Do you see that? Two updates in a few hours! :D Well, this is sort of set in late s6… it's future, but not quite the future you may think… As always thanks to my beta Shin/Bonesbird. Bones sadly didn't become mine in a few hours's time. Maybe next time ;) Enjoy!

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Life

Brennan looked up from her computer as soon as she heard the knock and she saw her partner standing hesitant at her door.

"Booth?" she called for him, waving her hand to make him come in.

"You called me, Bones?" he asked, uncertain of the reasons.

"Yes, I did, as you should remember." she said taking deep breaths to gather courage. "And if you don't then I'll be worried about your health as we talked on the phone only half an hour ago and I asked you to come here."

"Yes, yes, of course I remember!" he defended himself "I just thought it was weird for you to call me and not tell me anything."

"But I did tell you something. I told you I needed you to come here" she replied, trying to keep at least her exterior calm and determined. When had everything become so difficult?

"Yes, Bones, you did." he sighed "Then why did you want to see me?"

She looked at him. It looked like he was annoyed. Annoyed to be with her. Like he had something better to do than stay there talking to her. Yes, she was pretty annoyed herself so she knew she wasn't making it easy for him to be there, but she missed him. She missed the old Booth who was always there for her, who would make up excuses just to drop by and talk to her or make her eat. That Booth was long gone.

Seven months had gone by since their reunion in DC. Their relationship now was purely professional, although she mostly stayed at the lab while he went in the field and conducted interrogations alone. She just saw him when they would retrieve some remains or when he would come to the lab and ask for information and scientific details. The barely saw each other outside of work and the few times they went to the Diner or the Founding Fathers they were never alone. Hannah was always with them. And now…

"Bones? Still here?" he called, sitting down.

"Yes, of course I am."

"You kind of zoned out there. What are you thinking about?"

She stood up, crossed the room and joined him on the couch. I miss you. That was what she wanted to say. But couldn't. She had lost that right a long time ago. And now everything was exactly as she had expected.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked without premises.

"Tell you what?"

"That you and Hannah are expecting." she finally said the words out loud, the words she had been repeating nonstop with disbelief in her head since that infamous talk with Angela a few days before. And she still felt that inexplicable physical ache in her heart.

His eyes widened with sudden guilt. "Look, Bones, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it was all so unexpected…" he trailed off, a happy smile forming on his face.

She was happy for him. She was. Or at least she really wanted to and tried to be with all herself. With not much success though. It hurt her. She had wished he could move on, but apparently she never actually realized that he might do it. And so fast. If he really loved her, was it so easy for him to fall out of love like that? But he was gone. It was her fault of course, she knew it well, but somehow she still hung on to the hope that she may get a second chance. But now it was all gone. Every chance was gone. She would only be left with regrets and what-ifs.

"I would have preferred if you had told me directly instead of keeping it a secret from me. But you have nothing to apologize for, Booth. I'm glad you're happy. It's all you ever wanted, settle down, have a family. Now you're getting it." she tried to keep her voice calm and friendly, hoping he would not notice that she was blinking at least twice as fast as normal to fight off any possible threatening tear. But she knew he wouldn't. Like he didn't notice the growing bags under her eyes. He barely looked at her anymore.

"How did you find out?" he asked curious.

"Angela" she said shrugging "She was at the hospital the other day for her last prenatal ultrasound and she saw the two of you wandering in the maternity wing looking very happy. She was already in the elevator and she was in a hurry so she didn't say anything, but she told me thinking that I already knew." she explained.

"Again, Bones, I'm sorry for not telling you right away. We just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little while. We are very excited." he said in a dreamy tone.

"I can see that, you can't stop smiling. I'm really happy for you, congratulations to the both of you."

"Thanks. I'm happy you know it too now." he said sincerely.

"Did you tell Parker already?" she asked.

"No, it's too early, she's only two months along, we'll tell him a little later. I hope he'll like the news. But he should, he really loves Hannah."

"He'll be very excited about it and I'm sure he'll be a great big brother" she smiled, tears threatening to fall again.

"Yeah…" His gaze was lost in space so she quickly wiped her eyes without being noticed. He came back to reality and checked his watch "Sorry I have to go now, Bones. I have to pick Hannah up at work, she wasn't feeling well this morning so she doesn't have the car."

"Of course, I'm going home soon too, it's quite late." she said standing up, knowing that she would likely stay there in her office still for a very long time. She didn't really want to go home to a empty house.

"See you tomorrow!" he waved at her as he left her office.

"Bye, Booth" she whispered back, but he was long gone.

Wiping her eyes again, she went back to her desk and reached for her laptop. She found a folder with a file in it and, typing a password, she opened it. Suddenly many document pages appeared on the screen. On autopilot she went straight to the last couple of pages and read the old familiar sentences.

"You see two people and you think 'They belong together', but nothing happens."

"You know that glass of wine that we share every night? I have to stop that."

"No… yeah? You are pregnant? This is a little baby boy!"

"Or girl…"

Her own writing, her old dreams and hopes stared back at her. They were still there, yes. Soon after she had deleted her book she had asked Angela to try to get it back and, for her relief, her friend succeeded. She never told her what it was about and the artist never asked. She had saved it again in her laptop and protected it. She never read it again, she knew it by heart, but she felt hopeful just by having it somewhere.

With a knot in her throat and the usual ache in her heart she closed the document and stared at the small icon in the folder. A small icon titled 'Life', like she wanted to title her book back in the days of Booth's coma when she wrote it. She deleted everything once again, the icon, the whole folder and she deleted it from the bin too. This time she would not ask Angela to retrieve it. 'Life' was gone forever. That life was gone forever.

Brennan had said that she couldn't change, but she suddenly realized that she already had, that she was already changed because, when she tried to find her old self, the one she was before Booth came along, the one that didn't want that life, she couldn't find it anymore.

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*ducks* Don't kill me…

Any suggestions for a M-word instead? And don't forget to let me know what you think… and yes, I even accept death threats ;) After all I did look for it :) I really hope you liked it anyway, it's what my lately angsty Muse came up with!