Chapter Eighteen

I could see in the distance all the dreams that were clear to me
Every choice that I had to make left you on your own
Somehow the road we started down had split asunder
Too late to realise how far apart we'd grown.
How I wish I, wish I'd done a little bit more
Now " Shoulda woulda coulda," means I'm out of time
Coz "Shoulda woulda coulda", can't change your mind
And I wonder, wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do
"Shoulda woulda coulda" are the last words of a fool.

~Shoulda Woulda Coulda by Beverly Knight~

Carlisle was feeling irritable. I didn't need Jasper's powers to know that. I knew, because he was irritable with me.

"Edward, I have taken every precaution with this test. If anything looks remotely unsafe, I will stop immediately." He said as he finished setting up his equipment in the study. I watched with narrowed eyes.

"Carlisle, this is purely to satisfy your scientific curiosity. She is not something that you can just use to entertain yourself." I said with a hiss. In an instant, he had turned and was stood directly before me, the anger emanating from him in waves. I didn't step back, facing him down.

"Listen to what I have to say, Edward," Carlisle said in a tense, measured tone that belied his angry expression, "I adore Bella as much as the rest of this family. She is as much a daughter to me as Bella and Rosalie. What I am doing might interest me, it's true, but the more we know about Bella physically, the more we can do to protect her and care for her. So don't accuse me of something so easily without knowing the whole story."

We stood, face to face, tense and angry before I eventually relented.

"Fine." I murmured and turned to leave as I heard Bella's footsteps coming across the lawn. I hurried downstairs and waited by the open door for her. It was raining slightly and she pulled down her hood as she reached me, smiling.

"Hi."

"Hello, Bella." I greeted her, taking her damp hoodie and hanging it up to dry off.

"Is Doc waiting?"

"He's in the study." I confirmed and she rolled her head around, stretching her neck. A wave of her enticing scent engulfed me and I resisted the urge to lean over and breathe her in deeply. She smiled up at me, her beautiful face bright and sweet.

"You coming up, Edward?"

"If you'd like me to." I couldn't resist smiling just a little and she nodded. I didn't quite know how to say that there was nothing on earth that could keep me away.

We ascended the stairs and as we walked to the office, I went first, opening the door and guiding her in with my hand on the small of her back. She hesitated at the sight of the equipment and Carlisle gave her a reassuring smile. I lifted my hand to her shoulder, hoping she got the same level of comfort from my touch that I got from hers.

Carlisle talked her through the process and I listened closely, even though I'd already heard it in his mind. It was a simple measurement of her natural energy, which he then intended to manipulate. But my attention was caught by Bella's tiny, terrified voice.

"Will it hurt?"

Feeling pain wasn't something that she'd had to consider before meeting us. There had been nothing that could hurt her. Wanting to reassure her of this, I murmured in her ear, her delicious scent pulling me closer.

"Your choice, Bella. You can walk away. We won't force you to do this." I squeezed her shoulder gently and she looked up at me with a small, unconvincing smile before leaning briefly into my side.

"I don't know who's more nervous about this, you or me." She joked feebly and I glowered at the electrical equipment.

Me. Definitely me, because I would never have her do this and she was still willing because of her affection for Carlisle.

Carlisle began to prepare the electrodes, answering Bella's questions with perfect calmness, about what he expected to find out. I listened to his thoughts, his research feeding my greedy mind and curiosity, but doing nothing to reassure me.

Edward, don't look at me like that. I am not an amateur. His thoughts were disgruntled and he looked at Bella.

"I mean it, Bella. The instant that it becomes too much, you must tell me."

"I will, I promise."She said instantly and I wondered if her nerves were as severe as mine as she perched in a chair, hands twisting anxiously in her lap. Carlisle picked up the electrodes but I was by his side in an instant.

If it will reassure you, Edward…

It didn't, but I was pleased that he handed them to me. I turned and knelt in front of Bella's chair. My hair fell into my eyes as I did so and she leaned forward, brushing the strands away. It was such a simple, affectionate gesture, full of the easy adoration that I saw amongst the couples in my family and it filled me with joy. I smiled and she returned the gesture, before dropping her eyes to her hands in shyness.

I wanted to throw the electrodes from me, to gather her up in my arms and carry her from here, to take her somewhere private, away from my family and tell her. I wanted to tell her how much I worshipped her, how her beauty and sweetness had captured my heart in a way that I had never thought possible. The huge range of emotions that I had experienced since she had entered my life was more than I had ever imagined. Did she know? How could she not, when I had spent all of last night holding her in my arms?

I leaned up and pushed back the soft, warm locks of her mahogany hair, pressing the electrodes to her smooth skin, unable to resist brushing my fingers against her cheek as I lowered my hands. She caught her breath and I held her eyes, still smiling. She knew. She had to know.

The sound of the computer monitor powering up disrupted our connection and I stood reluctantly. I moved a little way away as Carlisle asked if she was ready. Bella instinctively scrunched up her face adorably, expecting intense pain as he turned on the machine. But after a long moment her eyes peeked open and we both watched her carefully for a reaction.

"I don't even feel anything." She said sheepishly and I repressed a smile as Carlisle adjusted the power box.

No physical feeling of it, that's good. And her energy seems to be level, no change.

I examined it too, listening to Carlisle's musings as he registered and mentally logged the information. The sound of Bella clearing her throat made us look at her, her lovely face irritable, where we had been ignoring her.

"What does it say?" She asked.

"Not much yet. Would you mind trying to move through something, just your hand?" Carlisle requested and she passed her hand through the arm of the chair. Instantly the lines began to jump and Carlisle looked at them quickly.

Her energy is changing, up or down? Is it more secure or is this what happens during her normal activity?

The lines settled back to normal as she pulled her hand back, looking uncertain. Carlisle glanced at me briefly.

Explain to her or she'll worry. Everything is fine.

"You have your own energy, Bella. That's what the top line is. The bottom line is the electrical current Carlisle is giving you. When you moved through the arm of the chair, your energy seemed to react." I said soothingly. She looked over at the screen and ran her hand through the wood again, pulling the limb back to her chest in a ball as the readings pulsed again. She turned her dark eyes to me, uncertain.

"Is that right? I mean… am I right?"

"You're right." I said immediately. How could she doubt that? Whatever these readings showed, there was no doubt in my mind that she was little more than perfection.

"Edward…"Don't. I don't know what will happen yet and I don't want to be made a liar.

I didn't like what he was implying. That Bella was less than perfection. I straightened as Carlisle asked to try again. He increased the electrical charge and Bella's hands flexed immediately, her breath catching in her throat.

"Bella?" Carlisle's reaction was immediately but she shook her head.

"I'm fine, I just wasn't expecting it."

Physical sensation with an increased electrical current. Mild discomfort?

I stopped paying attention, watching Bella's fingers lightly pattering against her legs. My fingers echoed the movement, so in tune to her every action. I turned my attention back to the experiment as Carlisle asked her to try again. This time, the lines jumped erratically as she moved her hand through the arm of the chair.

"What's happening?" She asked and Carlisle's eyes flew to mine.

This is not good news, Edward. Stay calm whilst I try to understand. I don't know what this might mean.

I tensed.

"The electrical current is having an effect on your molecular build. The stronger the current, the less solid and secure the bonds become between the molecules that create you." He told her. I heard what he was leaving out. Whatever it is that is holding Bella together, it's not secure. It's unpredictable and affected by electrical power.

I stared at Bella, but her eyes were on Carlisle. I took in her delicate profile as she swallowed and met my eyes briefly before looking back at him.

"What now?"

"One more current and then we'll stop." Carlisle said, working on the machine. Bella was watching him with a strange expression and then nodded.

"Come on then, Doc. Turn up the power." She said in a voice that was too loud, too cheerful. I furrowed my brow, knowing that she was unwilling.

"Bella-"

"It's fine, Edward." She interrupted, wriggling to make herself comfortable in the chair.

This is the last one today. This isn't what I expected to find and I need to look at these results before I go any further.

This did not reassure me. What we had already found was disturbing. I looked down at Bella again and she caught my eye with a sweet smile.

"Want to hang out afterwards? I'm scared Alice will kidnap me." She joked and I smiled, opening my mouth to reply as Carlisle increased the current.

For a split second, I couldn't place the source of the scream. Bella's back arched, her head thrown back and her eyes screwed shut as the piercing, heart breaking scream filled the air. Her body trembled and her hands flew towards her head.

"Carlisle!" I shouted and dived towards Bella to detach the electrodes. But she fell, slipping from my fingers and disappeared through the chair, through the floor and out of sight.

"Bella!" Carlisle and I both gasped her name at once. But I turned and went for the stairs, fear filling me. Fear of losing her. Fear that she would be hurt. Fear that she would leave.

I reached the living room and Emmett turned, his face twisted in anxiety. Bella was cradled in his arms, eyes closed and perfectly still.

"Edward-"

"Give her to me, Emmett." I said and moved forward with my arms outreached. He laid her gently in my embrace and I held her close to me, her head lolling onto my shoulder. Her eyes fluttered briefly and then she stilled again.

What the hell, Edward?

Is she OK?

"How can she even be unconscious?" Rosalie demanded. I glowered at her as Carlisle entered the room.

"I don't know." She'll be alright. She'll be alright. I didn't know who he was trying to convince, but it wasn't me. A growl rumbled through my chest as I spat at him.

"You should have stopped, Carlisle! You shouldn't even have started these damned experiments in the first place!" I attacked, clutching Bella to me.

Fuck you, Edward!

"Don't yell at him, Edward!" Rosalie hissed, her verbal assault much tamer than her mental one. I was perfectly prepared to rip her to pieces but Bella began to stir in my arms, her face turning slightly away from me so that she was looking at Carlisle. She sighed softly.

"Hey, Doc." Her voice was soft, strained from her screaming.

"Bella-"

"I guess that wasn't supposed to happen?" She murmured in a joking way. Carlisle's thoughts were tortured and Emmett was full of anxiety. Rosalie was furious but I ignored her as Bella turned her head and leant back against my shoulder.

"Bella, are you hurt?" I asked softly and she gave a slight, dry laugh.

"Yup. Hurts like hell. Don't growl again, it's not Doc's fault." She scolded, as the rumble emanated through my chest. She opened her eyes and caught sight of Carlisle's pained face. "Hey. Quit that. You didn't know what was going to happen."

"Which is why he shouldn't have tried it in first place." I said angrily but Bella winced in pain. Immediately I turned my back on my family and lowered her onto sofa, taking her hands in mine, caressing her sore fingers. She smiled slightly before looking up at the ceiling.

"I fell through?" She asked wonderingly. Before I could answer, Carlisle spoke.

"Yes. You started screaming and as I turned to turn off the machine, you slid through the chair and the ceiling. Emmett and Rosalie were in here and Emmett caught you."

Bella. This could have been… she might have…

Bella groaned, clutching at her forehead before looking up at Carlisle with tired eyes.

"Doc?"

Oh, Bella… Carlisle stepped forward and I tensed over her without meaning to, like I was defending her from an enemy. She noticed and scowled before looking back at him.

"Yes, Bella?" He replied.

"No more experiments, OK?"

"No more." The risk is too great. She means too much. To all of us. His eyes met mine meaningfully and I nodded discretely.

"OK." She said decisively and then closed her eyes, "I'm just going to lay down a while until my body stops screaming."

I bent and picked her up again, turning to take her upstairs. One of her hands snaked around my neck and she cuddled closer to me. I couldn't help but brush my cheek against her forehead as I reached my room and sat on the comfortable leather sofa, cradling her. She sighed softly and I closed my eyes, making a promise to myself that never again would someone hurt her whilst I was nearby.

Over the next few weeks, Bella became a near permanent fixture in our home. Not that I objected to this in any way, shape or form. Whilst she spent a lot of time with all of the family, more often than not we ended up alone in my room. Bella had expressed an interest in my music collection and we had been listening to a random selection. I sat on the couch, watching as she changed CD's again, her head moving slightly in time to the music. Every now and then she would ask me a completely random question. I adored her unpredictability.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

The sound of Damien Rice's husky voice filled the room and Bella tilted her head.

"Who's this?"

"Damien Rice."

"He's good." She said and I smiled, turning to look out of the rain-spattered window. The sky was a murky, uninteresting grey.

"Where will you go after Forks?" Bella asked, catching my attention. I looked at her face, searching for any sign of how she felt about our leaving.

"I'm not sure," I mused, "College again, maybe. I know that Emmett and Rosalie want to get away by themselves for a few years." Rosalie was near desperate to get away. Her levels of irritation were rising by the day and it was making all of us uncomfortable.

"Carlisle mentioned that. What about Alice and Jasper? Don't they go away?" She asked as I picked up a recording of The Firdbird Suite and handing it to her.

"Not particularly. Jasper needs support. He's the newest to our diet and struggles sometimes. It's best if they stay with us, although they do go off for weekends and the like. So do Carlisle and Esme, on occasion." I looked over at her to see her watching me, her brow creased. As I met her eyes she looked down at the CD that I'd given her.

"I'm so jealous. I would love to have a collection like this, it must have taken you ages to collect them all." She said, examining the cover.

"Well, I had to upgrade from vinyl at some point. Although, I still have all of my vinyl records in storage."

"I bet they're worth a fortune."

"Probably."

We spent a few more minutes musing back and forward about the different music that I had enjoyed and she laughed delightedly when I told her that I'd met both Frank Sinatra and John Lennon, tossing a cushion at me. I tossed back, smiling at her adorable carefree attitude.

"That's amazing. I mean… wow," She mused, smiling, "I've never met anyone famous. I've only ever lived in Phoenix and Forks."

"There's time. There's a lot of world to see. You should see it." With me. You should come and see it with me.

I shook my head at my own stupidity and looked back the window, my extreme eyesight following the rivulets of water down the glass.

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't want to scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

Courage. Love. Strange concepts, both. The words were disturbingly close to the situation and I frowned as Bella went to change the CD. She knew that we had to leave. We had limited time here, people would notice if we didn't age. But she wouldn't come with us, not whilst Charlie was alive.

Classical music filtered through the speakers and I looked over at Bella. She was stood in front of the stereo with her back to me. She had no idea. No idea who this was.

Bella was smiling at me, her hand in mine and a shy smile on her face as we stood in my room. I smiled down at her and lifted my free hand to sweep the hair from her shoulder, cupping her cheek before leaning down, my mouth brushing against hers.

"I love you, Edward." She said quietly, her hand reaching up to brush my hair from my eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too." I smiled, easily and freely, as the chords of Chanson D'amour played delicately behind us. She smiled joyously and pulled me close, kissing me again.

Alice's vision – this was it. We were in my room and Chanson D'amour was the next track on this CD. Who would initiate it? Should I? My dead, frozen heart began to swell with joy as I moved towards her, lifting the Stravinsky CD and slipping it into place over her head. Bella didn't turn around, but I saw the tension in her shoulders, the pale blue backlight of the stereo illuminating her delicate features and her finger still resting on the controls. Her soft voice broke our silence.

"What's this song called?"

"Rêve d'amour." I murmured, unwilling to break the gentle bubble that we had entered into. Her hair had fallen away from her shoulder, exposing the beautiful curve of her neck. I fought the urge to bury my face in it, to indulge myself in her scent.

"What does that mean?"

"Dream of Love." I said in an even quieter voice. I wanted her to turn around. I wanted her to turn and smile and kiss.

But she didn't. Instead she twitched her finger and the music stopped abruptly, the CD tray sliding open. Disappointment flooded me but I pushed it away.

"You don't like Faure?" I asked and she turned, so close to me, so close… she offered a tiny smile.

"He's OK. I guess I'm not in the mood for classical." She said and I smiled slightly.

"Not today." Today was not the day. And that was alright, because I knew that what was happening was not the result of Alice's vision, her presumptions. I knew in that moment that she was mine and one day soon, she would know.

I needed to hunt. I was well aware of this; my eyes were intensely black and I had needed to stay further away from my classmates than usual. One Friday I moved swiftly down the hallway towards the canteen, the revolting smells of the lunch food permeating my nostrils. Rosalie and Emmett were already at our table and I sat down, pulling out a chair so that Bella would be able to sit comfortably. Rosalie was staring off into space, utterly bored and Emmett's hand was around her shoulders, his thumb rubbing against the base of her neck.

Bella appeared beside me and fell into the chair, putting her head down on her arms. I frowned and Emmett chuckled.

"You OK there, Sugar?"

"Damn kids. They're all twitchy about the weekend." She mumbled tiredly. Alice sat down

"Sweetie, you sound like a ninety year old. And you're only twenty-eight."

I think you should get her out of here, Edward. Jasper's thoughts reached me and I glanced at him.

"Jasper's worried about your mood. He says you're upset." I said quietly to her and she shook her head, the mane of dark hair tossing gently.

"I just…"

"Come on." I stood and she walked with me through the canteen, outside and towards my Volvo. She slid into the passenger seat, curling up gently with her feet tucked beneath her, soft and sweet. I watched her silently, waiting for her to talk. I didn't want to push her; I wanted her to feel like she could talk to me without my asking her.

Her fingers tapped against the top of the gear stick and she sighed quietly.

"I don't know how many more times I can do this, Edward."

"High school?" I asked.

"'s so frustrating. The same things over and over again, all those people not knowing what they've got, what they might not have in just a few years." She said and she sounded truly exhausted. I frowned and she met my eyes briefly before curling up into an even tighter ball in the seat, her knees pressed to her chest. I reached across and took one of her hands in mine, squeezing the tiny fingers softly. She met my eyes, warm and brown and beautiful, reaching up with her free hand and running her fingers across my cheek. I could barely move, so thrilled at her unpredicted affection. She touched under my eye and I knew that she was looking at the dark circles.

"You need to hunt. Why haven't you gone?" She asked, her eyebrows pulling together in concern.

It touched me that she knew me so well, that she could tell that I was struggling. I turned my head, pressing my nose and mouth to her pale white wrist, the scent intoxicating and beautiful. I resisted the urge to kiss there and taste her skin, but only just. She pulled her hands back into her lap, smiling. I glanced out of the window, smiling as well.

"I didn't want to miss you when you come over in the evenings. I enjoy spending time with you." I told her quietly and she nodded, stretching her legs into the foot well.

"You need to hunt. Go tonight. I'll hang with Alice for a while and we can talk when you get back. But you need to hunt. Don't neglect yourself." She said firmly and I nodded, flexing my fingers as the tingling warmth that she'd left danced across my skin.

"I'll go straight from school. I can be back by midnight."

"Sounds good. It's your turn to pick a movie anyway." Bella said and I smiled. I was going to show her A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, a hilarious British comedy which I knew would make her laugh.

"I already have one in mind." I said and she grinned as we emerged from the car and set off back to the school.

Jasper and I set off running straight after school, heading for the woods behind the main building.

Ready for a good run, brother? Jasper gave me a sideways smirk and I grinned back.

"Try to keep up!"

I pushed myself harder, jumping from branch to rock to log, feeling the earth move beneath me. I wanted to crow with delight, barely noticing where I was going as I remembered the conversation in the car, the smell of Bella, the sensation of her skin against my mouth.

A deer was grazing nearby; I changed direction and leapt onto it, snapping its neck instantly and biting into it. The blood was watery and unpleasant but I drank it down anyway, knowing that I would find a carnivore later. I smelt Jasper about half a mile north and headed that way, coming across a bear. I drained that too, slurping down the smoky, warm liquid. It was more palatable and fought the fire in my throat a little more effectively than the deer had. I smelt another deer nearby and drank that too. I didn't want to have to come out again too soon, so drank more than I might usually have done on a short hunt.

Jasper appeared beside me, his sleeve ripped. It flapped uselessly in the light breeze.

"Mountain lion. Alice is going to be mad." He drawled in amusement and I laughed, reaching into my pocket as my phone began to vibrate. Alice's name flashed on the screen and I answered it.

"Yes, Alice?"

"She's gone." Alice's voice was sobbing. Jasper tensed and I met his eye, a chill going through me.

"What?"

"Bella, she's gone! Sh-she heard- there was… Edward, I can't see her anymore, I don't know where she is! Emmett just checked her home but she isn't-"

I slammed the phone shut and turned, running towards home.

Alice was huddled up on the couch in the sitting room, Esme comforting her, when we arrived. Jasper flew to Alice's side, pulling her to him. Rosalie and Emmett were stood nearby and I was still for a moment, watching what had happened through Carlisle's memories as he came to stand nearby.

"Rosalie, Emmett, may I have a moment?" He asked them and they joined him in the living room. Carlisle smiled at them.

"I wanted to ask a favour of you both." He said and looked at Alice as she entered, smiling.

"Bella's just in the library." Rosalie rolled her eyes at Bella's name and Alice pulled a face at her sister's attitude.

"Give it a rest, Rose. Bella's not going anywhere."

"Actually, that's why I wanted to talk to you." Carlisle said, looking back at Rosalie and Emmett, "Bella won't be leaving Forks, but in a couple of years, we will be. I know you intended to go away for a few years, but I'm asking if you might hold off for one more year after we leave Forks."

"What?" Rosalie's voice was fuming and even Emmett frowned.

"What for?"

"For Edward." Carlisle said quietly, "He will have to leave her. I want us to be with him, to be his family after we leave."

"Carlisle, this isn't fair!" Rosalie hissed, "She isn't one of us, this is pure selfishness!"

Carlisle's face turned thunderous.

"It is one year, Rosalie! Just one year to help your brother!"

"I never wanted her here, Carlisle! She's changing everything! Emmett and I have plans, we've had them for months and I'm not changing them for her!" Rosalie spat, tossing her blonde hair angrily. Alice glared at her, moving to stand by Carlisle, who was looking at Rosalie in disappointment and disgust.

"When we leave Forks, when Edward has to leave Bella, how do you think he's going to feel, Rosalie? We all know what is going to happen, we know that Edward is falling in love with her and that she is going to return those feelings and we know that they will have to be separated. It is going to be impossibly hard on Edward and all I am asking is that you stay with us for one more year to help him cope without her!" He demanded but Rosalie looked unconvinced.

"We don't know anything! Alice isn't always right!" She fumed, this inconvenience to her plans illuminating her beautiful face terrifyingly.

Alice stamped her foot, her hands on her tiny hips.

"I'm right about this, Rose. Don't be so awful." She said furiously, anger blazing in her golden eyes.

"Oh, please. You took a chance on a passing vision. This isn't the first time someone in this family has brought someone along, hoping Edward would fall for her. What about Tanya?"

Carlisle closed his eyes, trying to contain his anger. Emmett put a hand on Rosalie's shoulder but she shrugged him off, some of the anger that she had been repressing for over fifty years trickling from the reserve of fury she possessed.

"Rose-" She ignored her partner and stepped forward, pointing an accusing finger at Carlisle

"What about me, Carlisle? You were so convinced that Edward and I were right for each other! That's the only reason I'm here! You would have left me to die if you hadn't wanted someone to keep Edward company! And now you've got a new project, another experiment!" She spat. Carlisle's features contorted in pain and Esme moved to his side from the doorway, where she'd appeared at hearing the raised, angry voices.

"Rosalie!" She gasped but turned to Alice as she gasped, her hands flying to her face.

"No! Bella!" Her voice was a strangled cry as she darted to the doorway of the living room. Bella was flying down the hallway towards the door and Alice caught her wrist, but Bella shook her off, her face angrier than they had ever seen it, tears threatening her large brown eyes as she backed away from them.

"Bella, please don't go!"

"Get the hell off me, Alice!" Bella fumed. Carlisle moved towards her, anxiety and fear filling him.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Please let me explain." He pleaded but Bella shook her head, her dark hair flying.

"Not interested, Carlisle. Just stay the hell away from me, all of you. You can pass that on to Edward and Jasper too. I'm not a fucking project and I'm not going to be manipulated by anymore of your bullshit!" She spat, fire in her eyes.

"Bella, please-" Esme started but Bella had turned to Rosalie, a sneer on her face.

"Enjoy, Rosalie. You win. I'm out of here and I guess I should thank you at least for being honest with me. At least one of you fucking was." She threw an angry look at Carlisle.

Alice moved towards her, hands outreached and pleading.

"Don't go, Bella. Please, you're my friend; please don't go…I can't see you. I don't know why, but please…"

But Bella had already vanished, her footsteps fading to nothingness as Alice crumpled into Esme's arms. Carlisle turned away, his hand tugging at his hair. Emmett was staring after Bella and Rosalie was blank faced.

Rosalie was blank faced still. I turned, drawing up to my full height as I stared in her direction. The rest of the family stared at us in trepid anticipation.

"What have you done?" I whispered and Rosalie flinched as though I had shouted at her.

"She isn't one of us." She said flatly and even Emmett looked at her as though he was seeing her for the first time.

"She's our Bells, Rose." He said quietly, "How can you say that? How can you…? You're better than this. You are."

Jasper flinched and I heard him wonder at the anguish coming from Emmett but I ignored it as Rosalie's thoughts reached me unbidden.

She's better off without us.

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded, my voice rising for the first time, "What the hell do you mean, she'd be better off? We're the first family she's had in over a decade, the first friends she's had! We're the only ones who can be there for her! Rosalie, she was mine! She was mine and you made her leave!"

I took a step in her direction, not knowing what I would do but Rosalie had turned and fled upstairs. Emmett didn't move. We were all still for a long time, my cries ringing in all of our ears.

And then I turned and put my fist through the wall, the brick crumpling under my touch. Esme cried aloud but again and again my hand pierced the wall as though it had been constructed of paper, my need to destruct something, anything, fighting my normal awareness. Emmett's arms wrapped around me and pulled me back and I shouted for him to let go, yelled angrily as I tried to wrench myself from his grasp.

"Let me go! I need to go and find her! Alice, where is she?" I howled at her.

"I don't know!" Alice cried, "I can't find her, I can't…" Her face contorted as she sobbed again.

"I have to find her," I angered, "She thinks… Good god, she thinks that we…"

That we had used her. That she was an amusement for us. That I was using her, the latest in a long line of women. And what must she think of Carlisle after Rosalie's twisted words?

We must be monsters in her eyes.

I twisted out of Emmett's arms and ran my hand through my hair, grinding my teeth.

"Fine. If you can't find her, I will." I told Alice flatly. I knew her scent better than any in the world. I would find her.

The sun was rising and Bella's scent had faded in the wind. I had been to Chief Swan's house three or four times throughout the night but there was no sign of her. I had followed Bella's scent towards the road that led to La Push, but the wind was blowing the wrong way and I had lost her.

I had lost her.

As the first strands of sunlight began to creep along the ground, I arrived back at the house. Emmett was waiting outside and he walked towards me as I approached.

A word, Edward?

I nodded and we retreated half a mile into the forests surrounding the house, Emmett a few steps ahead. He slowed and turned to face me.

"Any luck?" I shook my head and he closed his eyes.

She's not cruel, Edward. Rosie isn't cruel, there's a reason why… there has to be.

His thoughts were pleading, completely believing that his wife could not have done this, could not have driven Bella away.

"You were there, Emmett." I said flatly, "You heard what she said."

"But she… Edward, she's just hurting. I don't know why she acted the way she did and I'm not excusing her, I'm just saying that for all her attitude, Rosalie has never been cruel. There's got to be a reason for her doing this." He argued and I had to admit, he was right. Rosalie may have been blunt, but she was not cruel. Her last thought rang through my head – She's better off without us.

We'll find her, Edward. Emmett looked at me resolutely, she belongs with us. We'll find her.

All of Saturday, I circled Forks, desperate for a sign of her, for a hint of her scent. Sometimes Carlisle came with me, sometimes Jasper. Alice stayed at home with Esme, searching desperately for a sign of Bella's future.

Emmett came down from his and Rosalie's bedroom as I returned home but when he saw that I was alone, he shook his head sadly and retreated upstairs. It was close to four in the morning and I looked at Alice, who looked as though she wanted to cry if she could.

Nothing.

I shook my head and turned away, walking up to my bedroom. There was a hole in my chest, a scooped hollow area that had vanished with Bella, a part of me that I hadn't known existed until Bella had gone.

I sat on the black couch where she and I had sat only a few days before, listening to music and I had known. It had been so obvious to me then that she was supposed to be with me, for all of Alice's visions, for all of my family's oohing and aahing… it had been clear.

I was in love with Isabella Swan.

The thought should have filled me with happiness, made me want to sing and jump and if she had been here, I would have. But no – she was not here. The room was cold and empty without her. The music that lined the walls may as well have been blank CDs, the music was dull without her.

I had lived for one hundred and eight years and those years had been pointless because everything about my existence was pointless without Bella.

Her absence was a physical pain in my chest and stomach and I doubled over, falling from the sofa to my knees, clutching my chest with my hands in an effort to stop myself from falling apart. A strangled cry escaped my lips.

She was gone. She was gone. She was -

"Edward."

My head jerked up and Rosalie closed my bedroom door behind her. Her golden hair fell about her face and her eyes were downcast.

"What do you want?" I whispered, unable to force even hatred into my tone. I was too empty for emotion that strong.

Rosalie looked past me to the large glass windows, walking slowly past me to them. She laid a hand on the pane and sighed softly.

"I never hated her, Edward."

I didn't speak, still hunched over on the thick carpet, staring at individual strands that made it up. I didn't want to speak. I didn't listen to her thoughts. I just waited. After a long moment she turned, looking down at me.

"I don't hate her."

"Then why?" I said quietly and I heard her swallow.

"Because you see our family with rose tinted glasses. You always have, Edward. You believe Carlisle is without fault and yet you let him experiment on her. You let Alice lead you on with her predictions, without looking at your own feelings first. You let Emmett and Esme accept her into the family without thinking about how it could hurt you or her later on." Rosalie said in a strangely calm voice, "So yes, I think she is better off without us. I'm not sorry that she overheard, because you should have told her in the first place. I might have been a bitch, Edward, but the rest of you have manipulated her from the start."

She turned abruptly and looked out of the window.

"You know that I never wanted this. I love Emmett more than I thought I could love anything, but I shouldn't be here. Carlisle turned me so that you would be happy. He turned Esme so that he would be happy and he turned Emmett so that I would be happy. We are selfish, Edward. Bella isn't. Bella is spending eternity caring for other people, letting other people use her. We used her. You used her."

Every word was true and I hated her for revealing it to me, although I must have known it deep down. I couldn't meet her eyes and kept my gaze on the carpet. After a long moment she crossed to stand before me and I felt her fingers graze my hair in an unusually affectionate gesture for Rosalie.

"We fucked up, Edward." She said quietly, "And if you truly believe that she belongs here and that we can bring her into our family without asking anything of her, then maybe you deserve to be together. If you can't, you should leave her be."

I closed my eyes, listening as she stepped past me and the door closed gently behind her. The whole house was still and silent.

I did not move from my spot on the carpet all day. The sun rose higher and higher, warm through the windows and I stayed still, thinking about what Rosalie had said.

Could I bring her to us without making her sacrifice anything? Could I have her without the rest of my family asking things of her?

Could I ask her to love me? Could I tell her that I loved her?

The questions were ringing in my ears but before I could even possibly begin to consider answers, footsteps sounded loudly on the stairs and Alice burst into my room, wild eyed.

"She called me, Edward!" She gasped as I finally got to my feet. I stared at her, almost not understanding her words. "I didn't see it coming, I don't know why, because once she decides to interact with us again, I really should be able to but I can't. But that doesn't matter, because she called me and she wants to meet with me tonight!"

Alice. She wanted to meet with Alice.

Alice must have sensed the pain that coursed through my body, because she looked at me sadly.

"I think… I think it might be easier for her to talk to me first."

"I'll drive you. I want to… to be nearby." I said and she conceded, her eyes fixed on mine.

"We're meeting her at midnight, in the woods behind the high school." She said calmly, before turning, her mind already darting and searching for any other signs of Bella.

I walked slowly to the window, where the sun was already setting. If I had been human, my legs would have been in agony after kneeling on the carpet all day, but I felt nothing.

Although, the gaping hole in my chest ached just a little less.

A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews, you guys seriously rock my world! I know that a lot of people were hoping for a fight between Rosalie and Edward but Beta and I were discussing this – it's Edward. Even as angry as he is here, I can't ever imagine him attacking a member of his family and especially a woman. But I hope you understand Rosalie a little better now.

This chapter is dedicated to amcas, who blew me away by making this absolutely GORGEOUS banner! The link is at the bottom of my profile, go and have a look.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda – Edward's got a lot of regrets, especially in this chapter. Think he'll have a chance to make it right again?

Come follow me on twitter: twitter (dot) com / Kat097. I put my update info on there, so come and say hi. Next chapter may be a little because my Beta is in New Zealand for four weeks. I will probably post another chapter before she gets back, but you'll have to excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes.

Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a copy of 'A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum'. It's a hilariously silly film that Sarah and I watched. Go check it out – or just review!

Love

Katie