Chapter Fifteen
I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try
~Try by Nelly Furtado~
Carlisle's experiment looked like something out of a torture scene in a movie. I stared, wide-eyed, at the electrical contraption that perched on his desk, wires and electrodes sticking out of it. The warm weight of Edward's hand on my shoulder was the only thing that kept me from running out of the room, screaming my head off.
Carlisle gave me a reassuring smile.
"Let me talk you through this, Bella. It won't be as bad as you're expecting."
"I didn't think it would be, seeing as I'm imagining some pretty horrible things." I muttered and he gave a soft laugh, picking up two small, round plastic electrodes.
"I'll connect these to your temples and two more, one to each of your palms. Then I'll send a very low level electrical charge through them. On this screen," He gestured to a computer screen, "I'll be able to examine the effect it has on your body and I'd like to see if you're still able to pass through solid objects whilst the charge is taking place."
"Will it hurt?" My voice came out a lot smaller than I intended it to and he shook his head.
"No. It might tingle, but it won't hurt, the charge is much too low to cause any kind of damage."
I was silent, staring at the machine. Edward leaned forward and whispered softly to me.
"Your choice, Bella. You can walk away." He reminded me, "We won't force you to do this." His fingers squeezed my shoulder and I glanced up at him. He was watching me intently, his expression calm with a hint of anxiety. I smiled weakly and nudged him in the side.
"I don't know who's more nervous about this, you or me." I joked lamely and Edward shot a dark look at the electrical equipment. I reached up and squeezed his fingers lightly before venturing forward, my hands balling into fists as nerves tingled in my chest.
"What are you expecting to happen?" I asked tentatively as Carlisle wiped a clear gel onto the electrodes.
"I have no idea." He admitted, "But from what I can gather through my research, many investigators of paranormal activity believe that ghosts or spirits have some residual electrical energy and I'd like to examine that theory. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, let me know and I'll shut it down immediately."
Carlisle looked at me, his expression serious.
"I mean it, Bella. The instant that it becomes too much, you must tell me."
"I will, I promise." I assured him, taking a seat in my usual chair. Carlisle picked up the electrodes but Edward moved forward. Carlisle handed them to him silently and turned to fiddle with the machine as Edward knelt before me. A few strands of his bright, bronze coloured hair fell across his forehead and without thinking, I reached out and brushed them back. He fell still at my touch and a hint of a smile crossed his lips.
Butterflies exploded in the pit of my stomach and I could almost feel my heart pounding. We hadn't had any real time to talk about last night, when he'd lain on my bed and held me all night, showing more affection than I'd received in years, even before my death. This beautiful boy, beautiful vampire, had made himself quite clear. I wasn't blind. I knew that he was interested. I didn't understand how or why, but I knew it was true.
I didn't know what to do about it. I certainly wasn't sure about my own feelings on the matter. But as Edward reached up and gently pushed my hair back, placing the cool electrodes on my temples, his fingers lingered a little longer than necessary against my cheekbones. I bit my lip, my breathing quickening as his eyes bored into mine. His lips twitched again, the smile widening just a little and it was only when Carlisle flicked on the computer screen that the noise broke us apart. Edward stood and moved swiftly to one side and the nerves strangled the butterflies as Carlisle turned to face me, one hand on the power box.
"Ready?"
"Yeah. I guess." I whispered and then screwed up my face in anticipation of agonising pain.
It didn't come. After a moment, I peered out through my eyelids to see Carlisle watching carefully.
"Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded, flexing my fingers.
"Yeah. I don't even feel anything." I said, a little embarrassed by my extreme reaction. Carlisle smiled and adjusted the power box slightly before looking at the screen. Two lines were running across it, a little like a heart monitor, but moving at different paces, the top one a straight line and the bottom one slightly wavy. No heartbeat here.
I waited for a few minutes as both Edward and Carlisle examined the screen. Impatiently, I cleared my throat and they looked around.
"What does it say?"
"Not much yet. Would you mind trying to move through something, just your hand?" Carlisle asked and I shifted my hand through the arm of my chair. The lines on the screen began to jump up and down a little and I quickly pulled my hand back. They settled down again and Carlisle looked at me for a moment before turning back to the power box.
"What?" I looked at Edward as Carlisle was busy.
"You have your own energy, Bella. That's what the top line is. The bottom line is the electrical current Carlisle is giving you. When you moved through the arm of the chair, your energy seemed to react." He explained. I nodded and looked back at the machine before sinking my hand through the chair again. The top line began to pulse strangely and I twitched my hand back again, clutching it to my chest. The line settled once more and I looked up at Edward.
"Is that right? I mean… am I right?"
"You're right."
"Edward…" Carlisle gave him a sharp look before smiling at me, "This is only a preliminary examination, Bella. I'll need to take a few more readings, if that's alright."
"Go ahead." I was getting impatient and nervous, eager to find out more and dreading any possible results. Carlisle fiddled with the machine, turning the power up.
A slight tingle shot across the skin of my temples and I instinctively jerked my hands.
"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was concerned.
"I'm fine." I said quickly, "I just wasn't expecting it." It was strange, like an itch under my skin and I tapped my fingers against my legs to stop myself from nudging the electrodes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's hand twitch, as though he wanted to cover my fingers with his. I kind of wanted him to.
"Would you try again?" Carlisle asked. I rested my hand on the arm of the chair and sank my hand through it. The lines arched sharply and I pulled my hand out.
"What's happening?" I asked Carlisle and he turned to look at me.
"The electrical current is having an effect on your molecular build." He said quietly, "The stronger the current, the less secure the bonds between the molecules that create you become."
I stared at him. Edward stared at me and I swallowed hard, glancing up at him before looking back at Carlisle.
"So… what now?"
"One more current and then we'll stop." He said and turned back to the machine. Nerves shot through me and I wanted to stop him straight away. From what I understood, the weakening of my molecular build did not sound like a good thing. It sounded frightening. It sounded… final.
But I trusted him. I trusted Carlisle. He wanted to keep me in his family. I trusted him.
"Come on then, Doc. Turn up the power." I said, hoping I sounded more confident out loud than I did in my head. Edward frowned.
"Bella-"
"Its fine, Edward." I said firmly and leaned back in the chair, clasping my hands together in my lap. Carlisle and Edward exchanged another indiscernible look and Carlisle turned back to the machine. I looked up at Edward and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. "Want to hang out afterwards? I'm scared Alice will kidnap me."
His mouth twitched into a smile and as he went to speak, I heard Carlisle touch the button that increased the electrical current.
Pain exploded through my body. My limbs stiffened and my head began to pound as lights sparked in front of my eyes, shooting agony burning through every inch of me as my very atoms strained against each other, every millimetre of my body trying to pull apart. It was similar to the ache when I moved through solid objects.
But this was worse than that.
This was worse than dying.
Someone was screaming. I thought it might me but I couldn't be sure and, to be honest, it wasn't at the top of my priority list because I seemed to be falling, but I couldn't see. Blackness engulfed me and I couldn't move my arms or legs, the pain too agonising.
Warm arms wrapped around me and I wished that those arms would stop moving, because it was freaking painful. I let out a low moan as I was jostled and heard Edward's voice, like a crystal stream of water through the clouded mud in my mind.
"Give her to me, Emmett."
Emmett? Emmett wasn't in the room with us. Was he? What was going on?
I peered through one eye and then closed it again, the light too strong. Edward became still, but I could feel him holding me, one arm under my knees and the other curled around my back, my head resting on his shoulder. He smelled good, like honey and sunshine and I almost didn't mind the pain as long as I got to keep secretly smelling this gorgeous vampire boy.
"How can she even be unconscious?" Rosalie asked sceptically and I wanted to glare at her, but that would have required effort. Besides, I wasn't unconscious. I just wasn't able to move or open my eyes or speak. In what crazy world is that unconscious?
"I don't know." Carlisle sounded strained and I wanted to reassure him. A strange vibration reverberated through me and I realised that Edward was growling.
"You should have stopped, Carlisle! You shouldn't even have started these damned experiments in the first place!"
"Don't yell at him, Edward!" Rosalie snapped.
OK. Enough is enough.
I summoned all my strength and managed to prise open one eye. Through blurred vision, I saw Emmett and Rosalie standing nearby and Carlisle in front of them, his handsome face twisted into a pained expression. We weren't in the study at all, but in the living room. I swallowed and licked my lips, Edward tensing as he sensed my return to the land of the living. Metaphorically, anyway.
"Hey, Doc." I murmured.
"Bella…"
"I guess that wasn't supposed to happen?" I tried to joke but no one laughed. I closed my eyes again, shifting my head slightly, my forehead brushing against Edward's neck.
"Bella, are you hurt?" Edward asked quietly and I chuckled softly.
"Yup. Hurts like hell. Don't growl again, it's not Doc's fault." I warned and then opened my eyes again to see Carlisle rubbing his forehead, still with that pained expression, "Hey. Quit that. You didn't know what was going to happen."
"Which is why he shouldn't have tried it in first place." Edward said in quiet, angry voice. I sighed and flexed my fingers, wincing at the pain. Quickly Edward turned and lowered me onto the sofa, taking my fingers in his hands and rubbing them gently. The pain faded a little and I offered him a weak smile before glancing at the ceiling.
"I fell through?"
"Yes. You started screaming and as I turned to turn off the machine, you slid through the chair and the ceiling. Emmett and Rosalie were in here and Emmett caught you." Carlisle said quietly. I nodded and groaned as my head ached, like my brain was bouncing off the walls of my skull. For crying out loud, I was already dead. How could I be in this much pain?
"Doc?" I murmured, looking up at him. He moved forward and Edward tensed. I tutted at him before looking at Carlisle.
"Yes, Bella?"
"No more experiments, OK?"
"No more." Carlisle said in soft agreement. I smiled weakly.
"OK. I'm just going to lay down a while until my body stops screaming." I said, closing my eyes again. I felt warm, hard arms lifting me and carrying me. I knew it was Edward, from his scent and I gave in to my wants, snuggling against his hard chest and letting out a soft sigh as he took me to his room, sitting on the sofa and holding me.
"Do you ever get tired of moving around?" I asked Edward. We were sat in his bedroom one rainy afternoon, about three weeks after the last disastrous experiment, going through his extensive CD collection. Edward's room had become one of my favourite places to hang out. It was light and beautiful, the black leather couch more comfortable than any other seat in the house, in my opinion. Edward watched as I pressed the play button on his enormous stereo.
"Sometimes. It starts to feel the same after a while. Same high schools, same faces."
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
"Who's this?" I asked, looking down at the random CD that I had chosen.
"Damien Rice."
"He's good." I walked back to the couch, perching on the end as Edward stared out of the window at the droplets that splattered the glass, "Where will you go after Forks?"
He turned his head to look at me for a long moment before shrugging.
"I'm not sure. College again, maybe. I know that Emmett and Rosalie want to get away by themselves for a few years."
"Carlisle mentioned that." I remembered, "What about Alice and Jasper? Don't they go away?"
Edward shook his head, leaning over to pass me another CD.
"Not particularly. Jasper needs support. He's the newest to our diet and struggles sometimes. It's best if they stay with us, although they do go off for weekends and the like. So do Carlisle and Esme, on occasion."
And then there's you. All alone. I was glad he couldn't hear my thoughts. I watched him for a few seconds before looking down at the CD he'd passed me.
"I'm so jealous. I would love to have a collection like this, it must have taken you ages to collect them all." I said, picking another CD. Edward smiled, his eyes fixed on my face.
"Well, I had to upgrade from vinyl at some point. Although, I still have all of my vinyl records in storage."
"I bet they're worth a fortune."
"Probably." He admitted, but seemed unconcerned. Well, when you've got a sister that can predict the future of stocks, you probably don't need to worry that much about petty cash.
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
"What music did you enjoy when you were alive?" Edward asked and I chuckled.
"I died in 1999. It was all about Britney Spears and the boy bands. But I liked Charlie's old records. The Eagles, The Beatles, a bit of Frank Sinatra."
"He was a very interesting man." Edward said lightly and I threw back my head, laughing.
"No! No way, you're not telling me that you've met Frank Sinatra?"
"Only briefly. John Lennon was much more polite though."
I seized one of the cushions and threw it at him, laughing loudly. He grinned, catching the cushion easily and tossing it back. I hugged it to my chest.
"That's amazing. I mean… wow, I've never met anyone famous. I've only ever lived in Phoenix and Forks."
"There's time. There's a lot of world to see. You should see it." Edward stopped as though he wanted to say more, but simply shook his head and looked back to the window.
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't want to scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
Edward was frowning and I tilted my head curiously. But he didn't appear to notice my movement so I got up to change the CD from Damien Rice to a classical composer called Gabriel Faure. I had never really enjoyed classical music before but Edward had been subtly sliding it into our background music when we were together and it had grown on me.
I stood by the stereo, adjusting the volume when I felt Edward approach from behind, sliding a CD back into its place on the shelf. He stood a few inches behind me and I felt frozen, staring at the pale blue backlight of the stereo's display.
"What's this song called?"
"Rêve d'amour."
"What does that mean?" I whispered. I don't know why I whispered, but the moment seemed tentative and made of glass, ready to shatter at any minute.
"Dream of Love."
"Oh." I didn't really know what to say to that. I didn't know if I should turn around, or stay perfectly still or run for the hills. To distract myself from his closeness, I pushed the stop button and the CD tray slid out.
"You don't like Faure?" Edward said softly and I turned slowly, looking up at him. He was gazing at me, his eyes cloudy with emotion that I couldn't recognise. I smiled slightly.
"He's OK. I guess I'm not in the mood for classical."
"Not today." He murmured and gave me a tiny smile. I blinked, slightly confused as he reached behind me and plucked the CD from the tray, placing it back in its box before handing me another CD case.
A couple of days later, a Thursday afternoon, I was waiting at home for Charlie. The house was clean, my laundry done and Charlie's shopping list was updated. I'd promised Alice and Edward that I'd go over that night to watch a movie but I'd barely seen Charlie for a couple of weeks. He'd been working late and I'd been over at the Cullens' so often that we'd just kept missing each other, although I'd seen him off to work every morning as usual. So I'd come straight home from school and was reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, an old favourite, as I waited for him to come home.
It was a little past six when the front door finally opened and he strolled in, whistling. Clearly he'd had a good day, plus it was only one more day until the weekend. I hid the book quickly and stretched, watching as he went into the kitchen and turned the oven on, pulling a tub of frozen casserole out of the fridge. God bless Sue Clearwater, she was one of the few things keeping my dad from the unhealthiest diet in the world. He paused at the refrigerator.
"Hey Bells."
"Hi Dad." I said, leaning against the doorframe, "How was work? You look like you're in a good mood. I bet you fought loads of crime on the mean streets of Forks today."
Charlie whistled nonchalantly as he poured himself a beer and then sighed as the phone rang, leaning over towards me to pick it up.
"Yup? Hi Billy, you still want to come over for the game this weekend? …no, I'll order something in, although if Harry has any fish fry going spare, you know I'll take it off his hands. Mm hmm." He paused, listening carefully, "I heard, yeah. Yeah. Oh, how's Jake feeling? That fever gone down yet? You should have taken him to the doc, Billy, mono isn't a laughing matter. That Doc Cullen is a nice guy, I'm sure he'd… well, if you're sure he's OK. Yup… yup, I'll see you Saturday."
He hung up and I frowned at him. Jake had been sick? How had I not known this?
Because you've been hanging out with your new vampire buddies for the last month and a half? Life goes on, Ghost Girl.
I shook my head, sighing and made a mental note to haul ass up to La Push sometime next week and see how Jacob and the other rez boys were doing.
I hummed lightly to myself as I walked to school the next morning after seeing Charlie off to work. It wasn't raining but the sky was overcast and miserable looking. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, humming the tune that Edward had been playing when I'd arrived at the Cullen house the evening before. I liked watching him play the piano.
I liked watching him in general. He was pretty nice to watch.
Emmett and Rosalie were already walking inside when I got to school. Emmett winked at me, his arm slung over Rosalie's shoulder. Mike Newton scurried out of the way as they approached and I rolled my eyes. He was a weird kid. Angela was sat with Jessica on the wall outside the school, listening to her blather on about some dance that was coming up. I really hoped that Ben would ask Angela. I was getting kind of impatient waiting for them to hook up. I mean, everyone knew that it was going to happen, why keep everyone in suspense?
I glanced over my shoulder as Edward, Alice and Jasper approached. Alice flashed me a quick smile.
"See you at lunch." She said quietly, taking Jasper's hand. He nodded to me and they disappeared inside. Edward smiled faintly and we walked side by side towards my English class. Edward's first class was just down the corridor and I waved to him before slipping in and waiting for Mr Lewis to get started.
The morning passed very slowly and the stupidity levels in the kids seemed to have tripled since the day before. Friday was always an annoying day, weekend plans interfering with any hopes of learning anything. The teachers seemed equally distracted and by the time I got to lunch, I was thoroughly irritated. Edward, Rosalie and Emmett were already sat down and Edward had pushed a chair out for me. I slid into it and Emmett looked at me in amusement.
"You OK there, Sugar?"
"Damn kids," I mumbled, resting my head in my hands, "They're all twitchy about the weekend."
"Sweetie, you sound like a ninety year old. And you're only twenty-eight." Alice chirped, sitting down lightly beside me so I was sat between her and Edward. Jasper eyed me uncertainly and Edward nodded to him before leaning closer to me.
"Jasper's worried about your mood. He says you're upset."
"I just…" I paused and Edward tilted his head.
"Come on." He murmured and we said goodbye, slipping out of the cafeteria. We walked across the parking lot and climbed into the Volvo in silence, enjoying the refreshing quiet away from the noise of the school.
Edward didn't say anything once we sat down and I curled into the soft leather of the Volvo's seats, twisted sideways so that I was facing him. He turned his head to look at me and a few strands of bronze hair fell into his eyes. I wanted to reach up and sweep them back.
I really wanted to.
I lowered my eyes to the gear stick. The shiny black handle was polished to perfection and I reached out idly to touch the cool black plastic.
Edward waited for me. I sighed.
"I don't know how many more times I can do this, Edward." I whispered. If it hadn't been for the super-vampire hearing, he wouldn't even have heard me, I was so quiet.
"High school?"
"Everything." I replied softly, tracing the lines on the handle of the stick, "It's so frustrating. The same things over and over again, all those people not knowing what they've got, what they might not have in just a few years."
Anxiety unfurled in the pit of my stomach and I pulled my knees to my chest as Edward watched me, his eyes dark. He needed to hunt. I'd been over every night this week, was that why he hadn't gone? Was he trying to pretend that he wasn't what he was?
Wasn't that what I was doing by hanging around in a high school? Pretending that life just carried on? I was suspended in time, just… existing.
Warm fingers slid over mine. I lifted my eyes to Edward's as he took my hand and I took in the perfect face, the black eyes, the purple shadows beneath them. His jaw was smooth and I wondered for a minute what it would like if he was human. Would it have stubble on it or would he keep it shaved? Would he smell different if he was a human? I didn't like that thought.
He squeezed my fingers lightly and without realising what I was doing, I reached up and traced one of the dark shadows.
"You need to hunt…" I murmured, "Why haven't you gone?"
Edward gazed at me for a long moment before tilting his head slightly so that my hand slid along to his ear and then down his jaw, resting against his neck. He turned his head and nuzzled my wrist. Yes. He nuzzled me.
And god help me if I didn't love it.
I couldn't help but let out a sigh as I withdrew my hand, putting it in my lap to try and gain some control over my haywire emotions. Edward had a tiny smile around his lips and I glanced out of the window, trying not to grin too widely.
"I didn't want to miss you when you come over in the evenings." He whispered, "I enjoy spending time with you."
"You need to hunt." I repeated and stretched my legs, "Go tonight. I'll hang with Alice for a while and we can talk when you get back. But you need to hunt. Don't neglect yourself."
Edward's eyes flickered back to the school and he nodded, flexing his fingers idly.
"I'll go straight from school. I can be back by midnight."
"Sounds good. It's your turn to pick a movie anyway." I reminded him. We'd been taking it in turns between us, my leanings mostly towards classic action and the rare chick flick (I don't care what anyone says, Dirty Dancing is amazing) whilst Edward's tastes veered towards older films, usually black and white movies.
"I already have one in mind." He smiled and I grinned back, glancing at the doors to the school.
"Well, let's get a move on. Mr Banner can't start the lesson without his two favourite students."
"You think you're one of his favourites?"
"I'm invisible and I don't talk in class. I know he's delighted to have me, I'm his ideal student."
Jasper and Edward went hunting together, since Jasper needed to feed often anyway. Alice and I were left to our own devices and I begged her to let me explore the library. Huffing and puffing, she hopped onto a desk and sat, watching in abject boredom as I explored the rows and rows of leather bound books. They had that great smell, you know? All old and musty but kind of exciting, thousands of adventures waiting to be discovered.
"Bella, can't we do something else? I've read all these already!"
"Well, I haven't, so pipe down." I grinned at her, "You can always go keep yourself busy and let me enjoy myself."
"But we never get a chance to hang out, just the two of us. Edward is always here and now I've got you all to myself!" Alice beamed and I rolled my eyes, smiling as I pulled an old book off the shelf, tracing the gilt letters of the title.
"OK… five more minutes?"
"Fine. But then we're going upstairs and I'm going to kick your ass at Guitar Hero before Emmett gets to it first." Alice warned me, "I'll go set it up. Be in the games room in five minutes."
"Sure, sure." I said absently, already captivated by the story that I was reading. She slipped from the room and I leant against the bookcase, immersed in the fairytale, some grim old story from a dark European country. It was the kind of story that Disney would have massacred into some cutesy-poo cartoon, complete with singing animals.
Voices reached my ears. Someone was shouting. I looked up in surprise, closing the book and sliding it onto the shelf.
"… pure selfishness!" Rosalie's voice was the loudest and I frowned, standing near the library door. Carlisle's voice replied, sounding angrier than I'd ever heard it.
"It is one year, Rosalie! Just one year to help your brother!"
"I never wanted her here, Carlisle! She's changing everything! Emmett and I have plans, we've had them for months and I'm not changing them for her!"
What the hell?
"When we leave Forks, when Edward has to leave Bella, how do you think he's going to feel, Rosalie? We all know what is going to happen, we know that Edward is falling in love with her and that she is going to return those feelings and we know that they will have to be separated. It is going to be impossibly hard on Edward and all I am asking is that you stay with us for one more year to help him cope without her!" Carlisle's usually calm voice was filled with anger but I was more preoccupied with what he had just said, a shiver going down my spine.
We know that Edward is falling in love with her and that she is going to return those feelings…
Love?
Love?
I lifted a hand to my mouth, trembling slightly with uncertainty and anticipation at the very thought. So desirable, so… so amazing. And so terrifying.
"We don't know anything! Alice isn't always right!" Rosalie hissed loudly and my un-beating heart leapt into my mouth and I felt nauseous.
Alice had predicted that Edward and I would fall in love? When? Had she seen it before I'd started coming over or once we'd become friends?
"I'm right about this, Rose." Alice said angrily, "Don't be so awful."
"Oh, please." Rosalie scorned, the disdain dripping from her every word, "You took a chance on a passing vision. This isn't the first time someone in this family has brought someone along, hoping Edward would fall for her. What about Tanya?"
Tanya?
"Rose-" Emmett tried to interrupt but Rosalie's voice drowned his out.
"What about me, Carlisle? You were so convinced that Edward and I were right for each other! That's the only reason I'm here! You would have left me to die if you hadn't wanted someone to keep Edward company! And now you've got a new project, another experiment!"
My knees felt weak and I clutched tightly at the door handle, trying to keep myself standing. I felt ill and wanted to scream.
I was here because Alice had seen Edward falling in love with me in one of her unreliable visions. I was here because Carlisle wanted a… what had Rosalie called it? A project. He had turned Rosalie into a vampire so that Edward would have someone.
Rosalie… has had difficulty coming to terms with her change. It happened amidst some dreadful circumstances and she has remained bitter. Carlisle's own words rang in my head. I couldn't understand it, couldn't bear the thought that Carlisle, my Doc, had done something like that…
And who in god's name was Tanya?
The angry voices suddenly fell silent as Alice gasped, loud enough for me to hear her.
"No… Bella!"
I didn't want to know. Anger and hurt at their betrayal were pounding through my empty veins and I ran full pelt towards the front door, even though I knew that I couldn't outrun them. I shouldn't be here; the only reasons that I had ever been asked to come here for were no longer relevant – I wouldn't be the next in a long line paraded in front of Edward and I sure as hell wouldn't be some science project for a bored vampire.
They were all gathered in the living room, all except Edward and Jasper, and as I passed, Alice darted forward and seized my arm.
"Bella, please don't go!"
"Get the hell off me, Alice!" I spat, tugging my arm away. Esme was staring at me brokenheartedly and Carlisle moved forward, his expression full of sorrow and regret.
"Bella, I'm so sorry." He said softly, "Please let me explain."
"Not interested, Carlisle." I hissed, "Just stay the hell away from me, all of you. You can pass that on to Edward and Jasper too. I'm not a fucking project and I'm not going to be manipulated by anymore of your bullshit!"
"Bella, please-" Esme began but I stepped back, settling my eyes on Rosalie who was watching me with a blank face.
"Enjoy, Rosalie. You win. I'm out of here and I guess I should thank you for at least being honest with me. At least one of you fucking was." Carlisle flinched and Alice looked like she was going to cry, her face crumpled in dismay.
"Don't go, Bella. Please, you're my friend, please don't go…" She let out a little sob, "I can't see you. I don't know why, but please…"
I turned away and walked through the door, setting off into a run as I made for the town, leaving everything that I had loved about my afterlife behind me.
A/N: Shit, may I introduce you to fan? I think you'll get on splendidly!
Thank you ever so much for the reviews, they're like teeny tiny rays of sunshine, lighting up my gloomy days! Just to clarify – the 'EPov' Chapters cover what has happened in Bella's chapters, but with new scenes and sections, so… yeah. One or two people seemed confused about seeing the same conversations.
Try – SO perfect for this chapter, especially "As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me." She trusted the Cullens and made herself vulnerable and now she's found that they've kind of been manipulating her from the off. Bad times for her, especially when she was starting to let herself fall for Edward.
Great smoochy hugs to Sarah, for she is marvellous. We have both finished placement and have just four weeks at uni; unfortunately those weeks are filled with essays and presentations, so once again, it may be a little wait but after that we are free for the summer! Woohoo! Except that Sarah is buggering off to New Zealand. Bitter? Me? … nope.
Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a Damien Rice CD. Enjoy!
Love
Katie