Summary: After forgetting half of a cupcake on his desk overnight, Tsuzuki returns to work the next morning to discover he has accidentally invited some unwanted guests.

Genre: Humor

Character: Tsuzuki Asato

Rating: K+

Words: 3,214

Author's Note: The idea for this fic came one night a while back at the dinner table. For an odd reason I can't remember, I began pretending my finger was an ant and started talking for it. My sister said it sounded like I was writing a fanfiction, and the first person I thought of that would cause such a thing was Tsuzuki. Being the dork I am, I had to write it. So, here it is.

It was a day just like any other; the sun was shining, the cherry blossom trees were in bloom, and Tsuzuki was late for work. It wasn't that he had taken too long to get ready (in fact, he had rushed through even breakfast), or that his alarm clock hadn't gone off. The reason for him being late was simply because he hit the snooze button a few too many times, which wasn't unusual for him. He was halfway out the door when he realized he had forgotten his keys, ran back in, searched around frantically for them, found them underneath the kitchen table where they had presumably fallen, ran back out the door, locked it, and headed to work. A glance at his watch told him he was going to be twenty minutes late, which also meant that Tatsumi was going to cut that out of his paycheck.

The secretary didn't even bother yelling at Tsuzuki for being late anymore, he simply took out whatever money he would have made in that time before handing Tsuzuki the paycheck. It actually did work, to a degree, when Tsuzuki figured out one day that, with the money he was losing by showing up late or taking too long of a lunch break, he could be having a couple more slices of apple pie and an extra cinnamon roll a week. Of course, this didn't completely solve the problem; when Tsuzuki was tired, he wasn't thinking about the money he was losing, just about the sleep he was losing and sometimes hit the snooze button anyway.

When Tsuzuki finally arrived at the office, Tatsumi seemed to be waiting for him.

"Good morning, Tatsumi!" Tsuzuki said in his usual cheerful tone despite the annoyed expression on Tatsumi's face.

"This morning is far from good, Tsuzuki." The secretary replied, a threatening tone in his voice and added stress on his fellow Shinigami's name.

Tsuzuki's cheery outlook fell a couple levels. Tatsumi was angry at him for something, which he assumed was for being late. "Ah, I'm sorry, Tatsumi! I was just so tired, and I didn't realize what time it was and-"

"Do you remember leaving half of a cupcake on your desk before leaving work last night, Tsuzuki?"

A half-eaten cupcake? Oh, so that's where it went. He had remembered eating half the cupcake, getting up to turn in his paperwork, then, when he went to finish it, couldn't seem to find it and assumed he had eaten it all already. It wasn't unusual for him to go to eat something, only to realize he had already done so, much to his disappointment, so he hadn't even thought on it. "Oh, yes, I think I did. I thought I had eaten it all but I guess not. Why do you ask?"

"Why do I ask? Why don't you take a look down by your feet!"

Confused, but not wanting to disobey Tatsumi, Tsuzuki looked down on the floor. It didn't take him long before he spotted what he assumed Tatsumi wanted him to see: a line of small, black ants marching by them and deeper into the building. Before Tsuzuki could even say anything, Tatsumi continued speaking.

"That's right, ants. The building is now infested with them because you left food out!"

"Why don't you just get rid of the cupcake then? Won't that make them go away?"

Tatsumi appeared to only be slightly less angry about the situation than he would have been if he had just been told they were receiving a budget cut. "No, it won't. Do you know why? It's because they found food elsewhere, mainly in your office, and now they are all over the place!"

"Is Tsuzuki here?" A voice called out from somewhere behind Tatsumi. A moment later, Hisoka appeared beside him, looking no more pleased than the secretary.

Tsuzuki grinned. "Hisoka! Good mor- OW!" His greeting was cut short as his partner hit him upside the head rather harshly.

"You idiot! Our office is crawling with ants now, and there are too many to get rid of! I am not working with bugs creeping all over the place!"

"It was an accident!"

"How do you accidentally forget half of a cupcake on the desk?!"

"I thought I had eaten it all."

"Either way," Tatsumi cut in, pushing his glasses up that gave a dangerous gleam when the light caught them, "the building is infested and we need to get it clean. We may have to get an exterminator."

Hisoka raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you want to do that? It'll be costly."

Tatsumi laughed a laugh that sent a shiver down Tsuzuki's spine. "I won't be the one paying for it. It will all be coming out of Tsuzuki-san's paycheck."

"Of course...but then the place is going to stink like bug poison, and we can't work in that all day."

"Hmm...you do have a point there, Kurosaki. We can't very well let everyone have the day off while the building airs out..."

"I have the solution! I have the solution!"

Tatsumi sighed as he heard one of the last voices he wanted to hear at the moment: Watari's. "Watari, please, this isn't the time for your unusual experiments."

Watari huffed. "You don't even know what it is yet! And it happens to be the perfect time! You can't get the ants out, and I have a solution! I call it, the Ant Annihilator 3426!" At this, Watari held out what looked like a mechanical anteater. It was three and a half feet long, approximately half the size of what a real giant anteater would be. It had what appeared to be small cameras for eyes, and it's snout was segmented for proper movement.

"Why 3,462?" Hisoka asked. He was used to Watari coming up with odd things (though, compared to the others, this one actually seemed normal), but it was the most random number the wannabe scientist had used yet.

Watari grinned. "Because that is what I calculated it's max capacity to be: 3,462 small ants. Besides, it sounds cool."

"Okay...then how does it work?"

"Well, first it gives off the aroma of food to attract all the ants in the area. Since the only opening is through the snout, that's where they go to. Once they get close enough, special lasers sense the movement and the vacuum is activated. The little cameras in the eyes seek out the ants and the machine chases after them, sucking them all up! Isn't it brilliant?!"

As usual, Watari's owl, 003, was the only other person besides Watari himself who seemed at all excited. He sat on Watari's shoulder, hooting and clapping his wings together, praising Watari for his invention.

Tatsumi wasn't sure what to say. He was torn between scolding Watari for wasting money on such crazy inventions and actually giving him a chance. The only reason he was even considering the latter was because it actually sounded like a somewhat decent idea. Provided this invention of his actually worked (which Tatsumi believed unlikely), it would be a good alternative to hiring somebody to come in and take care of the infestation.

"How long does it take?" Tatsumi asked.

Watari beamed, ecstatic that Tatsumi seemed to be actually considering letting him try his invention. In fact, such a thing was unprecedented. "It shouldn't take long at all! Much better than spending money to have somebody else take care of it, right Tatsumi?" He grinned, using Tatsumi's hatred of spending money to get the secretary to agree to the invention.

Tatsumi sighed. "Alright, fine. We'll see what it can do."

"Follow me!" Watari turned around, his invention still in his arms, and marched to Tsuzuki and Hisoka's office, where the infestation was the worst.

Once they got there, Hisoka refused to enter. He stopped at the doorway, cringing as he spotted what was left of the cupcake, the entire thing covered in black ants to the point where the food's identity would have been a mystery had he not already known what it was. He looked over at Tsuzuki with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"You are never allowed to eat in our office again. Yes, that means no snacks between meals or munching chips while you do your paperwork. You always leave food stains on your papers anyway."

Tsuzuki frowned. Unfortunately, his classic puppy-dog-eyes look didn't win Hisoka over nearly as easily as it did Tatsumi, so he'd have to try really hard to come up with something to get Hisoka to change his mind later...if that was even possible at this point.

Watari set his Ant Annihilator 3426 down on Tsuzuki's desk and pressed a button near the back of the machine's neck. Its eyes flashed yellow as the device sprang to life, its snout wiggling to the side in a way that was surprisingly close to that of a real ant eater. It made a couple small beeping sounds, then stood still. Since the ants were already occupied with a sweet treat, they didn't bother to move toward the scent of food emanating from the machine. A couple that were not on the cupcake, however, began crawling over. One crawled into its snout, the bottom tip of which was just touching the desk, and the machine beeped again, then the vacuum was activated. The ant was sucked up, along with the few other ants within range. The ant eater then began walking slowly forward, taking one step at a time, sucking up the ants in the area, then moving ever closer to the ant-covered cupcake. Once it was close enough, it raised its mechanical snout and began sucking up the ants on the cupcake. Unfortunately, the vacuum was a tad too strong, and it sucked up the rest of the cupcake as well. The cupcake was far too big for the snout, and was stuck to it as the vacuum kept trying to suck it up. A moment later, there was a small popping noise. The cupcake fell to the ground as the machine turned off. Watari walked over and pressed the button again, but it made no response.

"Hmmm...seems it has broken. But, not to worry, I can fix it in no time! Just a simple error on my part."

Tatsumi had his forehead resting against his fingers, the elbow of his arm propped up on his other hand, eyes closed in agitation. "Of course." He mumbled to nobody in particular, "I should have known better."

Watari grabbed his Ant Annihilator 3426 and ran out the door. "I'll be back in a few minutes!" He yelled on his way out.

Hisoka sighed. "Great. Now what?"

"This is your fault, Tsuzuki-san." Tatsumi said, barely turning to face Tsuzuki. "You should be the one figuring out what to do."

"Ah....uh..." Tsuzuki stared at the cupcake, which was being reclaimed by more ants. "What if we leave more food outside of the door and clean up all the food in here? Then they will all move outside!"

Hisoka restrained himself from hitting Tsuzuki again. "No, Tsuzuki, that would only attract more ants from outside, and then they, too, would wander inside.

"We may have no choice...but to hire an exterminator and take the rest of the day off..." Tatsumi managed to mutter, albeit very reluctantly.

The youngest stared at the secretary in disbelief. "Tatsumi-san...you can't be serious!"

"I know, Kurosaki-kun, but I fear there is no other alternative. Watari's inventions are unreliable, and I can't think of any other solution that wouldn't take all day."

"No, Tatsumi-san! You mustn't give up! There has to be another way!"

Tatsumi shook his head. "It's okay, Kurosaki-kun...I...I have to accept the fact it's our only viable solution. Our budget will take a hit...but it will be fine, because it will all come out of Tsuzuki-san's paycheck."

"But what about payment for the rest of us? We can't work today if you do that!"

"That, too, will have to come from Tsuzuki's paycheck. It seems he will be working for free for a couple weeks."

"No, Tatsumi-san, you don't understand! If we do that, then Tsuzuki won't be able to afford any food, so he'll be at my house asking me to feed him and to give him a place to stay when his electricity gets shut off."

"I'm sorry, Kurosaki-kun, but, as his partner, that is a sacrifice you will ha-"

"He'll be at your house too when I run out of food for him."

Tatsumi was silent for a moment. "Tsuzuki not being paid for a few weeks will be a problem. We may just have to put up with ants until we can figure out what to do."

Hisoka shuddered. "You want us to sit around with ants crawling all over the place? I can't work like that! And I have to stay in this office! Take it out of my pay if you have to, I am not working with ants all over the place."

Tsuzuki's face brightened. "Hisoka, you'd help pay it for me?"

Hisoka's glare erased the grin as faster than it had appeared. "Help pay it for you? Hah! I'd only do it so I don't have to work in a building infested with ants! You'd owe me big time!"

"So mean!" Tsuzuki pouted.

"Mean? You are the reason we have to go through this to begin with! You want mean? I'll show you mean!"

Tsuzuki's lower lip trembled. "I'm sorry, I really am! I'll pay for it if you want, please don't be mad! I'm sorry!"

His partner's pouting had not softened Hisoka's gaze. Tatsumi, however, was affected. He bit his lower lip, not wanting to give in, but finding it hard to ignore that sad look Tsuzuki was giving them.

"Maybe we're being a bit harsh..."

"Tatsumi!" Tsuzuki grinned, brightening up.

"However," Once again, Tsuzuki's grin faded as Tatsumi continued, "it is still your fault, and you will have to remedy this situation somehow. If that boils down to you working overtime in order to pay off the debt, so be it."

Tsuzuki hung his head. "Yes, Tatsumi..." At least being in debt to Tatsumi wouldn't be nearly as bad as being in debt to Hakushaku was. Tatsumi actually wanted money, not Tsuzuki. Though, Tatsumi was scary when it came to money. It was the lesser of two evils. Tsuzuki could only hope being in debt to Tatsumi wouldn't be as bad. "Aren't there other ways to get rid of ants?" He asked in a desperate attempt to avoid working overtime.

"We might be able to find something online, actually." Hisoka said.

"Alright, let's go then!" Tsuzuki said, slightly hopeful, and began heading to his office when Hisoka grabbed his arm.

"Not our office, there are too many ants. We'll use Tatsumi's."

In Tatsumi's office, a Google search had brought up a list of possible ways to get rid of ants. Scrolling through them, Hisoka took note of all the ones that could possibly work. Unfortunately, that list was small.

"Lining the entryways won't work very well since the building is so large. The ants already know there is food in here, so even if we cut them off from our office, they will probably just roam around the rest of the building in search of food. We could leave cornmeal out for them. Apparently, they can't digest it and when they consume water after the cornmeal, the cornmeal swells inside their digestive organs and kills them."

Tsuzuki frowned. "That sounds a bit harsh, even for ants. It has to be painful."

Hisoka raised an eyebrow. "And killing them with poison isn't?"

"Are there any other ways?"

"Well, other than laying some bait down where they are gathering, it also lists leaving scents that ants don't like and pouring boiling water into their nest."

"Why don't we try all of them?" Tatsumi suggested. "If we can get them out but not have to take the day off, that will be perfect!"

Hisoka sighed and muttered, "Other than the fact we still have to work with them crawling everywhere until they are all taken care of."

About a half hour later, the Shinigami had laid various traps out for the ants. Small bowls of cornmeal were left at a few spots for them to consume along with a couple different ant poisons, and cinnamon, black pepper and bay leaves were also scattered about to deter ants due to the smell. Tatsumi even had Tsuzuki wipe down his desk and a few other surfaces with a 50% water and 50% vinegar solution, which was also said to deter ants due to the smell.

A couple of minutes after all the ant traps had been set out, Watari returned with his machine.

"I fixed it! Now presenting the Ant Annihilator 4039!"

Before anybody even got a chance to say anything, the mechanical engineer had turned his new machine on and let it go to work. Surprisingly to the others, it actually seemed successful. It walked about slowly, sucking up all the ants in its path. When it didn't break down in the first couple of minutes, Watari was ecstatic.

"Hah hah! Look at it go! Pretty soon, this place will be clean of ants!"

Tatsumi watched the machine for a moment, then turned to Tsuzuki and Hisoka. "Well, I believe we can get back to work now. The ants will be taken care of, and your office will be cleaned first, so you don't have to worry about working with bugs crawling around all day, Kurosaki-kun." The tone in Tatsumi's voice was enough to tell Hisoka that he would take no more complaining, despite his polite words. "And, Tsuzuki-san, in order to make sure we completely get rid of the ants, you are to spend the day cleaning all of our offices and leaving not a crumb or sticky spot anywhere. After that you can worry about your paper work."

Tsuzuki groaned, but didn't dare argue, afraid that Tatsumi would further cut his already diminishing paycheck. "Yes, Tatsumi..."

The secretary grinned. "Good. Now, I have my own work to get done. It's bad enough we wasted over an hour." With that, he turned around and headed to his office. Hisoka waited until Watari's Ant Annihilator 4039 was out of the way, then took a seat at his desk, glancing around every so often to make sure there were no ants around. Tsuzuki, meanwhile, began the task of cleaning, starting with his and Hisoka's office. His partner refused to talk to him, which certainly didn't make cleaning any more interesting. And to think, after he was done with that, Tsuzuki still had to do his regular work.

It was going to be a long day.