Author's Note: Well, you know my story. I've been so busy, but here I am.

James' friends approached him cautiously. Sirius looked at him with an expression of worry mixed with a sudden realization, as if he had just figured out everything that should have been so obvious to him.

James smiled uneasily at them. Madam Pomfrey was in her office again, but she was listening to everything they said.

"Hey," said James. "Scary, huh?"

There were dried tears on his face, and he was quite pale. He tried to act, however, as if he looked completely normal.

"Yeah," said Sirius, remembering the promise he'd made to be patient about it. "Yes, it was pretty scary."

Sirius looked as if being quiet about his frustration was taking an enormous amount of effort.

"I'm okay to go back now," said James. "I really feel fine."

Sirius glanced at Madam Pomfrey before answering James. "Pomfrey wants you to stay the night."

Remus bit his lip, scenting danger. "And I think she's going to get something for you to eat."

James looked confused. "Why?" he asked. "I already did."

"I know," said Remus immediately. James could tell he was slightly intimidated, and he obviously didn't want to say anything that might set James off. "She just…thinks you should like…" he looked to Sirius, desperately, for help.

"Build up your strength, you know?" he finished.

James seemed to believe him, but he didn't look pleased. "Everyone is judgmental. They have to assume I'm starving myself if I have some stupid panic attack."

"I agree," said Peter. He always had complete trust in James' word.

Sirius was still staring at James with a look of pure astonishment. "Do you not realize we're trying to help you, Madam Pomfrey included? Not hungry? So sorry to inconvenience you."

James winced. "Okay," he whispered. He wasn't interested in arguing with him further.

Sirius sighed. "I'm going to bed."

"Even if I don't fight back, you leave," said James, throwing his hands in the air, exasperated.

Sirius ignored him. "Bye," he said to the three of them, strolling out of the room.

James looked helplessly at Remus. "Am I wrong?" he asked. "Tell me."

Madam Pomfrey walked out of her office and smiled at them. "Be back in a moment," she said.

"Where—"

"I don't think there's a right or wrong with this," said Remus, cutting off James' question to Madam Pomfrey. He was sure it would have been abut where she was going.

"He's concerned. That's all."

"But he's yelling at me for every damn thing!" James exclaimed. "I don't deserve that!"

Remus sat down on the end of James' bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "James, you were not breathing. You just…practically… Look, Sirius isn't good with situations like this, and you know that."

James nodded. He sat up slowly, hugging his knees. "I really am okay," he said, looking away.

"I know," said Remus, sounding understanding. "This is just to be safe."

In truth, Remus didn't know what he believed. He was sure that James wouldn't lie to them, and he was also quire certain James couldn't have an eating disorder. That was just ridiculous. He didn't understand why anyone, but especially James, would risk everything for something so…unimportant.

But Remus didn't know anything about eating disorders, so he supposed he wasn't one to judge.

However, the circumstances were rather suspicious. James had barely been with them at meals. His perfect grades, though he had no idea Remus was aware, had been slipping. As Sirius had said numerous times, he wasn't acting like himself. Was it possible that this had been going on, and no one had been able to tell?

One thing was for sure. James didn't look good.

Sirius tried not to think too much about losing his temper on James again. He'd been trying so hard to keep from questioning him about his eating that he'd been close to blowing up.

James had just made it impossible. He just continued complaining about wanting to leave, not wanting to eat, being treated as if he couldn't handle himself—and he couldn't—and so many other things.

Admittedly, Sirius had been unhappy with the way their friendship had been going for quite some time, so he took part of the blame, but James' attitude—the "I don't care if I scared you to death. I'm all that matters in the world" view wasn't going to work for Sirius.

And, of course, it wasn't as if James truly realized the effect all of this had been having on Sirius. The thought of being without him was unbearable.

Sirius shook his head. He was not going to think about it!

When he walked into the common room, Lily, as always, was leaning over the table in front of the couch, doing homework.

"Hey," said Sirius, walking immediately over to her, needing interaction with someone who wasn't going to make him crazy.

Lily looked up from her open textbook. "Hi, Sirius," she said, giving him a small smile. She picked up some of her books that were scattered on the couch, and threw them to the floor.

"Sit," she said.

Lily didn't ask where he'd been or where his friends were. She never asked questions.

Sirius gladly sat down in the place she had made for him.

"It's late," she said conversationally.

"It is," he said, sighing. "Why do you take so many classes, Lily?" he asked. "It's insane."

Lily nodded. "Yeah, but—something wrong?"

Sirius shrugged. "But seriously. These classes will be the death of you, Lil."

Lily laughed, not willing to push Sirius into something he didn't want to talk about.

"James and I got into another argument before," she said. "I was counting on him to help me with Transfiguration, but—as it is—since we're not on good terms…" She raised an eyebrow, "and he's not the one wiiiiiith me."

Sirius laughed. "Subtle. Yeah, I'll help."

Lily smiled gratefully. "Thank you," she said, throwing her Transfiguration textbook in his lap. "I didn't finish even two yet."

"Great," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

Madam Pomfrey had gotten the House-Elves to cook up some food for James, and Remus and Peter had eaten along with him to make him feel as if they weren't watching his every move.

James hesitated, it seemed, before every bite. Remus tried to pretend he wasn't paying attention, but he was aware of every suspicious pause. James declared himself uncomfortably full after only four bites.

"I honestly wasn't hungry to begin with," he said. "Apparently, though, I still needed food shoved down my throat."

"I think it's time you two went back to your room," Madam Pomfrey suggested. "Mr. Potter needs his rest."

James rolled his eyes. "Am I done now?" he asked, referring to his food.

Madam Pomfrey didn't answer him. "Say good-bye."

James was annoyed that, once again, he was being treated like a baby. "Bye,' he said.

Remus exchanged a meaningful look with Peter. "Will we be able to come in the morning?"

Madam Pomfrey nodded, and she shooed them away.

Sirius and Lily found they had a lot to talk about. Sirius spent most of his time complaining about all the awful stuff that had been going on, but Lily didn't mind at all.

"And then there's James," said Sirius.

Lily, now very interested, raised an eyebrow. She had been hoping Sirius would spill what they were fighting about.

"Lily, he's gone completely off his rocker. He's defensive, angry, tired, weak, downright unfriendly, and worst of all, we now have reason to believe he may not be eating," said Sirius.

He didn't seem to feel that he was giving too much information. In fact, Lily thought he was rather enjoying exploiting James, which proved her theory that James wasn't the only one acting differently.

Sirius had been treating James badly before James had even started being odd. However, Lily didn't really feel comfortable voicing that particular opinion.

"You think he hasn't been eating?" asked Lily, looking thoughtful.

"Remember the first week of school? When I found out you guys had been secretly going into Hogsmeade?" Sirius nodded. "After I found you guys, and I was on my way back to the common room Gavin told me James was throwing up like crazy in the bathroom. Gavin asked him if he needed help going to the nurse or something, but James said he'd been eating too much Honeyduke's candy with you, and he'd be fine."

Sirius laughed disbelievingly. "I remember we pretty much forced it on him."

"You thought something was wrong?" asked Lily sympathetically.

"Not really," said Sirius, laughing slightly. "We always did that to him. He was never a crazy eater."

"Really?"

"Yeah, well…I guess that's why I didn't notice much of a difference," he said, looking at his hands.

"Well, where is he now?"

Sirius looked back up at her. "Hospital Wing," said Sirius. Lily raised an eyebrow expectantly. "I shouldn't be telling you this."

Lily sighed, having known already that was coming.

She put her book down on the table, surprised to find how tired she suddenly felt. She leaned easily against him. "Is there something wrong with you as well?" Lily doubted he'd answer in the affirmative.

Sirius shrugged. "How could I not notice my best friend wasn't eating?" he asked.

Lily wasn't so sure the question was for her to answer, but she figured she would anyway.

"It's not your fault. James can be…" she searched for the right word, "sneaky."

Sirius looked at her. Lily was practically asleep on his shoulder.

"Besides," she continued, "I think he would only eat when he thought you were getting suspicious."

Lily had never thought about it before, but now that it was on her mind, she realized that must have been what James was doing. He would make tons of excuses to not eat, and when he realized they were worrying about his odd behaviors, he'd eat, though not a decent amount. Obviously, even what he did eat, he wouldn't contain.

"It's not your fault. That's my point."

Sirius wanted to believe her, but he couldn't help feeling somewhat responsible for ignoring his friend's issues. He'd constantly overlooked them, thinking they'd all go away, but they didn't.

Not eating. Sirius had never stopped to think that his friend would have something so wrong with him that he'd simply stop eating. What could have caused it? An eating disorder…he just could not believe that.

Sirius looked down at Lily, realizing she had fallen asleep.

Just as he was moving to put Lily's head on the pillow, Remus and Peter came in through the Portrait Hole.

Sirius stood up, deciding that it would be best to let Lily sleep. He had helped her finish almost all of her homework, and she could always touch on the little she hadn't finished during breakfast.

Damn girl. Saturday class.

"Hey," said Sirius.

Remus and Peter, careful not to be loud enough to disturb Lily, walked over to where he was.

"He umm…" Remus said, lowering his voice, "ate a bit."

"I thought you thought he'd been eating just fine," said Sirius, crossing his arms.

"I do," said Remus. "I don't think James would do that to himself, Sirius."

Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose, exhausted. "Well, he is."

"It's bad enough Sirius and James are fighting," said Peter, stepping in between them. "Don't start something between you two."

"We're fine," said Sirius, though his eyes showed something different. "Let's go to bed."

"Fine by me," said Remus, agitated.

They went upstairs to their room, not speaking another word to each other. There was so much left to say, but not one of them was brave enough to talk anymore.

Lily awoke to the rather strange sound of someone knocking over a lamp. She didn't even have a lamp in her room. She groaned, exhausted, and she heard someone curse.

Lily slowly opened her eyes, and she was shocked to find she had fall asleep on the common room couch.

"I'm sorry!"

Lily looked over to see James pulling up the lamp he'd knocked down. "It didn't mean to wake you."

Lily sat up completely. "Aren't you supposed to be in the Hospital Wing?" she asked apprehensively.

James stayed where he was, his hand still on the lamp. "Let me guess. Sirius told you in order to make sure you had an eye out." He rolled his eyes. "Madam Pomfrey let me leave. I was planning on taking a walk, but my shoes were upstairs." Lily didn't ask why he hadn't brought his shoes with him. She supposed there hadn't been time. "I had to get them."

Lily was glad he didn't mention the fight they had had. She didn't see why he would have, but she was pleased nonetheless.

"A walk," Lily repeated. "A walk outside." She looked at her watch. "A walk outside at four-thirty in the morning."

"Mhm," James answered easily. "You have your Saturday class today, right?" he asked.

Lily nodded. "I'll let you sleep then," he said, smiling.

Lily was so tired that she wasn't going to ask him anything else, but she just had to wonder.

"She let you leave at four-thirty?" she asked. It just seemed so strange.

James frowned, probably hurt because Lily didn't trust him.

"Yes," he said. "I'll see you later, Evans."

Lily didn't dwell on any of it, and she let herself fall right back to sleep.

James had, in fact, gotten permission to leave from Madam Pomfrey. She wasn't terribly happy about the idea, especially after being woken up at four in the morning, but after making sure he'd eaten a decent amount and setting up some check-up appointments (because James had promised he'd been eating, and to prove it, he decided on his own to eat in the hospital wing under her watch two days a week), she reluctantly let him go.

James had barely a problem getting rid of the food he had been forced to eat. Even if he preferred not having to rid of anything, he supposed, since they were now onto him, James would have to simple move onto plan B: Small, soft, carefully cut, foods that were easy to dispose of.

And running. Lots and lots of running.

James walked out onto the quidditch pitch, deciding that if any other student happened to be up before five on a Saturday, he or she wouldn't be able to accuse him of doing anything wrong.

Then…why did he feel so guilty?

James pushed his bangs out of his eyes and ran. Running around the school grounds had always made him feel better, no matter what, and now it would also help him with his weight.

Running felt good. He could feel the cool morning breeze of late September blowing in his face, and his two sweatshirts under his robes kept him warm enough.

But, no matter what he did, he couldn't stop his guilty thoughts from coming through.

James stopped running just to catch his breath. He bent over, laying his hands on his knees while he tried to steady his breathing. Deciding it would take more than a couple minutes to feel ready to move again, he dropped to a sitting position on the field.

He hadn't exactly gotten far.

James tried to ignore the thoughts, but there they were again. He guessed it was because he knew his friends would disapprove of what he was doing, but he had no reason to feel guilty. There was nothing wrong with a bit of control in a person's life. Nothing wrong at all.

And he did have it all under control. Well, maybe not everything. He couldn't, for the life of him, control his mood swings or his sudden lack of patience. He couldn't control why he was treating Evans so badly when she didn't deserve it. Most importantly, he couldn't go back in time.

However, James could control his weight, and he could control it from going too far. He really could. If he thought it was hurting him, all he'd have to do was…eat a bit.

It wasn't going to come to that point, though. James wouldn't need to start "eating a bit," and by that, one could really say "digest" the food. He wouldn't need to because his current method was working, and he was happier than he'd ever been.

James wasn't sick. Anyone who thought he was just didn't understand that James was different from those anorexic and bulimic people. He didn't have an illness. He was managing just fine, and he wasn't hiding it because he was in denial, or because he was ashamed or guilty. No, he did it because he knew they would think he was ill. They would think something was seriously wrong. James just happened to have amazing self-discipline. There was absolutely nothing bad about that. Was there?

James stood up, reading to run again. If he could get in another two and a half hours or so without collapsing, perhaps he would allow himself a piece of toast at breakfast…if he promised himself he would run again afterwards. It was all about control, management, and the ability to make others see that he was sort of eating now. If he had to change his method, it didn't matter. His friends would be satisfied, and he would be as well.

"James Potter is a manipulative, arrogant, self-obsessed, immature, unnecessary to the earth, ungrateful, uncaring, conniving, two-faced bastard."

Remus didn't look up from his book. "Well, I actually disagree with how necessary he is to the earth," he said, trying to hide his smile.

Sirius was not in a mood to be teased. They had just spoken with Lily, and she had been more than happy to tell them that James had gone for a walk at around four-thirty. Since then, she hadn't seen him.

After Lily had gone to her Saturday Divination lesson (as there was no room left in her Monday to Friday schedule), Sirius hadn't stopped complaining about all the things he hated in his own best friend.

"Oh, trust me. He's done more bad than good," said Sirius.

"To you or the earth?" asked Peter, stifling a laugh.

Sirius paced in front of them while Remus, Peter, and Alice sat on the couch. Sirius had been the one who originally was going to go in search for James, but since they wanted him brought back in one piece, they decided to send Frank Longbottom out instead. Though they didn't give him all of the information, he had been happy for the job.

"Both," said Sirius, only catching a bit of the sarcasm. "I know you guys think it's absolutely hilarious he's out there killing himself, but—"

"He is not," said Remus. "James is just going through something we don't understand."

"You're always making excuses for him," said Sirius, frustrated.

"Woah, have we switched roles? I'm the one who mothers. You are always on his side."

"I'm not mothering," said Sirius through gritted teeth.

Alice rolled her eyes. "It's just concern," she said, standing up to pat his shoulder. "But I'm a little concerned myself with yo—"

Alice didn't finish her sentence because Frank walked into the room with James by his side.

"Here he is," said Frank joyfully, chuckling as he sat down next to Peter.

"Guest of honor," James muttered sarcastically under his breath.

Sirius, surprising them all, walked quickly over to him, looking incredibly worried. "Are you okay?" he asked.

James nodded, also looking surprised. "I'm fine."

Sirius seemed to be struggling with two plans of action. One involved hitting him until he was able to knock sense into him. The other was smiling, moving on, and hoping that he really was wrong about James.

"Good," he said, going with neither plan. Alice raised one eyebrow in his direction, but he pretended not to notice.

"Let's go to breakfast," said Frank.

"Yeah." James agreed. His friends seemed happy he made no excuse, and he was looking forward to his toast.

He already had his day planned out. If he ate his toast, and he ran it all off, he could then skip lunch entirely (with a good excuse), and he'd make sure the dinner he ate would be easy enough to…well…get out. There. If he did all that, his friends would get off his back.

Lily smiled as Gavin sat down beside her in the Great Hall.

"Hey," he said, kissing her cheek. "Why must your class be so damn early?"

"Get it over with before I eat," she said smiling.

Gavin nodded. "Good idea. So, how was it?" he asked, knowing she hated the subject, but being stubborn, refused to drop it.

"Eh," she said with a shrug. "Professor Mirandum predicted the fall of our relationship."

Gavin sighed sadly. "I guess we'll just have to end it now to save us any future pain," he joked.

Lily laughed. "Considering she also predicted that I'd one day marry James Potter, I think we're safe."

Gavin rolled his eyes. "What a mental case."

Lily played around with her oatmeal, but she didn't feel much like eating it. "I need to talk to you about him actually."

"Potter?" he asked. Lily nodded. "Sure."

"Keep a secret?" she asked.

"Of course," he said, leaning closer eagerly.

"Sirius thinks he has an eating disorder," she said.

"Wow," said Gavin, glancing over at James. He was breaking a slice of toast with a knife. "That's not good."

"No," said Lily, shaking her head. "How's he doing during practice?"

Even though the quidditch season didn't officially begin until towards November, James had decided that practices would begin as soon as he'd composed the team. Lily's boyfriend had been chosen as a beater.

Gavin shrugged. "To be honest, I haven't noticed a difference, but if you want, I'll keep an eye out."

"Please," she said, watching as James looked around at the students in almost every seat and even at the teachers before taking a tiny bite of his toast.

Lily turned back to him, and Gavin took that as an opportunity to kiss her.

Lily happily kissed him back. "What was that for?" she asked when he pulled away.

"You're amazing," he said, nodding toward James. "So caring."

He pushed a stray hair behind her ear and kissed her again.

"That was because I love you."

Lily smiled. "Love you too."

"Stop watching them," Sirius ordered, not looking up from his plate.

James turned back to him, embarrassed that he had been caught. "I—I wasn't," he denied.

"Stop," said Sirius, more softly this time. "You'll hurt yourself."

"Don't worry about it, Padfoot. He's okay," said Remus. "But you really shouldn't stare, James."

Sirius ignored Remus' comment. "You'll drive yourself crazy watching her, knowing that she's in love with someone else."

"I'm not stupid," said James.

"Look, it's for your own good," said Sirius. 'If you continue thinking and thinking about it, your relationship with her will get worse," said Sirius. "And it's bad already."

"That can't happen," said James, breaking off another small piece of bread.

"Trust me," said Sirius, looking away from him. "It can."

James didn't ask what he meant by that.

Author's Note: That was pretty long, yes? I worked very hard to make this how it was, and it turned out…okay, I think. So, pleeeeease review.

P.S. Katie, if you review, remind me (in it) that I have to talk to you about something, but I'm too lazy to start an email chain lol.