August 28

You know, there were times during these past two weeks when I had this thought pop into my mind, but I think today, it's not just a thought. It's an epiphany, an answer from on high.

This world freaking sucks!

Nothing is the way I was promised it was going to be!

I look over to the lazy slob of a 'goddess' snoring beside me. Well, I say goddess, but so far, she hasn't done a single thing that proves anything of the sort. She lost against a frog. Sure it was a giant frog, and those things are no joke. But isn't a goddess supposed to be freaky strong? I don't fully understand the way that stuff works here but it just seems like common sense.

That day I died, she knew exactly what to say to get me on board.

'A treacherous world in need of heroes! And you can be that hero!'

Treacherous? You know it! I almost got decapitated by a cabbage the other day! But where's my chance at being a hero? I can't cast a single spell, and so far my sword skills are about the same as a cosplayer!

Are there no mentors? No study programs? Not even health insurance? Every quest is so newbie unfriendly it makes you wonder precisely how adventurers get by without those damn isekai cheats!

"Mmrff. Kazuma, wake up. You're tossing in your sleep again. Are you having that nightmare about the tax collector again?"

"No! This isn't a nightmare, because it's real and I'm living it!...Also, I stopped having that dream a few days ago."

Apparently, tax collectors stopped existing years ago. There's my one victory of this new life because if someone came knocking at my door asking for what little money I have, even this pile of hay inside a stable would be too rich for my taste.

"You think this is a nightmare for you? I was never supposed to be here! And there's no way back! I'm stuck here forever!"

"Oh god don't cry again, would you? And besides, not like you really seem to mind too much. Until you're puking your guts out like an amateur."

"Mmn, 'm not an amateur."

At the rate we've been going, getting that wish is going to be impossible. That is if I can even figure out what that other goddess meant.

'Should you prove yourself to be truly worthy, you will be granted any one wish you desire!'

Those were the last words I heard before I was thrown into this hell hole. About as cryptic as I expected. But still, a pain in the ass if I'm being honest. How do I prove myself to be worthy?

Getting to max level?

Beating some super powerful guy?

Learning some long-forgotten knowledge?

They couldn't even give me a hint? The only logical way forward is to get as strong as possible and travel the world. Not only are adventuring guilds lightly manned nowadays, but monsters have been getting stronger thanks to the fact that they're no longer being hunted down like they used to.

A party as useless as mine would be crushed by a large majority of the quests on the bounty board.

Grumble

Tch. But an empty stomach does a good job of making you do stupid things.

Back in the guild, we sit around our usual table going through the routine we've picked up for the past couple of days. Waiting for someone to find a quest that we can actually go on.

Of course, the job of managing this falls to me, because these idiots couldn't be trusted with picking out a quest if their lives depended on it!

Oh wait a minute, it does!

One of my members has no regard for her own safety and will throw herself in danger to get a sexual high. And the other is a brainless psychopath who would probably blow us all up if it would make her look cool.

"Alright guys, I found the perfect quest! Let's go!"

Aqua, with a bright smile on her face, holds the listing close to her chest, the printed side hidden from view.

"Uhuh, you going to share with us what this quest is?"

"You don't have to worry about it. I'll take you there. H-hey! Let go! Wah!"

I nearly have to rip the damn thing out of her hands to look at it.

"A large group of goblins has moved into a nearby cave, led by two hobgoblins named 'Big boom' and 'Bigger Boom'...Are you insane? Do you have brain damage? Do you know what a hobgoblin would do to us? And you want us to fight two? Next."

"Wait! B-but the money! KazumaaAa! I can't do this anymore! Being broke stinks!"

"We should be more empathetic to her plight. I don't think it's such a bad idea right Megumin?"

"You're only saying that because you want to be torn to bits by goblins!"

See, as a guy, if the goblins of this world happened to look like female goblins did in some of the anime in my world, I think I could understand. But the goblins here are just your usual grimy disgusting creatures!

"I refuse!"

"Huh? Megumin? Refusing to go on a quest? Kazuma I understand, but you?"

"I can't use explosion inside a cave. Quests that take place indoors are off limits!"

"What a useful and valuable member of this team."

"Was that sarcasm you just used?"

Megumin turns her gaze toward me. I can't deal with this when it's this early. Apparently coming to the guild and picking out a quest is too hard nowadays.

"Look, how about we all go to the bounty board and go over it together? Deal?"

With no objections, we take a walk across the room to scan the overflowing slab of wood.

The blonde chick who signed us up, Luna, told us that it's not only like this here, but that most towns have been struggling to deal with the number of growing threats that have been showing up in the wild.

"Heh."

My eyes gleam over one particular bounty. It's the same one I noticed on my first day here.

'Wanted: Any known gods or goddesses. Information leading to the capture of a divine entity will result in a prize of one BILLION Desidia'

Apparently, this wasn't a joke either. Officials from the capital of Belzerg placed the bounty themselves.

Money like that would probably last me until the end of my life, but the moment I mentioned it to Aqua she almost broke my arm. So it's safe to say that I should just mentally block a few of those zeroes, just to make the emotional pain hurt less.

"Hey! What about this one?"

Aqua shoves a quest into my hands to read.

'A trio of lesser fire elementals is burning my livestock! 700,000 Desidia reward for their destruction!'

"Fire elementals? Maybe if Megumin could actually cast useful spells. But as it is, there's no way we'd win! Agh- did you just kick my shin!?"

"Uh? Hello? Me to Kazuma? Don't you remember who I am?"

Aqua ignores the kick-happy mage's assault to whisper in my ear.

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe you should say it out loud so I can get the reward money."

Aqua recoils instantly.

"Yeah right! You wouldn't do that! Would you?"

"Um, pardon me Megumin, but do you understand what they are talking about?" Darkness whispers.

"Not a clue."

"Some lesser fire elementals are nothing! I can use water magic at the highest level! You're really going to throw away that much money just because you're scared?"

"Me being 'scared' is what's kept us alive out there. Otherwise, you'd all be going around fighting Griffons and dragons or whatever."

"Dragons?" Megumin asks.

"Yeah, you're exactly the type to run headfirst into a dragon fight."

"...? What's a dragon? Are you messing with me again?"

"What? Oh come on, don't act like you don't know."

"Amazing Kazuma, I didn't know there were others who also read about the old legends of the creatures known as dragons."

Old legends? You mean they don't exist?

"Huh? Darkness you know what he's talking about? I wanna know too! What's a dragon!? Are they cool looking!?"

Some 'fantasy' world this is! They don't even have dragons!? What's next? No Elves? No Dwarves? No Cat-Girls?

"Get baaaaAAaack here!"

In the middle of a large open field of half-burnt crops, Aqua sprints like a mad dog, chasing after the fire elementals in question.

"I take it back, this is actually kind of entertaining."

"Why? Because you're sitting against a tree watching Aqua do all the work?" Megumin questions.

"And what are you doing?"

"Hmph! I'm obviously readying myself as a way to block their escape!"

"Oh yeah? And how would you do that? By destroying the farm?"

"Create water! Create water! CREATE WATER!"

Damn, those things can move. I was a bit scared to go on a quest that dealt with magical beings, but lo and behold, Aqua actually has a use after all. And that happens to be a firefighter.

But for some reason, I feel kinda bad about extinguishing them. I mean, when I thought fire elemental, I thought something shaped like a vaguely humanoid blob of fire. But why were they oddly feminine? I mean they totally have curves!

And whenever I see them passing by in front, their chest bobs up and down just enough. Makes me wonder if there was a way to summon these things…

"Hmm, probably not the best idea."

Quest Completed!

"What!?"

"You heard me. Give it."

"No! It's mine! I did the quest!"

As soon as we turned in the quest, Aqua pocketed all several hundred grand of the Desidia. Normally, sure, you do the quest, and the money is yours. However, there seems to be something this bimbo hasn't understood yet.

"We. are. BROKE! You really going to let Megumin starve so you can waste all our funds on booze?"

"Pfft don't be silly! I'm not letting any of us starve. I'm ordering an absolute feast tonight!"

"That's not the point. We can hardly do any of the quests, so now that we got some money, shouldn't we be budgeting it or something?"

"Heh, and that's why you'll never get anywhere in the world. While you're thinking about budgeting, I'm thinking that I can do any quest that deals with fire and water!"

"Aqua has a point. I heard that years ago, elementals weren't such a big deal. But they're a fairly common menace to the countryside nowadays."

"Ah-"

Damn her smug face! But, it's not like she's making a bad point. For once. It paid pretty well, and the only sweat she worked up was just from chasing them. In the end, we know that she can fit that specific role if need be.

Now all I need to do is find out what role I fit in. God being normal sucks!

August 31

"Make way for the hero!"

"A-Aqua! Will you be quiet!? I already said that I would prefer you not do that…"

Is anyone truly selfless? Can you really discern if someone is doing something out of the thoughtfulness of their heart, or are just in it for their own ends? Luckily for our health, but not our dignity, Darkness does both simultaneously.

After today's quest failed to mention that giant alligators would attack en masse when their lake was purified, Aqua was almost gobbled up whole. Except unlike frogs, alligators have razor-sharp teeth. Yeah, wouldn't have been a pretty scene.

But without even a shred of hesitation, Darkness practically launched herself into the water and wrestled those damn things like she was an Australian TV host. Her banged-up appearance and half-ruined armor are a testament to how much of a fight they put up.

"Don't be modest, you saved my life! So all hail the hero!"

"Aqua!"

And yet the mere idea of being praised in public is turning her red. I'll have to keep that in mind for later.

"My lady!?"

A young but masculine voice calls out from the other side of the street. Some tall, stereotypically handsome jock-looking guy in overly gaudy blue armor runs over to our group.

The thing my gaze falls on the most is that giant sword on his back. Kind of like his armor, it looks totally out of place in a town for beginners.

"Hm? Who are you?"

"H-huh? It's me! Mitsurugi! Remember? You sent me here to protect Axel. You're the one who bestowed me my legendary sword, Gram!"

Ah, I see it now. So this dude's just like me. But he did the smart thing and chose an actual power. In this case, some stupidly overpowered sword that can clear out giant frogs with ease I bet.

The next few minutes included a small recap of events as Aqua broke down in detail what we've been through. But mostly what she's been through.

"You actually thought to turn Lady Aqua in!? You're an unfeeling monster how could you!? Do you have any idea what would happen to her!?"

Tch, this really pisses me off. Not just because this total jerk is yelling right at me, but because I don't even have the willpower to say anything back when he's like this. Not like I could get him to let go of my collar even if I tried.

"Hey, wait! I think he was just joking, and besides, I don't hate every day of my life here, I've been having fun lately!"

Slap

Darkness backhands Mitsurugi's arm to break his hold over me.

"How dare you touch my friend that way! Do you have no respect?"

Even Megumin takes a stand a few inches ahead of me. It's starting to make me feel a certain way, but I don't exactly know what…

"Hm. A crusader, an arch-wizard, and Lady Aqua herself. You have a pretty good party there. I'm jealous. Girls, leave him and join my team! I can offer you the best rooms in town, all the food and gear you could want."

"You must think we three are shallow to leave a comrade over money."

"All the food I could want does sound enticing, but your type makes me want to blow you up even more than eat."

After adjusting my clothes for a bit and dusting myself off, I look him in the eye before walking past him.

"Welp, them's the breaks my friend. Alright, girls let's go."

Words I don't think I would ever get to say in my life. Too bad I can't enjoy the moment, his stare is making me too nervous to get petty.

"Wait!"

He jogs a few steps, placing himself in front of me once again.

"Sorry. The crusader and the arch-wizard I can deal with, but if you think I'm going to let Lady Aqua live as some vagabond with someone who could possibly turn her in, then you're crazy."

Damn it, I knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"Look, they already told you they aren't interested. What do you want?"

"A challenge. Let's fight for her. If I win, she joins my team. If you win, I'll buy you any one item you ask for in all of Axel."

Really? He's going to challenge me? I don't know a single spell, and thanks to Megumin taking all the experience every single time, I've hardly leveled up!

"Yeah, maybe some other time. Now if you don't mind-"

"I'm not taking no for an answer I'm afraid. If you won't fight for money, then prove to me you can protect her!"

He whips his sword out and starts to run at me.

What the hell!? Isn't that a godly cheat item? He's going to use it on me!? Fuck this life!

I juggle around with my sword for a bit, but trip and fall backward by accident. This is just a spar or something right? Is he really going to try and cut me with that thing!?

Whack!

I closed my eyes shut, so I didn't see what happened. But when they opened, Mitsurugi lay flat on the ground, out cold. His legendary sword on the ground next to him.

"Ah- Did, did I just punch him? Tch, how barbaric of me…"

Darkness grips her right hand tightly as if it was possessed. She slid in front of me at the last moment and knocked him out with a single punch to the side of the head.

"Mommy?"

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Nothing."

Megumin and Aqua help me up. And I think from there they had some conversation about what to do with his sword. But I must have tuned it all out. Mostly cause I realized what I was feeling before, seeing them have to step in for me like that.

It made me feel like a total wimp! What kind of Isekai adventurous life am I living where I'm the one that needs to be protected by the girls?

Hell, I'd even take a fifty-fifty deal, I don't mind some gender equality! But am I really just dragging them down at this point?

Later that night, I decided to get out of the stable for some fresh air. Yeah, I've been reduced to sitting out by a lone tree and staring at the moon. But I couldn't hear myself think with Aqua snoring like an actual horse.

'Did you see those girls!?'

'Yeah! Talk about an all-star party right?'

'Hey, isn't that one kid with them too?'

'Oh yeah. Must be the hired help. Every good party needs someone to carry the gear.'

Hn. 'All-star party'. During the cabbage event, all three of them distinguished themselves in a way that earned them a hell of a lot of praise when we all got back to the guild. To the point that people legitimately wondered if I was just a badly dressed butler or something!

Bastards wouldn't last a day in my shoes. They don't get that these girls have only been getting by cause I've been managing them. And that's a feat no one can take away from me.

It's not that I'm not appreciative of having a party in the first place, but I didn't come here to be a damn coach! I came here to have fun and live out my wild anime fantasies! But this world ended up being way too realistic.

Continuing to stare up at the moon, I let out a large sigh.

"One of those days is it?"

"Huh!? O-oi, I don't have any money on me, so I'd-"

"Will you quiet down? You're ruining the peace. I'm not here to rob you."

Appearing next to me out of nowhere, a cloaked man sits, geared in thick, black leather armor. His hood obscured his entire head and face, so I assumed he was some sort of bandit.

"You're not? Aw jeez. Good cause uh…I actually did forget that some of my money is in my pockets. Anyways, who are you? I'm kinda having a moment here."

"Just a concerned citizen. I saw you having a tough time with the town champion."

"Town champion?"

"Mhm. Kyouya Mitsu- whatever his name is, has long established himself as one of the greatest heroes in the kingdom. Though, his devotion to the old gods of this land has limited his ability to find true success."

"The old gods? What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you ever sat and wondered why the town church was turned into a hotel? Or why the Tera Empire has a bounty on all divine beings?"

"Look man, all that stuff is a bit beyond me at the moment. I don't even know what a Tera Empire is. And as far as I'm concerned, it's probably gonna stay that way until I actually get stronger."

"Hmph. If you want to get stronger, then simply choose to get stronger…and the Tera Empire rules the world, how do you not know that?"

The figure muttered under his breath for that last sentence, so I could hardly even make it out.

"Wow, thanks random guy. Didn't know it was that easy."

"It is. Have you actually attempted to train? To strengthen your body? Many of the great heroes of the world were killed in the war, that's true. But there yet remain many who would offer to teach you what little they know."

"I- well no not really. But come on, is any amount of training actually going to let me catch up to guys like that jerk?"

"Are you saying that if you were given a better starting point, you would devote yourself to getting stronger?"

"Psshhh heck yeah I would. That was the whole point I wanted to come here in the first place. To Axel I mean. See I come from a-"

"Small village far from here?"

"Yeah!...That's it."

I turn towards him. I'm not sure why but I'm starting to feel increasingly uncomfortable.

"That would explain your total ignorance of things the average city dweller should know. It's a good excuse for sure."

"A good what? How do- who did you say you were again?"

"I already told you." He stands up and stretches his limbs. The only bit of skin he has showing throughout his body lies on the tips of his pale white fingers. "I'm just a concerned citizen. 'Till next time."

I watch, my guard on high alert as he walks back into the city streets and turns a corner.

"White skin?"

September 1

Whether it's fear or motivation, last night's meeting with that man has me up with a bit more enthusiasm to find a good quest than usual.

Does he know who I am? It's hard to tell for sure, but one thing I know for certain, his story about being a citizen is bull crap. I haven't lived here long, but I've yet to see him even once. And when I asked Megumin and Darkness, they didn't have a clue either.

"Let's see. The same usual ones are on here. Elementals, giant bears, pack of Rimehounds…hey is this! Oh hell yeah! Jackpot!"

Ripping the paper off of the board, I flash it to the girls.

"A slime has been spotted in an old village west of Axel. 2,000,000 Desidia reward for its destruction. All that money for a slime!? Guess Axel really is understaffed huh?"

"A slime! I've always wanted to blow up a slime!"

"Hold on. I'm getting the last hit this time. It's about time I start leveling up! You've gotten enough haven't you!?"

"Of course not. With every level, my explosion grows in its magnificence. It will never be enough!"

"You will do exactly what I tell you got it!? I don't want to be killed by my own teammate while I try and fight a slime of all things."

According to the quest notes, we should be arriving soon. I wonder what kind of village we're talking about? Cause if they can't handle a damn slime, maybe I've been taking Axel for granted.

"I say Kazuma, you seem more fired up today. Did something happen?" Darkness asks.

"You can say that. I've had enough coasting, and it's time we start to make some big moves."

"He's just saying that 'cause he got embarrassed you had to save him from that one weirdo."

"You shut up!"

"Still, if it gets Kazuma to actually try and challenge himself, maybe it wasn't so bad in the end right?"

I look over to Megumin with a confused face.

"What are you talking about? I took this quest so that I could actually have something I can kill for once."

"Hm? Then why did you choose for us to battle a slime?"

"Aren't- aren't slimes like the weakest of all enemies?"

"What? No, slimes are actually quite fearsome. Their power was so revered that an entire clan of devout followers had created a religion to worship them." Darkness says as if this is common knowledge.

I wonder what kind of face I'm making right now.

Great. This is just great. Exactly what I needed.

"Not to interrupt guys, but I think we're here."

Exiting the brush of trees, we come to a clearing where old wooden buildings appear. Some burned down, most barely standing. There's an odd vibe here that I'm not liking.

"I guess we were too late huh?"

"Wrong again. This slime wasn't attacking this village. Most likely…"

Darkness pauses.

From beneath each building, trails of pink and blue gelatinous liquids begin to coalesce at the center of town. Growing and bubbling with each second.

"...the slime is here to defend it."

What the hell!? What is that thing!? When I thought of slime, I was thinking of something the size of a dog maybe? This thing is the size of an entire room! It must be ten feet tall!

"Get ready everyone! Slimes can jump high into the air! And if it traps you, you're done for! Stay behind me!"

Suddenly, as described, the multi-colored slime leaps roughly twenty feet into the air.

We all scatter. When it lands, bits and pieces of it splatter in multiple directions, some of it getting on my leg.

"Eugh! Disgusting!" But with a little kick, it flies off. "So any ideas of how to beat this thing!?"

"I can incinerate him like nothing! But I need him to stay still."

Smash!

The ramshackle building I was hiding in is completely torn apart with ease as the slime throws itself against the wall.

"Ah! Darkness save me!"

A few tendrils of slime begin reaching forward for me, but as I crawl backward, I see Darkness running toward us both.

"I got you! Take this!"

Raising her blade high into the sky, she makes to swing it in a downward motion, but trips on a rock and instead falls into the tendrils.

"Darkness!"

"N-no! The slime! It has me!"

Each limb coiled tightly, she fights a losing battle as she's slowly pulled into the slime itself.

"Wait, this is perfect! While it tries to digest Darkness, I have a clear shot!"

"Are you kidding me!? She'll be caught in the blast!"

"Tch! Do not worry for me Kazuma! I'll…hold this creature at bay! I do not mind being blown up. I-if it's to destroy this vile thing of course!"

"Stop saying that with a smile! Do you not realize that thing is trying to eat you!?"

My wrist is quickly pulled by Aqua who runs with me to the outskirts of the village.

"Just leave her, she can take it!"

"Geugh. That's not the issue here."

"Alright, Megumin! Light it up!"

Aqua flashes Megumin a thumb up, with Darkness doing the same, now half inside the slime.

"Right! Darkness, imprisoning me, let your splendor reduce my enemies to ashes in the wind, rain its lifeblood from the sky like tears over this desecrated land!

EXPLOSION!"

BOOM!

"AuuaAAAA!"

Shielding my eyes from the blast, I manage to make out the sounds of Darkness'...cries? Moans? Is there a difference?

"Hng! Darkness!"

"Heh…I told you that I'd be the one to kill it…uwah."

Thump

While I leave Aqua to pick up our now limp mage, I run over to the center of the blast, where charred dirt and splintered wood litter the ground. But luckily, our crusader is still breathing, but completely out for the count.

"Seriously. This was why I didn't want for it to go down this way, Now I have to carry her ass all the way back to town!"

I drag her by the arm to a more open area, where I try and deduce the best way to go about this. It's not that a far walk, but still enough where I'd be killing myself if I don't do it right.

"So it seems, now I am truly alone."

"...!?"

From the back of the village, within the only building that appeared structurally sound, a man garbed in strange clothing walks towards us.

If I had to guess, he looks like a ninja, but his armor pieces are bright pink and blue, the same color as the slime.

Aqua and Megumin get on their god immediately, sending alarms in my head.

"To think, that even after all this time, dogs of the empire would come sniffing for my head."

"Aqua, work on healing darkness until she can stand."

I don't know why, but something in my brain tells me that this guy is going to be more trouble than the slime.

"On it."

"Look, we don't know who you are. We were sent on a mission to kill that slime. We just want to leave now."

"I am Nosis. Follower of the Way of the Slime. Sworn enemy to the empire."

"We're not members of whatever empire you're talking about, we're just adventurers."

"You can spout your lies to me all you wish, but I am well versed in the truth of your mongrel ways."

What a pain. I'll need to get briefed on what the hell this guy is talking about when we get the chance.

From my side, a healed, but heavily breathing crusader takes up arms with her half-broken sword.

"Hm? Darkness, you're alright?"

"Yes. And looks like with good timing."

…no, she's not. Aqua healed her up, but her armor is completely wrecked. And this Nosis guy's sword has a long katana. He'll cut her to shreds.

"I recognize the eyes of a crimson demon. Still, I cannot show you four any mercy. The old alliances have no meaning here."

"Old alliances?"

"I suggest you reconsider. I empathize with your pain and the pain of your clan. But your clan's remnants have been terrorizing the citizens of Belzerg for long enough. Surrender."

"So, a dog who attempts to separate Belzerg and the Empire? No matter. In the end, your fangs bear themselves at the enemies of the Golden Heretic. And for that, you DIE!"

Drawing his katana, Nosis runs at us with a speed that leaves me with only a second to raise my blade high enough to block. But even blocked, his initial slash lifts me off my feet and sends me a good several meters back.

I get up in time to see him land a vicious roundhouse kick to Darkness' chin, knocking her to the ground for a moment.

He stands next to her and raises his blade.

"Weak, not even a challenge."

Damn it, she might be fine on the outside, but recovering from the explosion left her drained of energy. Gotta think of something. A piece of broken wood catches my eye.

Slash

But even thrown at my hardest, he cuts through it like butter.

"Show off."

I need to get him away from Darkness somehow. Wait, he knew Megumin was a crimson demon right?

"Megumin now!"

"Tch!"

Despite her looking at me with confusion, Nosis jumps far back and raises his blade in readiness. Giving Darkness the chance to get up and fall in line alongside us.

I hope to prey on the fact that he might still think Megumin poses a threat.

"Tell me what you guys know. What're his weaknesses?"

"Nothing comes to mind. Warriors of the Way of the Slime are raised as powerful samurai or ninjas who are masters of close combat."

"...But not ranged combat?"

"Precisely. But with Megumin out, we will have to face him up close."

"...maybe not."

I say that more to myself than anything. I almost want to smile at the idea I get in my head. It's the stupidest thing I've probably thought up in my entire life, but the few sentences we exchanged with this guy, tell me it might just work.

I might not have been able to really fight much while here, but sitting in the back and watching others has given me one thing, I've learned how to read others, and I think I can use that.

"I have an idea. You three run back to Axel. I'll face him alone."

"Absolutely not! You can't face an opponent like this on your own!"

"Megumin and Aqua are easy pickings to this guy. You have to defend them while they make their escape. Trust me on this one."

This time, I want to be the one to do something for a change.

All three girls look at me apprehensively, but with a little smile and a nod, I try to get the message across that I'll be just fine. Of course, I don't know about that, but we'll have to see.

"Hrmm. I better see you at the guild tonight. Or I'm coming back here and blowing up this whole village!"

"You do that. I'll see you guys soon, now get out of here."

After some silence, I hear their footsteps slowly grow quieter and quieter. Thankfully, Nosis hasn't moved much except for slowly closing the distance wearily.

"So, you plan to sacrifice yourself to allow your companions to escape? An honorable way to die for sure. But ultimately useless. After I kill you, I will hunt them down before they reach the city."

"Not likely, considering I'm not an up-close fighter."

"What?"

"You must have seen what my crimson demon friend did right? You really think she hasn't taught us how to do the same?"

"!?" Nosis' eyes widen when the realization hits him.

"You're insane. From this distance, I can slice you in half before you finish your chant."

"Can you really take that risk? If you want to let me go peacefully, I won't damage this village any more than it already is."

"...For the honor of the Slime God, I refuse! Long have we suffered at the hands of-"

"Darknessblackerthanblack-"

"Wha-! You DOG! NOT FAST ENOUGH!"

The moment I began sprinting through the words of Megumin's usual chant, he broke out into a wild dash, sword at the ready. His movements are so fast they're blurry to the eye, but I don't need to be fast, I already timed him once, and so-

"Pocket ash!"

Ducking down, I reach my hands into my pockets and toss two handfuls of ash I had grabbed earlier into the air in front of me.

"Auagh! My eyes!"

That was your mistake, mister samurai. When you saw how easy I was to manhandle before, and with my little explosion bluff, he didn't even try to mix up his attack. He came at me with the exact same horizontal slash thinking I was some mage who was incompetent in close combat. Even if it's faster than me, I already know to duck, something he didn't see coming.

And now, for good measure!

While he writhes for a brief moment, I bring my leg back and-

Whack!

"OOoof-"

A hard kick right where your babies live. I don't see any girls around here so I didn't have much hope for you before, but guess I sealed the deal for you when it comes to descendants huh?

Having ditched the village to run before he could possibly recover, the adrenaline pumps in me enough to keep me at a full spring throughout much of the forest.

"Eugh, why am I sweating so much over my eye? I can hardly see."

Wiping my face over and over with my sleeve as I run, I finally see the front gates of Axel, and a wave of relief washes over me.

"Haa…Jeez. Call that a run. My face kind of hurts now that I think about it."

"Kazuma!"

All three girls, waiting at the gate like pets waiting for their master to come home, rush over to me with smiles at first, but then switch to something a bit more worrying.

"What? Is it something on my…-"

"Hn? Who?"

Stirring from a dreamless sleep, I find myself back at the stable.

"He's awake."

Blinking my eyes a few times, both Darkness and Megumin sat against the wooden wall close to me.

"Hey sleepyhead, you really scared them for a second there. But I had everything under control. You can go ahead and thank me now."

Right above me, I see a certain priest's face. I realize what my unusually comfortable 'pillow' is.

"Your thighs are soft. Wait what did you say? What happened?"

"Mirror."

Darkness hands over a small handheld mirror to Aqua, who holds it over me.

A deep, thin scar runs over my left eye, from my forehead to my cheek. But that's impossible! When did he even manage to hit me?

The only time would have been when I kicked him in the nuts. He still managed to slash me there?

The thought of someone's attack being so fast you actually can't even perceive it. It's funny just how lucky I am to even be here right now. But that reminds me.

I ignore the mirror and the girls for a moment to pull out my adventurer card.

'Swordsmanship: Level 1'

I can't believe it. The first actual useful ability I can learn. None of this nature's beauty, explosion, or taunt enemy bs!

"Sniff, I can finally do something! And I got a sick ass scar!"

"I think Kazuma's gone crazy. But I admit, the scar is pretty cool!"

"I don't really get you guys. I personally wouldn't want my face blemished." Aqua says above me.

"Alright. Tomorrow, let's do another quest. I can't wait to level this sucker up!"

September 2

After reporting our findings of that samurai dude, a new bounty mission was placed on the board for his head. Not like many are at the level to actually hunt him down. Mitsurugi apparently spends the majority of his time traveling to other smaller towns and defending them from stronger monsters, so he probably wouldn't pay too much attention to one guy just chilling in the woods.

"Kazuma, what about this one?"

'A fledgling Vampire has been spotted holding up in the abandoned ruby mine outside the city. 300,000 Desidia reward for its death'

"Only three hundred K? Aren't vampires like, pretty strong?"

"Hah! You would think so. Vampires come in all sorts of ranks and variations. A fledgling vampire is the weakest type! Even you might be able to beat it. Let alone an arch-priest like me!"

"Did you really have to say it like that?"

Though, if what she says is true, I can't exactly be a picky beggar. If an enemy suitable to my level shows up, I have to go for it.

"Huh!? You're going along with this Kazuma? But this mission takes place in a cave!"

"Then sit outside and watch our gear with Darkness or something I don't care. Aqua and I will go inside and deal with it ourselves, you two can cover our escape in case we need it."

Kazuma, Vampire hunter. Has a nice ring to it right? I even got the scar and everything! Now all I need is some silver blades…

Outside the ruby mine, Megumin and Darkness set up a small camp. We're super close to the city, but the mine is apparently pretty big and can be confusing at times, so just in case we need more than one day to track him down, they'll have to spend the night watching the exit for us.

"You girls good?"

"Of course. We'll be here when you return."

"Gotcha. Alright Aqua, let's head inside. Aren't you going to need a lantern?"

"Why? I can see in the dark just as well as I can day."

"Wait…really? Does that mean…you know what never mind, let's just find this vampire and leave."

As we go deeper and deeper into the mine, we find all manner of abandoned tools, weapons, and other near-broken gear. None of it is probably worth anything, but I'm surprised no one's tried to scavenge them for the metal.

"Another fork. Right or left?"

"I'm feeling…left!"

"Great, then I'm going right."

"H- W-wait up! You jerk!"

I start to wonder how claustrophobic it would be to have to work in a place like this for hours every day. The ceiling isn't that far above our heads, and it's nothing but rock and dusty shafts all around us.

"Hey Aqua, since we have some time. Do you mind explaining some things to me?"

"Like what?"

"You hid some things from me didn't you?"

"Me? I didn't hide anything."

"When we met, you told me the kingdom of Belzerg was plagued by a drop of heroes, and a rise in threats throughout the land. But you didn't care to tell me what caused that drop in heroes? What's this I hear about some Empire? War? Old gods? You gonna explain any of that?"

"Mff. I didn't hide it from you, I just thought you would find out naturally over time. Besides, It was a rule. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I send here."

"Why? Don't you think that's important information?"

"The world isn't at war or anything, but that doesn't mean it's in a good spot. We used to tell those we sent here everything, and every time, without fail, they would go on some journey to try and 'fix' the world and die trying. So we stopped."

"So there is more happening here than I originally thought."

"There's a reason why I said that I was stuck here forever. It's not worth it trying to do the impossible. Let's just do the best we can to live a normal life here. Preferably by getting disgustingly rich. That stable is starting to drive me crazy."

"Alright fine, I get it, but can you at least tell me about some of that stuff?"

"Well, I think if anyone is safe to tell it'd be you. So yeah, when we're out of here we can talk about it with the others. They probably know more than I do anyway."

"Oi, were you insulting me just now? What do you mean I'm safe to tell? Is it cause you think I'm lazy?"

Rumble Rumble

We shut up and grabbed hold of the railings above us as the cave begins to shake.

"Okay…no need to panic. Megumin probably just found a detachment of goblins or something."

"Yeah…that makes sense. Should we leave now?"

"Good idea."

RUMBLE

"Holy crap!"

With the near-deafening sounds of rock and stone crashing upon each other, the cave system shakes much more violently than before, throwing us into different parts of the room. I nearly black out from the impact, and the last thing I see before covering up was the ceiling collapse.

"-uma! Kazuma!"

"Ouugh. Y-yeah!?"

"You're awake! I think an earthquake hit or something. I have some areas I can use to make my way to the surface. What about you?"

Thankful that I had grasped my lantern hard enough to keep it when I was flung into the wall, I raise it up and see a single exit to my side of the room.

"Well…I have something. I'll figure it out, and if nothing else, just bring Darkness back down here to try and get these rocks out of the way."

"Got it! You sure you'll be okay in there?"

"Nope. But what choice do I have? Just go and I'll meet you back here in like an hour if I don't find a way out."

Rubbing my sore neck, I start to walk through the linear system of caves, but I slowly realize exactly why people hate working in these things. It just goes on and on, with little difference in how anything looks. No discernible marks on the walls and all the letters and signs have long rusted away. Keeping track of time is going to be annoying here too.

Is it just me or is it getting harder to breathe? I'm not sure how long it's been until I find myself leaning over, holding onto the rough walls of the cavern for support.

"Haa…oxygen isn't so plentiful here. I should rest."

"So soon?"

My eyes shoot open. An eerily familiar voice rings not too far down the cavern. For a moment, I look back the way I came but decide to catch my breath and press on.

The narrow, rocky hallway opens up into a much larger room. I can see actual serviceable furniture strewn around like chairs and tables. But what I see laid out on the bed makes me nearly gasp.

It's definitely a vampire, but unmoving, and with a gaping hole in its chest.

At the other end of the room where my light doesn't reach, a pair of glowing crimson eyes open, watching me curiously.

"You have bigger problems to worry about than a failed quest."

"The hell…"

"Is that a new scar? So you took my message to heart then? Good. Very good. It won't be there for long though."

"It's you. So much for being a concerned citizen."

I knew there was something off with this guy when we first met.

"We might have different expectations of what that means. But being new to this world, I don't expect you to understand just yet."

"Gh- So you do know who I am. But who are you? What do you want with me?"

"Is now really the time to be thinking about that? At the end of the day, you're an adventurer, with a quest to kill a vampire. And I-" He steps out into my light and removes his hood. A White mask, its only features are two holes for his eyes. But despite that, I can see it just clearly. The tips of his ears, the red eyes, and the pale skin. "I am the vampire. So come on. Try and kill me, hero."

Can't move my body. What the hell is with this pressure?

I don't understand how, but I can feel how strong he is when he's standing across from me like this. This guy is on a completely different level than anything I've seen before!

Step

He takes a single step toward me and my body feels like it's shaking.

"You want to be a hero. So go on. Draw your sword."

My brain fires off all sorts of different thoughts at once. I don't get this situation at all. Who is this guy, what does he want with me? Why is he taunting me like this? If he wanted me dead, he could have killed me the moment I walked in.

"If something like this is enough to stump you, then you're worthless."

Step

"Haa…haa…"

I have to move god damn it!

Step

He begins a leisurely stroll right toward me, and I'm still shaking like a child. Am I really going to just stand here and die?

I watch as he draws a demonic-looking dagger from his hip.

"Disappointing."

I really held onto the hope that he was just testing me, seeing if I was going to chicken out or something. But after a second of staring down into my eyes, I feel a sharp pain in my lower gut.

"H- h-"

He stabbed me right in the chest.

I don't even make a sound, but it's as clear as day that I'm about to start dying any second now.

So this is as far as I've gotten. What a lousy ass run. What did I even manage to do? I did manual labor for a few days, almost got wiped trying to beat some frogs, and got my ass handed to me by a cabbage. I live in a bathroom-sized horse stall and sleep on hay. I didn't get to learn magic like I wanted to, and I was never skilled at using a sword either. When I finally came across another guy from Japan, he treated me like I was nothing, and had to be saved by my party members. Even the guild thinks of me as just some extra, a nobody.

You know what!? To hell with it, I accept death. Like I wanna continue living here…

But, I also found out that Aqua is really fun to hang out with when we're partying at the guild. She acts like a typical bimbo sometimes, but oddly enough she's really grown to care for me. She has a loud mouth, but at times, she talks to me like she actually thinks of me as a friend.

Megumin and Darkness are both a handful in their own ways. But even though they've barely known me for a month, they're protective of me! They see me as a true party leader, and never make me feel like I'm under them. Megumin was ready to throw down with the hero of Axel! No one in my old life would ever do that for me in a million years.

But, right here and now, I'm going to slowly bleed out. And then this guy will be free to do whatever he wants. Are they next?

No, even if I die here, for my last act, I gotta go out like a badass!

"I'm…"

"Hm?"

"Like hell are you…going to hurt them. I'm…taking you out with me!"

"...!"

With a last burst of energy, I grab onto his wrist to keep his dagger in place. With my free hand, I unsheathe the new shortsword on my hip and drive it forward with all my might!

Chink

All for him to grab it with his free hand and snap it in two.

Damn it...I thought I could...

"...That's all I needed to see."

Breaking free from my grip with complete ease, he shifts his mask upwards just enough, then grabs my arms. He gets closer and closer until-

"Ehhnn!" The most painful sensation in my entire life. Like someone just stuck a sharpened hot iron into my lower neck.

Vision…getting strange.

I feel like I'm seeing things.

Horrible things.

Massive armies being wiped out in an instant.

Cities burning down and crumbling apart.

People screaming as the world seems to end.

Aqua, Darkness, Megumin…all gone.

When I'm released I fall limp onto the ground. I get it now. He was showing me what he plans to do to this world. Taunting me. Making me see exactly what fucked up terrors he wants to unleash.

"You see, Kazuma. I am concerned. Concerned that we live in a world that accepts its own enslavement. A world where people show off their collars and chains as if they're status symbols. They act as if they never once sat down and prayed to a god that now lies dead deep beneath the earth. But…I also believe in the right of strength. So I'm giving you a choice."

I still can't move, or turn my head. But I begin to hear his footsteps in another direction.

"You can lay there and die, or you can struggle. Do everything you can to survive what's about to happen to you. And then, if you wake up, venture forth and become stronger. Chase after your goals as if nothing else matters. And when you are ready, the kingdom these people love so much will stand trial, and you alone will decide the verdict."

Those are the last words I hear before the cave around me buckles and caves in, turning the room into a pitch-black burial site.

No muscle in my body can move, and soon, my eyelids begin to grow heavy. And when I feel myself start to drift off, it's like death is waiting for me.

Struggle.

Struggle.

My body is in agonizing pain, but if I close my eyes for too long…

This is going to be a terrible night.

But one thought keeps me strong. That guy plans to destroy everything. Even the little I care about. And for that, I don't care how long it takes me to get out of this place.

I feel like I've been given a third chance at life. And I'm using it to save this overly realistic, crappy, useless, tragically cruel world.

Authors note!

And there we are everyone! The thing that I've been working on. That's right, it's a rewrite/reboot of the Sanguine story. Now before I get asked a million times, yes the original story is still up in the form of the original rough drafts (with the unreleased chapter 30, along with spoilers for things that were going to happen that have been scrapped for this rewrite), there's a link on my profile, just make sure you follow the instructions because it's kinda weird.

I've been using my free time to perfect the story and essentially plan out all the little plot details from the start, instead of writing it as I went on like the original version. The lore, the writing, and the world-building should all be more cohesive.

Best of all, it's going to be VERY different from the vanilla story. The entire Konosuba world has been spun on its head in ways you wouldn't guess.

Oh yeah, and it's mainly first-person now. I like that a lot better too.

I have no doubts that some people might be bummed out, but I truly hope you give it a shot. These initial prologue chapters are going to be completely unique to what the original fic was, so you're not re-reading the same stuff all over again. And Updates should be coming out at a regular pace again now that I have everything completed and ready to go.

Once again, thank you for being patient, and I hope you stay along for this new and improved ride. And if not, and you're going to unfollow, I understand, thank you for being with me until this point, but feel free to come back anytime.

As the robot Handsome Jack said: "Upgrades people, upgrades!" (Seriously, compare this to the first chapter of the old fic, it's like night and day!)