Charlotte: WARNING: Doctor Who parody coming up. YEAAAH. I love Doctor Who! And Jin Ah's never watched it before but she still knows everything about it because of TVTropes! Sooo. Oh, and the Death scene was very fun indeed, with plenty of delightful foreshadowing. We need to add more footnotes here, but that'll probably come later. BTW, we've edited the previous chapters quite a bit, so please feel free to look back at them and see what we've done. x) Happy reading! And please don't feel too shy to review!
Chapter Four
Sophia Andromede Murphy was quite short, splendidly quirky, awesomely half-Greek, nineteen years old, and very clever - but most of all, she was an intern. She had come to England because she had heard it was one of the best places to get an education, and it was very exciting.1 And this had been true - Oxford had been excellent, and her internship certainly had been exciting. It had just been exciting in a rather stranger and more dangerous way than she had expected.2
"Sophie?" came a voice from the doorway. It was a light, distracted sort of voice, like a million things were going on in the mind that made it and only had the concentration to make a wispy sounding sort of word. Sophie looked up from her paperwork.
A head with a huge mop of incredibly tousled hair, and a large pair of goggles that obscured most of the face was sticking out from the inside of the other room. He had paused after calling her name, and was just looking at her, his mouth open a bit and his eyebrows furrowed, as if he had forgotten what he was going to say.
"...Yes, Dr. Fletcher?" Sophie finally asked.
"Oh, er, yeah!" he responded. "I need you to pull the switch. This is going to need more than two pairs of hands. Come on. And... oh yeah, put these on."
He threw her a pair of goggles and some yellow rubber gloves like his own. She quickly put them on as she strode into the Experiment Room.
It was a magnificent room, full of knobs and dials and test tubes and modules and wonderful, brilliant-looking machinery way ahead of its time. She had spent enough time here and learned enough about technology to know that most of these inventions were completely bonkers and pointless designed to look impressive, but it was pretty cool anyway. She wasn't even quite sure that the man who was operating these doodads was an actual doctor, either, but he seemed to be sure of what he was doing.
He looked like a doctor. A science-y kind of doctor that knows everything there is to know about physics and chemistry and botany and pedology and all the rest. He wore a burnt orange T-shirt, dark green corduroys, mismatching and brightly colored socks, checkered converse and, to top it off, a gleaming white lab coat. He was tall, skinny, and his dark hair went every which way and stuck up in highly improbable places. Right now, he had a slight smile on the part of his face that wasn't obscured by the dusty goggles. Sophie wondered if he could actually see through them. But the scientist was busy flipping, pushing and turning a dizzying array of switches, buttons and dials in the vast console that spread out before him.
"Alright, Sophie," he finally declared with a terribly mad grin. "Flip the switch!"
She grunted with the effort of reaching up, grabbing the handle and pushing down the large switch that took up an entire section of the wall. But as soon as it was turned over, there was a blinding flash of electric-blue light, the sound of buzzing bees, and a sensation that was rather like what you feel when you leave the earth's atmosphere for the first time. It was simply thrilling.
Sophie realized that she hadn't even really known what Dr. Fletcher was meaning to do. Oh well. She would find out soon enough.
Or - would she?
Sophie hadn't counted on three gray hooded shapes suddenly appearing in the lab. They talked amongst each other, ignoring her stare.
"Is this the machine he was building?" one asked.
"Yes! This is the … the abomination!" another hissed.
"It must be destroyed at once!" the third exclaimed.
At this point, Sophie felt like she should step in. She didn't think that Dr. Fletcher would be very happy about three cloaked hoodlums destroying his precious machine.
"Excuse me," she said, "but just who are you? And what do you think you're doing here? This is a research facility!"
It wasn't, technically, but 'research facility' sounded nice and grand and expensive - and no one liked having to pay for expensive things.
One of them turned to look at her - or at least, she assumed that they did, as she couldn't see their faces.
"Who is she?" The first one said.
"I don't know," the second one said. The other two immediately turned on it. "You said I!" They hissed. "You are not an individual! Individuals are finite, and thus must die!"
"Aaw-" the second one started to say, but it disappeared with a small puff.
Sophie blinked.
The two left turned on Sophie. "You have resulted in the loss of one of our number!" one snarled. "You will be destroyed along with this … horrible … device!"
"Sophie?" Dr. Fletcher walked in from the other room, looking dazed. His goggles were off, revealing a pair of electric green eyes. "Where are my - my goodness? Who are these people?"
He stared at the figures, and an expression crossed his face - one of faint recognition, the kind where you definitely remember something, but can't quite get a firm grip on what. Whatever Dr. Fletcher remembered, it was bad.
"Sophie!" he called. "Get out of here! Now!"
Sophie opened her mouth to say something, but Dr. Fletcher had grabbed her arm, and was pulling her through the door and out of the building. "Archie!" she managed to say. "The guinea pig! We can't leave him behind!"
Dr. Fletcher stopped, his expression chagrined, but what Sophie said was true - they couldn't leave Archie behind. "Wait right here," he said, and ran back inside. He emerged a moment later, holding a cage containing a terrified-looking black and white guinea pig, and just in time - not three seconds after he was out of the building, it … changed.
Where there had previously been a large building, a little dilapidated, a little shabby, brightly colored paint peeling severely but looking cozy all the same, was now another building - equally large, but much, much neater. It was a kind of industrial gray, and made of concrete. It was large, rectangular, blocky, and imposing. There was nothing cozy about it.
"What was that?" Sophie gasped.
"I'm not sure," said Dr. Fletcher grimly. "I'll go and see what's different on the inside."
He walked back into the building. Sophie thought that that was probably a very, very bad idea, but she followed him anyway, carefully carrying Archie's cage.
Inside, the machine was still there, but … different.
Dr. Fletcher was examining it, looking devastated. Occasionally, he would take out a ruler from his lab coat and measure things, then shake his head.
"What's wrong, Dr. Fletcher?" Sophie asked. The inside of the building was also a lot neater; there was none of the usual clutter, books were stacked neatly, but they were different books, too. Sophie pulled one of them out and opened it, only to see lines and lines of - binary?
"Doctor, come and look at this," she called out. She flipped through a couple more - they were all full of pages upon pages of ones and zeroes.
He walked over, looking like he was about to cry. "I don't know who they were or what they did," he said, "but they … they ruined everything," he said. "The machine doesn't work at all now. We might as well sell it for scrap. What's wrong with these books?"
He had caught sight of the book in Sophie's hand, along with the ones she had left open. "Numbers? Binary?"
"Could it be code? Or programming things? For computers, I mean - don't they run on binary?"
"I'm a scientist, not a computer programmer," said Dr. Fletcher, "but I don't think these are code. I think they're just … gibberish. Numbers. They're in a pattern, too - 10101010 and so on."
"What just happened?" asked Sophie, feeling weak. She slowly sank down and knelt on the floor. Archie squeaked in sympathy.
"I don't know," the doctor said. He shook his head. "I simply don't know what to make of all this … are any of the blueprints still here? Or our research?"
The two searched through the various papers now neatly stacked and/or filed throughout the large, cavernous room, but none of their original work had survived. Oh, they were blueprints and papers - but they all looked like they applied to the machine that was there now, not the one that they had been working on.
"Well," said Dr. Fletcher suddenly, his voice surprisingly cheerful, "I suppose we'll just have to start over, then."
"Start over?" gasped Sophie. They had been working on this for over a year!
"It doesn't look like there's anything we can do about it," he responded. "You know," he said thoughtfully, "I think we should tell my father about this. He's always interested in strange things."
He started toward the door. "Come along, Sophie," he said.
He walked straight out, and she followed unsure and bewildered in his wake.
Anathema looked around at the crowd of people around the kitchen people. Four children, four adults, and two teenagers were all looking very expectant, wondering what they were going to do.
"Now," said Anathema importantly, gaining all of their attention. "We need to sort all of this out. I've got the book here, but after the first four prophecies, it gets very strange and out of order (probably) and doesn't make very much sense any more."
"What are the first four prophecies?" asked Aziraphale curiously.
Anathema glanced at him, took out the book, opened it to the first page and started to read.
I. Inne the Begynning of the Ende, the Onne fhalle flye to the Angell's layre.
II. And the Two who do notte knowe what they are doing fhalle follow the Demone there.
III. Watchers move about, axe in Hande; and the Tides of the Laft Days fhalle rife up and bring back the Olde Onnes to the fhore of the True Ende.
IV. And there is alfo Another Onne who fhalle be Watched, and a heralde of the Impoffible Things throng him alwayf.
She stopped.
"What comes after that?" asked Charlotte.
V. A Toadde watches at the Gayte – Beware!
"Oh."
There was a moment of contemplative yet awkward silence.
"I like toads," said Brian. The other Them nodded. They were fun to play with.
"Maybe it's a horned toad," said Wensleydale. "They're supposed to be pretty scary."
All the kids nodded.
"My dad played with horned toads when he was little," Charlotte said. "He lived in a lot of different places around the world, and in one of them there were a lot of horned toads. He said they looked more like spiny lizards, and when you really aggravated them they would shoot blood out of their eyes." She ended this with strangely mixed feelings of distaste and amusement. Jin Ah shivered at the thought. It certainly would freak out predators... and people, for that matter.
Adam was looking at Charlotte with fascination. And so it was that horned toads were completely awesome.
"But what does all of this mean, Anathema?" asked Newt, who knew they must mean something. "It doesn't really all make that much sense."
"Well, a few of these have already happened."
All of them stared at her.
"...Er -" started Crowley.
"Oh, come on, the first one isn't that difficult, is it?" asked Anathema, who had been deciphering her ancestor's prophecies her entire life and had a bit of difficulty understanding why none of the others could.
"Inne the Beginninge of the End, the Onne fhalle fly to the Angell's layre.That's obviously saying that Ridley, 'the Onne', flew to Aziraphale's bookshop. Nothing tricky there."
The others nodded. A few of them had already figured this one out.
"And, The Two who do notte knowe what they are doing, that's obviously Charlotte and Jin Ah," continued Anathema. "And they followed Crowley to Aziraphale's bookshop as well, so that's exactly what happened.
"And the third one -"
"That's where I got confused," cut in Pepper.
"Yes, well, it says that The Watchers move about, axe in Hande. That's not hard, either."
"Why?" asked Brian.
"Because these... Auditors came into my shop and chopped my head off with an axe," Aziraphale answered, that same bitterness coming back into his voice.
"THEY CHOPPED YOUR HEAD OFF?" the Them all shrieked, part in wonder and part in delight.
"It was quite strange," said Jin Ah.
"You got to see it off?" said Adam enviously.
Ridley, who had been quietly bewildered in all of this conversation, decided that he had to speak up here.
"Wait, you mean that your head had actually been taken off by those grey cloaked things? Why didn't I know any of this?"
"My head had just been put back on again right before you came in," said Aziraphale tiredly.
"How did you get it back on?" asked Pepper.
"I'm an angel, dear girl, surely it's not hard to gather how it was done."
"Why are they called the Watchers?" asked Charlotte, remembering the frightening wispy things that she had seen through the dusty bookshop windows.
"Because they watch everything," said Crowley. "They're called ... the Auditors of the Universe. And like most auditors, the Auditors like everything neat and tidy. We don't know too much else about them."
"They said that they were after Ridley," said Aziraphale.
"They WHAT?" That was Ridley, of course.
"They were after you," repeated Aziraphale. "And we don't know why, so don't ask."
Ridley's mouth opened and closed, and kept doing so for quite a while. He was simply at a loss with himself. Too much was happening in so little time. Why had he so foolishly obeyed Agnes Nutter?
"What about the last one?" asked Crowley. "There's another One?"
"I suppose," said Anathema. "This one is certainly very enigmatic, but it at least seems like it's connected with the others. I suspect that we shall meet this other one eventually.
"But there's one overlying theme in here that we cannot ignore," Anathema continued grimly. "The Ende. It is nigh. And this is only the Begynninge."
All of them took this in gloomily, looking at the fingers in their laps.
Except Charlotte, though, who just gave a little smile.
Death was pacing in his study quietly, thinking, pondering and wondering as only Death could do. A small tabby kitten followed at his heels, and an old, hunched over man watched him curiously.
SOMETHING IS STARTING TO HAPPEN ON THE ROUNDWORLD, he said finally.
"The Roundworld? Bloody annoying place, if you ask me," said the old man, Albert, his manservant. "No proper magic to speak of. What are they up to now? More quantum?"
SOMETHING FROM SOME TIME AGO.
"Yes, sir?"
NOT TOO LONG AGO, BUT IT IS COMING BACK. THE AUDITORS ARE ABOUT. I THINK THEY HAVE FOUND THEM.
"And who would this 'them' be?"
THEY ARE...
It took a moment for Death to think of a way to describe them. He knew which word to use, but it seemed too crude for the circumstances. He used it anyway.
...THE IMPOSSIBLE HUMANS. THEY WERE BORN TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO ON THE ROUNDWORLD. THE WIZARD RINCEWIND IS WATCHING OVER ONE OF THEM.
"And the other one?"
WE DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS. HE WAS LOST. BUT I HAVE A FEELING THAT THAT WILL NOT BE STOPPING THE AUDITORS.
"Ah. Yes."
Death stood still for a while, seeming to be thinking some more.
"And what are we going to do about it?" asked Albert gloomily. He felt sure that whatever it was, it wouldn't be pleasant. For him, at least.
WAIT, FOR NOW. THERE IS NOTHING MUCH THAT WE CAN DO AT THE MOMENT. WE SHALL PLAY OUR PART WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.
"Oh. Alright then."
AN END IS NIGH, ALBERT. A GREAT END. AND YOU KNOW THAT I AM RATHER FOND OF ENDINGS. I SIMPLY DO NOT WANT THIS TO END THE WRONG WAY.
"Of course, sir."
Death gently picked up the mewing kitten, sat down in his grand chair, and started stroking it softly with his bony fingers, still thinking silent thoughts.
Jin Ah: And finally, we figure out how to do footnotes on google docs. To paraphrase one of my friends, JinAh learns how to technology 2011!
I'm also very pleased that we introduced Death, Dr. Fletcher, and Sophie in this one, as Sophie and Dr. Fletcher are cool and Death is ... Death.
1She had to admit that this was probably especially true compared to her hometown, a tiny village with a population of seventy-six - no, seventy-seven, and that included the neighborhood goat. Hey, the neighborhood goat was important, okay?
2It was dangerous in and that they weren't sure whether their experiment would or wouldn't damage the nature of space-time. It was that kind of exciting.