Disclaimer: Please remember to feed the Rowling.
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I didn't revel in things I did, but I always thought I had a good chance to live. If, by some miracle, the Dark Lord were to disappear, I was working with the Order, and even if it came to me revealing the mark, I knew, that James would be merciful. He always was.
But as far as the things were going, my Master would win. And I was one of his treasured servants. I would be left alone, in peace. I only had to endure my Lord for a few moments I was visiting him with my reports or participating in an obligatory meeting and raid. He was pleased with me never showing me to his other servants. I always wore a mask.
Always.
During the Marauder meetings, the mask was invisible, but heavy. I smiled, and laughed, but I always felt that I was betraying my friends. I wished they would see my way. I wished they would still be with me when the Dark Lord won. They were of pure enough blood. Especially Potter and Black. I figured Lupin would be the easiest to persuade.
I even tried that one day.
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
It was a peaceful weekend, without a drop of rain, the lazy wind in the fields. People were silent and contemplative. All my four friends were there, Lily smiling sadly and standing nearest to me. James had a hand around her waist; Sirius was whispering something to Remus and standing on my other side.
It was a peaceful funeral.
I didn't know if I still hated my father for all his indifference I suffered.
Perhaps I was just repaying it in his funeral.
I offered no speeches and my friends understood and didn't press it further. My father had deserved it. The silent and peaceful funeral was the most I could do with myself.
When we were leaving the grounds, every step became heavy. My thought were racing. I had put him there. At least he was still with his wife. But he regretted his wife. He ignored me for all my life. He deserved it. I set him free from his stupid way of life. I set him free. Nonsense. I ended him. I imprisoned him in a small box he would never escape from. I killed him. If he had at least offered a smile to me. A small word said for me. He did. He truly cared, just didn't know how to convey it properly. And I just should have spoken with him. He would have understood. I wouldn't have had to kill him. I was a mur...
"...he chosen? He was a pureblood, right?" James was whispering to Lily.
"His former wife was a muggle. Perhaps someone..." Lily was calm, but I could hear doubt and a hint of fear in her voice.
"A death eater might have recognised us. All of us." I piped in, startling them. They thought I wasn't listening. "We have to be careful. All if us."
Remus paled. "He targeted your father, because someone recognised you?"
"Yes." It was not even a lie. "We have to be more careful."
Prongs took Padfoot and Lils, and I went with Remus.
"You really thing we all are in danger?"
"Yes." I managed a weak smile. "We did join the order, what do you expect?"
"I'm just tired, Wormtail." He sure looked the part.
"Why join the order, then?"
"Wormtail, why did you join?" He looked me in the eyes. "Friends must stay together."
"I know, but I mean, are you not afraid of the glances others..."
"There always are glances. They know I am a dark creature. I did not choose that. I never sought out Fenrir as a child. Hell, if I could, I would change everything in heartbeat. I wish they just left me alone."
"But you probably could change something."
He gave me a long stare. "Do you mean to tell me I could turn away from all of this? Peter, I thought you knew me better than this. You, James, Sirius, Lily is all I have. You are the pack I am bound to. I couldn't leave you. I would fight, live or die for you, because that's in my nature."
"Remus" I breathed out, "I never knew... I'm sorry."
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
They called me for a visit.
It was different than any other we had, as we all could hear desperation and fear in James voice. I was afraid he lost Lily, or worse – little Harry. We all were there when James presented him proudly as the firstborn of the next marauder generation, and we all knew he was ecstatic with the kid we all loved as our own. In a way that was even true.
James was pacing in his kitchen, Lily was making us tea and we were sitting at the table, looking at Prongs.
"James, out with it already." Sirius was always the bluntest of us.
"We were contacted by Dumbledore." That usually meant bad news. One day Albus even claimed there might be a traitor among us, and James told him that he trust his friends and that the old fool is afraid of shadows. In truth they all were afraid of the possible spy, and for my part I was always feeling guilty that I allowed Remus to be our main suspect. As far as I knew, Remus couldn't decide between me and Sirius. He never truly believed there could be a spy.
"And?" Padfoot was never patient.
"And..." James glanced at Lily while taking his cup of tea. "He gave us even more bad news."
I held to my cup as if it could make everything go away.
"We have to go into hiding."
"All of us?" I squeaked nervously.
"No. Just me, Lils and Harry. Especially Harry."
"Why?" Remus was staring James right in the eyes.
"Look..." James paused for breath, speaking with difficulty. "I trust you. All of you. Sirius, Remus, Peter. Wormtail, Moony, Padfoot. You know that I hated divination. It came to bite me in..."
"James." Lily scolded him gently.
"So, Dumbledore heard a prophecy. It's unclear, but could be about Harry or Neville."
"Alice and Frank," Moony breathed "they were also absent from the last order meeting."
"Yes. We will have to hide. The best we can. And we will need your help."
"What is in the prophecy?" Sirius just didn't know better.
I panicked. If the Dark Lord knew of it. I could lose my friends. My eyes darted for a solution, while James looked as if ready to reveal everything.
"It's the one..."
"James, stop." That was the best I could think of. "The more we know..."
Lily stood up, wrapped her arms around James and whispered to his ear.
If Remus head what she said, he didn't give anything away.
"You are right, Peter." She smiled at me. "Thank you."
"It's what friends are for." I hoped it wouldn't cost me my life.
"All this serious talk has made me sick," Padfoot was rising from his seat. "Let's go see the pup."
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"Crucio."
I was hurting everywhere. I wanted to die from the pain, to forget everything and just be left alone. But my Lord was not yet satisfied. He knew. Severus had told him everything. It was the first question he asked me, when I came to report. Did I know of the prophecy. His gaze tearing into me, I nodded, but told him I knew not of the wording. He put me under Cruciatus Curse for a few seconds and order me to relay everything. I was mumbling, saying apologies, trying to escape the inevitable. The second curse shattered all my Gryffindor courage I had left in me. I told him of James fright, of Dumbledore thinking it applied to Harry or Neville. I tried my best to imply that Longbottom was a pureblood and obviously the most important one. At some point the Dark Lord read my mind and saw, that I could have head the prophecy from James.
The pain deceased. I still ached all over, but he had lifted the spell.
"My Lord," I was on the ground, begging for mercy, "I did it to enforce my position at Potters. James is thinking that there might me a spy among us. They couldn't say who it was, but now, when I denied myself the exact prophecy..."
"They will believe you trustworthy. Pathetic, Wormtail, pathetic."
"My Lord, I will be with Potters as much as possible, I will try to find out the whole wording, I will even ask James directly. I will find out where is the Longbottom hiding, Frank is our friend, he will surely trust James with his hideout..."
"Silence. You will go to the Potters when the chance presents itself. You will relay their location to me as soon as you know of it."
"My lord..."
"Crucio."
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Padfoot had his hand on my shoulder, he was laughing at the joke he had just told, while I was showing a small smile. I had not that much time. The Dark Lord was not patient and if I knew how to escape his wrath...
"You know, Wormtail, I was thinking."
"Should I be afraid?"
"Do you know the Fidelius Charm?"
"The one Lily told she was researching recently?"
"That's the one. You know that I am to be the Secret Keeper?"
"And?" If that charm works, the Dark Lord would probably kill me. Perhaps not. I was loyal and was bringing him information. He would let me live. Tortured and broken, but I would live. I hope little Harry would live too...
"It's today."
"What?" I squeaked fearfully.
"It's going to be cast today. Let's go."
He apparated us to a house in Godric's Hollow and I almost fell over.
"Padfoot?" James had his wand out and pointed it at us.
"You are a stag, Prongs, and made the map with Remus, Peter and I."
James lowered his wand.
"I feel sick." I hate unannounced apparition. And Padfoot just can't do it any other way.
"Good, that means you are Peter." Lily was looking at us from the doorway, wand in hand.
"So, Padfoot, why did you bring Wormtail here?"
"Mr. Padfoot has a great idea he must tell his associates."
"Sirius." Lily was looking at him with disappointment. "Out with it."
"We switch."
"What?" James was confused.
Lily's gaze was jumping from me to Padfoot. "It might work."
"What?" I jumped afraid of what I would hear next.
"We will switch the secret keepers." If it was possible to get paler, I think I managed that while Lily was talking. "No one would expect that you are our keeper. Sirius seems such an obvious choice."
Think. I needed to think faster. What do I do? If I agree, they are doomed. I could not outrun the Dark Lord. I do not know if I would run. How do I convince them to pick Sirius over me? How do I convince the Lord it was a choice they made? If he get a glimpse of me persuading them to choose Sirius...
"Are you sure?" I tried stalling. "I mean Sirius is the better dueler?"
"Wormtail," Prongs grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "I trust you. You were the one who lost your father to him. You are the one who stopped me from telling the prophecy to Remus. You are the one who tries to back away from this. I doubted you once before, but no more. No traitor would back away. I trust you with everything I have. Do this for me. Do this for Lily and Harry."
"Prongs." I breathed out. "Lily..."
She smiled at me.
I managed to smile back, biting back the sorrow and shame. I tried to speak, but couldn't. So I just settled gaping like a fish, until James and Sirius got me in a half hug from both sides.
"I'll do it." I squeaked out.
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
Why did I agree? They like me. They are my friends, my family. I could have ran. Perhaps Albus Dumbledore could save me from my fate. Perhaps we could perform the charm again. Remus would agree to be my secret keeper. Only Lily could cast the spell. But I could bring her to a safe house somewhere. Even this shack would work.
I was scurrying around in my rat form, hiding from everything and everyone. The shack I found was abandoned, but for the few bags of grain I could help myself with as a rat. I wasn't starving, but I probably stank. I glanced at the hand watch , ticking in the corner. It was hard understanding thins as a rat, but it looked like I had to go and meet Sirius at my flat. He told me he would check up on me at holidays.
I changed back.
In that instant, a sharp pain pierced my hand.
The mark was burning.
He was summoning me.
There was no way to escape.
For a second I tried to change into the rat again.
I failed.
He failed. Although he did succeed in some way.
The man slowly straightened himself, his face in pain, touched the wand tip to his clothes and disapparated as the robes shifted themselves.
The Lord looked furious, but the man was quick.
"My Lord, I bring you excellent news." He smiled under his Death Eater mask, seeing a spark of interest appear in the red eyes of the Dark Lord. "The fools have cast the spell I reported about. They chose me as their keeper, because I made them doubt Black. I came as soon as they stopped watching me, My Lord."
"Good, Wormtail, excellent news."
"My life is yours, My Lord."
"And you will never forget that." The red eyes beamed with determination and elation. "You have served me well in this matter and thus you will be rewarded."
"My Lord."
"You will accompany me and will witness the proof of my power."
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Two figures appeared in Gordic's Hollow on that Halloween. One of them stayed behind, and the other made way inside the house no one else could see.
He thought about transforming, but didn't. He was listening for a sign from his lord. He heard James shout something. James. He heard laughter, a scream of the woman. Lily. Silence fell. Harry was next. He shifted uncomfortably and he swore heard heard the death spell being cast.
The house shook, and showered the street with rubble from the hole in the roof. Fidelius charm, was breaking, he could feel it. There were no one to protect, he had betrayed, no, he had served his lord so, that the charm didn't hold. The Lord was powerful, his power must have ended the spell.
He waited for the Lord to come out.
When the wait became almost unbearable, as the neighbours were starting to notice both the house and the debris, he ran inside.
The Lord was gone. Vanquished by the child crying in front of him.
Lily had died. James was dead. Sirius would kill me. Remus would tear me into pieces. I would have been branded traitor and killed unceremoniously. I was a traitor. I touched the dark mark, suddenly bleaker and pulsating slightly. Wand tip on my robes turned them back into the rags I was wearing. Soon everyone would understand that the lord is dead. His followers would kill me. My friends would kill me. Only James or Lily would have let me live. They would have understood and let me live in shame for the rest of my life. And they were dead. Their son was in front of me, the only thing remaining from my previous life.
So I decided to run. I touched the boy's forehead with my shaking hands.
"I'm sorry."
And I ran.
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He was chasing me. I tried running faster, but couldn't. So I stopped and turned around. My eyes were full of tears, when he almost slammed into me.
"Sirius."
"Pettegrew." He had me at wand point. I saw death in his eyes.
"You should have been the keeper, Sirius. Why did you escape the responsibility?" I whispered.
He was gobsmacked, his hand started shaking. My wand behind my back I formulated a plan, which was the last chance of mine.
"You could say we both killed them, but..." He admitted silently, gasped for air and continued lauder, in front of muggles. "I will be the one to kill You."
"Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" He shouted at Black, casting a spell.
For the second, the explosion blinded everyone, muggles were thrown back with such a force their bones were shattering. His last chance was marked with a massacre. But he had to do it. He transformed, cutting a finger of.
Sirius was just standing there watching the scene before him. The street had a hole the size of a car, bodies were scattered everywhere, and nearing the centre you couldn't even tell how many people the parts belonged to. He thought he saw a glimpse of the tail somewhere. Surviving muggles were running away, and he thought he could hear the alarm somewhere in the Ministry of Magic. He lowered his wand and started laughing. He was laughing even as the aurors came to arrest him. He laughed, as life and joy drained from his eyes as his wand was stripped from him. The auror arresting him could have sworn later, that Black was a madman, and head him mutter something about worm and mischief. No innocent man would laugh at a scene they found him in
The rat was running away as fast as it could. My last wand wave killed Peter, destroyed Wormtail, and damned me in my own eyes. He was lost to the world. Forever. But he lived on. With his worthless life.
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He lived like a rat, he looked like a rat, he was a rat. Even when he, having an unusual moment of clarity decided to live somewhere as a pet. It was mostly accidental, as he wandered into a small wizarding household with many kids. He feared he might get squished or played to death, but all his masters were good kids. The only danger he ever had were the twin pranksters. They always reminded him of Padfoot and Prongs. He just shoved those thoughts back to where they came from and went to sleep. He was a good rat. A good pet.
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The smell was familiar to him. It battered him in sleep, the smell of Prongs. I was half awake the whole ride. It was in the express. I think even the same apartment where Prongs once glued all its inhabitants to the seats. I was not listening what they were talking about. Only when a dangerous smell found me, and reached towards me, I lashed out with my teeth. They left me alone. I tried to return to the way I was. I tried not to care about what was happening. And he succeeded for a time.
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
When he heard that Black escaped, I had troubles sleeping. I was scared that he would find me easily. Black was heard saying that I was at Hogwarts. It scared me. It scared the rat. His life was the only thing he had, but he liked it. Even as a rat, he lived. He was even cared for and looked after. Sometimes he wished that I would have been born a rat. It would have saved lots of trouble from happening to him.
It was a hard year for a rat.
He ran, hid, even tried to blame the cat for the crimes I did, as I framed Sirius.
The rat was in danger.
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
They were talking about him. He would be found and killed. He tried to run for the last time. Unsuccessfully.
"Well, hello, Peter, Long time, no see."
"S—Sirius… R—Remus…" I squeaked, my voice almost forgotten after all those years. I had to find the way out. I would beg, lie, do anything so they would let me go. So I could turn back and return to shut up the regrets I had. So I lied, begged and pleaded.
I wish I could have died. Died, rather than betray my friends, as they would have done for me.
But I couldn't.
He couldn't.
And he ran away again.
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
His flight brought him to Albania. Dumbledore knew of his form now. He couldn't be safe without his master. And his Lord was alive. He had to find him. His life depended on it.
He asked the other rats, he travelled by night and slept by day, until he found himself hungry and tired. There was no food to be found and his last meal, a few crumps of bread and a tiny bite meat, was not enough for today. He had to eat more, but it was too dangerous. He was too scared for his life. His worthless life.
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
"Kill the spare!"
~~(_^7 ~~(_^7
The silver hand gripped my throat.
His own hand.
He, who always valued life before anything, was to be killed by my own hand.
My fate was sealed.
If I could have, I would have laughed at their attempts to save me. He was a son of Prongs. He just had to try.
Perhaps I could have lived my life otherwise.
Perhaps it would have been worth it.
Perhaps it would not hurt as much.
I still do not think I would decide otherwise, but I'm sorry.
Yours, Mr. Wormtail.
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The end.
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Hope you liked it ;D
In spirit of thanking, I'll probably answer the first few reviews I receive here. Otherwise you may expect a personal message.
SariPotter: Thanks, this is supposed to be slightly confusing, but I hope It wasn't too much. And I'm from Lithuania if that is of importance.
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