Summary: Tsuzuki finds a silly Valentine message generator online and decides to send one to Hisoka, but his innocent word choices create a not-so-innocent message...

Rating: K+

Genre: Humor

Characters: Tsuzuki Asato, Kurosaki Hisoka

Words: 1,330

Author's Note: The idea for this came about when I was playing around with the Valentine generator on Gaiaonline. I cosplay Tsuzuki on the site, and decided to fill one out to send to my friend's Hisoka cosplay. After I filed it out and it got sent, however, I realized the words I chose had been placed in...interesting spots to make for an...interesting Valentine. Nothing graphic, just normal, innocent words placed in a way that could give it a totally different meaning. The message that appears in this fic is exactly the message that I created, with the exception of the character's names replacing the usernames. As such, the message template belongs to Gaiaonline, but the word choices were all mine. Anyway, this is mainly for my Hisoka, who decided I should turn this into a little one-shot (which is why this is a week late, as the idea didn't come up until after). Enjoy!

It was half-past four, and Tsuzuki had finished his latest report. It was too early to call it quits for the day, but he didn't really feel like starting on something else either, so he decided to give himself a small break. He pulled up the internet browser on his computer to entertain himself with for a little while.

It was a couple days before Valentine's Day, so there were ads all over the place in relation to the holiday. Things like, "Get that special someone what they've always wanted" with a picture of a fancy electronic device, or a diamond ring with a box of chocolates. Mostly things that were way out of his price range, not that he was planning on buying anything fancy for anyone. He didn't have anyone to buy anything for anyway.

After a little browsing, he found something that caught his interest. It was some sort of Valentine generator. Apparently, it asked you to type in some random words, the name of whom it was to, the name of whom it was from, then you would type in the e-mail address of whomever you wanted to send it to, click send, then see the silly Valentine message you created after it sent to the e-mail address you provided. Figuring he would get a chuckle out of it, Tsuzuki decided to try it out.

A small window popped up, and he began filling in random words. The first thing it asked for was a noun. After thinking for a moment, Tsuzuki typed in "kitties". Next was an adjective. Sweet! Like apple pie! Tsuzuki typed "exciting" for another adjective, and "hop" for a verb. Next was a verb in present tense. How about "hugging"? Yes, hugging sounded good! After that was two adjectives. Tsuzuki looked around the room for more ideas. His eyes landed on the fish tank off in the corner. Wet! Now for a second one. He looked down at his desk. Hmmm...how about "hard"? Next up was another verb. For some reason, he thought of "whack", probably from the times Hisoka whacked him upside his head and called him an idiot, usually when he said something goofy that embarrassed Hisoka. That never stopped Tsuzuki from actually making the comments, however. Alright, next was a verb. Eating! Eating was always good. For a number, Tsuzuki picked nine. Lastly, it asked for an adverb. Hmmm..."hungrily"? Sure, that works.

With all the words filled out, Tsuzuki decided to send it to Hisoka, typed in his e-mail address, and hit "Send Valentine". Another window popped up, this time showing Tsuzuki the message he had just sent Hisoka. About halfway through reading it, his mouth dropped open. His innocent word choices hadn't made for the most innocent message. The way a couple of them were placed left it sounding rather suggestive and...dirty. Tsuzuki frantically searched for a way to stop the message from being sent, but there was no such option. Once it was sent, it was sent. Tsuzuki bit his lower lip and glanced over at Hisoka, fearing what the younger Shinigami would think of the message.

As an e-mail notification popped up on his screen, Hisoka finished typing his sentence, saved his work, and opened his e-mail. He sighed when he saw it was from Tsuzuki, but opened it up anyway. After the message opened, he read:

"Dear Hisoka,

When I think of you, I get kitties in my stomach. Though it makes me feel sweet, it's also exciting. Whenever we hop together, it feels like all the angels in heaven are hugging at once. How could one person make me feel simultaneously wet and hard with nothing but a bat of the eyelashes and a whack of the eye? I hope we can keep eating together for nine years.

hungrily yours,

Tsuzuki"

About halfway through the message, Hisoka felt his entire face turn red. He stared at the screen, unsure of what to think. Just what the hell was that supposed to mean?! As if it wasn't bad enough that Tsuzuki was sending him stupid Valentine's messages when they were supposed to be working, to say something like that?! If Tsuzuki thought he was being funny, then he was sorely mistaken. Hisoka was not amused in the least. He glanced over at his elder partner, who gave a nervous grin.

Not even wanting to be in the same room with Tsuzuki anymore, Hisoka got up from his chair and began walking out of their office.

"Hisoka! Hold on! I have to tell you something!" Tsuzuki said, standing up from his seat.

"I don't want to hear it!" Hisoka yelled, not stopping.

He was forced to stop, however, as Tsuzuki quickly moved from his spot and grabbed his wrist, talking so fast Hisoka couldn't even make out what he was saying.

"I said I don't want to hear it! That wasn't funny, Tsuzuki! It wasn't funny at all! Let me go!" He tried yanking his arm out of Tsuzuki's grip, but Tsuzuki wasn't letting go.

"No, you don't understand! It was an accident!"

"Accident? How could you accidentally send me that?!"

"It wasn't supposed to come out like that! It was a random Valentine's message generator thing I found online! I just typed in random words and it stuck them into a message, and I couldn't stop it from sending after I finished it! Please don't be mad at me, I swear I didn't mean it!"

Hisoka stopped and gave an aggravated sigh. Tsuzuki seemed sincere. Hisoka glanced over at him, something he realized he probably shouldn't have done, as Tsuzuki was looking at him with the eyes of a kicked puppy, a look that made it hard even for Hisoka to remain mad at Tsuzuki.

"Fine. But stop playing with that stupid generator and get back to work. It's bad enough that it's probably going to send me a bunch of spam now, don't need to give it everybody else's e-mail addresses too."

Tsuzuki looked incredibly relieved. "I'll stop, I'll stop!" He gave Hisoka a hug, which the latter shrugged off, then went back to his desk. After Hisoka had sat down, Tsuzuki glanced back over at him, then brought his attention back to his computer screen. A small smile formed on his lips.

A few minutes later, another e-mail notification appeared on Hisoka's screen. When he brought up his e-mail and saw it was once again from Tsuzuki, he was ready to throw the monitor at his stupid partner's head. Noticing it wasn't from the same website, however, he clicked it. The e-mail contained a little Valentine's card. On the top, written in fancy red text were the words, "Will you be my Valentine?" Underneath was the message:

"I'm really sorry about that last Valentine, I just wanted to give you a little laugh, but that didn't work out right. Can you forgive me for that last one and accept this one? =)"

Hisoka glanced over at Tsuzuki, who was giving him a hopeful little smile.

"Just for fun?"

Though Tsuzuki said it was just for fun, Hisoka sensed another underlying intention. It wasn't anything creepy or even unwanted. It was a purely innocent, happy sort of feeling. Hisoka wondered how serious Tsuzuki actually was about asking Hisoka to be his Valentine. "Alright...I accept. Just...no more Valentines messages."

Tsuzuki chuckled. "No more Valentines messages." Hisoka was about to turn around to go back to his work when Tsuzuki spoke again, "Hisoka?"

"What?"

"Thanks."

Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what he was thanking him for. It seemed more than just his forgiveness for the Valentine message gone wrong. Whatever it was, Tsuzuki was grateful for it, and his smile was contagious. Hisoka couldn't help but give him a small grin in return.

"No problem."