Me: It's official. I'll use google translate when I need a retarded simile or something. Oh and from what I think I know about crackfics, they're supposed to be random and not have plots, but this fic kind of develops a plot, so maybe it's not a crackfic anymore. 8D I don't know. All I know is I'm having too much fun writing this. By the way, I haven't seen Vegeta's room yet, but I have read fanfics about it, so I'll probably mess up on where stuff is placed in there. ^^;

Bulma Bitch Briefs was tired of it! She was serious about wanting a divorce, and Vegeta had just brushed it off when she let him know she was sick of him, talking even more about his precious Kakkarot. He was arrogant, selfish, had no manners, thought too highly of himself and had a fit every time he didn't get his way, like a pre-Madonna, or however you spell the term. She thought back to the day they did it for the first time, and probably the last time too.

"So you're the Prince of all sayings, huh?"

Her attempt to joke with the high and mighty Vegeta caused him to grunt disgustedly in response. It was evening, the sun was setting outside, Bulma and him were near the door to his room, and Goku was still hiding from his wife on Yard Rat.

"Don't you ever get, like, lonely, vagina?" She asked.

The word caught his attention and he looked at her, surpised at being called a female's body part, then glared at her with all the hate and loneliness he felt.

"It's Vegeta, you vile woman," he corrected angrily. "I'm going to my chambers now to take a nap and be alone. You are not allowed to bother me." He placed a (g)loveless hand on his door knob (his gloves and armor were in the wash machine) and turned it, opening the door, but didn't walk in just yet. "By the way, just when will my armor be done with getting a wash?" He asked not looking at her but at his lonely bed. Bloomers smiled at this.

"Oh, all in due time, Prince," she answered in a false tone. Sad for him, she planned on keeping his armor for a very long time, getting satisfaction in seeing him walk around in that pink shirt that was made for women and a variety of flowers. She looked him up and down, licking her lips, then left and right, wondering how he would be in bed.

SLAM!

It was 7 o' clock on the dot, and Bulma decided to wait an hour to see if he was awake by then so she could get into his yellow pants. For a full hour, instead of doing anything useful, she pretty much just goofed around. Then midnight...I mean 8 o' clock... midnight came and Bulma put some unimportant stuff into a black bag, and approached the Prince of all two Saiyans' door. She knocked three times, thrice, and called to him. "Vegeta! Do you want some candy!" No comment. She opened the door and what she saw made her heart melt.

He was still sleeping. Oh how cute, she thought. And he said just a little nap. Shutting the door behind her as she made her way to him, she dropped her bag and pulled out the contents. First was some very strong rope, which she used to tie Vegeta down to his bed. Then a whip, a spoon, and a chainsaw. She turned the chainsaw on, waking Vegeta up. He was immediately alarmed at seeing her in his room.

"What...woman!" he demanded an explanation. Next she took out a gag, not wanting to hear him complain. A quiet Vegeta was a good Vegeta in her book. Lastly she took out a sharpie, using it to write bitchman on his shirt for the lulz.

"Now I know this is your first time," she let him know after stripping from her normal clothes and revealing her dominatrix suit, "but don't expect too much. I wouldn't want you to be disappoint when it doesn't turn out like you wanted it to."

Vegeta stared in horror. "Mmphffrmrmphrrmfmfffmm!"

And that's why Vegeta treats Trunks the way he does. So Bulma decided they were going to get divorced today, then she'd go out and get a slushie plus a new bathensuit to replace her old two-piece black one that got lost. Also she'd remember to tell Goku to rape him.

Vegeta was still lying face down on the floor looking wasted. He slowly stirred, alcohol not being what he tasted. Last night's events flooded into his mind, reminding him of humiliation and tarnished pride. The Saiyan Prince uttered a weak uke groan, then, turning his head toward the window, he saw that outside it was rainy, dark and depressing. It gave this chapter a depressing impression. He would have went into the Gravity Room to train, but he didn't want to run into that...bitch on the way. That would just further ruin his mood, make him suicidal. The sad small man picked himself up, and considered reading the Bible. (Alright I'm done with the rhymes xD)

Whenever he was really down in the dumps like this, there was always one thing he turned to: cross dressing, the only thing he was good at doing. And for your information, he crossdresses plenty of times in the show, only off screen so kids won't be scarred for life. He reached underneath his bed and pulled out a two-piece black bathensuit. Once in the (might I add) hawt outfit, Vegeta felt much better about himself, closing his eyes and letting out a content sigh. In a better mood, he turned on the Dance Dance Revolution machine that he had in his room the whole time. Bulma had gotten it to keep him distracted while she repaired the Gravity Room several/seven times.

He felt like playing that Caramelldansen song today. Only today, he was actually going to do the Caramell dance while hitting the steps to the song at the same time. Fingers shaking and legs quaking, he selected the song, setting it to 9001x speed, and got into position on the dance mat, professionally placing his hands ontop of his head to resemble bunny ears. This would prove to be the biggest challenge of his life.

Two minutes into the song, it was clear that he was shit at DDR. It mattered not that the song was at an unplayable speed, or that he was dancing while DDRing, he still sucked damn!

"No, this can't be!" He stared in disbelief at his ranking as the machine glitched out and gave him an F instead of the E, because yes, he was that bad. He would not let himself cry, so instead, he reduced the machine to rubble with a blast like the sore loser he was.

Outside his door, he could hear some shuffling. He hid under the bed, not quite prepared to deal with her yet, also because he was still in her swimsuit. When she came in, he heard a loud, high pitched scream. Next he heard his window crack and break, then he heard the rain on the street.

"You fucking bastard!" Bulma yelled to the empty room. "What do you think I got that for, so you could just take your frustrations out and test your strength on it? It was supposed to be used for playing games you.........ugh! You dumbass!" She started sounding like a witch, and Vegeta knew it was possible that she could be one. She spoke again.

"Oh, nevermind, jerk! I came here to tell you it's over. We're getting a divorce!" She stayed in the room to see if he had anything to say about it, but he stayed silent, confused. We weren't even married in the first place! he realized. We just had a kid, and lived together, that's all. I recall no marriage ceremony! Looks like it was up to him to make that clear.

"What nonsense do you speak of woman?"

The witch's feet appeared in his line of vision, followed by her face as she bent down to see him. Her mouth was agape. Vegeta froze and regretted yelling out to her.

"Woowww," she stated flatly. "You always find some way to surprise me Vegeta, and by surprise I don't mean impress. Now get out from under there!" She grabbed his troll hair threateningly, but he pried her hands off and got out from the other side of the bed.

"Tell me something, Vegeta. Do you really think you look all that great in that bathensuit?" her icy words struck him. Vegeta visibly flinched, knowing what was to come next.

"Because you don't," she finished coldly, "and you never will." Vegeta returned her glare, remembering this was the person who was the cause of his pain and suffering. This was the person he had to kill. But he remembered something important.

"By saying we're getting a divorce, woman," he started, "you imply that we were once married!" Bulma rolled her eyes. He then shouted, "But we were never married to begin with!"

That earned him a flick to the forehead. "I know that, idiot," she revealed. "Why would I ever marry you? By divorce, I mean we're not going to be living together anymore. At least, not in the same house together." Vegeta couldn't believe it. She was going to move out and let him have the place all to himself! "Hah! Good riddance, woman!" he laughed at her. "I shall never have to see your face again!"

In a plot twist no one saw coming, she replied with, "Good riddance to you too, Vegeta. I'm kicking you out!" Then she literally kicked him out, out of the window that is, into the cold, unforgiving rain.

Me: Oh I almost forgot, LEAVE ME LIKE A BAJILLION REVIEWS! REVIEW!1 NOW, OR I'll DO SOMETHING DRASTIC LIKE...NOT CONTINUE...OR KILL SOMEBODY (just kidding)