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Professor Hornslug was a tall, skinny woman who favored only Slytherins, and was despised by all other houses.
"Good morning my Slytherin prodigies," said Hornslug sweetly as she swept into the dungeon after Lily had directed everyone into their assigned seats. Then she turned to the other side of the room and bellowed, "Oi! Are you Gryffindors breathing again? All of you, three hours of detention in my office starting at nine o'clock tonight! But you, my Slytherin angels, are excused from class today so you can be refreshed for your Death Eater meeting tonight at midnight on the second floor. The Dark Lord may be a little late though because he is going to be killing the families of every Gryffindor student at the school tonight in one massive swipe."
Surprisingly Spencer was the only person in the room that looked shocked at her teacher's outburst. No one else seemed to care that Professor Hornslug had said there was going to be a Death Eater meeting with Voldemort inside Hogwarts and that all of their families were going to die.
"Aren't you a little worried about your family?" Spencer whispered to her Potions partner as Professor Hornslug wrote the instructions on the board.
Spencer's partner, Rema, just timidly shook her head, afraid of the trouble she would get in from both Hornslug and Lily if she talked.
"But they might be killed," protested Spencer in an urgent whisper.
Having heard the one-sided conversation, Siria, who was sitting behind Spencer whispered, "Spen, the old bat says stuff like that every class, why are you freaking out today?"
"What? She's not even our teacher! I've never seen her before in my life. What happened to Professor Slughorn?" asked Spencer.
"Who?" asked Siria.
"You know the old Potions professor, big guy, liked to eat crystallized pineapple, had a weird crush on Lily that we all made fun of her for, had his own little club of students that he hosted parties for…"
Rema and Siria's faces remained blank, and Spencer wasn't allowed to continue her description because Hornslug commanded them all to begin their potions.
And thus another Potions class began in which all of the Gryffindors quaked under the glare of their sadistic Potions professor; well everyone except the Marauders who knew that they would be punished whether they broke the rules or not and failed whether or not they made the potion correctly. So they just goofed off and tried to lighten the oppressive mood. On this particular morning they decided to do the classic, blow-up-the-potion trick.
Hornslug didn't even look up from glaring at Frank Longbottom because she knew that the Enforcer was in her classroom.
"How dare you blow up the potion? I hate Potter! As I have told you numerous times, it is against the rules: section 14 subsection F article 9 paragraph 2! I hate Potter! All four of you detention tonight from seven to nine! I hate Potter!" screamed Lily as her face turned red.
"Hello love of my life," said James suavely.
"Arg! I hate Potter!" said Lily as she stormed away.
"See you tonight sweetie!" James called after her.
After this, the rest of the class went by smoothly, relatively. The bell rang and Lily got up and commanded them to get into two lines, like after breakfast, but this time, it was one line of Gryffindors and one line of Slytherins. Like this, they marched together to DADA with Professor Hardcorevil.
"Good morning class," Professor Hardcorevil said as he strode purposefully to the front of the classroom.
"Good morning Professor Hardcorevil," chimed the class in fear.
"Today, class, is the day we study the Unforgivables," he said, smirking evilly. The class audibly gulped.
"Um, Professor?" Spencer asked, raising her hand.
"What is it, Miss Hoheimer?" he demanded.
"First, we aren't supposed to be doing the Unforgivables, and second, since when is your name 'Hardcorevil'? I thought it was 'Jones'?" she asked, confused.
"Stop asking such silly questions! I have been looking forward to this lesson all week, and my name has always been Hardcorevil," he said, turning back to the class.
"But…" she said at a loss for words. "I'm so confused…"
"Miss Hoheimer, are you quite finished? Because I would really like to get on with the lesson," Hardcorevil asked.
"Now, for this little lesson, I shall need a volunteer," he said as he surveyed his frightened students. The last student that had volunteered for anything had gone to the Hospital Wing afterwards and had suspiciously never been seen again. No one, surprisingly, raised their hands.
"Oh, come on, anyone?" he said, sounding for the first time, like a normal person.
No one was fooled by the normal façade of their demonic teacher. Finally he just picked Lily for his first victim… I mean volunteer.
"So first I'm going to demonstrate the Imperius Curse," stated the teacher matter-of-factly.
"Isn't that against the law? I hate Potter!" asked Lily condescendingly.
"It sure is," said the Professor quickly. "Imperio! Now Evans is completely under my control and will do anything I say. Evans, jump onto that desk!"
Lily just turned to him and said, "No, that would be against the rules and I do not break the rules. I hate Potter!"
"I said to jump onto the desk!" commanded Professor Hardcorevil.
"And I said no because it clearly says in the rule book 'Thou shalt not stand on the desks.' I hate Potter! Therefore I will not stand on the desk! I hate Potter!" said Lily primly.
"I said jump onto the desk, damn it!" he said, losing his patience.
Lily gasped. "Swearing is also against the rules! I hate Potter! Detention, tonight with me, in the Trophy Room, at 5 o'clock, Alessandro Hardcorevil. I hate Potter!"
"Isn't giving a teacher detention against the rules?" asked the professor skeptically.
"Not when the Enforcer is enforcing the rules," said Lily firmly. "'In order to enforce the rules the Enforcer is given absolute power over all inhabitants of Hogwarts and its grounds.' I hate Potter! According to this quotation taken from the rule book, I do have the authority to give you detention Professor, so I will see you at 5 on the dot. I hate Potter! Class what happens if you are tardy to a detention? I hate Potter!"
"You get another detention," intoned the class dully.
"Now that that is settled, please continue on with your lesson Professor," said Lily as she flounced back to her seat. "I hate Potter!"
"Right, anyway, where were we? Ah yes, the second Unforgivable Curse, and my personal favorite since I use it often in my line of work as a Death Eater, the Cruciatus Curse," he said gleefully clapping his hands together, and searching the room for his next victim.
"Potter!" he exclaimed his eyes landing on the messy haired marauder. "Come up here."
James approached his deranged professor slowly, stopping once he stood in front of him.
"Now, it's best to do it when the vic-, er, person isn't expecting it. Crucio!" Hardcorevil shouted.
James felt the curse, but did not allow himself to cry out in pain even though it felt like thousands of white hot knives were stabbing him all over; he would not give Hardcorevil the satisfaction of hearing him scream.
"Why aren't my curses working today?" yelled Hardcorevil in frustration as he lifted the curse. "First Evans throws off the Imperius curse, then Potter, the son of the world-famous Head Auror Harold Potter who has imprisoned most of my family in Azkaban, refuses to suffer and give me the satisfaction of hearing him scream like a little baby like most grown men when I put the most painful curse known to wizardkind on him.
"I bet that one day Evans and Potter will get married and have a son whom they name after my most hated enemy, Harold Potter, and he will be able to escape from the Killing Curse because then that would make a perfect trio," foretold Hardcorevil with a startling amount of accuracy.
"You know, it's funny that you should mention that," said James, who was still standing next to his Professor as if nothing had happened to him. "I've been having these dreams since I first saw Lily on the Hogwarts Express back in first year. She and I are in this house and we're married and we have a son who is about a year old and looks like me but with Lily's green eyes. And we're just having a great time and then all of a sudden Voldemort blows our front door off. So naturally, I tell Lily to take our son, Harry is his name, and run because that is the chivalrous thing to do. I'm not sure where she is supposed to run to, but she runs away upstairs. Voldemort kills me and then somehow I watch him go upstairs.
"Once he finds Lily, who isn't very good at hiding, he says that he won't kill her if she lets him kill Harry. Presumably killing her son is against the rules because Lily doesn't move. So he kills her and then tries to kill Harry, but the green light rebounds off Harry and hits him instead. Voldemort is destroyed and Harry just gets a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. So then the whole world celebrates and Harry's famous, but I'm dead, so it kind of sucks for me," finished James.
Shakily Lily stood up and said, "I've been having that same dream since first year too. I hate Potter!"
They looked at each other in shock with their mouths wide open.
"Hey Lily?" James said finally.
"Yes Potter? I hate Potter!" she said quietly.
"You're awfully beautiful, and I've loved you since First Year; do you want to marry me?" James asked as he pulled out the small velvet box that he had been carrying around with him everywhere since third year.
"I suppose. I hate Potter! It looks like we were meant to be. I hate Potter!" she said, smiling slightly as he put the ring with a diamond the size of a strawberry on her finger.
"Obviously," Snape commented from the back of the room.
"Wicked," James said, walking around to the other side of Lily's desk, pushing Siria, with whom Lily was sitting, out of her chair, and sitting in it instead. Then he took Lily's hand and for the rest of the class, they only had eyes for each other.
"Right, now that that sickening display has finished, on to the last Unforgivable! The Killing Curse, my second favorite one," Hardcorevil said, pulling them out of the mix of disgusted states at James and Lily's display.
"Professor," objected Spencer. "I'm pretty sure that that one is really illegal and very unforgiveable."
"Nonsense!" said the deranged man gleefully. "It's uber illegal and absolutely unforgiveable; and these things only increase its appeal! You, random slutty girl, get up here so I can kill you for my own sick amusement."
Ima, Ashley and Whitney looked at each other in confusion, unsure of which one of them Hardcorevil was referring to. Finally Ashley and Ima pushed clueless Whitney out of her chair, and thus volunteered her.
Luckily for Whitney, at that moment, a team of aurors burst into the classroom, headed by James' dad.
"You sir are a Death Eater!" yelled Harold Potter dramatically as he pointed at Hardcorevil.
"Bravo. Brilliant deduction Grindelwald," Hardcorevil said sarcastically.
Dumbledore, who had just walked in, looked up at this, "Ooh, Grindelwald? Where?"
"Professor, do you realize that this man is a Death Eater?" Harold asked.
"Of course," Dumbledore said. "Now, where is Gellert? There is a certain matter I need to discuss with him," he asked, looking around.
"Dumbledore, you hired a Death Eater," Harold tried again.
"Yes, yes, I know. It was all part of my plan," Dumbledore said, waving him off and still looking around for the lost Grindelwald.
"What plan?" Harold asked suspiciously.
"My plan, of course. The one where he," Dumbledore pointed at Hardcorevil, "makes them," he pointed at Lily and James, who were still in their own little world, "realize that together they would make the ultimate child who would be able to throw off the Killing Curse and subsequently destroy the Dark Lord. Then I would be able to manipulate the child because James and Lily can't, of course, throw off the Killing Curse, so they'd be out of the picture, and it'd just be me," Dumbledore explained.
"Right…." Harold said. "Anyway, Alessandro Hardcorevil, you are under arrest!"
"Wait! I hate Potter!" Lily exclaimed. "He has detention with me tonight. I hate Potter! So, you'll have to wait until tonight to arrest him. I hate Potter!"
Before Mr. Potter could respond, James turned to Lily and asked, "Why do you still say that?"
"Say what? I hate Potter!"
"You still say 'I hate Potter!' after every sentence even though we're engaged now," James pointed out.
"Oh, I hadn't even realized I was doing it; it's such an engrained habit I don't think I can quit now. I hate Potter! You'll just have to deal with it as one of my lovable quirks. I hate Potter!" Lily stated firmly.
"Ok," said James shrugging.
"That should make for an interesting wedding: 'Do you The Enforcer, take James to be your husband?' 'I do. I hate Potter!'" said Sirius, doing both voices. "I think some people might be a little confused."
Mr. Potter looked a little confused for a moment, but then said, "Oh so you finally proposed to her then son?"
"Yup," said James proudly.
"Oh good, I can't wait to tell your mother; she'll be so excited that her wedding plans weren't all for nothing. Lily how do you feel about pink bridesmaids' dresses?" asked the renowned auror.
"I'll have to consult the rules, but I think that should be fine. I hate Potter!" said Lily.
"Excellent, well now I really have to arrest Mr. Hardcorevil; his family is having a reunion tomorrow and I really think he should be there," said Harold as he tied up Hardcorevil and levitated him out of the room. "Have a nice day kids!"
"Well someone is going to have to take ex-Professor Hardcorevil's detention for him tonight," pouted Lily. "I hate Potter!
Everyone jumped at this announcement and quickly busied themselves with something, mostly reading textbooks so as not to draw attention to themselves. Sadly, Dumbledore was still standing in the doorway day-dreaming, and Lily caught sight of him.
"Professor Dumbledore! I hate Potter! You are going to have to take Professor Hardcorevil's place in detention tonight! I hate Potter!" she said.
He broke out of his day dreams to stare at Lily like she was crazy, "Oh, no my dear Enforcer, I can not make a detention tonight; I am a busy man and have plans."
"Well, Professor, I'm sorry, but someone has to take Hardcorevil's place. I hate Potter!" she said.
Everyone turned to look at Whitney, who was still standing in the middle of the room looking confused.
"Whitney Nobrains, you will take Hardcorevil's place in detention! I hate Potter!" Lily commanded.
At last, class ended and Lily once again ordered them all to form lines. Then she guided them through the halls to lunch.
Spencer found herself in line near Siria. She turned to her and quietly whispered, "Why is that all of our classes are with the Slytherins? I thought we had Potions with the Ravenclaws and Defense with the Hufflepuffs?"
"Spen, you're acting really weird today. We always have all of our classes with the Slytherin scum and why are you saying 'Defense'? No one calls it that or 'Defense Against the Dark Arts' either; everyone always says 'DADA' or this year, 'Pain 101'. Are you feeling all right? Should we ask Lily the Enforcer if you can go see Madame and Miss Pomfrey?" Siria asked.
"No, it's alright. I'm fine," Spencer sighed.
Soon enough, Lily the Enforcer was telling them to form lines and shepherding them to Transfiguration.