Summary: Tsuzuki has made a decision, but he can't go without seeing Hisoka one last time.

Rating: K+

Genre: Hurt/comfort/angst

Characters: Tsuzuki Asato, Kurosaki Hisoka

Words: 2,863

Author's Note: Also originally a songfic, I have rewritten this so that it includes only my own work. All lyrics have been removed. Inspired by the song "The Last Night" by Skillet.

As soon as Hisoka opens the door, he knows something is wrong. The despair is rolling off Tsuzuki in waves despite the smile on his face. He is trying his utmost to suppress the negative feelings too, but it still isn't enough to hide them from the Empath.

"Hey, Hisoka. Mind if I come in?"

Hisoka steps aside, letting his partner in and closes the door behind them.

"Tsuzuki, what's wrong?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing, I just wanted to come see you. I have nothing to do, so if you're not busy, I thought we could just hang out for a little while." The smile on his face never falters even though his purple eyes don't hold their usual sparkle.

For a moment, Hisoka simply looks at the older man, waiting for him to say something more. When he doesn't, Hisoka decides to leave it for the moment until they get situated. "Alright. I'll make some tea, make yourself comfortable."

As Tsuzuki goes to sit on the couch in the living room, Hisoka heads to the kitchen to heat up some water. While waiting for the water to boil, he gets the tea bags and a bottle of honey. Honey isn't something he often uses himself, but he knows Tsuzuki likes it in his tea so he keeps some around for times like these.

A few minutes later, the tea is ready, and Hisoka carries it into the living room on a tray along with the bottle of honey. He passes Tsuzuki a cup and the honey and keeps the other cup for himself.

"Thanks, Hisoka." Tsuzuki smiles as he pours some honey into his tea.

Hisoka shakes his head. "Why don't you have some tea with your honey?" He teases. With the amount Tsuzuki is using, he might as well just eat the honey straight from the bottle.

Tsuzuki chuckles, though it sounds hollow to him. He hopes Hisoka doesn't pick up on it. Now that the tea is nice and sweet, Tsuzuki takes a sip. Ah, perfect!

"Tsuzuki, are you okay?" Hisoka suddenly asks. His cup is still sitting on the table, completely ignored, his emerald eyes fixed on Tsuzuki's amethyst ones and filled with concern.

"I'm fine, really" Tsuzuki lies. In actuality, he is anything but fine. He is depressed again, much like that night in Kyoto. He'd thought about it a lot in the past couple of days, the impact his life has on everyone. It all came back to something negative. Hisoka had told him he needed him that night, and, at the moment, Tsuzuki had believed it, but now he is starting to wonder. He wants Hisoka to be happy and wants to protect him, but he isn't protecting Hisoka from his own depression. Being an Empath, Hisoka is so sensitive to Tsuzuki's feelings, and to see the hurt in his eyes every time he senses Tsuzuki is upset is too much. As close as they have gotten since the first time they met (Hisoka especially has become more open), sometimes Tsuzuki wonders if he should really stay partners with Hisoka. He can't help but feel that sometimes, it seems they are treading on thin ice, Tsuzuki trying not to let Hisoka catch any negative feelings or thoughts coming from him, and Hisoka trying not to do anything that would trigger Tsuzuki's depression. It is a delicate rope they have been walking, and Tsuzuki can't stand the fact he is hurting Hisoka. It isn't just his partner he is hurting either. He's hurt Tatsumi in the past, and he still did with the occasional slip-up. He won't be able to act happy forever.

Masks could only be worn so many times before they fell apart.

So he decided. After much thinking, he decided they would all be better off if he just isn't around. If he isn't there, he couldn't hurt them anymore. He couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

Tsuzuki has no reason to stay.

Of course, it is hard to go without seeing Hisoka one last time. He wants to say goodbye. Naturally, he isn't going to tell Hisoka that the goodbye he is going to give before leaving the house will be the last one, but he can't just leave otherwise. Tsuzuki is determined to put on his best smile for Hisoka tonight. It will be hard, but he wants their final time together to be enjoyable. He isn't going to let Hisoka's last memories of him include tears.

Hisoka shakes his head, fighting the urge to punch Tsuzuki. Why does he always have to hide? Can't Tsuzuki trust him? After all they've been through, Tsuzuki still feels like he can't talk to him? "You're lying to me. Tell me, Tsuzuki. I know something is wrong. Stop lying to me all the time and tell me the truth!"

Tsuzuki is silent. He stares into the tea cup, his thoughts unreadable.

"Tsuzuki..."

Finally, he looks up and smiles. "Sorry, Hisoka. I've just been a little upset lately. That's why I wanted to come over, I figured it'd make me feel better." Another lie.

At least now they are getting somewhere. Hisoka's gaze softens, but he isn't ready to let up. "I'm listening, you know. You can talk to me about it."

"Ah, I don't want to ruin your night. It's okay, I'll be fine. Want to play a game or something?"

Hisoka clenches his fists. Why can't Tsuzuki get it through his thick skull that he wants to listen?! How can he be of help if he doesn't even know what is going on? "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I want to know what is going on? You always say that you want to help me, but you never let me help you and I'm sick of it! How can I be your partner- hell, how can I even be your friend if you never tell me what's going on?!" Hisoka yells, slamming his hands down on the coffee table and accidentally spilling his tea.

Tsuzuki averts his eyes to the fallen cup and reaches to help clean it up. Hisoka freezes when he gets a glance of his partner's wrist. His watch is slightly askew, failing to completely cover up one of the marks Tsuzuki always keeps hidden. The thing is, this one isn't quite a scar yet. Considering Tsuzuki's advanced healing compared to that of a normal, living person, it looks new.

"Tsuzuki, let me see your hand."

The older man quickly withdraws, knowing what Hisoka has seen and trying to slip his way out of the situation.

"My hand? What do you need that for?"

"Dammit, Tsuzuki, just give me your hand!" Without another warning, Hisoka reaches over and grabs Tsuzuki's wrist. Everything Tsuzuki is feeling comes crashing into him all at once.

Pain, despair, desolation, sorrow...all of it comes rushing at Hisoka, crushing him and making it nearly impossible to breathe. Memories of tears, images of blood. A pair of sapphire eyes peeking through lenses, filled with regret. Bright green eyes brimming with tears. A young woman screaming out in agony. Voices chanting the same words, "You aren't supposed to exist." The feeling of absolute worthlessness. Hisoka feels as if he has just been buried alive under 6 feet of concrete, except there is nobody on the ground above grieving for him. While he is in this dark solitude, the world outside is bright.

Tsuzuki freezes as Hisoka grabs his wrist. There is no hiding his feelings from Hisoka now. The Empath was sure to find everything Tsuzuki has buried these past few days. He can't stop the images and thoughts from appearing in his mind and flowing to Hisoka either. He can see it in his partner's pained expression.

It all comes rushing back, everyone he has ever hurt, everyone that has been killed because of him, every time Tatsumi walked away because he couldn't stay with Tsuzuki, every time Hisoka was hurt because of his depression, everything that made him depressed in the first place.

He remembers the first time he cut himself back in his childhood. It was after one of the many times he had been bullied. Of course, he kept the bullying a secret the best he could. He didn't want the other children to hate him even more for telling on them. When he did tell his sister he had been bullied, he never gave names. After all, he just wanted to fit in with them, not be their enemy. After a while, however, the bullying had caught up with him. He'd lost his optimism, instead believing he could never fit in and that he'd always be hated by normal people, people who didn't have an eye color that wasn't seen in humans. When the cuts healed quickly, it only further reminded him about how different he was. Luckily for him, he was good at keeping the marks hidden. Nobody really suspected he was depressed- he had always been good at wearing a fake smile. An adult (who just happened to be one of the parents of the children who bullied Tsuzuki) had suspected that Tsuzuki was a bit upset, but figured it was just a phase and he'd get over it. Tsuzuki knew it was not so simple.

Hisoka releases Tsuzuki's wrist and stumbles back. For a moment, he says nothing, trying to catch his breath and prevent himself from collapsing. When he looks back up at Tsuzuki, he snaps.

"You IDIOT! How can you think that? How could you believe you can hide that from me?! How can you want to...want to..." He can't bring himself to speak the words. After everything that happened, Tsuzuki still wants to end his existence? Everything Hisoka has told him, all the trust and support he has given him, is it not enough? Is caring about him simply not good enough?

Tsuzuki looks down, refusing to meet Hisoka's eyes. "I'm sorry, Hisoka." His voice is strained, as if it is taking all his energy just to talk. "I just can't..."

"Can't what? Can't trust me? Can't believe that people care about you, that people want you in their lives?"

"It's not that simple!" Tsuzuki yells, raising his voice for the first time at Hisoka. When he realizes he yelled, he lowers his voice, further upset at himself for doing such a thing. "I can't keep relationships with anybody. Everybody I come into contact with is only hurt. People have died just because they saw me! The people I care about most are the ones I hurt the most. Just look at what I did to you now! It would be better...if I wasn't here to hurt anyone anymore."

Hisoka is trying his hardest to hold back tears. His fingernails are digging into his palms from clenching his fists as he tries to control his shaking. Tsuzuki is right about one thing: it hurts. It hurts more than anything to hear what Tsuzuki said, and it hurts even more to know he means it. What Tsuzuki is wrong about is that if he was gone, things would not be better. Not for Tatsumi, not for Hisoka, not for anybody.

"You're wrong, Tsuzuki. You think that if you were gone, my life would be better? You don't think losing you would hurt us more than anything else you could ever do? You always keep things bottled up." Hisoka's voice is cracking as he fights to keep it under control. "You sit and suffer alone, but you don't have to. Don't you know that it hurts me more to be left out and know you are suffering in silence than it would for you to just tell me and let me help you?"

Tsuzuki says nothing. He had been afraid of this. If he could have prevented Hisoka from touching him, things would be a bit easier, but all that is thrown to the wind now. He isn't going to be able to let Hisoka's last memory of him be a happy one. It isn't going to be easy at all to continue on.

Tsuzuki suddenly turns on his heel and runs out of the room, heading for the door.

"Tsuzuki!" Hisoka yells, chasing after him. He'll be damned if he is going to let Tsuzuki leave his house in this condition. He doesn't care if he has to tie the man down and beat him, he is not letting Tsuzuki do this.

Before Tsuzuki gets a chance to get the door open, Hisoka grabs his hand. It takes all he has to keep a firm grip on his partner without collapsing from the emotional overload, but he refuses to go down when Tsuzuki needs him the most.

"Tsuzuki...get...back here!" Hisoka demands, tugging at Tsuzuki with both hands and pulling him away from the door. When he finally gets Tsuzuki far enough from the door that Tsuzuki can no longer reach it, he spins the older man around to face him.

"I'm not going to let you do this. I don't care what you think. You can hate me forever, but you are not going to leave us." Hisoka's tone gets softer, pleading, "Please, Tsuzuki, just let me help...I'll do whatever it takes..."

Tsuzuki doesn't know what to say. His plan totally backfired, and now Hisoka is standing before him, tears ready to leak down his face any moment, holding his hand and begging him to just accept his help. Tsuzuki looks to the side, down at the ground, unable to face Hisoka.

"Hisoka...I..."

He stops as Hisoka touches his cheek, directing his gaze until he is staring into Hisoka's emerald eyes.

"Tsuzuki, I'm here for you. I always have been. You can tell me anything. I'm not going to think any less of you for it. I just want to know what is going on, exactly how you are feeling. I want to help make it better."

Hisoka releases his grip on Tsuzuki's hand and wraps his arms around his partner. "You're not alone, Tsuzuki. You're never alone."

Everything Tsuzuki had been feeling before, everything that had almost driven him to suicide again, is suddenly dissolved. It is impossible for him to walk away now. He can't push Hisoka away. He can only draw him closer as he returns the embrace.

"I'm sorry, Hisoka." He chokes, no longer able to hold in his emotions. It all spills out with the tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I'm sorry for-"

"Don't say that." Hisoka interrupts. He doesn't want to hear Tsuzuki apologize for being Tsuzuki. "Don't apologize, idiot. I like you the way you are, quirks and all. You aren't the hurtful burden you think you are. Just don't leave me out anymore. I want you to be able to tell me anything. I want to be the one you turn to when you need help. Whatever you need, I want to provide it."

The tears are flowing freely now, letting all of Tsuzuki's sorrow out, dropping onto Hisoka's shirt where they are absorbed. "But it's only going to happen again! I can't help it. It always happens, and I hate myself for it."

"Then just accept it instead of hating yourself for it and ask for help. We all get upset, Tsuzuki. Your problem is you try to hide it. If you don't want to hurt me, then don't do this to yourself. It won't hurt me if you ask for help, no matter how sad you are. In fact, it would make me happy to be able to help you. It only hurts when you keep it from me. You think there is no reason for you to stay, but you are wrong. If you can't find a reason, then let me give you one. I'll be your reason. If nothing else, stay for me."

Tsuzuki wonders if, in fact, the unconscious reason he had come to Hisoka in the first place had been exactly that. Was it the fact that he had wanted to say goodbye, or was it actually the fact he hoped that Hisoka really would make him feel better? Was his coming here an attempt to ask for help, despite what he told himself? After all, he couldn't protect Hisoka if he wasn't around.

Tsuzuki has found his reason to stay.

Hisoka withdraws his arms and looks into Tsuzuki's eyes again. "Don't ever think you have to leave." Tsuzuki closes his eyes as his Hisoka reaches up and wipes the tears from his partner's face. Tsuzuki has stopped crying now, his arms still loosely around Hisoka. His forehead is leaning against that of the younger, the tips of their noses touching. "Don't ever leave me." Hisoka whispers, his thumb tracing down from where he had wiped a tear away, following the path the others had taken, down Tsuzuki's cheek, stopping at his chin.

"I won't. I promise."