Chapter 12: Suppose you break this world to bits

She slept well; better than she had in a long time. There was something comforting about the fact that the reason for her insomnia was sleeping soundly right next to her. It's not like he could wake her for a job; she was already on one.

There was no light penetrating the room, suggesting the sun had still not risen, and so the bargain had not yet concluded. There was still time to savour the moment…

No. Get out now, her mind screamed to her. It seemed every sensible part of her conscience was pressing for her to leave, to put this night behind her and try to return to normality. Or, at least, to reality. But she did not move; she had no desire to leave. There was not a single place in the world she would rather be at the moment.

The revelation scared her to no end. Maybe if she just sat down and explained everything; reminded him of her humanity, of the mortality he did not share. Perhaps he would grant her lenience, perhaps he could be kinder…

The devil is an egoist I know;

And, for heaven's sake, 'tis not his way;

Kindness to anyone to show.

Let the condition plainly be exprest!

Such a domestic is a dangerous guest.

Demon's can't love, they can only hesitate.

God-damn-lord-hell, she cursed. Life clearly enjoyed taking a good dump on her as of late.

Somewhere through the night they had drifted apart, but she felt him turn next to her, pulling her against him again. For someone who once said he'd never be the big spoon, he sure as hell liked to have her close. But as she allowed herself to be pulled in, she felt a very distinct poking at her back. Clearly he had the very common occurrence of a morning hard on.

Much and all as she wanted to stay and give him a hand (literally), she could see a fragment of light peaking through the curtains; the sun was about to rise. It would be better if she was gone before he woke up; it would be hard enough to leave as it was without another sexual encounter to etch into the bedpost.

Very carefully, she slid her thin frame out from underneath his arm. He grunted, still unconscious, and rolled back over. Thinking she was in the clear, she sat up, slowly lifting her weight from the bed. Turning away from him, she went on a hunt for her clothes when,

'Ahem, take care of this for me, would you?' He said from behind her, lying on his back with his hands resting behind his head. The position made for a very definite tenting of the sheets around his groin.

'The sun's up. I need to go; you'll have to do it yourself,' she said, finding her clothes and donning them.

'You can stay. I don't mind.' She shook her head in response. Gathering everything she needed, she went up to him, planting a farewell kiss on his lips.

'Thankyou,' she started, 'for last night.'

'Here,' he said sleepily, sitting up, 'I'll take you home.' It was kind of him, but unnecessary.

'No. I'll walk. I need the fresh air,' she returned, walking to the door.

'I'll be out of town until next week. Enjoy your time off, Harvelle,' she heard him say from behind her. By the time she'd turned around, he was gone, along with his clothing.

The painful reality was that she would not enjoy it at all. She loved him, there was no getting away from it now. The events of the previous night had intensified any feelings she had for him; he was just so considerate, so … different. Everything he said and did showed a kind of honesty she didn't believe he possessed, a kind of honesty she didn't believe most men possessed. It wasn't really the truth, but his own truth. She couldn't explain it, even to herself really, it was just a gut feeling.

Before the night even began, she'd planned on leaving all emotion, all lingering doubt, and pretty much all the events that transpired in that room behind her as she walked through the door. She had every other time, this shouldn't be any different.

But, typically, it was. Shadows of affection, passion, ecstasy and desire; of despair, melancholy, sorrow and desperation all followed her home. Waves of emotion flooded her in a way in which nothing else had in her entire life. There was no escaping it; he had, so many months ago, bargained for her soul, and now he had her heart.

And she had nothing.

'I love him.'

It was the first time Jo had spoken to anyone since she left that room. Juanita stood there, staring, confused at first but au courant after a few seconds. She walked up to her, leaning against the bar and rubbing her arm in silent consolation.

'It's okay-'

'No it's not!' Replied Jo for forcefully than was necessary, running her hands through her hair. 'It is most definitely not okay; you don't know what he's capable of,' she cried. 'But I can't get out. I was too much of a coward when I met him; I couldn't say no. Good God, why didn't I say no?' Her eyes swam with tears unbefitting of her lifestyle. She was ashamed of herself in every possible way; for every decision she had made; for every tear she had shed; for every mark she killed; for every time she entered into that bedroom, allowing herself to fall victim to his horribly suave, yet painfully irresistible advances. She was ashamed of the thrill she got knowing he owned her, that she was his. That wasn't love, it was possession; but she couldn't tell the difference right now.

Juanita didn't say anything, nor did Jo expect her to; how could you possibly respond in this situation? Jo just stood there, hunched over the empty bar, balling her eyes out. She was grateful for Juanita's comfort; all she needed at this point was a friendly ear, someone to just stand there without judgment. She finally composed herself enough to speak;

'You must think I'm such a mess,' there was a slight pause as Juanita pulled her arm and made Jo face her.

'I think you're human,' she said, laying a comforting hand on Jo's shoulder, 'and that's okay.'

'I just… I just don't know what to do,' said Jo weakly. Juanita smiled in an understanding sort of way.

'I think you need to keep quiet for a while, just until you can settle back down. If this guy is as dangerous as you say he is, being honest with him is not something you would want to do right now. Be patient, give him time; eventually maybe he'll fall in love with you too.'

This is why Jo had a lot of time for Juanita; she never questioned, she never pushed. She never told Jo what to feel, or what to do. She was like the voice of reason in Jo's head when her own was absent.

Of course she couldn't tell Juanita the truth about Crowley, about why he could never love her. But she was right all the same; it would not do for Crowley to be enlightened on her feelings at this point. She just needed to suck it up, and focus on the business side of their arrangement or it would be too difficult.

Someone came through the front door, forcing them both to compose themselves enough to serve their first customer for the day. Jo, still a mess, retreated to the bathroom to clean up a touch, leaving Juanita to play bartender. Reaching the mirror she assessed her features; her eyes were slightly blotchy, though not as bad as she imagined, but her cheeks were thoroughly flushed. Splashing her face with water, she overheard the conversation between Juanita and the customer.

'I need to speak with Harvelle.' That was Crowley's voice. What was he doing back so soon? And why was he here, during the day of all times? Oh God, Jo thought to herself, come on girl, pull it together. Content with the state of her very recently crying face, she entered the bar.

'What's wrong?' She asked, looking concerned.

'The situation we were dealing with in Eau Claire,' he said, clearly skating around the topic for the benefit of Juanita, 'is here. Now. Come with me.' She didn't think twice; grabbing her personal belongings she made to leave the bar.

'Wait, Jo. What's going on? Are you sure about this?' It was Juanita.

'I have to go. I'll only be an hour.'

'Jo-'

'Juanita! I'll be fine,' she reassured her friend, putting on her jacket. She nodded as Jo walked around the bar to swiftly leave with behind Crowley. As they entered the street, she pressed for more details.

'Where're we going?' She asked ferverently.

'North 36th.' She stopped dead in her tracks.

'But that's only two streets away!' She replied, frightened. 'What the blood hell is he doing here?'

'I don't know, but that's why we,' he forcibly pulled her arm to make her continue walking, 'need to get there now.'

'There were no signs though.'

'Looks like our buddy is better at covering his tracks than we thought.'

Less than thirty seconds later they arrived at the scene. An Asian man had been thrown through a third floor building window to his death. Jo crouched down, turning the man over. He had a gunshot wound through his back; looks like the fall didn't kill him after all.

'Racial vilification?' She asked Crowley.

'No.'

'Then how do you know it's our guy?' She asked, looking up at him, but finding him missing. Rolling her eyes, she returned to the man's body, pulling a wallet out of his pants. Edison Tuong, but his driver's license was from New York. Looks like he was hauled here demonically.

Crowley appeared in front of her. 'Sulfur in the apartment,' he said, spreading the fine powder across his hand. She looked back down at the body and frowned.

'There haven't been any electrical storms anywhere across the eastern states; it's not like a demon can just change the way the earth reacts to their presence.'

'They can if they possess someone fast enough, if they have a specific target in mind rather than openly searching for a suitable one. Storms are the consequence of a prolonged exposure of demons in their primitive form, not the one they assume once they affix with a vessel.' She raised her eyebrows in surprise at his complete openness. He looked at her curiously.

'What's with the look Harvelle?'

'I'm always shocked when you enlighten me on anything to do with a case.'

'Well, get used to it then. This isn't a normal case, and Hastur isn't a normal mark. Hey, what's that?' Crowley asked, pointing to a slip of paper in the man's breast pocket. Jo carefully pulled it out, finding it unfolding into a map. The city of Lincoln, Nebraska was circled, with an address and a time for the following week notated under it.

'Location of his next resurfacing?' She asked, handing the map up to Crowley.

'Or, it's a trap,' he replied. She registered that his take on the newfound lead was probably more accurate.

'Well, regardless, if there's a chance he'll be there we need to go.' She said, standing up finally, dusting off her jeans. He sneered.

'How unlike you to be so trigger-happy.'

'I won't take the risk of people getting hurt. And besides, it's clearly important to you so…' she trailed off, immediately wishing she hadn't spoken the second the words escaped. He threw her a dangerous look she couldn't quite read, but softened back to his usual hard self within seconds, making her wonder if she had imagined it in the first place. There was a silence.

'I guess it's time I call the Winchesters.' She said, and he nodded.

'Keep me posted,' he replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket and walking away. She, in turn, pulled her own cell out to notify the authorities of another horrific murder.

She didn't bother returning to work that night, the bar was dead and she had things to do at home. But the minute she saw another three bills in her mailbox she regretted that decision. It was definitely going to be a tight month.

Walking through the door with the envelopes in her mouth to free up her hands, she threw her handbag and jacket on the couch and placed the very unwelcome statements on the desk. Great, she thought, that's another $250 I'll never see again. Sometimes she debated whether it was really worth having heating.

'You promised me you wouldn't change.'

Her heart dropped to somewhere near her feet. Shit shit shit shit shit shit, she cursed to herself. She still had her back to him, and her knuckles whitened as she desperately clung to the desk to prevent her legs from buckling under her. So he knew? Bloody hell, of course he did. She could feel the white-hot tears stinging her eyes, and it took every fiber of her being to force them back.

'I-I don't know what you're talking about,' she stammered, knowing her reply was weak. Feeling as though she had enough composure to face him, she turned around, attempting to stare him down. She knew, however, that he saw straight through her.

He looked down and shook his head, saying more to himself, 'I knew this would happen.' He turned away from her.

'Knew what would happen?' She asked in reply, moreso to save face than anything.

'You know exactly what I'm talking about. You let your messy, complicated, deal-destroying emotions get in the way of business.' His voice was filled with disgust, offending her to her very core. How dare he come and spit such vile contempt at her. Juanita was right, she was only human for crying out loud!

'No, you know what?' She asked, stepping towards him, 'I put up with your shit every single day. I do what you want, when you want, and say very little to the contrary,' he scoffed but she ignored him, 'and so for you to stand there and get all high and mighty about my feelings for you, which, for your information you have very much fostered after the other night, when you were so disappointed after I placed rules on our coital arrangements is so goddamn hypocritical it borders on ridiculous.

'This is a two-way relationship Crowley. Yes, I said relationship,' she added after he shot her a vile look, 'because that's what this has become. I can't just wake up each day, knowing my life has been given to a demon without allowing myself to at least believe I can take some small emotive pleasure from it all.

'I. am. human.' She finished. He was quiet for a minute; she could almost hear the gears churning in his head as he thought of his next retort. Finally, he spoke;

'How often do I grant you lenience?' He asked, quite calmly. The question was so unexpected she was thoroughly taken aback.

'What?'

'How often, particularly when the deal was first made, do I grant you lenience?' He asked again.

'Never. If you did we wouldn't be having this discussion.' She was surprised at how calm she was as well. He nodded.

'Exactly. So, do you really think I'd have accepted your rules, in turn granting you concessions, if I had not though them necessary to keep our arrangement explicitly formal? I have told you that I am perfectly satisfied with the direction of our agreement, yet you still push the idea that you have some form of control here. You don't, sweetheart. You still seem to fail at grasping this simple fact; I get what I want from you, when I want. It has always been that way,' his words were steadily getting more heated, 'if I want to touch you, I will touch you; If I want to kiss you, I will kiss you; If I want you to get down on your knees in front of me, you will do. as. I. say!'

'So if that's true, then why did you allow me to bargain with you four nights ago huh? If I am bound in servitude to such an extent, why even bother?' She returned, her cheeks flushing with apoplexy.

'Because frustratingly you seem to have cottoned onto the fact that you are more valuable to me alive than dead, and so I gave you what you wanted this once, but,' in retaliation to her building retort he pressed on, 'you are not so valuable that I can't and won't resort to more extreme means to get what I want!' He threatened.

'YOU CAN'T DO THIS!' She was screaming now, furiously running her hands through her hair. 'You can't just expect this arrangement to continue as per usual! THIS ISN'T FAIR!'

'You know what sweetheart, life isn't fucking fair. Not even close. I warned you, as soon as you brought up your goddamn bargain that this is how it was. Any issues you have with our continued meetings are to be dealt with alone. I have no sympathy and I have no patience for this kind of pathetic weakness. Deal with it, or spend a hell of a lot of time dwelling on feelings I. can't. reciprocate!

'Either way, in two nights time, you will come to me and share my bed willingly, regardless of where your head is at!'

They stood there, hate's eyeball-to-eyeball race sending sparks through the thick air.

She blinked, and he vanished. Typically.

She fell to the floor in a heap, sobbing. So many times over the past few months she believed she had hit rock bottom, but somehow her hole kept getting deeper. The man she freely admitted to herself that she loved merely days ago had just proverbially beaten her to the ground. Nothing could compare to this.

How could she have allowed this to happen? How could she allow it to go this far? She'd let him suck her in, only to have him spit her back out.

Goddamnit girl, you're Jo Harvelle! Pull yourself together!

She wouldn't let him win. She couldn't.

Her tears slowly subsided, and she was able to pull herself into a standing position. Somehow, she had managed to pull the rest of herself together as well.

If there is one thing Crowley has taught her it's the value of power. He proved to have an incapacitating amount over her, but the time has come for a leadership spill. He's not going to get away with this.

Not this time.

A/N

Suuup!

So I've been writing again! Yay!

Actually, I just finished work, so this is 2am. I started writing this chapter about a week ago, and just finished it. I haven't got my roommate to beta it yet 'cause she's away, so if you find any mistakes, give me a buzz and I'll get rid of them.

Title thanks to Faust as well of course! Very fitting, considering Crowley tore Jo's world to pieces in the end. Perhaps. Slight cliffhanger? Yeah. Sorry. Or not so much. I'm really not a nice person :-P.

Also, the snippet of Faust in the beginning is really an extension of the quote "The Devil is an egoist I know: And, for Heaven's sake, 'tis not his way, Kindness to anyone to show", and I deemed it appropriate for the rest of the paragraph to be included. Mostly because it fits in really well with the situation.

BTW, I feel as though I need to apologise. You guys seem to want a nice Crowley.

Please keep in mind he is not nice. He is never nice. He's a demon and therefore is out to benefit only himself.

I haven't decided if I'll allow him to soften a bit later on, but it looks doubtful.

DON'T HATE ME :-/. It had to be done. The story needs to progress.

But as a peace offering, I will include more smut later on. I just really enjoyed it last time; I loved the challenge.

I'm now realizing that the political term "leadership spill" is very Australian. Basically it means people voting out their leader to spill their blood, so to speak (in Australia, only elected officials from the party in question can do it. Happened last year to Kevin Rudd. That's why we now have a female PM. Yes, this shit happens here. Kevin Rudd just sucked that much.). In relation to the story, Jo wants to overturn Crowley and upset the balance of power. Woo!

Also, I'm heading away for other work in a few weeks, but I'll hopefully get another chapter up before then! I don't know how much time I'll get when I'm there is all. And then I have 3 uni essays due when I get back to C-berra… gah! Moral of the story; DON'T BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW!

Also, I think I abuse the A/N section. I should really stop doing that. Really, this is like a page long in Word.

Your reviews have been amazing. You guys keep me writing, which has never really happened with a fic before.

So KUDOS TO YOU!

Ash out!

-thesolitaryone-

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