Author's Note: Okay, the major panic attack in this chapter is based on a real life situation: my own panic attack. :0 Oh my. Lol. So, yes, I know what I'm talking about. I also know a hell of a lot about anorexia, as I have been studying it for…about three years. Anyway, enjoy. :)

James was beginning to regret his decision about going to Hogsmeade with his friends. Even after his nap, he was still tired, his bones were aching, and his mood hadn't improved much from the morning. He could hardly pay attention to the conversation going on.

"You know, we should definitely do this more often," said Sirius, chowing down on a box of Bertie Bott's Every-Flavor-Beans. "It is our last year, after all."

James struggled to keep up with his friends, but they, under Sirius' orders, were politely pretending they didn't notice.

"Yeah, I guess," said Remus, looking at James curiously out of the corner of his eye. He raised his eyebrow when he heard him softly counting the number of steps he took. James tried not to be bothered by it.

Remus shook his head. James just needed his space, so he'd let him have it.

"Before the quidditch season begins, of course," said Peter. "You excited, James?"

"About what?" asked James, startled. He hadn't been addressed directly for a while.

"…quidditch," said Peter slowly.

"Oh," said James, stopping when they reached The Three Broomsticks. "Yeah."

"Come on. Rosmerta will be so happy to see us," said Sirius, opening the door for James after the other two went inside.

"Do you think I'm incapable of pulling a door open with my own hands?" asked James, irritated.

Sirius blinked, trying not to be hurt by James' nasty attitude. "Okay," he said. James distinctly heard him mutter, "Insane" under his breath.

James sat down at the table Remus had chosen by the back.

He had forgotten all about quidditch, and, contrary to what he had said to Peter, he was not excited even a little bit. Classes were hard enough for him to get through, and with the extra weight of a sport, which he happened to be captain of, wasn't something he looked forward to.

Quidditch, James knew, required extreme concentration. He could only concentrate on important things at the time being, and he was sorry to say that quidditch had lost its magic.

"James—hello!"

James shook his head, shocked that he was spacing again. "Sorry," he said immediately. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Hello, Madam Rosmerta," said James, smiling.

Madam Rosmerta smiled, but she looked concerned. "You okay?" she asked. "You look ill."

James shook his head. "I'm just tired," he said.

Madam Rosmerta looked as if she were about to question him more, but Remus gave her a look that said it was being taken care of, and she stopped. "Having anything, James?"

James ordered a butterbeer, but he was sure he wasn't going to have to drink it.

Madam Rosmerta left to get their drinks. As soon as she left the table, Peter turned on him. "She agrees!" he said.

"I said not to," said Sirius, aggravated. "Just leave it."

"No," said James. His voice was soft and weary, but still angry enough to sound forceful. "If you want to yell at me, Sirius, go right ahead."

Sirius shook his head, looking bewildered. "You want a reason to be mad at me, and I'm not going to give into your stupidity." On second thought, Sirius added, "If you're not going to treat us like your friends, you might as well leave."

Remus looked as if he desperately wanted to jump in and defend James, but he restrained himself.

"Look," said Sirius, "you aren't fun to be around anymore, and I know you've been quietly thinking up excuses to get yourself out of here—"

It was true. James felt ashamed. How could Sirius see through him?

"—so I'm going to relieve you of that by just letting you leave."

James looked at Remus, trying to see his feelings about it, but Remus moved his eyes to the floor.

"Fine," said James, swallowing painfully. He'd never heard Sirius talk in such a way before. He'd been eager to get away before, but now—he couldn't get back to school fast enough.

"And don't," Sirius continued, "dare start feeling sorry for yourself because, from the moment we got to school, you've been completely antagonistic, and I'm sick of it."

"Fine," James repeated, trying to ignore the words coming out of Sirius' mouth. "I'll just go back now, and you can talk about me while I'm going." He gave a false smile.

Sirius watched as James walked out of the pub, disregarding that burning feeling of regret. He would not feel bad about what he had said after everything James had done and said to him for weeks. Besides, James would have more time to relax before doing rounds with Lily, which was probably something he wanted.

Madam Rosmerta returned with their drinks in hand only a moment or two after James disappeared.

"Where's James?" she asked.

Sirius sighed.

"It turns out he really was sick," said Remus, taking a sip of his drink.

By eleven, James was glad he'd left his friends because they weren't back yet, and if he had stayed with them, he would have been late for patrolling.

James told her he was ready, and he waited for her to say farewell to her boyfriend by the staircase. When Gavin had gone upstairs, Lily came over to him, looking almost as tired as James was.

"Let's go," she said.

James nodded.

James and Lily walked out through the portrait hole silently, as they did most days, both in another world.

James stared straight ahead, his eyes drooping closed. Nobody was around, so he thought it was rather pointless to be searching. Even Lily seemed to think it was ridiculous. The only boys were ever out were in Hogsmeade.

His cloak! James had taken it with him. He chuckled.

Lily turned to him as if he had screamed. "What?" she asked suspiciously.

James had never seen such paranoia (except in himself). "I just realized I left something somewhere."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Funny," she said, clearly confused, but she didn't question him.

James tried to keep his mind on simple things, but everything (quidditch, Lily, and classes) that had once been easy had become incredibly painful. The fact that he couldn't turn to other subjects only made him feel worse. He decided to risk beginning a conversation. It would be better than falling asleep in the hallway.

"So, how are things going with Gavin?" he asked quietly. A part of him hoped Lily wouldn't hear his question.

"Good," she answered, smiling for the first time.

James felt better after she smiled at him. It was contagious, and she was so damn beautiful. James could tell she was trying very hard to come up with a question to ask him.

"How is your family?" she asked.

James laughed softly, knowing she'd asked just to show she couldn't come up with anything better. The feeling of laughter had become so foreign to him, and it was strange that he was being rather free with Evans, of all people, but he couldn't feel good around his own friends.

"Okay, I suppose," said James, shrugging.

Lily's smile faded a little. "What was up with you in History of Magic?" she asked bluntly.

Lily looked as if she couldn't believe she'd asked him such a question.

"Sirius was angry with me," said James, hoping he sounded nonchalant. "He's being overbearing."

Lily looked thoughtful. She was probably going to ask Sirius later on, considering they were 'friends' and all.

"Everyone's been a bit concerned about you, James, even Gavin."

James didn't really know what to say to that. He didn't realize Lily had been noticing.

"It's my friends who have been acting weird," he said. "Look, I don't feel like talking about this anymore."

Lily sighed. "Okay then," she said.

It was obvious to anyone with ears that she was annoyed. He didn't blame her, of course. Almost every single time the two of them patrolled, James would get defensive about something or another, and they'd end up fighting. This was possibly the reason Lily was usually hesitant to talk to him.

James slipped his hands into his pockets, concentrating on the steps. He noted every crack in the floor and wall. From time to time, he felt Lily's eyes on him.

"You going to be in class tomorrow?" Lily asked cautiously.

"Yes," said James, paying more attention to the ground than to Lily. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Lily winced slightly at his harsh tone. "Just wondering."

"Don't," said James. "I don't need Gavin's concern. I don't need your curiosity. Evans, I'm fine, okay?"

"And they say I'm mean to you!" said Lily angrily, raising her voice. "Why do I bother acting like I care?"

"Don't ask me," said James quietly.

Lily looked disbelieving. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked. "You act like you want to be friends one second…"

"Time flies when you're screaming," said James.

They had arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady. James couldn't be happier to be done.

"Thank God!" said Lily, happy to get into the common room. "Even when I try to be nice, you don't appreciate it, Potter."

James rolled his eyes. They'd become quite predictable. Patrolling ended in pretty much the same way each time. The two of them walked up, Evans fuming, James wondering when their rather pleasant conversation had gone bad.

James, when he opened the door to his dormitory, went over to his catastrophic day. He had been practically ignored by his friends. He'd made an idiot of himself in History of Magic, fought with Sirius, passed out, eaten chocolate, and he'd just made Evans angry with him.

Surprisingly, his friends were there. Then again, it wasn't that surprising because they knew his patrolling schedule, an they knew where he went first, so they would have avoided him easily while getting back in.

James wasn't stunned when he saw Remus reading and Peter sleeping. It was pretty much normal for their schedule. Sirius was sitting cross-legged on his bed, staring into space, as if he were deep in thought.

James didn't say anything, deciding to just get into bed. Sirius turned his eyes from the ceiling to James.

"James," he said softly.

James kept his eyes closed, pretending he didn't hear him. He knew it was silly because Sirius wasn't dumb. He knew James was awake. Still, he kept silent.

"James," Sirius repeated patiently.

"He won't stop until you answer," said Remus, looking up from his book for a split second.

James groaned. "What?" he asked reluctantly.

"Why don't you trust me anymore?" Sirius asked in a strangled sort of voice. On second glance, James realized he looked terribly depressed.

James knew that this was a side of Sirius. He'd seen it before. Remus pulled the hangings closed around his bed, as he often did when he felt he was intruding on some important conversation between the two.

This strange, insecure, purely neglected, innocent-like side of Sirius came out from time to time, but James knew, this time, he had triggered it. James was the one person in the world Sirius knew he could always count on, and James was letting him down.

James sat up, even though he was sincerely unwilling to, and spoke in the strongest voice he could manage. "I do trust you, Sirius." James wasn't sure if he was being truthful or not. "You may not trust me anymore." He was no longer using that as a defense. He truly believed it.

Sirius shook his head, looking as if he were ten years younger, but speaking as if he were ten years older. "I don't know how I can. Please tell me what's going on."

James felt his mood swinging easily back and forth. He was going to control it, and he wasn't going to let himself get angry. "I promise there is absolutely, positively, nothing wrong with me. I'm stressed out, and that is all. If there were something wrong, I would tell you."

James was lying through his teeth, calmly and seriously. And, for a moment, James thought Sirius believed him.

Then, he smiled sadly and shook his head. "Wow," he said. "You've certainly perfected those skills. You can lie effortlessly while looking into my eyes like that. I am impressed."

James should have known Sirius wouldn't have believed him, but he didn't want Sirius to worry about something that wasn't important. James could admit that, no, he wasn't particularly happy, but he wasn't diseased or anything.

He almost laughed. Anorexia? Him? James could only imagine what people would say if they heard that, and James knew that was what Sirius would think he had if he told him the truth was he hadn't been eating.

But he wasn't anorexic. That word was certainly too strong. In fact, James didn't have a problem, but maybe—in someone else's eyes—it could be seen as one.

"I'm not lying," said James.

Sirius, however, wasn't being understanding anymore. James had not earned it. "Why won't you let me help? James, I'm not asking for much here."

"You're asking me to tell you I have a problem when I don't!"

Sirius must have seen he wasn't going to get through to James, but he continued anyway. "Is it Evans? Did she say something that put you into this depression? Um…something with your parents? Your sisters? Me? One of—"

"I'm not depressed. Don't you get that?"

James suddenly realized he was standing, and so he lowered himself down to the bed. He was so tired due to the crazy day he'd had.

"I think…"

Sirius was still talking, but James had begun to drown him out. He took a deep breath, but he didn't feel it go in the way it normally did. James was dizzy again, and he was beginning to see stars, but it was different from earlier on. It felt worse.

"Ow," he said, putting his hand on his chest.

It must have been the yelling, James decided. The anger and yelling combined with how weak and tired he was. That was the reason.

James abruptly began to worry he was dying. He started to wonder if his friends would miss him after he died. Then, the panic set in. They hated him at the moment. They wouldn't miss him at all. And…was James having deja vu or had he really thought the same things earlier on? He tried to focus more on the real world, but he really didn't feel like he was there anymore.

James vaguely heard Remus saying his name, but he thought that could have been his imagination.

For a moment, everything came back into focus, and James was aware that he was on the floor, gripping the bed above him. Strangely, he believed he was crying. How could someone start to cry without realizing it?

"James," he heard. This time, he wasn't imagining it, but he didn't want to answer because his breathing was so irregular.

Remus had long since gotten out of bed, and Peter was at his side. "We have to get him to Madam Pomfrey," he said, looking anxiously at James. "I guess we have to…help him out. And, what's the best way to do that?"

Remus tried to reason out the most efficient way to help James from their dormitory to the hospital wing. "If I had only mastered that ch…"

"Remus!" said Sirius. "I don't care what's best." Sirius wasn't concerned with thinking. Not wanting to waste time, he did the first thing that came to mind. He first helped James to his feet, and he wrapped one arm under James' legs to lift him up, and he put his other on James' back.

"Damn, he's light," said Sirius, who had obviously been expecting a heavier load when he took the chance of picking him up.

"No," said James, still trying to figure out a way to breathe more easily.

"Don't say anything," said Sirius. He turned back to Remus. "This works. Well, let's go!"

"You go ahead. I'll wake Peter, and we'll catch up."

It didn't take very long for Remus to wake Peter, and Peter rushed out with him the moment he heard James was in trouble. They were able to catch up with Sirius in no time.

"James, don't struggle," said Remus, looking worried by James' thrashing.

"Has he been doing that…constantly?" asked Peter.

Sirius looked relieved when they reached the hospital wing. James, however, was not. "Let go," he said, his voice barely audible.

"He's sweating like crazy," said Remus.

Madam Pomfrey came out of her private quarters after hearing all of the noise the marauders were making.

She ordered him to be laid down on a bed, and she went to fetch him a glass of water.

When she returned, she glared at them immediately. "Well? What are you waiting for? Out."

"But," began Sirius, "we—"

"Out!" she interrupted. "You can wait outside."

Having experienced her wrath, the boys knew better than to protest. They left the room unhappily.

Madam Pomfrey gave James his water as well a relaxation potion. It only took a short while for his breathing to return to normal. However, he was still a bit shaken.

"What…umm…what was that?" he asked, managing to get the words out.

Madam Pomfrey walked over to feel his forehead. "Panic attack," she said calmly. "You should be all right now."

James nodded.

"Are you quite stressed, Potter?" asked Madam Pomfrey as she bustled about, taking care of things she'd need in the morning. "I mean, more so than usual."

"No, I'm okay," he replied.

"Hmm." James wasn't sure if the noise meant that she didn't believe him or that she was just thinking.

"Are you absolutely sure?" she asked. "Stress is nothing to be embarrassed about, Mr. Potter," she said. James was surprised by her compassion. Perhaps, it was because she was tired.

"I'm fine."

Madam Pomfrey bit her lip. His defensiveness must have flipped a switch on in her head. "How's your diet?"

"My diet?" James asked, confused.

"Yes. How, I mean, what have you eaten today?"

James knew it would have been easy enough to lie, but his heart was beating so fast, and he was still sweating so badly that he wondered if he needed the extra bit of guilt on his shoulders.

"I had bacon and eggs for breakfast with Remus. I'll admit I didn't have the best lunch, consisting of mostly candy and chocolate—" James figured it couldn't hurt to throw in some sugar into the lie, "and then I had some steak for dinner."

Madam Pomfrey eyed him suspiciously. Was it possible that she saw right through his lies? Did he look as guilty as he felt?

"Shall I bring your friends in then?" she asked.

James nodded. "I suppose."

Madam Pomfrey left James in his bed to go collect Sirius, Remus, and Peter. When she opened the door, they all jumped at the chance to be allowed in.

Madam Pomfrey held up her hand. "I have a few questions for you," she said, closing the door to the hospital wing so that there was no chance of James overhearing.

"Has James been acting differently lately, by any chance?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks. "Well…" said Remus, "yes, to be honest."

"What happened to him?" asked Peter, only troubled about what had happened. "Is he okay?"

"At the moment, he's fine, but it's very possible this will happen again. He had a panic attack, and I'd like to keep him overnight, only because he's still a bit shaken by the whole thing, and I think there will be less of a chance of it happening again if he feels…close to help, if you know what I mean."

They all nodded.

"My first thought was that the attack might have been brought on simply by stress, but I then realized that…food deprivation could be a possible complication. James tells me he's been eating all right, and I'm assuming this is true."

Once again, the friends looked at one another, and then Sirius looked down, ashamed. "I—well, I haven't noticed anything different," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"No," said Remus confidently. "I know he has been eating fine. Anytime that he didn't eat with us, it was because he'd already eaten in the kitchens."

Sirius gave him a look that clearly said James could have been lying to them, but Remus shook his head, and he said strongly, "James has been eating whenever he said he was. I know it."

Madam Pomfrey told them that she would, of course, get back to the conversation if need be, and she let them come in.

"Don't say anything about it to James," said Remus under his breath, taking care not to let Madam Pomfrey hear him as they followed her. "If we just assume he has an eating disorder, and he doesn't, he'll be furious. Just—you guys came up with some crazy ideas about what was wrong with me, and in the end…well, I just think we need to be patient with him."

"Patient?" asked Sirius incredulously, stopping just after they'd gotten through the doorway. "Remus, I just carried my best friend to the hospital wing while he was crying, which I have never seen him do, by the way, barely breathing, trying to push away from me, and using the only air he had to try to insult me in order to be let down because he didn't want to come here. Patience is getting us nowhere with him," he said, moving toward the room again.

Remus understood Sirius' side, but he pulled him back again. "Think about it this way. If you freak him out again, he might have another panic attack, and we don't want that."

Peter nodded along with Remus' words. "He's not stable right now."

"Exactly," said Remus.

Sirius took a deep breath and nodded. "He scared the hell out of me, you know?"

"Oh, me too," said Remus. "And we will keep an eye on him and all. I just don't want to try to scare him into telling us anything."

"How can he still think he's fine?" asked Peter. "He practically died in your arms…" Sirius shuddered at Peter's choice of words, "and he's still going to say to us that he's fine, that he's angry we made him come here."

"Ungrateful bastard," said Sirius, shaking his head.

Remus grinned slightly. "Get those mean words out of your system."

After a bit of discussing what they could and could not say when they got to their friend, Sirius, Remus, and Peter made there way over to James' bed.

Remus glanced at his watch. "Twelve-thirty," he said.

"Long day," said Peter.

Author's Note: Okay, so review please. :)