Title: Broken Faith
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairing: Morgan, Prentiss, team - gen
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship
Summary: "Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath." ~ Solon.
Warnings: Spoilers for 6x18.
…
Part Five
Trust not him that has once broken faith.
William Shakespeare – Henry VI
…
It was Friday night, but somehow, Emily knew that Reid would be at home. It wasn't that he didn't go out – before Emily had gone into hiding, she'd been a party to more than one of his nighttime nerdly endeavors. Solaris in Russian was just the tip of that iceberg.
After everything that had happened this week, tonight, she knew that he would be home. He was. And judging by the look on his face as he opened the door, he'd been expecting her visit. Wordlessly, he stepped back to let her inside.
'Can I get you a drink?' he asked, and it was hard not to notice the way he wrung his hands together, nervous. 'I don't have any alcohol,' he added, apologetically.
'Water's fine,' Emily told him. Rossi had made a lasagna that she'd eaten far too much of (where he'd found the time, she had no idea), so she was satiated for the evening. Reid led her into what would technically be classed as a living room, only really, it was more of a reading room. The shelves were overflowing with books, and the ones that didn't fit on the shelves were stacked haphazardly. There was a television, but it was a small CRT one, which somehow seemed perfectly…Reid.
She sat on the worn sofa, not quite willing to look him in the eye. The reluctance was a shared one; Reid seemed ready to focus on every other part of the room but Emily.
She knew that he'd been avoiding her.
Aside from the first day at the airport, and the subsequent night at Morgan's place (where Reid had been, at best, distant), he'd made a point to be somewhere else when she'd gone to the BAU.
She didn't blame him in the slightest.
After all, she was just someone else that had left him. Unlike Gideon, though, she hadn't left a letter, explaining it. It wasn't something she really could explain.
I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before I faked my death and went into hiding.
I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before I went after a psychopath who almost killed me.
I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before I betrayed any trust any of you ever had in me.
I'm sorry I…I'm sorry.
The last one was the one she ended up using, because really, there was no way she could possibly put all the regret she was feeling into words. It was not something that she could fix with just an apology – that fact was becoming overwhelmingly apparent.
In any case, Reid didn't even seem to acknowledge what she'd said.
'I…Are you still getting headaches?' she asked, frowning. No-one else on the team had mentioned anything about them, and Reid didn't look as though he'd experienced any severe medical issues, but it was something she needed to know.
'Sometimes,' he nodded. 'Though, based on my observations, they seem to be stress-related.'
'Oh,' Emily answered. She couldn't really think of anything else to say.
Reid could.
'Do you know why I told you?' he asked, looking her in the eyes for what seemed like the first time since she'd returned. 'Because I trust you…We all knew that there was something going on, and I guess…I just thought that maybe you trusted me too.'
Emily bit her lip, fighting back the tears that so desperately wanted to break free. There was no tone of accusation in Reid's voice, yet she heard it anyway, no doubt supplied by her own traitorous mind.
'I did,' she said. 'I do. I just…He would have killed any one of you, if he thought that you had gotten involved. He almost did, anyway.'
Reid frowned. 'What do you mean?'
'On the rooftop, with the sniper – he was ready to kill Seaver and Rossi to stop Fahey from talking.'
'Why didn't he?'
Emily closed her eyes. 'Because I told him to shoot Fahey instead.' There was a long pause. 'I have blood on my hands, Reid. So much blood. I wanted to keep you safe, but more than that, I was ashamed at the things I had to do.'
'You saved Declan,' Reid pointed out. 'If you can focus on the good that came from what you did, it mightn't be so hard to forget the bad.'
Emily shook her head. 'I keep trying,' she said. 'But then I remember that by saving Declan I sent two families to their deaths. By saving Declan, I sacrificed Louise Jones.' She had come to Reid's apartment intending to mend the bridges that had burnt between them, but somehow, it had turned into her own personal therapy session.
In a way, she needed it.
After all, it wasn't as though she'd had anyone to talk to over the last six months. At least, no-one she could have vented to about what had happened. It would have been a fine mess if Doyle were to discover her whereabouts because she'd been a little too loose-lipped to the local greengrocer.
'Have you heard anything…about Declan?' Reid asked, to which Emily gave a grimace. She hadn't, and it was frustrating the hell out of her. Clyde had been pulling some strings, but to no avail. If she was lucky, then she might see Declan sometime before the end of the freaking universe, but judging by the year she'd been having, good luck just wasn't in the cards.
'I'm sorry for dumping this all on you,' Emily told Reid. 'I guess...I need to come to terms with everything myself before I can really start trying to fix what I broke. It's not going to come overnight.'
Reid's response, when it came, was not a direct one. 'Maybe we could have a game of chess?' he offered, and in spite of everything, Emily let herself crack a smile.
'That sounds great,' she said.
Reid would kick her ass, like he usually did, but somehow, she didn't care one bit.