IF YOU WANT TO KEEP TRISTIS MYSTERIOUS

DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER.

SPOILERS/CLUES ARE INSIDE.

This chapter was inspired from listening to some really sad music. I couldn't help but write a bonus chapter about how Tristis would of felt when Cloud was being all angst in Advent Children.
This chapter is about her past, on her third life cycle to be correct. If you don't understand, do not worry. Later on in the real chapters, you'll find out what I mean by life cycles.

Enjoy!

I do not own anything to do with Final Fantasy VII (That right goes to Square Enix), I only own the original character Tristis Memoria/Nix Somnium and the twists added to the plot.

Memory Chapter 1 - Not Good Enough

"I'm not good enough to be with them." Cloud said, his head hanging low in shame.

Cloud was sitting down on the edge of the cliff with Tristis standing behind him. The buster sword was stabbed into the dusty ground with the waste land surrounding them.

"Don't say that. I told you that you are good enough for anything." She wisely said.

He shook his head, his eyes focusing on the ground below still. "You don't understand... I will only bring them danger..."

She scoffed, "Liar. You can protect them from danger."

He didn't say anything and they stood with an uncomfortable silence. "You have geostigma, don't you?" She whispered, gently touching his covered arm.

"Yes."

She smiled, "Then we better find a cure, right? After we deal with all this, we can just go back home and relax and live happily."

Cloud tightened his hands into fists, "There is no cure." His voice was void of any emotions, yet his eyes held were banked with them... Guilt, sorrow and uncertainty.

"So that's it? You're just going to give up and wait for death?" Tristis's voice suddenly strained with hidden frustration. "For Gaia's sake, Cloud! Denzel is a young kid with geostigma and he hasn't given up! What is he going to think when his role model gives up, huh?"

"He was wrong to chose me as a role model."

He heard a crack of knuckles clenching as she began to shake, "Don't you dare say anymore."

"I'm not even supposed to be here." He continued.

"Cloud, stop it-"

"I don't even know why he sacrificed himself for me-" There was a sudden slam and he was pulled back onto the ground, meeting her angered emerald eyes.

"I dare you to fucking say that again, Cloud! Do it and I'll make sure Tifa won't see your face anymore!" She growled, her fist aiming at his face.

His eyes suddenly hardened, "I couldn't save them!" He shouted.

"So that makes you unworthy? Zack sacrificed himself to save you! How can you even say your life isn't worth it? What happened to all his talk about dreams, pride and honor? What the fuck happened to it all, Cloud? How could you forget?" She cried, tears of anger slipping past her eyes and falling to his cheek.

He was astounded to see her so angered. He had never seen her like that before. Sadness, yes, but not anger like this. He hadn't even heard her curse before. "You're not the only one who is hurting! Aerith was my sister. I wish everyday that I should of swapped with her! I should of died saving the planet and letting her live happily! I should of been the one who got shot down by ShinRa to save you and Zack! I should of been the one to make Angeal and Genesis realise that they were not monsters! I should of been the one who reminded Sephiroth that he was still human before he went insane!" Her voice cracked and her lilthe body was shaking badly that he feared she would collapse.

"I... I have so many regrets... I lived past every single one of them except this one... I could not save them... Do you know what it feels like to kill your own friend, Cloud? Sephiroth might have been insane at that time, but he was still my friend... The look of betrayal in his eyes are still in my mind, Cloud... And now, he may be returning again in his mad mind so we must kill him again... Twice, Cloud. Twice!" She screamed, "They didn't deserve that type of treatment! They were good men!"

Cloud hesitantly pulled her down for a hug and gently rubbed her back as she sobbed. "I'm sorry..." He whispered, "I forgot that we were meant to be in this together like partners... Like friends..." He looked up into the clear blue sky and he was sure that Aerith and Zack were staring down at them now.

After a minute Tristis had finally calmed down and she exhaled carefully. "My biggest regret was that I wasn't there for them, Cloud..." She said shakingly before continuing, "But you can still protect your friends- your family. But you need to be there for them first, no matter what."

He slowly nodded, the uncertainty in his eyes cleared, revealing a strong determined stare. He got onto his motorcycle, Fenrir and waited for a couple of seconds. When Tristis did not follow, he started his engine and rode off to the city, leaving her to calm down. A red cloaked man with black hair appeared beside her with unnatural speed.

"How old am I again, Vincent?" She asked, her eyes looking into the sky.

"In this life, you are twenty-three years old." His baritone voice sounded.

She stood still for a moment. "This is the third cycle... The third time I've watched this all happen..." She whispered and chuckled, although it was empty without any humour, "The third time I've watched this all happen... I'm surprised I haven't gone crazy. Watching Genesis defect... Watching Angeal die... Watching Sephiroth go crazy and Zack dying to save me and Cloud... Watching Cloud become a hero... It's all on replay and I can't change the past no matter how many times I try..."

The man known as Vincent placed a hand on her shoulder, "Don't give up."

She laughed, "Giving up... I thought of it... Just letting myself rot... No matter how high I reach," She raised her arms up into the sky, as if to catch something, "I'll never be able to reach those wings I want... I'll never become an angel- a savior."

Her emerald eyes were glassy with tears she her body began to tremble again, "I just want to save them... Is that so much to ask? To let them live the life they deserve? I'd gladly give up my life to make that come true. For Aerith, Zack, Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis..."

"You're only feeling this because no one knows the price you pay for this. But I am sure that they're up in the life stream right now. They're probably thinking..." He hesitated before tightening his grip on her shoulder, "Thank you."

That one phrase made her body shake with tears sliding down her cheeks, her eyes closed and she began to whimper. She looked so pathetic, yet so strong and resolved. Yes, that was all she wanted to hear. To hear their voices, to feel their touch and to see their smiles. She could imagine them right now, smiling and thanking her lovingly. Angeal would pat her head and tell her she was doing a good job. Zack would high-five her while Aerith would hug her. Genesis would smirk yet squeeze her shoulder like how Vincent was doing now. Sephiroth, if he was his normal self, would nod at her with a rare yet genuine smile.

It was then that she felt something brush against her hand. Her eyes widened in awe as she saw two white and two black feathers float down onto her palm with a small breeze brushing past her. Her ears picked up on the sound of chuckling with peals of bells.

Gripping them tightly, she smiled.

"I'm not giving up."

As you can see, Tristis had an emotional break down because honestly, who wouldn't? Seeing your friends die over and over again and not being able to change it for the last 3 life times can break you down.
Also, I made it that Vincent and Aerith are the only ones who remember their past life times too. Because honestly, Vincent is cool and he has chaos inside him who is... kind of part of the planet I guess while Aerith is also a certra. Besides, Tristis will obviously go crazy without some support from someone/some people that understand her situation.

Thank you for reading and have a good day!

-LoliMochi.