Ok, I'm so so so so so so sorry I haven't updated in almost a month. I got caught up in some very bad things, and this month has honestly been emotional turmoil for me. I'm so sorry. I would give specifics, but well, I'm obviously not comfortable announcing my personal issues on the internet. (that shit will come back to you.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or it's characters. This is purely fan made.
Warning: There is honestly nothing really bad in this chapter.
I lied in my bed, staring at the ceiling.
War with France, war with France, war with France...
The words replayed in my head like a mantra. The idea was so insane. That man was going to war? The guy who was always spreading "love" to people? I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, an exasperated sigh softly escaping my lips.
I got out of bed for the first time in days, having not found the will, or the power to get up.
I wandered unconsciously to the kitchen, my stomach leading my feet.
Arthur was at the table, sipping tea and reading letters. The confusion and talk of war from days past seemed to be gone, as if it had never been declared.
I don't really remember much of that day; maybe because I was still so little, maybe because I was so tired, or maybe because I didn't want to.
The next day went by quickly, Arthur was so preoccupied with preparing for war, he barely noticed I was around. Which was good for me I suppose.
Until the next day came.
My hands trembled as I held the gun; smooth wood and cold metal in my unsteady grip.
It had been a week since that time, and soon the hectic-ness of war had consumed my time, busying myself amoung soldiers and colonists. I held my gun tighter, fretting because I found myself unable to pull the trigger.
"Pull the trigger. Be a man." The words replayed in my head, whether they belonged to myself or Arthur- I'll never know. Something about it wasn't right, I couldn't pull the trigger, I just couldn't.
It was always so curious, how innocent i was. How ignorant. How there were always slaves working my plantations, England taking my resources, my people pushing for more lanf, pushing for expansion, for the French to be gone. And I couldn't pull the trigger.
Arthur grabbed my gun a mere second later, saying how disgraceful my behavior was. He quickly sent me to my room, something I was expecting. What use was a soldier who couldn't even shoot a gun...who couldn't even see straight?
I sat on my bed, watching, admiring the world outside. This was what war looked like.
The French had recruited the Indians- a barbarian people who inhabited the land there. I wasn't allowed near them, Arthur always said they were "only to be dealt with when war arises." And war as arisen, several times.
I waited like that for hours, not budging until a very disgruntled Arthur walked through the door.
I smiled and welcomed him home, but his mind was elsewhere.
His eyes seemed glazed over as he watched me, walking over to me swiftly.
Knuckles drove into my cheek as my head whipped to the side; a harsh back hand slap sending me reeling. Something i was expecting.
"Don't behave like that tomorrow."
With that, he was gone once more, back to his room.
That night, and the several that followed, our nightly rituasl was abandoned.