I woke up after having a weird dream about marrying Gill. His hair was long and curled and he was wearing a fluffy, pink wedding dress. Then he turned into an evil orange (thanks, Hikari) with big, pointy teeth about to eat me but a blue alpaca saved me... I blame Hikari.

I rolled me eyes at her since she was still sleeping on my bed spreadeagle. I picked her up, wrapped her in a blanket and placed her outside. Then I checked up on my fanfiction account (SuperSexyChef). I got a private message from Luke.

AWESOMEAXEDUDE YOU SUCK

HEY, MAN! HOW YA DOIN'? :D YOUR FANFICTION SUCKS! IT'S SOOOOOOOO MEAN. D: OK, BYE.

P.S. YOU AIN'T AS SEXY AS ME!

Yesterday, 10:42 pm

Like he can do a better job. Ok, I admit, it's pretty mean. But our competition is about who gets more reviews, not if it's all about rainbows and sunshine. Besides, people will complain so means more reviews! YAY...Hikari's happiness and optimism is starting to rub off on me. Sheesh. No wonder I feel so nice. I replied to Luke's PM.

SuperSexyChef re: YOU SUCK

Ok. Good for you. And yes I am.

I sent it to him, and I hoped that he would leave me alone. I should check on my story, I thought to myself. I clicked my bookmarked link to it. I saw that I had 7 reviews.

DancingBimbo

2011-06-16 Chapter 1

YES. I LOVE THIS STORY. SERVES THAT DIRTY OLD FARMER RIGHT TO MESS WITH ME AND LUKE'S RELATIONSHIP!

FutureMayor1234567

2011-06-16 Chapter 1

Kathy, I find that offensive. Chase, I disapprove of you making fun of one of my good friends. That right is solely reserved for me.

CowgirlKathy

2011-06-16 Chapter 1

That's something I expect from Gill. He's just rude but this is kind of mean.

AWESOMEAXEDUDE

2011-06-16 Chapter 1

Why ya gotta hate on my future girlfriend? Wut she ever do to you?

Hey, tell her that I love her for me. :D

And when did my dad get a fanfiction account? That's not cool,Dad. Especially when you're 40.

ImsuchaGpolarbear

2011-06-15 Chapter 1

POLAR BEARS ROCK! CUZ I'M SO G!

FutureMayorsFutureWife

2011-06-15 Chapter 1

Gosh darnnit, Chase! That's my friend you're talking about there! And just for that, I'm gonna vote for Hikari in the cooking contest!

MasterCarpenter467

2011-06-15 Chapter 1

Why write like that about one of the sweetest young ladies I have ever met? She is, of course, going to be my future daughter-in-law.

Well, those were all...interesting. Who the heck is 'ImsuchaGpolarbear'? But what's so wrong with my story? Seriously? You people read this and tell me what you think of it. I know how experienced you guys are at reading fanfictions.

You know what? Hikari can't cook at all. Maya's a better chef than her and you know how bad Maya is. Hikari's food is so terrible that when you look at it you die. Ok, fine, not exactly. But after the first (and last) meal she served me, I was throwing up for weeks. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit again. Blegh.

She can't even make ice cubes without screwing up. I didn't even think that was possible and I don't even know how she messes it up! It's ice. And who uses a clothing iron to make toast? I know she's busy with farming stuff, but sooner or later she'll kill someone, if not herself.

On my birthday last year, she tried making me orange cake with icing. Sounds good, right? Not when Hikari makes it. The cake wasn't orange at all. It was more like a burnt dark brown. And it was crispy; if you could cut into it, you would hear a loud 'crunch' sound. You could get Owen to smash it with a hammer as hard as he could. He wouldn't make a dent in it. Well, it made a good paperweight for Gill. I told her she should just stick to farming and get out of the kitchen. She told me that I should get out more instead of cook stupid meals. Yeah, what a great wife she'd be (sarcasm).

See,this is why always win the cooking contest: because of people like her. People who are untalented in the kitchen. Having no cooking skills whatsoever. SO KEEP VOTING FOR ME! Or else I'll hunt you down.

THE END

Ok, I know everyone wants me to write more, but I have a life, too. Now I need to cook something. It's been too long.

See? It totally won't hurt Hikari's feelings at all! And if it did, I'd just hug her and she would probably light up in seconds. But don't you think that I have the best story EVER? I'm just multi-talented. Unlike some people...