Hey guys! You have no idea how sorry I am about the wait! My computer got a virus AGAIN and I almost died from withdrawal but all is well. I finished my GCSE's and had my prom! It was amazing, I'm so glad all the hard work is over for a while. So now I can get back to my writing! And BTW for those of you who are keeping up with my other fanfic 'Something Weird' I have an idea and I will be posting another chapter shortly. If you guys have any questions or just want updates for when my stupid laptop decides to die on me, I have my iPod so I can give you all the deets on twitter, so follow me: illuminouslove :) Oh, I also wanted to thank you guys so much for getting me over 20,000 hits and 338 reviews! You all mean so much to me :)
Anyway, without further delay, ON WITH THE SEDDIENESS!
Disclaimer: Dan Schneider, Y U NO GIVE ME iCARLY? :( LOL
Previously on iPause:
"It's okay if you're in love with him Sam." I comforted, knowing that she wouldn't like it.
"N-No. You're the one who's… in love with him. Not me?" Sam started, ending with a question. I nodded at her knowingly.
"I'm not in love with him Sam. I had to do it. I had to make you see." Sam was on the brink of tears by now. It was hard for her to admit her feelings since she's always been so closed up. Now that she finally sees them, she's ashamed of it.
"You mean you're not…?" I shook my head in response before she finished her sentence. She let her hands fall to her sides and a blank expression took over her features.
"Oh my God, Carls…" she said, not believing her own thoughts. She has to say it out loud. That's the only way to make it real for herself.
"It's okay, Sam. You can say it." I encouraged.
"Carly. I'm in love with him." She said in a barely audible whisper. It wasn't enough.
"Who Sam? Who are you in love with?" I asked. Sam blinked a few times and shook her head as if to clear it. She looked at me dead in the eye.
"Freddie." She whispered. "I'm in love with Freddie."
Chapter 12:
Progess?
Carly's POV
When Sam finally admitted her love for Freddie I felt an incredible surge of achievement wash over me as I basked in the glory of my victory. Okay, so that was over exaggerated, but come on! Hardly any of my master plans ever pull through and this one seemed to just pull itself together. In theory, one or more of our trio should be either tied up, putting out random fires, or hiding from the impending doom that is usually the end result of one of my plans. The euphoria didn't last long and the sense of achievement was destroyed by the overwhelming urge to comfort my best friend, who had just fallen to pieces before my eyes.
Sam looked physically and emotionally drained as she slumped down into herself, leaning on me heavily. I dragged her towards the couch and positioned her upright so I could get a good look at her face. She barely even noticed my hands on her face, checking her expression as she stared absently into the middle distance. I knew she wouldn't say anything more about it that day. She would sink into herself, withdraw her mind from reality and focus all her energy on figuring out what is going on. I told you before that Sam is a private thinker, right? Well, this type of thinking is what I like to call 'extreme contemplation.' Sam goes into these modes whenever something big or unexpected happens in her life. I know it happened when her dad left, and when Melanie went to boarding school. Other times included the 'Jonah incident,' the 'Fleck and Dave incident' and for some reason the day after the Girls Choice dance a while back. I don't know what reason she had for that but I didn't want to push her when she looked so troubled. There was nothing I could do for her now except leave her to her own devices and wait. I had a feeling the wait would be longer than usual. So, I lead Sam up the wooden staircase and into my bedroom, where I sat her on the bed and made sure she had everything she needed (i.e. bacon, ham, Wahoo punch). I also put up my collection of my favourite iCarly webisodes on the big screen/mirror/hairdryer thing on the wall so she could watch through them. I felt horrible about leaving her on her own but it was the best thing I could do, so I hugged her emotionless form and told her where I would be if she needed anything. When I pulled away I saw Sam's bright blue iris's flash in recognition as her eyes flickered over to me. She was aware of what I had done and she was acknowledging where she was. I pressed play on the remote and heard the light-hearted sounds of iCarly's intro music play through the speakers and I gave Sam one last look over before walking towards the door. Sam was watching herself laugh on the screen.
"Carls?" I heard Sam's faint voice underneath the cries of Baby Spencer eating some random foods.
"Yeah, Sam?" I answered quietly, watching as she turned her head and looked over at me.
"Thank you." She replied, before returning her gaze towards the screen once more. I smiled and closed the door behind me, fairly confident that she would pull through quicker than I had originally expected.
I decided I would check on Sam in a couple of hours, no doubt in my mind that all the food I had set out for her would be long gone by that time. So I had to make myself busy, I had to distract myself from worrying about Sam too much. I kept telling myself that this was the best thing for her, and it was, but there was always a nagging in the back of my mind yelling at me for being so horrible to her. Sitting down on the couch, I picked up a random magazine and started flicking through its pages, looking but not really seeing. I was aware of the bold headlines in front of me, but none of them seemed to penetrate through my cloud of worry. It's like they were bouncing off the edges off my mind. Freddie's PearPod sat on the coffee table in front of me so I put in the earbuds and hoped that the music would be enough to drown my thoughts. Freddie wouldn't really mind if I used it, he did leave it here after all, and he eats here all the time so we're even. Sort of. That's when another red flag popped up in my brain; Freddie. What was I going to do about Freddie? He still thought I was in love with him, which is bad and slightly awkward for everyone involved. I'd have to somehow convince him that I wasn't actually in love with him. But I couldn't exactly say, "Oh yeah, just kidding! Gotcha!" because for one: he would never believe me, and two: that's just plain stupid.
My thoughts were interrupted yet again by an amused looking Freddie who had just pulled one of his earbuds out of my head, hearing my unusual choice of song (Ginger Fox's Number One).
"Isn't that my PearPod?" he asked confused, pointing to the device in my hands.
"Oh yeah, here," I paused the song and handed it back over to him. "You left it here. I didn't think you would mind. I needed to clear my head." I explained as he took a seat next to me on the couch.
"No, it's okay. I was just wondering where it was." He answered, stuffing it into his pocket.
"You want a drink?" I asked, going over to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of diet soda. "It's diet, so don't spit it everywhere." I joked, remembering that one time I had actually gotten Sam to clean up after herself. Good times. Freddie laughed and shook his head.
"No thanks, I'm good" he paused for a moment and looked at me seriously. "Carly, can we talk?" he said, somewhat awkwardly.
"Sure, what's up?" I asked, joining him on the couch with my drink in my hands.
"Well, you know the other day when you told me you wanted to 'pick up where we left off' after the taco truck incident?" Freddie reminded me, treading carefully. I nodded, not sure where this was going.
"I realised it was rude of me to just run out like that and not give you an explanation or anything, and I'm sorry for that." He continued. The boy is very sweet, Sam deserves him. I nodded at him to go on, fighting to keep the smile underneath from breaking through.
"I really am in love someone else. I just didn't realise it until that moment. But she is all I can think about. Everything reminds me of her, it's crazy. And I know we said no secrets but there is no chance of her liking me back so I tried to bury it, in the hope it would go away. It didn't." Freddie was looking down at his hands, a sad smile on his lips. He looked back up at me.
"You're like the sister I never had and I love you, Carls. But that's all it will ever be: The love a brother has for his sister." I was smiling now, I couldn't help it. It was so darn cute the way he cared about my feelings even if he couldn't 'reciprocate' them. Every word he said reinforced why Sam and Freddie were made for each other. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I squealed and threw my arms around him, hugging his confused form.
"Wait, why are you all happy?" Freddie asked when I pulled away. I was practically buzzing in my seat.
"Because, you big doofus, I'm not in love with you!" I explained excitedly. I figured the only way to get him to believe me was to tell him the truth, so I went for it.
"You're not?" he asked, his frown deepening in confusion.
"Nope!" I replied, smiling like a loon. Freddie was trying to make sense of what was happening.
"Then why-?"
"Because," I cut him off.
"Because what?" he retaliated, starting to get irritated at his own confusion.
"Because it was the only way to get you to realise that you are in love with Sam!" I cried, watching as Freddie's face went as pale as a sheet.
"You knew?" he asked incredulously. The boy may be smart, but he is also an idiot.
"Yes, of course I knew! You were just too stupid to see for yourself!" I explained. "No offence." I added.
"Some taken." Freddie replied, he would obviously be offended at someone calling him stupid. I rolled my eyes at him.
"It's true. You were. So I gave you a little push, just to get the ball rolling." Freddie was taking this better than I had expected. He was thinking it through.
"But what does it matter?" he said quietly, the sad look returning to his features.
"What do you mean?" I asked, the excitement washing away.
"None of it matters. She doesn't love me, she doesn't even like me. So what does it matter?" He said, standing up and backing away from the couch, hurt on his face.
"Freddie-" I stood up with him, reaching out to try to comfort him. He recoiled.
"Carly, don't." Freddie looked up at me once more. "It doesn't matter." He turned and walked out the front door without another word. I was left by myself again, although quietness of my apartment seemed unfamiliar.
I busied my self once more, picking up the magazines on the coffee table and organising them neatly.
"…idiots." I found that I was talking to myself. "…so blinded by stupidity." I added, throwing my drink down the drain. "…and fatcakes." A giggle broke through the silence of the apartment. It wasn't me.
I ran to the stairs, turning to see Sam with her hand clasped over her mouth trying to retreat. She froze when she discovered she had been found out. I crossed my arms and stared at her pointedly as she straightened up to face me. "How much did you hear?" I questioned. Sam usually faked innocence pretty well, but not this time.
"Wha-?" I cut her off.
"How much did you hear." I repeated strongly, watching the false innocence drain into a look of guilt.
"Everything."
Okay, there you have it! I hope you enjoyed that chapter! No Seddie interaction but this chapter should suffice :) Again, I am so sorry for not updating sooner. And if you have any queries or anything, follow me on twitter: illuminouslove :)
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