Chapter 14
I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
~Won't Go Home Without You by Maroon 5~
The sun rose to a near cloudless sky the next day, Thursday, and as Bella rose to leave so we could go hunting, Alice darted to her side, apologising for the incident with the clothes. Her explanation that she was eager for Bella and herself to become friends quickly fell to the side as Bella's curiosity about her ability to see the future arose.
"So, your visions always come true?" She asked and Alice flashed me a grin.
Do you want to answer that? She thought cheekily and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her as she admitted that they did most of the time. I had spent the night watching Bella interact with my family, fielding thoughts about how nice she was, how well she fitted in, how much she 'sucked at killing zombies'… it had been exhausting to say the least.
"So the future depends on decisions?" Bella asked Alice.
"Yes, on a very basic level. Sometimes you might make a decision that you think will change the future, but some visions are unchanging." Alice grinned at me again and Bella narrowed her eyes slightly, suspicion showing in her face. I gave a very quiet growl to draw her attention to this fact but she laughed.
You act as though she's never going to find out!
Alice smiled at Bella, who then surprised all of us by telling Alice that she could change her clothes if she wanted to. I could tell that even Alice was taken aback by this, but was nonetheless delighted as she and Bella sniped at each other in jest.
Jasper moved to Alice's side, telling her that it was time to leave but his eyes drifted over Bella. I saw him reliving the moment on the stairs in his mind and I was about to speak when he thought at me.
Calm yourself, brother. Tension is coming offa you like waves. I'm not going to do anything.
But he remained at a safe distance, wary and uncertain of Bella, who was looking at him with an equally uncertain expression. Alice and Jasper stepped away and her eyes searched for me.
"Bye Edward. Say thanks to Emmett for me." She waved her slender fingers and I nodded.
"Of course. Goodbye, Bella." I replied softly and she smiled at us all before disappearing through the front door. We were silent until her footsteps had faded away entirely, then Alice turned to me with a smile.
"She'll be back tonight. She had fun, don't you think?"
Apart from Jasper wanting to rip her throat out.
I met his eyes and he gazed back unflinchingly. Alice ran her hand soothingly over his arm.
"You're fine, Jasper. I don't see you hurting her." She reassured him. Jasper turned away and set off running. Alice looked after him sadly before facing me. "He's trying, Edward. It's hard."
"I know. It was hard for all of us." I reminded her. I wasn't angry at Jasper, but I knew that I had to be careful. I couldn't let him be alone with Bella again.
We ran into the forest, heading for the nearest National Park. The sun warmed my skin and I relished the feeling. There was nothing like it, it made me feel human despite the odd luminescence of my skin. The couples paired off and disappeared into the forest, Carlisle pausing.
Are you alright to hunt alone?
"I'm fine. Used to it." I reminded him and ran off, moving into the rockier landscape of the mountains in search of wildcats. I smelt one about a quarter of a mile away and the slightly rotting smell of dead deer. The cat was clearly enjoying its last meal.
I moved quickly, stopping on a rocky ledge as I looked down at the mountain lion. It was gnawing on a sinewy piece of meat, about four feet below me. I leapt onto its back, pinning it to the rock with my weight and tore into its neck. It didn't stand a chance, yowling but quickly falling limp in my hold. I drank quickly, rejoicing in the temporary soothing of the burn in my throat. But it wasn't enough and I lifted my head, searching for a new target.
We met up later that day, about an hour before sunset in a clearing on the side of the mountain. Alice and Jasper were lying on a rock, soaking up the sunshine and Emmett straightened as I arrived, the last to get there.
"About time, Edward! What was your count?" I got nine today, no way he's going to beat that!
I smirked and Jasper began to laugh.
"Sorry, Emmett. You lose this time." He said, sensing my victory.
"You got more than nine?" Emmett said in disappointment, "I bet they were small ones."
"Eleven. Four mountain lions, three deer, two elks and two bears. The bears were rather petite." I admitted. I was uncomfortably full, as we all were. It was important to fill up on these all-day hunting trips, but the competition was equally appealing. Emmett scowled at me.
"I bet they were all babies. Tiny."
"No. All adults. Why, have you been nibbling on bear cubs again?" I taunted and Emmett growled, diving at me. He wrestled me to the ground and I snarled playfully, darting from beneath him and gaining the upper hand. He hissed, flipping onto his back and pinning me again. I knew I couldn't beat him through sheer strength, but I was faster. Much faster.
"So childish." Rosalie muttered, but I heard her thinking about how attractive she found Emmett whilst he was in hunter-mode. Alice was lazily browsing the future, checking out the school gossip for the week and Jasper was stroking her shoulder, as satisfied as a cat in the sunshine. Carlisle's mind was buzzing with thoughts for what he wanted to talk to Bella about and Esme's mind was on the house she was planning for Alaska. Emmett jumped off of me as I admitted defeat and strode over to Rosalie, collapsing onto the floor beside her and pulling her into his lap with a kiss.
My family was happy and satisfied with life. And for some reason, I felt less detached from it than normal, less isolated. I sat in the long grass, leaning against a warm boulder as I contemplated this. The only new thing in my life, the only thing close enough to me to have had this effect was Bella.
It is Bella, brother. I glanced at Jasper and he smirked over Alice's head at me, Don't doubt that for a second. She's making changes for ya, and they're good ones.
He was right. I gave him a faint smile before closing my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the warm sunlight.
The sky was beginning to turn a dusty pink, gold fingers reaching across the horizon when Carlisle stood.
"Bella will be arriving soon. I'll go and meet her, but I'd prefer it if you could keep your distance, just for a short time."
I was on my feet in an instance, irrational jealousy pulsing through my cold veins. Why should he spend time with her? She would want me to be there, she would…
Carlisle was looking at me with a calm expression. I stared back before averting my gaze, ashamed of my lack of control.
You can come, Edward, but you must wait for Bella to decide whether or not she wants you present. This is not going to be pleasant and if she wants her privacy, you must give it to her.
The thought of it was unbearable, the very idea that she might not want me present made me feel ill. But I nodded, my jaw clenched and Carlisle gave me a knowing look before kissing Esme and setting off at a run, me on his heels.
I stayed in the kitchen when Bella arrived and listened as they went up to Carlisle's office. He was friendly and asked her a couple of questions, enquiring about her day. She replied cheerfully enough and took a seat when he asked, falling silent. I closed my eyes, concentrating on Carlisle's thoughts. I saw her through his mind's eye and she was staring at his medical equipment, looking rather ill.
Edward, maybe…
"Carlisle, I'm coming up." I said, knowing he would hear me. I couldn't stay away from her, not when she was clearly in distress. I was at the door in an instant and when I opened it, Bella's large dark eyes flew to me as I went to stand by Carlisle. As my father explained why I was there, I took the opportunity to examine her again. Her hands were clenched into fists in her lap and her lip was bright pink where she'd chewed it. At Carlisle's explanation that I was there to help her feel comfortable, she smiled and gestured that my presence was fine. It made me feel happier than I should have and I was glad that Jasper wasn't around. He would definitely have mocked me for it later.
I stood to one side as Carlisle poised his pen over his notebook and asked her to confirm her date of death but her first question was why he was using a notebook to record his answers when he had what she referred to as 'super-vampire-memory'.
She's very attentive, isn't she?
I smiled, avoiding Bella's gaze in case I started to stare. She certainly was. She was intelligent, attentive and utterly charming. As Carlisle fired off his questions at her, she answered well but withheld any detail. She didn't trust us.
That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. I was starting to get like Alice, looking too far ahead to see what was happening here and now.
Edward, you may find this uncomfortable. If you feel like that, leave immediately.
I gave him a look to express my intentions of most certainly not leaving but it took all of my self-control not to wince as Bella tugged a strand of her hair from her head and clipped at her gnawed fingernails. The look of embarrassment as she excused the poor state of her nails made me smile but Carlisle's thoughts caught my attention and I looked at the row of tubes on the desk. I knew what the next one was for.
Oh no…
"Edward, are you alright?" Bella's voice broke through my thoughts.
"Fine." I replied shortly, unwilling to show how uncomfortable I was. Carlisle was looking at the test tubes.
You know what I'm going to ask her for, Edward. I need a sample.
"No." I said, shaking my head tersely. Carlisle met my eye pointedly but Bella spoke again, frowning at us.
"It's rude to whisper. Or mind read. Whatever. Rude." She said sharply, looking at us both with an irritated look in her eyes.
"He wants a sample of whatever it is that has replaced your blood. I said no." I said, explaining in as reasonable tone as I could muster whilst being so distracted by Carlisle's insistent thoughts.
"Since when is it your choice?" Bella said harshly and I looked at her in surprise.
It wasn't. Damn. I had been doing it again. Getting confused between the Bella that Alice saw and the Bella that was here now. I had no influence with Bella and I found myself loathing that fact. But when I tried to explain myself, she merely looked down at her hands.
Edward. Enough.
Carlisle suggested I leave and the glare I gave him could have shattered glass but Bella got to her feet, facing me firmly.
"It'll only be for a minute, right?" She reminded me. It would not be a minute. It would be so much longer and I hated that I was too weak to stay for her.
"You can always run, Edward. If it gets too much, just run." Carlisle said quietly.
I looked from Bella to Carlisle, clenching my jaw before dropping my head and walking to the window, jumping from the ledge with more anger than was necessary. I didn't hang around, knowing that I wouldn't be able to resist the scent of Bella's essence. It would be impossible.
I ran into the woods again, knowing it would only take a few minutes and hearing Alice and Jasper's thoughts. The others wouldn't be too far behind. Sure enough, Alice appeared in front of me, dropping from a tree. I glanced up to see Jasper swinging from a branch, where they'd been racing through the treetops. She smiled at me brightly.
"She'll be fine, Edward. Carlisle will be done in a moment and then we can go back."
I knew that Alice wouldn't risk taking Jasper near the house if there was any chance that he would attack Bella. Jasper dropped lightly to the ground, wrapping his arms around Alice's waist.
"Is it safe to go back yet?" He murmured and she tilted her head, her eyes glazing over.
"A few more minutes, just to be safe."
"Edward, would you calm the hell down? None of us could have stayed in that room, stop beating yourself up," Jasper winced, "My heads a-pounding with your angsting."
"Leave the poor boy alone and let's get home." Alice scolded him gently, taking his hand as we began the run back to the house. I could Carlisle and Bella talking quietly but we all went into the living room, talking to avoid listening in. With vampire hearing, we had learned to distract ourselves enough to not eavesdrop, a mutual courtesy.
Alice went to sit down, perching on Jasper's knee as Rosalie and Esme occupied the little sofa, talking about an upcoming orchestral concert in Seattle that Carlisle and Esme were planning to attend. I lingered in the doorway, wanting to go upstairs but Emmett paused by my side.
"You OK, Edward?"
"Hmm." I hummed my reply, eyes on the staircase and Emmett clapped a massive hand down on my shoulder.
"I can't see the future, bro, but I can see what's in front of me." He chuckled, "Maybe that's my gift. Being able to sense obviousness." I smiled at his enthusiasm and shook my head.
"Did you have a point, Emmett?"
"Just let her fit in. Don't go forcing it or listening in on Ali-kins. You need to start relying on your dazzling personality instead of just hoping things will work out." He rolled his eyes at the term 'dazzling' and I was about to give a scathing reply when I heard footsteps. Carlisle and Bella were coming downstairs and as Carlisle said goodbye, she lingered on the staircase, looking anxiously from the closed door to Emmett and I. I saw a scrap of white material in her fingers.
Alice waved to her and she moved awkwardly past me, sitting uncomfortably in a chair. I wondered what she and Carlisle had been talking about to make her so tense and Rosalie's thoughts were sour as she observed her.
What has she been doing? Why is Carlisle pandering to her? There's no need for her to sit there looking so afraid, it's so rude…
"Why do you have Carlisle's handkerchief?" Rosalie demanded and I looked again at the cloth. Bella looked at it too, as though remembering for the first time that it was there before stammering that she'd forgotten to give it back. Why did she have a handkerchief? Had she been crying? Had Carlisle's experiments hurt her?
I stared at her, searching for outward signs of injury, of hurt but she merely folded the cloth neatly, staring down at her lap.
Well, this won't do. Emmett thought cheerfully and he told her to relax.
"I happen to perfectly at ease in a houseful of vampires, thank you very much. If there was an exorcist here, then I might start to worry." Bella shot back, eyebrows arched pointedly. As Alice began to convince her to come for a sleepover the next night, I moved into the room and Emmett collapsed into the armchair, slouching in a very human way as he dared Bella to a game of Zombie Slayer.
Bella looked at me, mildly surprised as Jasper announced that I could beat Emmett at the childish game. I could understand why she was surprised by this revelation – I wasn't the sort of person who played videogames.
"It's amusing to watch Emmett suffer." I explained and she smiled.
"Man, come on. Let me play her. I'll return her safe and sound in one piece. My ego needs the boost!" Emmett pined and Bella glowered at him.
"Gee, thanks! Way to make me feel inadequate, Emmett!"
"Come on, Ghost Girl! One round, that's all I'm asking!" Emmett clapped his hands together as though praying. Bella considered him for a long moment before smiling widely.
Damn. She's got something on me.
"Why don't I like that expression?" I resisted the urge to laugh at Emmett's unease. Bella sniggered.
"Years of wisdom. OK, Muscles, I'll make you a deal. We'll play in teams. Me and Edward," She gestured to herself and then at me, "versus you and someone of your choosing. If my team wins, you don't get to call me Ghost Girl, Casper or any other cute little ghost-related nickname."
"And if my team wins?"
"Choose a prize." Bella shrugged and Emmett smiled.
Aw, man! She's going to regret that! I'm so going to win this. What'll drive her nuts? Lessee, she went pretty crazy over Alice trying to get her to change her clothes...
Oh no…
"Bella…" I tried to warn her but she waved her hand at me to stop me talking.
"No, Edward, let him choose." She said fairly and Emmett laughed.
"Spooks, if I win… you let Alice dress you up. Here and now, in as many outfits as she likes."
Bella stared at him and I wished for the thousandth time that I could hear her thoughts. I was dying to know how she was reacting to this prospect, how she would try to win, but she glanced at Alice.
"Can you see who's going to win?"
"Not yet. It all depends on decisions you make whilst playing." Alice promised and Bella looked at me for confirmation. I nodded.
"She's telling the truth." I said and she smiled warmly, eyes on mine.
"Think we can win?"
"I wouldn't let you down." It was a promise in so many ways and I wondered if she understood that, because she gazed at me before turning to look at the television screen, taking a controller as Esme left.
For god's sake, like I don't have better things to do with my time.
Rosalie's complaining was not kept internal and she moaned irritatingly about having to indulge in such childishness.
"Lighten up, babe. Think how much fun it will be to have a hyper vampire making a ghost cry." Emmett laughed, settling himself, ready to play. I turned my attention to the screen, looking for a game scenario. That was too hard, Emmett was too good at this one, another would confuse Bella…
"You realise I'm going to suck at this and you'll end up doing all the work." Bella whispered to me and I smiled down at her.
"You seem pretty confident." She commented, crossing her legs in the chair as she examined the controller, learning the buttons. I looked down at her again.
Confidence… no, I didn't have confidence, not in any of this. But I wanted her to have confidence in me. I wanted to prove myself in everyway, be it by ridiculous videogame or being able to support her instead of running in fear. And maybe she did have confidence. After all, she had asked me to play for her.
"You trusted me to win this for you." I voiced my thoughts and she gazed up at me, brown eyes soft and curious.
"Yeah. I guess I did."
"C'mon, kids. I don't have all night to kick your butts, Alice will need to get organising outfits soon." Emmett interrupted us and Bella smirked, stretching her arms.
"Bring it on, Muscles."
I concentrated hard on the game and moved faster and more efficiently than I ever had while playing. I knew it was immature, that I was behaving like a teenage boy, trying to impress a potential girlfriend with my videogame skills.
And that's exactly what I was.
But Emmett wasn't going down without a fight. Unfortunately for him, that fight was with Rosalie, the two of them sniping at each other instead of concentrating on the game. Bella seemed unsure of herself and let me do most of the work, which was fine, since it let me win. As the game ended, she laughed and beamed at Emmett, who was glaring at the screen.
"Deals a deal, Muscles." She chortled.
No way she's getting away with it that easily!
"Not until we shake on it, Ghost Girl." He smirked and Bella went rigid, staring at him. I looked at him quickly.
"Emmett…"
"Your choice, Spooks." He held out his hand and she stared at it. We all stared at her.
She continued to stare at his hand and while I couldn't read her thoughts, I could see the cogs turning as she weighed it up. Jasper's thoughts informed me that her emotions were flying from horrified to scared to uncertain.
"Bella?" I said softly and she slowly tore her gaze away from Emmett's hand to look up at me and I longed to reassure her.
"Bella, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." I murmured and she blinked before looking back at Emmett. She let out a huge breath of air and stuck out her hand, a frown creasing her forehead. She hadn't put her hand in his, but it was close.
Emmett stared at her.
Damn, Edward. She's stronger than we thought. He thought before learning forward and very gently clasping his fingers around hers. I heard a tiny intake of breath as Bella shivered, her hand in Emmett's. Then she gave a sigh that expressed her pleasure at her own achievement and Emmett laughed quietly.
"Good job, sweetpea."
"Hey, you were supposed to quit with the nicknames." Bella pointed out and Emmett smirked.
"You said, and I quote, that I don't get to call you Ghost Girl, Casper or any other cute little ghost-related nickname. Standard nicknames still apply."
Sneaky bastard. I couldn't help smiling at Bella's aghast expression and she turned to look at me, astounded by his treachery.
"Damn… you are good, Emmett."
"Don't I know it, cutie-pie."
I hated the experiments with a deep loathing I found hard to express, although Jasper always found the words. So many times over the next few weeks, I watched as Carlisle examined Bella, studied her, put her under a microscope. I understood his thinking, understood his desire for knowledge, if she truly was to become a permanent member of the family.
But I hated it.
It was February and on a Thursday evening as we separated to our different activities, Carlisle was busy preparing for some new experiment. He wanted to try passing a very low electrical current through Bella's body, to see how it affected her ability to pass through solid objects. I didn't pretend to understand his entire reasoning, I had never studied physics at a high level. Perhaps next time I went to college.
When we left Forks.
When we left Bella.
A chill went down my spine. Not an easy accomplishment for someone who is well below room temperature.
"Edward, Bella isn't coming." Alice's voice broke my reverie and I looked at her, alarmed, wondering for a hysterical moment if she had heard my thoughts. She looked at me, irritable at my slowness.
"Bella isn't coming tonight. She's decided to stay at home but I can't see why." She said and then tilted her head.
"Oh, you're going to see her. That's fine, then. Tell her I'll see her tomorrow."
I ran to Bella's house. I hadn't been there before, but I knew where it was. Even if I hadn't followed Bella's scent, everyone knew where the Police Chief lived. I had expected to have to climb the tree and find a window to enter by, but Bella was sat on the steps that led down the front yard from the porch, arms resting on her knees and chin resting on her arms. I stood by the end of the porch for a moment, watching her as the wind tossed her hair back gently from her face. She stared at the pavement and then rolled her eyes, laughing under her breath.
"What are you laughing at?" I asked curiously, moving to stand beside her. She shrieked, clasping a hand to her still heart as she looked up at me.
"Jesus Christ, Edward! You scared the hell out of me!" She hissed and I winced.
"I'm sorry."
She stared at me for a moment and then turned back to the sidewalk, eyes darting up and down the street.
"What are you doing here, Edward?" She asked, curiously. I shrugged, unable to explain that I couldn't stay away from her if I wanted to. I settled for explaining that Alice had told us that she wouldn't be over tonight.
"You can always trust a psychic vampire." She murmured in amusement, resting her arms back on her knees, but I hung back in the shadows, so as to avoid attention. After a moment she leant back, resting her hands on the damp planks of the porch and looked up at me.
"You didn't have to come all this way."
"It doesn't take long to get here." I smiled, thinking of the minutes long run. I looked towards the house, unable to hear the telltale heartbeat of an occupant. "Charlie isn't here?"
"No, he got called up to La Push. Some kid went missing. He's been gone a long time. Charlie, I mean." Bella said quietly, a frown creasing her brow. I didn't need Jasper's gift to be able to sense the anxiety coming from her. After a moment, she stood and gestured to the house.
"You'd better come inside. We don't need the neighbours getting suspicious." She said and then paused, clearly wondering how to get me inside. It would be unfortunate for the neighbours to see a strange teenager breaking into the Chief's house. I smiled to myself and darted inside, shutting the door with a near silent click. Bella's head appeared through the front door, looking alarmed at my sudden disappearance.
She came in and looked at the stairs.
"My room, I guess. If Charlie comes home and finds you here…"
"I'll be gone before his car hits the drive." I reassured her and then paused as a strange smell permeated my nostrils, "May I asked you something?"
"You may." She said, walking towards me and the stairs.
"Why does the doorframe smell like garlic?" I asked curiously and she froze, looking up at the ceiling and chewing her lip.
"Oh… no particular reason." She whispered awkwardly and I smirked, coming to my own conclusion. I followed her upstairs and to her bedroom, filled with anticipation at seeing the room she inhabited.
It was charming. Small and cosy, if a little dusty. It was a teenage girl's room, complete with homework desk. I glanced over the photographs and the bookcase, brushing a finger over the well-worn spines of the books. Bella settled on the bed behind me, watching my perusal. I crossed to the desk, examining the photographs pinned on the board above it. Bella beamed out at me, wrapped up in her mother's arms in one, posing with a friend in another, with a man who must be her stepfather and one rather amusing one of her, soaked to the skin and looking thoroughly miserable as she sat in a drenched boat with her father.
She looked so beautifully human, I had to smile. I raised my hand to touch one photograph gently, wishing I could have known her then. Wishing that we had more time.
Bella made a quiet noise and I turned. Her eyes darted from mine, down to her hands and she shrugged shyly.
"It's kind of gloomy. I mean, compared to your house." She murmured.
"It's perfect." And it was, because it was hers. She smiled as I sat down on the edge of the bed, hoping that I wasn't overstepping my boundaries but she cuddled a pillow to her chest.
"You didn't have to come over." She said and I smiled, almost sensing that this was a test. She spoke too politely, as though obliged to say the words and it filled me with joy.
"Shall I leave?"
"No!" She said quickly and then pushed her face into the pillow, embarrassed at her eagerness, "Uh, no. Don't. It's only fair, I mean… we hang out at yours all the time. Was Doc OK about me skipping?"
"Carlisle understood. He likes that nickname, by the way." He did, too and I was amused at Bella's pleasure at this news.
"He does?"
"Yes. And Emmett definitely likes being called 'Muscles'." I grinned and she looked away.
"I bet Rosalie doesn't though."
"No… she doesn't. But that's my fault, I think." Rosalie's animosity towards Bella was my fault. I was the one who was keeping her involved in our lives and it was creating a change that Rosalie resented. She worried about the security of our family, of how things would change once we left Forks, as well as Bella's blithe attitude towards the sanctity of life and death.
Bella was gazing at me, her head tilted to one side. I strained fruitlessly, longing to hear her and I expressed this.
"I hate that I can't hear you."
"Why?"
"I'm used to hearing people, whether I want to or not. And you are one person I'd like to hear."
"I'm kind of glad you can't to be honest. I don't exactly have a stunning thought process, it's usually inane rambling." She said and I laughed softly.
"I'm sure it's fascinating, really." I would find it fascinating.
"It's not. Besides, it would give you an unfair advantage, like the others. Emmett kicks my ass at computer games, Alice sees my future… I like that we're on an equal footing."
"Equal…" That word summoned up a fountain of emotion in me. Pride, delight, pleasure that she saw us as the same. Bella nodded.
"You know… I mean, you've got the normal vampire advantages but I can run through walls, so I figure that puts us on a pretty even standing."
She smiled and began to disappear into the bed, sinking out of sight. Without realising I was doing it, my hand flew to her wrist to stop her from disappearing altogether. A shock went through my hand as she gasped, meeting my eyes as she searched for an explanation that I didn't have. I slowly pulled her wrist, helping her out of the mattress and she knelt on the covers, staring at me but not letting go of my hand. The strange, tingling sensation didn't disappear like I thought it would.
I needed her in my life. It felt as though everything I had ever done had only happened in order to lead me to this moment, to this girl. I knew that now, as clearly as I knew that the sun rose in the east. I took my hand from hers and lifted it to her cheek, grazing my fingertips over the soft skin as delicately as I had with the photograph. To my utter joy, she pressed her cheek to my hand. I slid my hand to cup her face and she closed her eyes, her breath dancing across my cheeks.
A car door slammed and I pulled my head and hand back quickly, getting to my feet.
"Your father is back." I explained and she was running out of the door before I could move. I stayed still, listening as he entered the house and came upstairs. He went into the bathroom and then to his bedroom.
Glad he's OK… What made him take off into the woods like that? Poor kid, never seen someone so spooked…
Bella reappeared and looked at me anxiously.
"They found Sam out in the forest. He's uninjured but shaken up. Something happened to him but they don't know what. Charlie's fine, just tired." I reassured her and then tensed Charlie's thoughts reached me again.
"He's coming in." I said and then darted into the closet, watching through the slats in the door.
Bella stood by the bed, wide-eyed as her father came into the room and sat down, taking the pillow that Bella had been holding only moments ago.
That poor boy… but he's still alive. He's still alive. He's still…
I saw Bella's eyes brighten with tears and Charlie bent his head, resting it in his hands.
"Oh, Bells…" He whispered, his voice tight with emotion and a strangled sob escaped Bella's throat as she wrapped her arms around herself, as though she was holding herself together, all the little pieces clutched together. Charlie slowly stood, putting the pillow back and left and Bella almost doubled over, agonised with love for her father and devastation that he would never know how close she was. She was turned away from me as the door closed, but I couldn't stay away now. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her from behind and she turned, leaning into me as she cried.
Eventually we sat on the bed, my legs on either side of her as she leant back into me. I kept my eyes closed, adoring the sensation of her soft hair against my cheek and I resisted the urge to nuzzle my face against the warm locks, simply absorbing the scent and feel of her, wishing that this night would never end. She was lost in thought and neither of us attempted conversation, but it didn't matter. I was happy just to be permitted this closeness. Only when the first glimpses of dawn appeared, the sun blocked by the clouds did Bella lift her hands from mine to rub her eyes. She twisted her head to look up at me and I couldn't resist giving her a smile, praying she felt as fulfilled as I did. She gave a small smile and then sat up, but I didn't release my hold from around her.
"The sun's coming up." She murmured and I nodded. Her fingers stroked softly over mine, gently affectionate and I smiled behind her.
"Charlie will be up soon." She noted and I listened for signs of conscious thought.
"He's waking up now. I should go and change my clothes for school." I said as we stood. I went to the window, noticing the snow. I lifted the window and pulled a face as it creaked but Charlie didn't hear. I turned and looked at her. She was staring at me uncertainly and we were silent for a long moment.
A lock of hair fell against her face and I brushed it back, tucking it behind her ear. Her eyes were fixed on mine and questions burned through me, wanting to know her every thought, how she was feeling, if she could possibly feel as strongly as I did.
"I'll see you at school." I whispered and leapt to ground, disappearing into the woods and beginning the run home.
Esme was in the living room when I entered and she didn't speak, but kissed my cheek lovingly as Alice came bouncing downstairs.
Oh, Edward… you're going to be so happy! I won't fuss, I promise, but I'm just so glad for you.
She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back as I went upstairs to get dressed.
We were at school before Bella arrived and we stood in the snow, enjoying the sensation of feeling something colder than our own skin. Mike Newton was haphazardly throwing snowballs and Jasper sniggered as Jessica and Lauren turned on him, screeching like a pair of harpies. Alice smiled, her eyes trained on something behind me.
Bella was walking over the snow, her feet leaving no impression on its surface. I caught her eye and she quickly looked down at the floor, as though to check where she was going.
She's a little embarrassed and unsure about you. Typical teenager. Jasper informed me and I was grateful for his input as she joined us. It was strangely reassuring.
"Good morning, Bella. How was your night? Carlisle said not to worry about not making it over; I explained that Charlie was called out and that you wanted to wait for him. He'll do the experiment when you come over tonight." Alice said cheerfully.
"I'm coming over, am I?" Bella grinned at her and Alice nodded.
"Of course."
"I don't think you're psychic. You're just bossy and no one wants to contradict you." Bella accused her jokingly and I smiled.
"Damn, now you've figured it out, we'll have to kill you." Alice chuckled.
"Bit late for that, Al." Bella teased. Rosalie scowled.
Suddenly Alice tensed and her vision flashed before my eyes unbidden.
Tyler shouted as his van careened towards the row of cars, his head colliding with the windscreen and blood splattering as his ribs shattered against the steering wheel. His lungs were instantly pierced and blood trickled in a crimson stream from his lips and his last breath bubbled from his throat.
I turned my head instinctively to where Tyler's van had just turned the corner at an unwise speed. "He's going to crash." Alice whispered and she and Jasper took off, moving as quickly as they could without drawing attention.
But Alice suddenly screamed, turning back to stare. I gave a shout as I saw Bella running towards the van. Fear ripped through me but Emmett had a tight hold on my arm.
"Don't blow the cover, Edward." Rule number one. Don't blow our cover. But Bella…
Bella jumped and threw herself clear through the windscreen, crouching over Tyler and a moment later, the door flew open and the pair of them tumbled out.
"What the…?" Emmett's jaw dropped as they rolled over and over, before landing in a pile of snow, Bella collapsed on Tyler's chest and his arms tightened around her.
Around her.
Touching her.
Tyler's thoughts hit me full pelt.
Oh my god… what the fuck was that? Jesus, I… an angel… I was saved by an angel… she's here! She's here, she's… she's beautiful…
We were all still. And then Tyler sat up and grabbed Bella by the arms, staring at her wildly.
"Who are you?"
Bella stared back, aghast and then Tyler blinked, shaking his head. His hands slid through her and he looked around in surprise, searching for her. Bella hesitated and then touched his cheek tentatively. When her fingers went through him, she jumped to her feet, backing away before turning and falling towards us, stumbling over her own feet. I put a hand on her shoulder to keep her steady as she stared over her shoulder at Tyler, who was now surrounded by people.
"He was supposed to die. That's what Alice saw. He was going to die." I said softly to Bella and she blinked slowly.
"Alice…?"
"She took Jasper away. Too many emotions and Tyler's blood was upsetting him." I explained
"He saw me, Edward. He saw me. Just for a moment, but he definitely did." She whispered, staring up at me.
"He touched you as well. We could see his hands on your arms." Emmett added. Bella grasped her arms, shuddering.
Enough, Edward. Rosalie's thoughts were wrought with anger but she spoke calmly.
"You need to talk to Carlisle."
Carlisle called whilst I was driving Bella and I back to the house, hoping we could catch him before we left for work. I flipped open my phone.
"Carlisle."
"I'm at the hospital. Come to my office, I have Bella's test results." I changed direction immediately and Bella became alert.
"Where are we going?" She asked and I explained. She slumped in the chair again, looking anxious. I looked over at her, desperate to make her feel better.
"Bella? Don't be afraid of what Carlisle has to say. He's good at what he does and he will do anything he can to help you."
"You can't know that, Edward. What if it's bad news? What if there's something wrong with me?" She whispered and my knuckles whitened on the steering wheel at the idea she could think that she was anything less than perfect.
"There is nothing wrong with you." I said, trying not to let my anger show.
"I'm a ghost, Edward. I'm certainly not right." She whispered, "And I'm not thinking about it yet. There's too much happening. How could he have seen me? Touched me?" She stared out of the window and I longed to reassure her.
"I don't know, but I could hear his thoughts." I said.
"What was he thinking?"
"He thought you were an angel." I told her and she stared at me before running her hands through her hair and staring out of the window again. We proceeded to the hospital in silence but all I could think about was how I could hardly blame Tyler.
Bella was quite insistent on getting the answers quickly. She looked at Carlisle as she huddled into one of the chairs in his office, a defensive posture.
"Lay it on me, Doc. No point beating around the bush." She murmured, almost curling in on herself as she anticipated the results. But when Carlisle admitted that he hadn't been able to find out much, I could almost feel the disappointment emanating from her.
I stood and moved to Bella's side as Carlisle began to explain what he'd found about what he referred to as her 'essence', the liquid that replaced her blood.
"Not blood. It looks like blood at first sight, but it isn't made up of cells and platelets, like blood is." He said and Bella rubbed her temples, frustrated.
"What is it then?"
I don't know what to tell her… His thoughts made me frown and he glanced at me quickly before looking back at her.
"It's… it's like nothing I've seen before. They way it makes you up is similar to the way venom makes up vampires, replacing the bodily fluids, but it's not as… damaging as venom. It's more of a life source. But I'd like to run further tests on it, specifically examining the reaction between the essence and venom."
"What for?" Bella's voice was tense and the unease swelled in the pit of my stomach.
We need to take precautions. If she is to stay with us for any length of time, there is always the risk…
I knew what risk. The risk that I would bite her if we got too close, that my control would slip. The idea terrified me, but I knew it was entirely possible. Carlisle sensed my unease and gave me another quick look before looking back at Bella and explaining that he didn't know how venom would affect her.
I stopped listening. Carlisle was making a good point. I had to know what would happen if the worst happened and Bella was infected. I had to know what the worst possible outcome might be, a heart wrenching mental image that I could inject into my mind every time the temptation rose in me.
"I can't be…" Bella's voice reached me and I looked down at her, shaken from my angst-ridden musings. She looked from me to Carlisle, looking utterly confused.
"I'm no one. I'm not special, not at all. So how can I be the only one? Even my death was mundane. I got hit by a car for god's sake. Why am I still here? It doesn't make sense!"
I wanted to argue back but Carlisle spoke first.
"I wish I could give you answers, Bella. Perhaps…" His next thought made me freeze, anger firing through my veins at the very thought that he would even consider contacting the Volturi.
"No. Certainly not." My anger was palpable and I glared at Carlisle.
Edward, they might have answers.
I stared at him.
…Alright, son. Stay calm, we don't want to scare her.
"Very well. It was just a thought." He said aloud, for Bella's benefit. Of course, she demanded an explanation and Carlisle told her who the Volturi were, to my distaste. Yet another reason for Bella to run screaming from us, to drive her away and Carlisle thought that requesting their help was something to be considered, even now was describing them as having resources at their disposal and leaving something rather important out.
"They are also ruthless and wouldn't hesitate to destroy us if they suspected you might reveal our secret. Of course, they may just decide that you could be a valuable asset to them and take you away for their own investigation." I said icily and Bella's eyes widened.
"Wh-what? Carlisle, no, you can't! You can't let them find out anything that might make them hurt you or the others!" She gasped and in the brief moment before the door opened, I was struck by her utter selflessness, not caring about her own safety but only that of my family. Rosalie came in, pushing the door shut behind her.
"At least she's talking sense." She spat, having overheard our mention of the Volturi. The word summoned fear in all vampires, not just our family and she was tense. Rosalie told us that Alice had foreseen a problem with Tyler. Apparently he was going to mention a girl pulling him from his van before it crashed.
"We can deal with that. The side of the van that he came out of was facing us. We would have been the only ones to see him land." I said and Rosalie sneered.
"Whatever. Just passing on the message. And," Her eyes went to Bella and sensed the venom in her words, "If you're going to be making a habit of doing stupid things, a little warning would be nice. We're trying to keep a low profile here."
Irritation at her attitude filled me and I was about to tell her to leave when Bella stood up and scowled at my sister
"Fine, Rosalie. Next time I'll let him die, does that suit you? I just figured that being a Vege-Vamp, you had a little more consideration for human life, but maybe not."
Bitch!
I pushed Bella behind me. She couldn't have known how much those words would have affected Rosalie, how badly they summoned the painful memories to the forefront of her mind but I saw that Rosalie was prepared to rip her limb from limb in her anger. Carlisle caught her arm and I looked down at Bella, but she muttered to me to forget it and half ran through a nearby wall.
Stay here.
Carlisle moved quickly, leaving us alone and Rosalie bared her teeth at me.
"Keep your little ghost in line, Edward."
"She couldn't have known how that would have sounded to you, Rosalie." I snapped back and Rosalie huffed, folding her arms over her chest and glaring bitterly at me.
"I don't give a damn. She could have put us all in danger today. You were going to go after her and if Emmett hadn't held you back, you would have exposed us all. She's making you slip, Edward! For god's sake, you spent the whole of last night in the police chief's house!"
I understood her fear, but I didn't accept it. Fury erupted through me and I stood face to face with her, staring her down. To her credit, Rosalie didn't even flinch as I spat the words out.
"Rosalie, I don't care if you hate Bella. I don't care if you hate me. If I remember clearly, you were the one who told me get a grip and do something about Bella if I wanted anything to happen!"
"I didn't mean that you should endanger your whole family! Getting the Volturi involved-"
"Was not my idea and will not be happening." I hissed and Rosalie's eyes narrowed, her mouth curling into a grimace.
"She needs to watch her mouth. If she's going to say things like that-"
"Then you need to stop antagonising her. She's doing her best and you're acting like a…"
"Bitch?" Rosalie smirked, knowing that I wouldn't say it, but I didn't disagree with her choice in words, "Maybe I am, but I've got my loyalties in check. Maybe you should re-examine where yours lie."
"They lie with my family. A family that Bella may be a part of one day. Maybe you should examine your attitude and accept that things can't stay the same forever." I said quietly before walking past her.
I followed the scent of Carlisle and Bella, reaching the A&E where I overheard Tyler insisting that he hadn't imagined his mysterious girl. I tapped on the door to the room and he, Carlisle and Bella all looked around at me.
"Tyler, how are you feeling? I saw the accident, it looked terrible." I said, injecting a ridiculous amount of emotion into my voice.
"Not too bad, man." Tyler shrugged and heard him contemplating playing up his injuries to Lauren Mallory in the hopes of getting a date.
Work with me, Edward. Carlisle thought before asking if I'd seen the accident. I smiled at Tyler, a comradely teenage grin.
"I did. I was stood with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie when the van came around. Tyler did an amazing dive out of the driver side door; it was like something on television." I added some awe to my tone and saw Bella smirking at my 'teenage impression'.
"You must have seen her then!" Tyler insisted and I stared at him, wide-eyed.
"The girl who pulled me out of the van, Edward. Hot girl, long brown hair, wearing jeans and sweatshirt." Tyler said hopefully and I shrugged, putting my hands in my pockets as I rocked back and forwards on the balls of my feet. For a brief moment I wondered if I'd overplayed it, see Bella's highly amused grin but I looked at Carlisle with an unsure face.
"Sorry, Tyler. I didn't see anyone. Are you… OK?"
"I know what I saw, Doctor Cullen." Tyler looked back at Carlisle but the minute Carlisle suggested keeping him overnight, I heard him mentally give in.
Geez, they're never going to believe me… did I imagine her? I don't… I mean, I did hit my head pretty hard, maybe I whacked it inside the van before I got out…
I heard footsteps and turned to look at the door as Rosalie came in, her face composed.
"Alice called again. Everything's fine now." He's not going to tell. We're safe. This time.
"Anything else, Rosalie?" I sniped, my patience waning with her attitude.
"No." Back off, Edward.
"Sure is busy in here."
If I'd been paying attention, I would have heard Charlie coming. I would have been able to mention it, to warn Bella somehow, or at least get Rosalie out of the way but Charlie came into the room, coming to check on Tyler and asking Carlisle if he was going to be alright.
"He'll be right as rain, Chief Swan. It's very considerate of you to come down here, especially for something so mundane." Carlisle said lightly and Charlie's face darkened slightly.
"Nothing mundane about a car accident, Doc. I lost my daughter in a car crash."
Oh no… Carlisle's thoughts were full of anguish and I looked over at Bella, half musing at the realisation that both she and her father used the same nickname for Carlisle. Bella had her eyes closed and was frowning but climbed off the bed to watch her father as he got Tyler's statement. There was a mixture of sad pride and desperation in her expression as she watched him work, almost as though he was the child and she the parent, that she was seeing him grow up and move on with his life.
I want to talk to Bella. Carlisle thought to me and he suggested that Rosalie and I go. Rosalie glanced at me, having been preoccupied momentarily but we followed Charlie out to the parking lot after saying goodbye.
Charlie turned to us as we reached his cruiser.
"It was good of you to check up on Tyler. We need more kids like you around here."
"Thank you, sir."
"I've got a terrible memory for names. Which two are you?" He smiled and the skin crinkled around his eyes, warm and friendly. I smiled and shook his hand.
"Edward Cullen and this is Rosalie Hale."
"A pleasure to meet you both. Hopefully I won't have to meet you again." He commented and I nodded.
"I hope not, sir."
"Drive safe back to school."
"Yes, sir."
Drive safe… don't need anymore accidents…
He turned and climbed into the cruiser. Rosalie stood by my side and watched as the car pulled out of the lot, standing still as I began to walk to my Volvo. I hesitated by the car door, probing into her thoughts.
They were of her own parents. Of the mother she could faintly remember and the father who's face was blurred beyond recognition. But more than the image, she remembered how they treated her, how they had cared in a distant way, utilising her for their own means. Her mind ached for the simple, heartbreaking love that she could see in Charlie Swan for his dead daughter, knowing that her own parents had never mourned her for so long or so thoroughly.
"Rosalie?" I murmured her name and she turned, her face guarded, knowing full well that I had heard everything.
"Let's go." She said shortly and climbed into the car.
A/N: Hello my little cherry tomatoes! Thank you ever so much for the reviews from last chapter, I can't believe there are over 300 of them now! You are super duper people!
Extremely long chapter to make up for the fact that I won't be able to update again for a little while. Sarah and I are still on placement and then we've got a couple of weeks to finish up at uni. After that, I hope for a steady stream of chapters! I hope you enjoyed Edward's POV – seems like he's falling for Bella a lot faster than she's falling for him!
Usual smooches to Sarah for her awesomosity and patience. And kudos to her mad coffee making skills!
Won't Go Home Without You – Bella doesn't understand quite how much she means to Edward and how much he longs for her. But he's not giving up.
Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and Edward's leather couch. Do what you will.
Love
Katie