Chapter Five
We've been doing this for hours. When am I going to get to sleep?
"You need to stay here for your own protection. You know that. In the meantime, there isn't much to do but talk, is there?"
My God, I think that is the stupidest reason to keep talking that I've ever heard.
"We can provide food for you if you want, and if I like your tone. Right now I don't."
Don't you ever smile? Talk about the weather or something? You know why you don't? I've figured it out. You can't act like my friend, or even a fellow human being, because you won't seem intimidating anymore. If I find out you're human.
"Be carefully. You're starting to let the mask slip. Good cop, bad cop between you and Meowth right? You're playing me against you two, right? You have to appear intimidated. He's the rebellious one."
My bones ache. My head hurts.
"I'm being played. I don't care how you feel."
You know what this is like? I get out there expecting a rest at last. The sun. The chance to see something that hasn't been made by Team Rocket. That stupid "R" logo everywhere. Before I know it, I'm stuck in this stuffy, unfriendly little room with you. Soon, I'll be pretending to be someone else for the rest of my life. Do you know what being a member of Team Rocket is like? It's a self-contained universe. I've spent twenty years away from reality. Twenty years. Everyone I knew when they were a kid and I was a teenager has their own children now. Everyone my age is starting to look like a grown up. With wrinkles. You know what they don't tell you at Team Rocket HQ? The real reason why you shouldn't leave? Because you'll be alone and aimless forever if you do. All my friends, gone. Because I choose that. I had to get out. I was being strangled. The rope got one millimetre tighter every month, but it was there. This isn't my world anymore. I don't know how to live here. If you work for Team Rocket it's not a job, it's an identity. It's who you are, not what you do. You go on Team Rocket missions, and that's your work. You sleep in a room they designed, and that's your life. You walk through the same corridors every day. You talk to other Team Rocket members and no one else. I know them better than I know the woman who carried me in her womb for nine months. If another person of my rank changes strategy at the stadium, I know it, because I know their strategy that well. The uniforms, the coffee mugs, the laptops, the pencils, everything, has the R logo on it. This is supposed to be me getting out. Being an adult. Moving on. I'm one of the very few who escaped. Except now I'm here. How would you like to go home tonight to this room instead of your house? With a guard outside your door, instead of a wife and kids? You can go home. My work place was my home.
"What about the gym trail?"
You think that's different? Just because the scenery changed occasionally for the three years I was out there for? Find Pokemon, fight Trainers, go to sleep in a tent. Get up, find Pokemon, fight Trainers, go to sleep in a tent. Same equipment. Same rules set out by the Elite Four. I'm still doing it for Team Rocket. They're my motivation for anything. Even this in a way. I know if my Pokemon are grumpy in the morning or not. I know what they like to eat for breakfast. I know if they prefer to sleep inside or outside their Pokeballs. If they sleep soundly, or if they're insomniacs. If I talk with other Trainers, it's about Pokemon Training. Do you understand now? I live in self-contained universes. That's all I do. Now I'm about to live the way you make up for me. Same thing.
"So what am I supposed to do about it?"
Treat at least one of us as if he's human.
"Ok, look, I'm sorry that…I wouldn't want to be in your shoes ok? Ok…so what, I can't believe I'm doing this, do you want to ask me? I'll give you something if you keep talking ok? You have to keep talking though, all right?"
What happens now?
"You'll tell me what I want to know. We'll find Giovanni. He'll either spend the rest of his life in jail, or be executed. Then we'll clean out Team Rocket HQ, and arrest everyone there. They'll get what Giovanni gets most likely. The organisation will fall, and we'll have taken down about one third of organised crime on these islands. Just Teams Aqua and Magmar after that. You'll be given a new identity."
So you'll execute my friends and put me in hiding?
"Yes. I'm afraid so."
Perfect. Leave me alone for a few minutes will you?
"I'm not supposed to-"
I've betrayed my friends. I'm trapped. I'm tired. This room feels smaller than it is. I want to run, but there's nowhere to run to. I can't even talk to Meowth. Before I start shouting, just please leave me to recover for a few minutes. Please.
"I can give you ten ok?"
Just go.