Chapter Ten

Well I've been waiting, waiting here so long
But thinking nothing,

nothing could go wrong,

Now I know
She has a built in ability
To take everything she sees
And now it seems I'm falling,

falling for her
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart

~Invisible Touch by Genesis~

Bella's request to learn more about vampires took none of us by surprise. Who wouldn't be filled with curiosity in her position? Carlisle was watching her earnestly and I eavesdropped on his thoughts.

We can't blame her for being curious and maybe it would be better it she learned about us… preparation for the future, but I'm curious too.

The 'preparation for the future' comment worried me. My family was becoming as invested in Alice's vision as she was and if it didn't happen… I wasn't sure who would be most disappointed.

Carlisle suggested a question-to-question proposal to Bella who accepted his terms. Her immediate question was how to protect humans from vampires – understandable, I suppose. She had family in Forks and she knew the humans at school. Carlisle's brief explanation that the myths of garlic and holy water were false seemed to ruffle her. I caught her eye and she looked away, embarrassed. I wondered why as Carlisle asked to see her walk through something. She went to the nearest wall and I could see the tension in her limbs, suddenly uncertain of herself. I couldn't blame her for being self-conscious when five curious vampires were staring at her. She walked quickly through the wall and back again, looking at Carlisle as though for a verdict.

Remarkable! I've never seen anything like it. Is it a physical aspect of her state of being or something supernatural that gives her that ability?

Carlisle's thoughts were racing as his thirst for knowledge swelled. It amazed me that a man as old as he was still so eager to learn, to constantly gain new understanding of the world through genuine interest and not mere boredom. Bella was opening up a part of the world that he had never known existed. She went back to her seat, looking as though she wanted to disappear into it as she chewed her lip. She wasn't used to having attention on her, this would be a strange feeling, I imagined. Carlisle asked her to describe what it was like and she screwed up her face to express the unpleasantness of it.

"It's uncomfortable. Like everything in you is being pushed in different directions, pushing you apart. I usually try to avoid going through solid objects, but it is worse with people." She explained hesitantly. I had never considered that and was grateful to Carlisle for thinking of it. Then he asked what it felt like to go through humans. Instantly her face shut down and she stared at her hands, frowning a little.

"They don't like it. It makes them cold and unhappy." She said quietly and the unfairness of it struck me, how she must have longed for contact for so long. I hated myself again that her first touch was my pushing her to the ground. It should have been better. I should have made it better.

Bella swallowed hard, the sound loud in the room to our sensitive hearing.

"To me, it's like… like I'm falling apart in them." She murmured, still staring at her hands, "Humans are so active, so… alive. I'm not. It tears me to pieces when I walk through them."

Edward, please…

Jasper's thoughts were full on anxiety and my eyes flickered in his direction. His face was pained as he stared at the girl.

You need to calm yourself, brother. Between you and her… the pain, the loneliness… I can't… His expression twisted again and I saw Alice tighten her fingers around his, attempting to soothe him without drawing attention to his plight.

I nodded my head infinitesimally, trying to focus on being calm and as emotionless as I could make myself. Bella did the same thing without realising what was going on, plastering a smile on as she looked at Carlisle, but she couldn't hide the expression in her eyes as she requested her question. Alice answered her queries about what we were doing in high school and she accepted the answer easily.

"So you keep redoing high school? Wow… I mean, I'm on my, like, fourth go and I'm already sick of it. Although, if I actually manage to pass geometry this year, I may reward myself by skipping maths next time." She grinned at us charmingly and Carlisle, Esme and Alice all smiled back. I fixed my gaze on the carpet as Jasper caught my attention again.

How can she do that? How can she pretend the loneliness isn't there? It's so strong, it's like she's screaming at the top of her lungs.

I didn't know how to reply. For once, I wished I had his gift, so I could understand her better. It irritated me that Jasper could sense her in ways that I could not. When my attention returned to her, she was asking about sunshine.

"Sunlight… do you-?"

"We don't burst into flames." I interrupted, feeling the amusement on my face. She looked embarrassed again and began chewing her lip. I wished she wouldn't do that. For some reason, I just couldn't look away when she did.

"Oh. Then why don't you want to be in sunlight? What happens?" She asked curiously, leaning forward, her eyes large and bright. Carlisle looked at me briefly before smiling at Bella.

"We… it's hard to describe, but we sort of shine when in direct sunlight." He said.

"You shine?" Bella asked, tilting her head.

"It's like we reflect the light. I guess you could call it…" My voice trailed away and I hesitated, knowing how ridiculous this was going to sound.

Oh, for crying out loud!

"We sparkle, Bella. We sparkle in sunlight." Alice said sharply. And then Bella laughed, a short, sharp, delightful laugh before she clapped her hand over her mouth, looking appalled at herself. Luckily, Carlisle began to laugh, amused by her reaction as she stammered an apology, giggling unstoppably. I sensed the pleasure of my family as they watched her try to get herself under control. She smiled widely, fanning her face as she tried to calm down.

"OK. Sorry. Please, your turn to ask a question." She said and Carlisle smiled.

"Are there others like you?" He asked her and she shook her head.

"I don't think so. Not in Forks, anyway. But I went to Seattle for a while and I didn't see anyone like me there either." She said casually. Esme frowned.

"Why Seattle?"

"Part of the Unfinished Business trial." She said before gesturing to us, "Are there more like you?"

"Yes and no. There are other vampires. But very few who don't drink human blood, like us." Carlisle explained.

Bella looked at him for a moment before looking over at the wall she'd demonstrated walking through, her face one of careful thought and consideration. Once again, the fact that I couldn't read her thoughts plagued me, because I was desperate to know what she was thinking. Her expression began to change, her brow furrowing. I could feel the atmosphere in the room changing and Alice stiffened.

Edward, she's going to leave! She thinks our being here is going to put her father in danger! I can't see her once she stops interacting with us!

Even as I heard this, Bella's head snapped around to stare at us all. Her eyes were wide and she scrambled to her feet.

"I, uh, I have to go." She muttered and Alice stood, ready to plead with her.

"Bella-"

Bella held up a hand as she backed away, making for the wall. She was tense and almost trembling.

"I don't think this is a good idea. You might not feed from humans but you might have friends that do. I don't know you." Her eyes widened even further and she twisted her head away from us, staring at the wall in horror, "God, I don't even know you and I'm here, telling you everything…"

Fear filled me, irrational and terrifying. She was going to leave. I could see Alice desperately searching for our future and ignored her, not wanting to know what she might or might not find. Instead I moved at top speed, arriving between Bella and the wall but being careful not to touch her, meeting her eyes. She gazed up at me and her scent surrounded me, cocooning me in warmth and hunger and desire. Her face was twisted in turmoil and her mouth was open slightly as she stared at me. I wanted to brush her hair from her face and hold and assure her that everything would be alright. Those emotions petrified me, but I pushed them aside in the face of her own fear.

"You don't have anything to fear from us. We don't associate with the more violent of our kind. You don't have to be afraid." I said as quietly as possible so that she would still be able to hear me.

She stared at me before turning her head away, the dark locks falling over her face as they freed themselves from the braid that hung down her back. We stood for a moment and my hand yearned to connect with her skin but she shook her head and stepped past me, disappearing from sight although I heard her running across the lawn.

We all stood silently and I stared at the wall, ignoring all the thoughts that floated through the air. Alice was the first to speak aloud.

"She'll be back, Edward. She's just afraid."

"She was uncertain. Bitter, too, and ashamed." Jasper said quietly and Carlisle sighed.

"Can you blame her? She's just found out that the only people who can see her are essentially designed to be killers."

I didn't reply and Esme moved to me, taking my hands in hers with motherly affection.

"Edward, love, it will be alright." She said softly, "She just needs time."

"She's right." I said calmly, "We are a danger to her loved ones. She'd be better off staying away from us."

"How can you say that?" Alice demanded, frowning at me and I glared at her.

"Alice, you know better than anyone that your visions aren't set in stone."

"But you want it to be." Jasper said abruptly and we all looked at him. I turned my glare on him.

"Jasper-"

"When she went to leave, you were terrified, Edward. You're attracted to her and when you're thinking about that vision, you're giving off waves of happiness. I've never felt that from you before."

Fury erupted through me and I tore my hands from Esme's grip, storming towards Jasper. Carlisle caught my arm quickly.

"Edward!"

"Enough! All of you, enough!" I spat angrily, wrenching my arm from him, "Alice, stay out of my future! You're ridiculous, all of you! Alice's vision is ridiculous! This whole situation is a waste of time and I'm sick of you all assuming you know what's best for me!"

"Edward, we want you to be happy." Esme insisted and the upset in her tone almost killed me but I was too angry.

"I have never complained of being unhappy, Esme. You're idiots if you think that putting all your faith in Alice's unpredictable talents is going to solve all our problems."

Alice's eyes narrowed and Jasper bared his teeth at the insult to his mate but I stared hatefully at Carlisle.
"Well, I'm sorry if I've been keeping you all from Happily Ever After. I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you. I can get out of your way, if you prefer."

"Edward, stop being such an asshole and get a goddamn grip."

We all turned to see Rosalie and Emmett in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest as she stared at us in disgust. We fell silent as she strode into the room, exuding confidence and irritation at us. Her eyes went to Alice, who was still glaring at me.

"Alice, back off. You know what you know, but you can't force it to happen." She said sharply and then looked around at everyone else, "You all need to stop. I don't give a crap about this Bella girl. If she and Edward get it together, that's fine, whatever, but it's their choice. Don't go putting all your eggs in Alice's basket."

Alice huffed but Rosalie had turned on me, eyes blazing.

"And you need to get your head out of your ass, Edward. Don't you get why everyone's so happy about this? You think it's easy for your family to see you alone, to see you floating along with no real emotion in your life? Of course they're excited about this and you should be too, because unless you start believing that something might happen, it's not going to and you'll have only yourself to blame."

We were all silent, staring at her. She ignored our stunned faces and turned back to Emmett, who grinned as she walked back to him.

"We're going hunting. We'll be back when you've all gotten over it." She sniped before taking off at a run. Emmett chuckled before shrugging at us.

"You know she's right. Not like anyone would dare to disagree." He said cheerily before disappearing after his wife.

I stared at the empty doorway before risking a shamefaced glance at Alice and Jasper, both of whom looked adequately chastened. Carlisle seemed vaguely amused and Esme just looked bewildered.

Alice caught my eye and gave a sheepish smile.

She's right. Not that I'll admit it. I'll let you work this out on your own, if that's what you want.

I nodded and gave her a small smile. She crossed to me and hugged me swiftly, then I slipped away quickly to go over the evenings events in my mind.

~*~

Rosalie and Emmett were out of the car almost before I'd parked at school the next day. Jasper and Alice took off too and I didn't bother to listen in to their thoughts. The fact that I'd had to spend the whole night running around the woods surrounding Forks meant that I'd avoided Alice's examination of the future to the best of my ability. I didn't want anymore visions haunting me, tempting me with something that may never happen.

I locked my car and almost immediately felt eyes on me. I turned and saw Bella sat on the stone wall again. She was looking at me with a forlorn expression. After a long moment she shrugged in a resigned way as she stood and walked into the school.

I wanted to follow her. I wanted to talk to her, to breathe her wonderful scent again, to take the emotions that Jasper had described and force them to go away. But it was not my place. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

But Rosalie's words had stuck with me, which was unusual, because normally I had little interest in anything she had to say.

… unless you start believing that something might happen, it's not going to and you'll have only yourself to blame.

Against all odds, could it be that Rosalie was actually, for once, correct? Would Alice's vision only come true if I made it come true?

How many times had I been over this in my head? Too many – it was becoming an obsession.

She was becoming an obsession and she had no idea how potentially dangerous that was.

I was disgusted at myself, for my weakness, for my desire and for my ability to consider putting an innocent in harms way for my own pleasure. I scowled, walking towards the school doors but I saw Alice and Jasper ahead talking with Bella.

…keep her calm long enough to give Alice a chance to-

"Jasper!" I snapped at him and he looked at me guiltily. Alice looked irritated at my interruption.

Edward, she was about to agree-

"Jasper can manipulate emotions. He was trying to keep you relaxed whilst Alice convinced you to come and visit us again." I said quickly to Bella, not giving Alice time to finish. I expected Bella to be hurt, to look sad, to stammer excuses and run away through the nearest wall.

Instead, she glared at my brother and sister, uttered that the situation was "Not cool," and stalked away angrily.

"What the hell, Edward?!" Alice spat furiously, glaring up at me. I glared back.

"You agreed to let me work this out on my own, Alice."

"Yes, your relationship with her." Alice hissed under her breath as Lauren Mallory glanced our way in curiosity, "But she's going to be my friend too, Edward, and I'm not waiting for you to get your act together!"

"Ali-kins, hope you're being good." Emmett appeared at our side, giving us each a warning glance. Alice pouted and gave me one last irritated look.

"Always am, Emmett." She said before seizing Jasper's hand and flouncing away towards class. Emmett laughed quietly, patting me on the back.

"Come on, Edward. You knew she wouldn't let it go that easily." He teased and I let out an exasperated sigh.

"I don't know what to do, Emmett. This situation is… new."

"You're telling me, I was listening to a ghost talk about her afterlife and crap sense of humour last night. It's not exactly something I do on a regular basis. Anyway, gotta run. Rosalie's waiting and I don't keep my girl waiting." He grinned, "Maybe you shouldn't either."

He'd strolled away before I could react and I frowned, not liking how much I wanted to be able to say those words.

My girl.


~*~

I didn't see Bella at lunch but Alice assured me that she was fine.

"You'll see her in biology. Oh, and it's going to be sunny tomorrow." She informed us. This was good news. We hadn't hunted as a family since we'd arrived in Forks and it was tradition on sunny days to run for miles, enjoying each other's company. The memories of those days formed some of my fondest and I looked forward to it

I was in Biology before Bella and waited patiently, wondering how to approach her again. She seemed to have decided on her path and yet Alice's vision hadn't changed. I thought back to that morning, to Bella's sad shrug outside the school, as if to say 'This is the way it is. We can't change it'.

Even as I thought this, she appeared in the doorway behind Mike Newton who hurried to his seat as Mr Banner began the lesson. Her eyes met mine and then flickered to the empty desk beside me. I caught her eye again and gave the seat beside mine a pointed look. She stared at me for a moment before shifting across the room and sliding into the empty seat. Mr Banner started the movie and I quickly tore a page from my notebook, scribbling a note of apology for our behaviour and slipping it across the desk to her. She glanced down at it before leaning over for my pen and writing back.

It's fine. I just freaked a little. Like I said, I don't know you. I think I just got carried away, having someone to talk to who could actually hear me.

That's understandable. Loneliness is a powerful thing.

I wasn't sure why I wrote that. It seemed a very personal thing to have exposed and Bella didn't reply but I was certain that she understood. I watched the movie playing, dim and uninteresting but I was conscious of Bella's eyes on my face, examining me closely as though searching for something. I wished more than ever that I could read her thoughts, that I could find out what she really thought of me.

I couldn't resist turning my head slightly, hoping to catch a trace of emotion in her eyes but I only saw her glance away quickly, embarrassed as she shoved the paper back at me.

I don't think we should be friends.

Friends… such a curious little word, implying so many levels of affection. Alice wanted to be Bella's friend. I was not certain that I did. I looked at Bella. She was running her finger over a scratch in the wooden tabletop and she looked impossibly young. I wrote back, asking why we shouldn't be friends and her reply surprised me, that she wanted to accept what had happened to her. She wanted to live out her existence without hope? Without companionship? It was absurd.

It was, I realised with a sinking heart, the exact same thing that I was doing.

You'd rather work on being alone than talking to the only people available to you?

I know it doesn't make sense.

I looked at her, waiting for elaboration but she simply shrugged again. I was momentarily distracted by the soft tumbling of her hair as she made the movement but soon realised that no elaboration was coming. Fair enough. If I had to work for this, I would and I decided to start by finding out a little more about the enigma that was Isabella Swan, deceased.

I asked if she could eat. She replied instantly that she couldn't and demanded to know what blood tasted like. It seemed rather vulgar and I gave her a look to express this sentiment. She smiled, almost daringly and it took all of my resolve not to grin. She looked adorable and alluring both at the same time and I pitied every other male in the room that they could not see her. On the other hand, I didn't fancy the competition.

We scribbled back and forth a few more minutes and I resisted the urge to laugh as she jokingly offered to tutor me. She wrote about her father and her mother. Her expression was torn as she wrote about her mother and I felt my emotions surge for her. What must that be like? Knowing that your mother is safe and well but that you can never see her again?

She caught my look and frowned, irritated by my reaction. I hadn't expected that, but I should have realised to never make assumptions about this girl by now. In the few short days since we'd met, she'd turned me everyway and flipped my world upside down. She rolled her eyes at me, slipping the note back.

I'm over being dead, Edward. You should get over it too. Besides, I'm not the only one in this room without a heartbeat. So don't go assuming that I've got issues because I'm willing to bet that the Cullen household isn't all cookies and rainbows.

My eyebrows shot up and I glanced at Bella, but she was watching the movie, chin resting in her hands. She was still frowning and her eyes looked worried. I didn't like it when they looked like that. It added age to her otherwise youthful face and it worried me that she was world weary.

I scribbled an apology which she accepted and we spent the rest of the lesson writing random facts about ourselves, getting to know each other a little. I enjoyed it a great deal but was also struck by a tingling sense of guilt that I was doing all of this for reasons that she did not suspect. It seemed dishonest.

As the lesson ended, I invited her to come over at anytime and she replied that she'd wait until Charlie was asleep. She left for Calculus and I walked off towards Spanish, strolling past Alice as I went. She grinned at me.

About time, Edward.

"Calm down, Alice." I warned her, but couldn't help feeling the glow in the pit of my stomach.

~*~

"Edward, I knew you could do it." Esme beamed as I informed her and Carlisle that Bella would be coming over again. I gave her a flat look.

"Esme…"

"I just mean… well, it's no use pretending, you'd know anyway." She laughed, "I hope that she does get to know you and that things do work out. And I'm not going to apologise because what mother doesn't want her son to be matched up with a nice girl?"

Her honesty disarmed me and I couldn't help smiling. Esme laughed again, pleased with herself and with me as she returned to her papers that were scattered over the dining room table. She was designing a house for us in Alaska. We usually stayed with the Denali coven, but it was a good location for our kind so she had plans to make our own home there too.

"I just don't want people making assumptions. I imagine she'd be terrified if she found out that we were planning to keep her with us permanently as my mate just because Alice saw that it may happen."

"Will happen, Edward!" Alice called from her bedroom and Esme laughed softly, squeezing my fingers gently before picking up a pencil and sketching quickly. I watched her for a moment, resting my forearms on the table. Carlisle disappeared into his study and I concentrated on Esme's drawing. She was at her happiest here, with her family nearby and all safe, with something to capture her interest like this.

I left her to work and sat at the piano, picking out familiar tunes, barely paying attention to what I was doing as I waited for Bella to arrive. I didn't expect her before ten at least and I let out a soft sigh, my fingers dancing lightly on the keys. I pressed one note, then another and then another before blending them together, repeating them, adding further waves of sound and wrapping them together, tying them into a harmony.

I heard a footstep at the door and stopped. The noise faded abruptly and Esme let out a disappointed sound.

"Don't stop, Edward. That was lovely, one of your best." She said, moving to stand by me, "What was it? It was so peaceful."

"A lullaby." I said, although how I was so certain, I didn't know. "It's a lullaby."

"But she can't sleep."

"It's as you said. It makes you peaceful." I said and then looked at my mother, realising what she'd said. Esme smiled beautifully and kissed my forehead.

I scribbled down what I had played, sliding the piece into the folder that sat in the seat of the piano bench before I walked out onto the porch. The sun had set a while ago and I waited for Bella, watching the clouds scurry across the sky, the stars blinking out from behind them. The moon cast an intermittent light over the lawn and it bathed the blades of grass silver. I heard footsteps and straightened, watching as Bella appeared through the trees, her hair loose and long. The moonlight lent her an ethereal glow that suited her as she walked towards the house. I smiled slightly as I opened the front door for her, letting her know that Carlisle was waiting in his office.

Alice restrained herself as we entered, to simply saying hello. Bella waved back before following me upstairs and I ignored Emmett's childish mental cheering that I was getting her upstairs already. Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us and I was slightly amused by how eager they were to see Bella again. She greeted them and instantly apologised for her fast exit the day before but Esme assured her that it was fine. I went to stand by the window, not wanting to crowd her.

Carlisle didn't beat around the bush and I looked at him sharply as he asked Bella if she would be interested in allowing him to examine her. She stared back at him, a crease between her eyebrows as he spoke. For a long moment she didn't reply and I didn't need Jasper's mental cry to alert me to the fact that she was upset. Her eyes were accusatory in their depth, her hands had balled into fists and she was stiff.

I moved quickly across to her, throwing a look at Carlisle as I stood by her shoulder. I wanted to put my hand on her shoulder, to let her know that I was there for her, but it didn't seem wise.

"Bella." I said her name softly but it seemed to shake her from her enraptured state. She blinked and turned her large eyes on me, wary and ready to bolt. I tilted my head so that I was able to see her clearly and I almost drowned in her face, so young and so old and so hurt. I shook my head before speaking very quietly.

"Don't be afraid, Bella. Carlisle isn't suggesting that this is your only option."

The last thing I wanted was for her to think we were only interested in her for scientific purposes and I was instantly furious with Carlisle for springing this on her. She was not here for him. She was not his!

He spoke again and we both looked at him. He stood, looking at Bella.

"Bella, I didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm just a naturally curious man and I would appreciate the opportunity. If you don't want to, that's fine as well but I hope you'll continue to visit us. I believe Alice has already foreseen that you're going to be her friend and I think you'll find that it's easier just to give in to these matters." He looked amused as he finished.

I apologise, Edward. We'll talk about this later. He assured me.

I looked back at Bella. She was rubbing her hand across her forehead and she took a deep breath, but this wasn't too strange. We went through the motions of breathing, especially in company but it seemed more than that for her, as though she was inhaling courage along with the dust particles and oxygen.

"Spell it out for me, Carlisle. What exactly do you want to do?" She asked, her eyes fixed intently on his. I could see the pleasure in Carlisle's expression as he moved towards us, explaining his ideas. I moved back to the window in silence, listening uncomfortably. I didn't like the sound of this. We had no idea what Bella was, what might happen to her, but I knew Carlisle and he wouldn't place her in danger. When he said that he wanted to start as soon as possible, Bella fell silent. She gazed at him for a moment and then her eyes flickered towards me, almost in askance. I didn't make a move, unwilling to push her in either direction. This decision had to be entirely hers.

"OK."

And in those two short letters, her fate was sealed. Carlisle beamed at her and held out his hand to shake hers. Instantly the room became colder as her eyes widened, staring at his outstretched fingers. They flickered back to his eyes and then back to his hand, but the tension was back in her shoulders and neck. To my surprise, she lifted her hand towards his. I straightened abruptly.

Give her a chance, Edward. Carlisle asked silently, his eyes still on hers.

I watched, feeling on edge as she moved her fingers towards him. They touched and she gasped before furrowing her brow and forcing her hand into his. Pride mingled with jealousy as I watched them. Jealousy that Carlisle should be the first to touch her bare skin, but it faded to anxiety as she pulled away, rubbing her hand.

"It's been a while." She murmured by way of explanation. Carlisle smiled at her.

"I know."

Edward, she did it! I'm coming to see her, we've got so much to talk about!

It was too late to stop her and I looked at Bella.

"Bella, I think you should prepare yourself."

"What f-?" She was cut off by Alice throwing the door open and rushing towards her.

"I'm so happy you said yes! Oh, Bella, this is going to be wonderful, there's so many things we have to talk about." She cried. Bella stepped back in alarm, falling past Carlisle and straight into the desk, her body disappearing into the ancient mahogany. Alice giggled sheepishly, her delight palpable as she apologised. I almost laughed when Bella questioned her knowledge of personal boundaries. As Alice turned, beckoning Bella after her, the jealousy reared its head again and I growled at her. Instantly my sister turned her golden eyes on me, narrowing them.

Edward, don't you dare. She isn't just yours; you've seen that we're going to be close. You can't just steal her away every time she's here. I won't keep her long and then you can spend some time with her.

I glared back at her before storming from the room and running upstairs to my third floor bedroom. I heard Bella follow Alice to the room she shared with Jasper but put some music on to block them out as I lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

Jealousy was a new emotion. I didn't care for it, it made me feel exposed and weak. I had felt envy before, but only mildly, when observing the happiness of my family. I wasn't used to having strong emotions at all and I didn't understand them or know how to handle them.

Jasper would be the best person to talk to. He understood emotions better than anyone. I ran my hand through my hair, contemplating how best to approach the situation. Would it be right to talk to Jasper without talking to Bella first? Would I be better off getting to know Bella without outside influences? There was no precedent to this situation. The only woman who had expressed real interest in me and been forward enough to suggest something had been Tanya, and my emotions towards her were nothing in comparison to the tidal wave that surrounded Bella.

And I worried that my feelings for Bella were only there because I expected them to be. Were they genuine? I had no basis for comparison. If only I could borrow Jasper's gift for a day, I would be able to begin to understand if this was normal.

I lay for several minutes, debating over and over in my mind what I should do, before deciding to go and talk to Jasper. I went downstairs slowly, hoping to catch a glimpse of Bella but Alice was alone.

…Don't understand… perfectly nice clothes…

I chuckled. Had Bella really denied Alice the chance to dress her up? What an amusing idea, after Alice's insistence that they would be spending time together. Perhaps Bella wouldn't just be changing me after all. It was an intriguing thought. Where was Bella?

As if in answer, Jasper's thoughts floated up the stairs towards me as I turned the banister and saw them, facing each other on the steps. Jasper's eyes were pitch black and Bella was staring at him in alarm, one hand tightly on the banister behind her.

The scent… Jasper's thoughts were clouded in a haze of lust for that scent, not sexual but closer to bloodlust, What is that? What is it?

He saw himself reaching for her, pulling her close, almost an embrace as he bit and that scent filled his senses. There could be no blood, for she had none, but this was more than blood, this was purer, this was sweeter. This was ecstasy…

"Jasper!" I didn't even realise that I'd spoken but they both jumped. Jasper's eyes shot to mine as he shook himself. I'd moved down the staircase in an instant and stood between them, being careful not to brush against Bella. Jasper murmured that he was sorry to Bella before edging away.

I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know what came over me. I don't… I'm sorry.

He disappeared and I turned to Bella.

"Are you alright?" I demanded and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah, of course. What was that?" She glanced up the stairs after Jasper but I could sense my brother's confusion and remorse as he tried to understand what had happened. This was not the place to discuss it, where he could hear so easily. I didn't want him to feel worse.

"Come with me." I said quietly and she followed without question as I led her out of the house and towards the woods, where we would be out of earshot of my family at least for a little while. I stopped by a large oak and turned to her in concern.

"Are you alright?

"You already asked me that." She pointed out before glancing back in the direction of the house, "What was with Jasper?"

"Your scent…" I began but my voice faded away. How could I possibly explain this situation? That when she got close to vampires, her aroma was almost impossible to resist?

She was frowning and looked down at herself. She tilted her head towards her shoulder slightly, trying to smell herself. I smiled slightly, shaking my head.

"You don't smell bad. Quite the opposite. Humans smell like blood, you see, but mixed with other scents designed to entice us to hunt. But where your blood doesn't… there's no blood to hunt for so your scent is a lot stronger than a human's would be. It's… it's quite intoxicating."

Intoxicating was hardly an adequate phrase, but it made do. Bella turned her face away, arms wrapping around her waist as her hair curtained her face. She was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation and I almost regretted bringing it up. After some kind of internal struggle she smiled at me.

"Well, I guess I won't be playing hide-and-seek with vampires anytime soon." She joked and I offered a faint smile as I leant back against a tree. I didn't need to lean, but she was more human than I was and this small act might make her feel more at ease.

Apparently, it worked because she announced that I was going to answer her questions about vampires there and then. Her confidence amused me as she perched herself on a fallen tree, looking simply lovely as she gazed at me, absorbing the information I gave her. For several long hours we talked, about how people became vampires, about how we lived and a thousand other details that made up our everyday lives that I'd stopped noticing simply because I'd been doing it for decades. This new perspective forced me to consider just how unusual my life actually was and I found myself enjoying being able to share it with her.

I wanted to share so much more with her. More than words and I felt like I was standing on the precipice of a great abyss, unable to stop the emotions that were battering me towards the edge.

I was watching Bella closely to see if she felt this impossible wave of emotions as well but she was leaning back on the tree trunk, deep in thought. She looked up at me, although I could tell from the way her eyes searched that it was difficult to see me.

"You're very lucky." She said and I was stunned momentarily by this reaction. Had I not just spent several hours describing the worst parts of my life? Of how I had died and was forced to feed on the living to survive? How could she believe that I was lucky? I shook my head in disbelief.

"Being a soulless, blood-drinking monster?" I asked and she let out a soft sigh.

"You're not soulless, Edward, and putting aside your self-esteem issues, yes. You're lucky."

I was utterly perplexed and asked her to explain. She threw her head back, gazing up at the trees overhead. Her throat was exposed to me and I swallowed the gathering venom as her scent enveloped me. I barely heard her words.

"You've got a family that obviously loves you. You've all got each other. That makes you pretty lucky."

That caused me to stop and look at her again, doing my best to ignore the enticing aroma. She stared upwards, not looking at me and I wished for the thousandth time that I could read her thoughts. But more than that, I wanted to pull her close and tell her we wanted her, that she could stay with us. That I wanted her.

But I didn't, of course. Instead I stood from my uncomfortable position on the tree stump that I had been occupying and looked towards the house, asking her if she wanted to go back inside. She joked about her lack of night vision as she dusted herself down, stretching in a leisurely fashion. It was such an innocent, adorable action that I had let out a chuckle before I realised what I was doing. She looked at me pointedly.

"You have very human mannerisms." I said by way of explanation and she grinned.

"I didn't die and turn into a cat. I'm still human, just a little less active in the heart department. Besides, I still feel like a human. I guess it's easier without all the superpowers." She teased as we approached the front door. I opened it for her and we went inside to find Emmett and Rosalie in the living room. Emmett was battling away as Rosalie watched and I saw my sister glance sharply at Bella.

What did she do to Jasper?

I chose to ignore this, knowing that Rosalie was worried about the changes that Bella might cause to our family. Luckily, Emmett was oblivious to his mate's attitude and invited Bella to play with him. She glanced at me.

"Does super-vampire-speed and reflexes give him an advantage?" She enquired and I smiled.

"Yes."

She laughed to herself before reaching for a controller and I moved to sit in the armchair, watching as Bella scowled, her character dying before she'd even really got going. But she restarted, sitting cross-legged on the rug, her tongue caught between her teeth as she fought desperately for survival. Something she had been doing for so long without even realising.

Could we stop surviving? Could we begin to live, instead? They were huge questions and ones I was desperately unsure about but as I watched Bella laugh delightedly as she shot her first zombie, I found myself willing to try.

A/N: Hello my little bakewell tarts! Yes, it's an Epov and I really hope you didn't just skim read. I know a few of you don't like reading Epovs, but I'll say it again – his side is just as important as Bella's. More so even, because we get an insight into the rest of the Cullens through him and that's important. My beta (who has told me to inform you that she loves Epov!) has been reading through and telling me where I need more original parts in the Epovs, so there's enough fresh material for you to feel like this is a new chapter and not just a rehashBut as one reviewer said, this is my story and I have to do it my way, or I'm going to end up writing something I won't like and want to put the effort into to. . Besides, Epov chapter are, like, twice as long as normal chapters!

End rant. Lol

Invisible Touch – Edward's been waiting a long time, assuming he wouldn't find love or a relationship. Ghost Girls are like the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects them.

Regarding updating – it's going to slow down, I ain't gonna lie. As I mentioned in the last chapter, Sarah and I are both on Teacher Training placement until the week before Easter and we're unbelievably stressed. I will TRY to update once a week, but it may not happen. I'm just saying. I will try to keep you up to date on chapter statuses through my twitter (Kat097) so come follow me on there for up-to-the-minute ramblings.

Thank you all for the beautiful reviews, they make Sarah and I very happy!

Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a tub of chocolate sauce. Feel free to put a serving suggestion in your review. I will be having the now very legal Jacob and Sarah believes she will be having Carlisle, but if you can wrestle him off of her…

Love

Katie