Disclaimer: Remember what I said last time around? Same rules apply.

Author's Note: Here's a HUGE thank-you to everyone who kindly reviewed and offered pairings. I had to take a short break since this because I was running out of things for them to say, but now I think I'm back on track. Still, as rude and stupid as this sounds (do forgive me) pairings are put on hold now since I would really, really like to see your genuine feedback on this thing and I got a whole bunch of pairings. Thanks for them though, and I will try to write them all down. But for now, I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what you think of these past few chapters instead of couples, for now anyways. That would be awesome!

Anyhow, here's a quick announcement that all these pairings are from Carlybell – many thanks for your review.

Chapter Five:

~ FaramirXArwen ~

Arwen: *sighs dramatically* I really don't see how this would work as we haven't even ... MET BEFORE!

Faramir: *shudders at Arwen's wrath* Talk about it! It's like these freaks have a death wish or something.

Aragorn: Yeah, care to explain that? *waves hand in front of fanfiction*

Faramir: *whimpers in fear* Well, some lonely nerds think that I'd be all angsty because I couldn't go on the quest so I'd somehow meet Arwen and she'd be all angsty that you went off with Eowyn and then they think we could be angsty together."

Aragorn: *growls threateningly while clutching his sword*

Faramir: *sweating buckets full* Or they think that father might have wanted Boromir to stay behind and me to take his place, to get killed and all. Instead, I go to Rivendell and meet Arwen then – viola!

Arwen: Calm down Aragorn, can't you see how freaked out he is?

Aragorn: *calmly unsheathes his sword*

Faramir: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *runs away*

Aragorn: *cracks up laughing, slapping his leg in the process* You should have seen his face!

Arwen: *glaring daggers* That was rude!

Aragorn: *sighs* *chortle, chortle*

~ FaramirXEowyn ~

Faramir: *grinning like a fool while reading fanfiction*

Eowyn: Just what do you think you're reading?

Faramir: *looks confused* Huh?

Eowyn: *points at computer*

Faramir: Oh! I think it's an awesome story! Wanna join me?

Eowyn: *face gets red with anger*

Faramir: *obliviously* Maybe we can take turns reading, ya know? Act parts out?

Eowyn: Slap!

~ FaramirXBoromir ~ (I agree with you, friend – yuck!)

Boromir: Daddy!

Denethor: What is it favourite son of mine?

Boromir: *sobbing and clutching heart in pain* Look... *points to computer screen*

Denethor: *fuming* FARAMIR!

Faramir: *runs quickly still dizzy from Eowyn's slap*

Denethor: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS DEVILRY?

Faramir: Huh? What? Oh! *faints in disgust and horror*

Boromir: *collapses from strain of heart attack*

Denethor: *facepalms* What is wrong with me that I had to be cursed with these imbeciles?

~ FaramirXLegolas ~

Legolas: I'm sorry, but do I even know you?

Faramir: ...

~ FaramirXFrodo ~

Frodo: *panics* I said you were a brave man and all but I didn't mean that!

Faramir: *bashes head on the table repeatedly in Dobby-the-House-Elf-style*

Frodo: *muttering to self* Great! Just great!

~ FaramirXSam ~

Sam: What the hell? I thought he was gonna turn on us all the time, Mr. Frodo! It wasn't sexual tension!

Frodo: *nodding sympathetically* I know, Sam, I know.

Faramir: *giggling insanely* Maybe if I went with you to Mordor instead of Baggins here, you would be calling me Master instead!

Sam: *faints*

Frodo: Ah, I think I want to see what Merry and Pippin are up to. See ya!

~ FaramirXGollum ~

Gollum: *hissing in anger* Manling was hurting us, precious! He stole our fish from us! We does not love him, precious! Gollum! Gollum!

Faramir: I always thought you were an enemy. Then again *gets cheeky grin* maybe that wasn't the reason why I was watching you at the pool...

Gollum: *shrieks in horror* Save us, Master Frodo! Save us!

~ FaramirXAragorn ~

Faramir: *giggles*

Aragorn: Are you alright, Steward?

Merry: Don't worry about him. It's all the slash fanfiction making him crazy.

Aragorn: *sighs sadly and nods head* Oh, yes. I see what you mean.

Pippin: *wipes a tear from cheek* He will be missed.

~ FaramirXGandalf ~

Gandalf: *is walking to meeting with Denethor*

Faramir: Hey Gandalf! I know how much pent up anger you must have these days after the meetings with my dad.

Gandalf: *looks surprised then appreciative* Thank you, friend. I appreciate the sentiment.

Faramir: I just thought that maybe I could hold your staff for a bit while you take a break.

Gandalf: *roar* *knocks Faramir out with a bang on the head* Good. Hope that'll knock some sense into him!

~ FaramirXElrond ~

Faramir: *running along side Elrond* Hey, buddy!

Elrond: *looks affronted but pauses* Yes?

Faramir: It's just that I've been reading these awesome stories, see. And I was wondering if...

Elrond: *thanks to vision of the future knows what Faramir is going to say* Don't even think of it! *punch*

Faramir: Ah, bummer! *faints from punch*

~ FaramirXGaladriel ~

Faramir: Hey Galadriel, ya know when you gave everyone gifts that time.

Galadriel: *gets apprehensive* Yes?

Faramir: Well I was wondering if you could give me one and it could be... *leans over and whispers into Galadriel's ear*

Galadriel: SLAP!

~ FaramirXGimli ~

Faramir: *giggle* *chortle* *giggle, giggle*

Gimli: Don't say it! *runs away in fear*

Merry: *looking worriedly at Pippin* Yeah, it's definitely the slash. Going to his head poor fellow.

Pippin: *looks horrified* Sounds about right! I think we should ban him from the computer.

Faramir: *giggling* Say, Merry? Which head did it go to?

Merry & Pippin: *look at each other in wide-eyed fear* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *run for their lives*

Faramir: *giggles*

To Be Continued...

A/N: Okay, just so that you guys know I do not find Faramir slash appealing and I really didn't mean to go so far but I couldn't help it and the chapter just wrote itself. It's just that I really felt the need to torment Faramir some more so you could say that all the slash made him go crazy

Faramir: Don't forget what you promised!

Me: Oh, yeah, right. I almost did. Faramir wanted me to say that if you don't review then he will be permanently insane.

Faramir: So please review guys as I want to get back to normal fast! *giggles*

Me: *shudders in fear* Me too!

Faramir: *giggles*