanging in the sky. Waves crash against the white shore, leaving foam when they ebb. The melody becomes stronger. I need to find the source, so I stand. I squint in the intense light. The beach goes for miles into the horizon in either direction.
But the water sparkles and glistens.
Bella…
I'm wearing shoes. I slip them off and walk to the water. The crashing grows louder and louder. I take my shirt off and continue to let the waves pull me forward. The water pools at my feet before I unbutton my jeans. I dive into the water without hesitation. It's smooth against my skin, but cold. My body shakes from the exertion.
Bella…
This time, the sound is garbled. I head up for air. When I break the surface, the music is louder. This annoys me. I slick my hair back and look up at the sky. Night time is trying to intrude on the day, somehow I feel I can relate.
There's a change in the current. Instead of the small waves and easy tides, it pulls me to the center. This makes me uneasy and I try to swim away. I'm not strong enough and I'm pulled under. I give into the force, since that's the only thing I can do. My ears and lungs fill with salty sea water. I let out a strangled cry, the only noise I've made since I woke up in the box. It's lost in the swirling water. No one will ever hear me.
Bella, wait…
I struggle against the current to swim to the surface, but it's no use. My body goes limp. I start to fall. I get sucked in. I give up.
I slip through time and space. Spinning out of control, my hands reach out but there's nothing to grasp. My body is pulled in too many directions and I feel like I'll be ripped apart. Then it's all over. I land with a hard thud back on the beach. This time, though, it's dark out. The moon illuminates the sand and reflects of the water, everything looks platinum against the black sky.
I jump up to cover myself, excepting to be near naked and soaking wet. I'm neither. A white dress falls around my knees and the strap slips slightly down my left shoulder. My hair falls down my back, several lights gusts of wind pick it up and it falls around my face. I feel like I'm waiting for someone. The melody is buzzing in my ears, louder and louder. Then, it stops. All the sound stops.
"Bella!" The voice reminds me of the melody. I turn around to see a tall figure running to me.
"Is that me? Am I Bella? Have you been calling to me?" I ask. I'm surprised to hear my own voice.
"You don't remember?" He steps into the moonlight and he is beautiful. Even with the muted colors of the night, the angry red in his hair glows. I stare.
"I guess not." The first thing I remember is the box. Then drowning.
"You don't remember me, then?" His face becomes incredibly sad and my heart hurts. I want to remember him.
"I'm sorry." Something feels wrong. I'm starting to panic.
My mind is starting to panic. My body, on the other hand, is calm. There's no thudding heart. The blood doesn't rush to my head. I'm not entirely sure I'm breathing. My body stays cool, so I assume I'm not breaking out into a blush.
"Am I dead?" I ask, wondering why I hadn't already thought of it. "Why isn't my heart beating?"
"You really don't remember?" He steps forward and his green eyes pierce through mine. I shiver involuntarily. Do dead people shiver? Am I dead?
"I remember a box and the water. There was also a song. I was trying to find it." I reply. His mouth breaks out into a grin and so does mine, but I'm not sure why.
"That was my song," he says. He begins to hum. "I wrote it for you."
"It's beautiful. Are there words?"
"It's not that kind of song," he laughed. He held his hand out to me. "Come with me."
"I'm scared." I turn my back on him and stare out at the water. It calls to me again. He hums the song, my song, and I can't move.
"Come with me, Bella." He begs between bars.
"Come." He insists, and pulls my shoulder back so that I'll face him. His hand is out, palm up. He nods.
"I can't." I shake my head violently; the left strap of my dress falls down my shoulder, and tickles me above the elbow.
"I need you." He drops his hand and his head.
"I'm dead!" I yell, and cringe at the volume. I drop down to the sand and pull my knees up to the chest. My head falls between my knees. Tears trickle down my face and land on my arms. They shine in the moonlight. A strong, warm hand rests on my shoulder.
"I can help you. But you need to come with me, Bella." He sounds too far away and sad. "You need to trust me. You do trust me. Just remember," he pushes.
The warm hand on my shoulder becomes cold. My skin breaks out into goose bumps. Emeralds and topazes dance before my eyes. I clench them shut and I see the man's face. But it's different. The lines are harder. The eyes aren't green. He's so white.
"Edward." I whisper and the hand twitches.
"Yes." He replies, lifting me up and looking me in the eye.
"You look different." I reach up to touch his face. My fingers brush his soft skin.
"You're dreaming. I look human." He smiles sadly, and reaches his hand out once more.
"Come with me, please."
I hesitate, but drop my cold hand into his warm one.
Come with me…
Come with me…
Stay with me…
"Bella! I need you to stay with me," a loud voice shouted.
I opened my eyes and regretted it immediately. The harsh lights made me cringe. Something clattered to the ground, and I jumped. The involuntary action sent a shock of pain through my body. A rapid beeping began behind me. My eyes opened again, and I could see Carlisle.
"Edward," I tried to yell. My throat was too dry and my lungs were too sore.
"I'm here." I felt his icy hand on my leg.
"I'm so tired," I whispered. My head fell to the side.
"Bella, I need you stay with me," Carlisle repeated. He stood in front of Edward and began to check me over. It irritated me because I wanted to go to sleep. I wanted to go back to my dream.
It was quite there. And dream Edward was a lot less upset than the Edward that scrubbed his face next to me.
Carlisle poked and prodded at me, eliciting pain from almost every part of my body. At one point, it became too much to bear. I wanted to ask where the morphine was, but I was too tired to form the words aloud. The sporadic beeping became a soothing rhythm after a few more minutes of whatever Carlisle was doing. I became more aware of my surroundings. An IV was stuck in my left hand. The good doctor injected something into it, and then looked at me.
"You're going to be fine," he breathed.
"Can I go back to sleep?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Not yet," he replied, "but soon."
He left the room and my eyes followed him. I wasn't in a hospital room. Everything seemed a little unfamiliar. The wooden paneling around the room didn't seem to match all the medical equipment. I tried to look around more, but it hurt to move. It appeared as though I was dropped into a 1970's rec room. Complete with itchy pull-out sofa.
"Edward?"
He shifted his weight and turned to face me. His dark eyes fixed on me and he smiled slightly. The hand resting on my leg rubbed gently and he sighed.
"I was afraid I was going to lose you," he whispered.
"I'm not so easy to get rid of," I joked. His smile didn't reach his eyes. "Do you need to hunt? My questions can wait." My eyelids were already starting to droop.
"I'm not going anywhere." He stroked my hand gently. His eyes were black and the shadows under them were turning into a deep purple.
"How long have I been out?" I closed my eyes; the sight of Edward looking so weak was too much. I didn't want to remember that image of him.
"Time is irrelevant to me, you know that." I could hear the light smile in his voice.
Footsteps approached from the door way and I opened my eyes to see Jasper quietly closing the door behind him. He gave me a strained smile and then narrowed his eyes at Edward.
"I can sit with her for a few hours while you take care of yourself. Emmett is waiting rather impatiently for you." He placed his hand on Edward's shoulder.
"He's going to challenge me," Edward sighed and laced his fingers through mine.
"Edward, let Jasper stay. I would just bore you with more sleeping," I yawned, trying to encourage him.
He sighed again as he let go of my hand. The boys exchanged a private conversation in their super speed vampire voices, sparing me glances more often than was comfortable. I gave them both a sour face, although it hurt to scrunch my nose up.
I tried to remember what happened before I woke up. Everything was fuzzy except James's face and the dead members of the wolf pack. I thought harder, trying to focus on why I was in so much pain. Frustration was beginning to exhaust me when I felt Edward's cold lips press against my forehead.
"I won't be gone long," he whispered. My heart clenched slightly.
"I love you," I whispered back. Because I did. His mouth smiled while he pressed another kiss against my temple. He whispered that he loved me too, and left the room in a flourish.
I lolled my head to the other side and looked at Jasper. His wheat-colored eyes stared after Edward for a moment, lips twitching up in a smile. After the door clicked shut, he noticed me staring at him.
"How do you feel?"
"Like I just got the shit kicked out of me by vampire or two. How do I look?"
He blinked several times and then broke out into a laugh.
"Well, I have to say. I thought you were the flag, but you turned out to be the bomb." He leaned back in the chair, clearly more comfortable with my sarcasm in the room.
"No, Jasper, you da bomb," I replied as I closed my eyes and rolled my head back to the middle of the pillow.
Bright white stars glowed against my eyelids. My mind wandered to a campfire with several children seated around it. I approached slowly, not wanting to startle them. They were roasting something in the flames. From the distance, it looked like hot dogs. As I came closer, the stench was horrible. I stopped to catch my breath. The kids all turned their heads sharply in my direction as I wheezed. One girl hopped off the log she occupied and walked to me. Her gait was wide and direct, pigtails swinging as she strode quickly.
"What are you doing here," she demanded. I was knelt down already, avoiding the smell. When I looked up, we were face to face.
She was me.
"What are YOU doing here," I replied. Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms, tapping her foot.
"You're dreaming, wake up!" She yelled, beginning a tantrum. The other children heard and began to crowd around me.
It wasn't hot dogs they were roasting. It was body parts. Vampire body parts.
"What are you doing?" I screeched, trying to grab the skewers from them.
"WAKE UP!" She was screaming now, flapping her arms violently.
I threw the smoked vampire parts to the ground and pinned her arms down on either side of her.
"Why do I need to wake up, Bella? Why?" I gently shook her so she'd stop screaming.
"So you can remember. Ask him! He knows. Wake up!" She kicked me hard in the shin.
I gasped and shuddered awake.
"What is Carlisle giving me?" I yelled, as I grabbed at the IV in my arm.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper leaned across to stop me from pulling the needles out of my hand. I could feel the calm around me, but it couldn't quite soothe me.
"The dreams," I gasped.
"Calm down, its okay now. You're awake."
"They were roasting vampire arms, Jasper! It was like some scarier reincarnation of Children of the Corn. I was there, as a little girl! Little Bella kicked me. She told me ask you—that you knew. I didn't understand it, but it was fucking weird." I felt tears forming in the corner of my eyes.
"Bella, you need to calm down. It was just a dream. Carlisle isn't dosing you. I think you're just reacting to the trauma. Maybe the early stages of posttraumatic stress disorder." He sighed. "Edward should really explain it to you. He thinks it will be easier coming from him."
"What will be easier?"
"The truth. Do you remember anything?" He fell back into his chair while I abandoned my attempt to tear the medical tubing out of my veins.
"I…I can remember some things. On the way there, we knew we got separated on purpose. It just didn't feel right. I was pissed off that I missed it, and took it out on Edward. I said a lot of bullshit things, Jasper. He left me in the Volvo, I found the right clearing, and I went to look for James. There were dead Indian boys all over the place. I could never forget that. You were stressed out about Alice, that's why I didn't tell you Edward and I got into a fight. I didn't want you stay with me. James found me after you left."
I concentrated hard. What happened after James found me?
"You don't remember anything after that, do you?" He rested his elbows on his thighs and steepled his fingers.
I didn't remember anything after that. My face must have looked panicked, because Jasper was trying to calm me down again.
"You should really let Edward explain it. He's probably right, it would be easier coming from him."
"No, I need to know what happened."
I wanted Jasper to spill it. Suddenly, the room got foggy.
What did Jasper have to tell me? It could wait. Sleep was more important.
I slept dreamlessly and lightly.
Edward and Jasper switched places at one point, they whispered conspiratorially. My mind was a million miles away, unable to bring what was going on around me into focus. Carlisle came in and checked my vitals, and pushed something else into my IV.
I started to wonder if maybe the Cullens were really CIA. They'd taken cover as vampires in order to infiltrate my Keeper Camp and use my connection to Aro. Maybe they wanted take down the Volturi. Carlisle was pumping me full of some truth serum or paralytic. He was waiting for the right moment to start interrogating me under a Chinese water torture device. My body twitched at the thought. Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek, and I fell back asleep.
I faded in and out for hours. The room, which was dark when I had first woke, was glowing from the sun against the shades. My body felt stiff, but at least I felt like part of my body. Layers of blankets were piled on top of me, and I could feel a sheen of sweat on my neck and back. I tried to pull them up and two cold hands gripped either side and pulled with me.
"Edward," I whispered hoarsely. My voice cracked and I cleared my throat.
"I'm here." He stroked the back of my hair while he helped me sit up. He folded up some of the discarded blankets and fluffed them behind me. The muscles were still heavy, and I could see several yellow bruises where my shorts and tank top didn't cover. But, the pain wasn't overwhelming. I wasn't drifting back to sleep. I took a few deep breathes, relieved.
"Bella, you're awake." Carlisle smiled as he stepped through the open door. I blanched at his arrival, waiting for more of whatever he'd been giving me. "Relax. Your body is practically healed. The nightmares were putting too much stress on your body's ability to heal."
He handed me a glass of water and gave Edward a stern look. They had an argument with their facial expressions. Edward scowled, Carlisle raised his eyebrow. Edward narrowed his eyes, Carlisle pursed his lips. Edward winced and Carlisle, the victor, smiled. He left quickly, quietly closing the door behind me.
"They're all afraid of overwhelming you." He shrugged in explanation of Carlisle's hasty leave.
"It's okay. Look, I need you tell me whatever Jasper wouldn't." Did they think I would forget? Not likely.
His pale fingers pinched the straight bridge of his nose and he let out of a loud, exaggerated sigh.
"I know you're mad at me, and I'm sorry about all the awful stuff I said to you in the car. You didn't deserve it. I'm rotten and I'm sorry." I looked away from him, feeling slightly ashamed that I hadn't apologized already.
"Bella," he began, exhaling dramatically. "I have been underestimating you from the moment I saw you. When Alice first saw you in her visions, she knew there was something special about you. She also understood the inevitability of you and me. The very idea made me scoff. I assumed, incorrectly of course, that you were just another vapid teenage girl.
"Even when I saw you in Physics class, before I became aware of your scent, you were staring at the back of Mike Newton's head like it was a big, red target. I was wrong about you then, too. I decided that you had more tenacity than anything else.
"I've been in denial, perhaps because I am so used to be relied on and given my way. That day I stopped the van, I saw you drop to the ground and roll underneath your car. I may have been surprised when you finally revealed the truth to me, perhaps because I was so focused on what I was hiding from you to entertain too many ideas of what it was you kept from me.
"The point is—I've grossly misjudged you. I've mistaken the physical toll of the last few days on you as weakness. I tried to protect you, taking your ability for granted." He took my chin and lifted my face toward him. His golden eyes were apologetic and eager, his mouth pulled into slight frown.
"It was dangerous and foolish. I love you, and you deserve a partner. Not a master." He tensed slightly at the last word.
We stared at each other in silence, because I didn't know what to say. My cheeks felt wet and I realized I was crying. He gently wiped a few tears away with his thumbs and pressed his forehead against mine. I held back a sob and took a few deep breathes to pull myself together. The sweet scent of Edward's skin filled my nose and I could taste him on my tongue. My skin vibrated with the energy that surrounded us, its gentle pulsing soothed the panic that was beginning to swell inside of me. His lips pressed against mine softly, at first. My lips moved against his and the air seemed to spark.
I pulled back abruptly and stared at him, wide-eyed. The gentle pulse that eased me had turned into a deafening buzz. My feet landed on the floor without my permission, and I paced across the room. The space I created between Edward and I seemed to dissolve some of the electricity between us. My heart ached minutely. I needed answers. Kissing could come later.
Hopefully.
"I'm sorry," he laughed, but there was no humor on his face.
"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I just need to know what happened."
He told me the story then. As he spoke, I felt like I relived every blow. The pain burned in my shoulders and radiated down my ribs. I lifted up the hem of my tank top to reveal light purple and yellow marks up and down each side. His cold hands ghosted along my waist as he murmured his regrets. I shook off his apology for not being there, because I can handle myself. But, as I started to remember I realized I let my emotions get the best of me.
I concluded my inability to remember the fight was from blacking out after I used whatever strange energy my anger shot out.
"There's more," he continued while I began to relax.
I thought for a moment, and remembered Renee had showed up with a burning kit.
"Renee." I whispered.
"Do you remember?" He asked hesitantly. His hand hovered near my elbow, he ducked to meet my gaze.
"The campfire." The words fell absently. I thought about the last dream I had, where my younger self kicked me. She was trying to remind me of the explosion.
Edward grabbed me in his arms before my knees had the chance to give out.
I had lost my mother. Sure, she wasn't the world's best mom or anything. But she was my mom.
"They all died. The fire was huge, but the rain quickly killed it. The damage was extreme, stretching out for several miles in every direction. If there hadn't been a storm, it would have engulfed the whole forest."
"Oh god," I sobbed, "what is Charlie gonna say."
"That I'm glad you're alright."
I turned quickly, tripping on my own feet. Edward grabbed my waist, supporting me for a moment before I could regain my composure. My dad stood close to the door, his face grave. Alice hovered quietly behind him. The hands around my waist slowly released me and I ran into my father's arms, sobbing violently over the loss of my mother.
A/N: I just got done reading Eclipse (for the 2nd time) a few days ago...part of this chapter was written after. Can you guess which part I'm thinking of in particular? If we lived in Hogwarts, I'd give your house 10 points if you guessed correctly! :)