A/N: I have come to the belated realisation that Ash is in fact of no relation to Jo. My bad. But for the purposes of this story... he is.

Chapter 8: What Lies Beyond

Her mother called. Ash was dead.

Jo always suspected she had a childhood similar to the Winchesters'. Nothing in life was kept secret, and no monster or irrational childhood fear was ever counteracted. She had been trained since a child to be wary of the dark; to shoot first and question later. She could never have friends without putting them in danger, and any non-immediate family rejected her parents at a very young age.

Her brother therefore filled the void of any absent friend, cousin, uncle and father. And now he was gone. Her insides clenched as the tears scolded her face. The people she loved in life were being picked off, one by one; all she had left now was her mother, and she couldn't even face the guilt of telling her the truth as to why she hasn't called, or visited, or made any contact whatsoever. She'd slowly eradicated every attachment to her old life.

Facing the light of day never seemed so dark.

She was on the phone to her mother for hours, crying, reminiscing, and even laughing. The pit of guilt in her stomach grew with every passing minute, licking her insides. Her brother was one of the purest souls she knew, and yet here she was, alive, well and living her life as a slave to a demon, when her brother was killed by one. She didn't deserve to live where he did not, and facing a world without the presence of her best friend is something she refused to contemplate.

Her mother isn't stupid, she knew something was wrong, and it was all Jo had in her to not reveal the truth. There are some things a mother needs to know, but there are many things they do not. At this point, being honest is something Ellen would not be able to handle, and Jo would not be the reason for her mother's breakdown. Instead, she lied.

'Baby, I know something's wrong,' she said, after an hour's conversation, 'I haven't heard a thing from you in months, and you won't answer my calls.'

There would come a time for Ellen to know the truth; Jo didn't plan on keeping it a secret forever. But merely hours after the death of her son? No, that wasn't fair.

'I've just been busy, Mom. You don't need to worry.'

'Of course I worry when it's my daughter! I thought you worked at a bar. What on God's earth could possibly be keeping you so occupied?'

'I've been hunting as well.'

Ellen hated it when she went hunting. But at some point she needed to accept the fact that her daughter is no longer a child, and she shouldn't be treated as such. Hunting is in her blood, and Ellen had no right to keep her from perusing it.

Thankfully the issue was not pressed further, but Jo needed to question something. It was difficult as she was not ready to enlighten her about Crowley, but her mother was far wiser to the supernatural world than she, and her insights would be far more acute. Ash had just died at the hands of a demon, and therefore bringing up the topic would not be easy.

'Mom, do you think demons show remorse?' She asked, weaning her way into the topic.

'No, Jo. Demon's only show the darkest of emotions. They wouldn't be demons if they understood regret.'

'But what about other things; like love, and compassion?' She asked tentatively.

'Why are you asking this? After a demon just killed my son!'

'I'm just trying to understand Mom! He was my brother! I would rather know that Ash died at the hands of someone who had it in them to feel bad about it!' There was a pause.

'I'm sorry hun. But in my experience they have only shown to feel the sinister emotions in life, like jealousy and hatred… Demon's can't love, they can only hesitate.'

'Crowley. Not now.' He had appeared to her, with a yellow post-it note no less. She was sitting in the corner of her apartment, photo album in hand, making no move to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Coming here, at this point in time, to give her a job is inexcusable. Did he not understand? Was he unaware?

'Here I thought I'd be doing you a favour. A demon killed your brother, so you,' he slapped the post-it note on the wall, 'get to kill a demon. Tit for tat.'

'Get out.'

'Excuse me?' He asked, cupping his hand behind his ear in mock-misunderstanding.

'You heard me. Get OUT! You have no right to be here!' She threw the album at him as hard as possible. It missed.

'I give you three hours.' This brought her fast to her feet, and she charged at him, the ceremonial athame she used ritualistically in hand.

'How. Dare. You. Come. Here!' She screamed, lunging for him.

'Holy-!' He ducked her advance just in time. She spun around, whipping the knife across his face, cutting deeply and purposefully. Not satisfied with her efforts, she tried again, and missed by a hair. He grabbed her arm, and locked it behind her back, rendering her incapable of attack.

'Calm. Down.' He panted in her ear. She refused. Snapping her head back, she smacked his face with an almighty whamp, forcing him to let go in an attempt to stem the flow of blood pouring from his very broken nose. Sensing weakness, she whipped around, kicking him twice right in the stomach, and punching him square in the face forcing the cavalier bastard to the floor. She jumped on him, pinning a knife to his throat.

'You bastards just killed my brother,' she whispered almost incoherently, 'I don't want revenge on some nameless demon. I want it on you.' She tranced the knife down his stomach and towards his lower abdomen. 'Or how about I just rip retribution,' she continued, pressing the knife down hard on his groin, 'right out from your man pieces.' He groaned in pain as the blade drew blood. She could sense a build up of strength from inside him.

'Get OFF!' He shouted. She was pushed off him and hurtled across the room, smacking her head against the dry wall and collapsing in a heap. She didn't move; she couldn't. Her body ached in a way which had nothing to do with the physical ordeal she just incurred. She couldn't cry, she couldn't feel; and she didn't want to. Ever again.

'Please, Crowley, just let me go,' she cried, not looking up. 'Let me go home.'

'No.'

And with that she let everything go; everything she was holding in, everything she forced to remain in the deepest parts of her subconscious, everything she didn't want him to know. She cried for what she'd given up, what she'd lost, and what she'd never see again. Months of buried pain just fled from her, forcing her to hold her stomach in fear of her entire body exploding. She rocked like a helpless child, her screams reverberating horribly off the walls, piercing her ears and making it all so much worse. More than any point in her miserable life, she wanted out. She wanted to join her brother in the blissful reverie of death, to never think or feel again; to be finally free of the shackles keeping her bound to life.

The entire time he stood there, watching her curiously. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like hours. Time just ticked on as she lay there a pathetic, foetal mass.

Finally, he broke the silence.

'Harvelle,' he started. His voice was deliberate, calculating; emotionless. She expected him to tell her to get up, to stop being so damn pathetic, to just get the job done.

'You can do the job tomorrow.' It wasn't a retraction, it was a negotiation.

She looked up at him, trying to assess his attitude. Was he kidding? Was he actually granting her lenience? He was staring at her; she couldn't work out what he was feeling, be it pity, annoyance, hatred, contempt, emptiness...

Curiosity? He once told her, months ago when the deal was first forged that he found her curious. Perhaps he wasn't lying. Curiosity isn't an emotion associated with light or darkness; it was nothing more than an expression of interest.

She stood up and walked towards him, her mind open, blank. There was no more than three metres between them, but it felt like a year had passed before she was finally able to reach out, brush back his hair, and kiss him.

Five months ago she shared both her first, second and, as of a day ago, her seemingly last kiss with him. But she had never forgotten what it felt like. She could feel his hands run up her back, pulling her eagerly and deeper into him. Their tongues dances against their teeth as their body grew steadily closer, and she could feel a very recently bleeding part of his body react quickly to her advances. The desperate need to have every part of him inside her overcame any hesitance she might have otherwise had. Animalistic lust took over, and she could only register one very unwelcome thought: She had to have more, now. Her hands grabbed at every body part she could find.

But something was missing. No matter how much deeper she made the kiss, no matter how hotter, rougher, faster and closer she forced it to become, it was like she hit an impenetrable wall.

And then out of nowhere, he hesitated.

'I-I can't,' he said, pushing her down.

'No it's fine.' She said, grabbing his neck.

'No, Jo,' he said. It was the first time he'd ever used her first name. 'I'm not going to do this with you.' He finished, turning away.

'What, sleep with me? It's not really the first time sunshine,' she said, grabbing his shoulder.

'No, I'm not talking about sex woman, as you bloody well know.' He replied gruffly.

'Goddamnit Crowley!' She cried, running her fingers through her hair. 'I don't believe this; I honestly don't believe it.' She was pacing now. 'You complained about the fact that I made our coital arrangements completely detached, as impersonal as humanly possible, and yet here you are, turning down the opportunity to experience everything you ever wanted from me?'

'You made a deal with a demon, Harvelle, (she registered the re-use of her surname) something you seem to readily forget,' he paused, 'and you should know I'm perfectly content with the direction of our "arrangements".'

'This isn't about our deal, Crowley. I'm asking you to do me a favour, to just be there for me. For once! I can't see my own mother, so excuse me for bequeathing to you one simple request after the death of my brother.' Her anger was making her shrill.

'You stupid girl, you don't get it! I-can't-give-you-what-you-want! I can't be tender, or caring, or affectionate; I can't be there as a source of comfort; I can't make love to you and be the big spoon as you slowly fall asleep.

'I can only have sex and then be done with you. You can't seem to fathom the idea that you are just a warm body to me. Bloody hell woman, I am a demon! It isn't in my nature to be sympathetic.'

She stared at him. Of course she knew it; she's always known it. But something, some ray of hope still lingered in the back of her mind.

'Demon's can't love, they can only hesitate.'

'You hesitated.' She stated, calmly.

'What?' He looked taken aback by this unexpected statement.

'When we were kissing, you hesitated before it went any further.' She said walking up towards him again.

'Yes I told you it's because I can't give you-'

'-Yes, but why? Why did you stop for that reason? Any warm blooded male would have continued regardless of how the other party felt. You hesitated and you stopped me.'

'Well, I'm not a warm blooded male, am I?' He said.

'No, but the meat-suit you're wearingvery much is, and you cannot deny an urge so carnal. So come on Crowley, fess up. What's with the hesitation?'

'I don't know.'

Liar.

'Oh come on,' she drawled. He shot her an "is it worth it?" look before speaking.

'You're my charge,' he said, choosing his words carefully, 'and I cannot afford to allow any ... messy emotions ... to be involved in our arrangement. This has to be strictly business.'

It was not the answer she wanted to hear. For some stupid reason she convinced herself that maybe he was different; maybe, eventually, some kindly emotion could penetrate his demonic interior. But she wasn't Dorothy, and she couldn't just sit around and wait for the wizard to find him a heart. In all honesties, she did not love him; she couldn't love someone as cruel as he. But the idea that just tonight, just for one stupid, careless, irresponsible night, she could pretend he did, and that he could take away all the pain Ash's death had left behind.

Stupid girl. Demons don't change.

'Put on a wig with a million curls...' she started. He registered the quote immediately.

'...the highest heeled boots on your feet,' he continued.

'And yet you remain, in the end,'

'...just what you are,' they finished together. Even if they were different in every possible way, Faust would always be something they had together. She looked at him, a small smile crossing her lips.

'You should go,' she said weakly. He nodded and disappeared.

'I need to get out of here,' she said to the empty room, shaking her head.

Donning a jacket, she walked out the front door and onto the street, trying to ignore the fact she saw him everywhere she looked.

She was so screwed.

A/N

-Yay for me writing another chapter! I'm going to admit I have been COMPLETELY ignoring all my uni work. But it's cool; this it totes worth it.

Also, I was ridiculously close to putting smut in this chapter (as you could probably tell). It's late, and who doesn't enjoy a little nakedness in the evening? Lol. No. But I was yanked back to my senses; it's too early for me to bring this up. I wouldn't want to wake up in the morning (or… later this morning considering its near 2am) regretting my decision.

For real I'm thinking I'm getting too attached to my characters.

ANYWAY!

Title comes from the line "What lies beyond doesn't worry me" said by Faust as he comes to terms with the fact he's going to hell. Yada yada yada, he doesn't end up going but whatevs.

Also, the final lines "Put on a wig with a million curls/ Put the highest heeled boots on your feet/ Yet you remain in the end just what you are." Preeeety self explanatory. But it totally fits, right? This is why I love Faust!

Please don't love Crowley too much as I do! It's getting harder and harder to write him as a piece of shit demon. I'm TRYING I TELL YOU! I just want to have him sit down, pat Jo on the shoulder and say; 'you know what, it's okay… " but I won't. Ironically it's because I love the characters too much that I wouldn't stray too far from canon character.

To those who have been reading and reviewing, thank you so much. But there's still plenty more to come. Would you believe I haven't really introduced the major plot line yet? I'm taking things far slower than I ever thought. Expect about another 10-15 more chapters.

Anyway, that's it from me. If I missed anything, or anyone's confused, PM me. I'll always get back to you ASAP.

Also, BETA readers still needed… if you're up for it. Mind, I'm actually crazy, and having to deal with me 1 on 1 would make for an interesting experience on your account.

Love your face!

-thesolitaryone-

xXx