Summary: Watari gets what he believes to be a very clever idea from the stories that horrified Tsuzuki, Hisoka and Tatsumi.

Rating: T

Genre: Parody/Humor

Characters: Watari Yutaka

Words: 3,666

Author's Note: A sequel to When Google Gives You Lemons. As before, this is not intended to make fun of anybody or anybody's fanfictions. It is simply to entertain the idea of Watari being inspired by fanfiction for one of his newest crazy experiments. Thanks to EggDropSoup for reading over it for me first, as I was unsure whether or not to post it. :3 And, of course, thanks to my reviewers!

The idea was crazy. Pulling such a thing off would be nearly impossible. But, Watari was considered by some to be crazy, and there was nothing he loved more than a good challenge.

The self-proclaimed scientist was currently sitting in front of one of his computer screens, staring at the page of stories on his web browser. He had heard from Tsuzuki that stories were being written about them, many involving romantic and/or sexual relations between at least two characters, and, of course he had to check them out. Simply out of curiosity, of course. While doing so, he had come upon an interesting term: M-preg. Upon further research, he discovered it was short for male pregnancy, something that was completely impossible due to biology. If there was one thing that woman could do and men couldn't, it was to birth a baby. This fact didn't seem to prevent the idea from being written about, however. It was clearly something many people thought about, based on the stories he was finding. As much as finding this website of stories to begin with horrified Tsuzuki, Tatsumi and Hisoka, Watari found it intriguing. What if men could give birth? It would require immense amounts of nearly impossible science, but, perhaps, it could be made possible. After all, Watari was working on his sex-change potion, and this idea wasn't so far off. In fact, such research could even help him in his ultimate goal of completely changing the male body to a female body. It would be a sort of half-change, with the subject obtaining only the parts necessary for carrying a baby. Of course, without a full-gender change, a C-section would be required, but that was not a problem. Then, he would be one step closer to a full-gender change! Not to mention the huge leap in science it would be. It was brilliant!

The biggest problem, of course, would not be creating the potion that would cause the change, but actually putting it to use. It would be difficult enough finding a willing participant, but Shinigami's bodies didn't change. Even female Shinigami could not have babies. The mother's body simply wouldn't change to accommodate the child. Whether or not the child itself would be able to grow was unknown. Watari assumed it would be part of a Shinigami's genetics to have a body that never ages that would then be passed on to the child, thus making it impossible to grow, but there was no proof of such a thing. Still, he would have to look into it. He couldn't do such a test on a living human, only a fellow Shinigami would be allowed without facing horrendous consequences. So, not only did Watari have to make it possible for a male to bear a child, but for a Shinigami's body be able to change to accommodate the child, and for the child to be able to grow. This was going to be the most difficult task Watari ever had to- and probably ever would- face, which, in his mind, made it all the more appealing.

-xxxxxxxxxx-

"Yes! I've got it!" Watari exclaimed before emitting a laugh a bit too similar to that of a maniac. It had been months since the idea first came to him, and he had been working diligently on it ever since, but he was convinced he had finally concocted a formula that would allow men to bear babies. His excessive research and experimentation had, luckily, gone unnoticed by Tatsumi, who had been too busy trying to track down and sue those who had posted stories to the website (though the secretary's efforts had so far been in vain, which was making him increasingly annoyed and borderline crazy). Now, he just had to test it, and he had an idea of who he could go to...

"Hey, Tsuzuki! Hey, bon!"

"Will you stop calling me that? I'm not a kid!" Hisoka growled, glaring at the enthusiastic blond Shinigami standing in the doorway to his and Tsuzuki's office.

"You're right, you aren't a kid anymore, just a force of habit, since you are still the youngest among us."

"What do you want, Watari?" The empath asked in an unpleasant tone.

"How do you feel about children? You like them, right? At least, I know Tsuzuki does."

Tsuzuki looked at Watari curiously. "I love children, but why do you ask?"

"Well, Tsuzuki, I have a proposition for you. It'll sound crazy, but I can make it totally possible! How would you like to get Hisoka pregnant?"

There was a combination of sputtering as Hisoka spit out his tea and Tsuzuki choked on his pastry.

"Get Hisoka what?"

"Pregnant! You know, have a kid! You said you always wanted to have a kid!"

"I'm not a woman!" Hisoka yelled. "And just what are you implying?"

"I know you aren't a woman, that's the whole point!"

"Why me?"

Watari shrugged. "You two are really the only couple it'd work for. Tsuzuki did say he wanted a kid, but he doesn't have a proper diet to sustain a baby. You eat healthier, so you'd have the kid!" Though, thinking about it, Hisoka didn't have the best overall health, and he was awfully skinny. Maybe Tsuzuki should be the one to carry it instead? "Well, I guess we could reverse it and Tsuzuki could be the one to get pregnant instead. Doesn't matter too much to me either way."

Hisoka was getting increasingly flustered the more Watari talked. "What do you mean we're the 'only couple'? Stop acting like we're...we're married or something!"

"Oh, come on. Don't pretend like you two aren't together, it's obvious! Anyway, yeah, I need you guys to try this out for me."

"I amNOT going to let you give me some weird experiment to make me...make me...pregnant!" Hisoka spit out the last word as if it was some horrible curse- which, in Hisoka's opinion, it would be. Not only was it completely unnatural for a man to have a baby, but the thought of having a growing being inside of him and leeching off of him was rather unappealing. "That's not even possible, I don't care what you think you can do."

Watari huffed. "I'm aware it isn't possible...naturally, hence my experiment! Think about it! You can have your own nice little family!"

"So experiment on yourself." Hisoka growled. It was taking all he had not to strangle Watari.

"But I can't! I don't have a partner! It's designed to occur as naturally as possible, so it won't work with just one person. Besides, an offspring requires two sets of DNA. Like I said, you two are the only pair that it'd work for. Terazuma is with Kannuki, and Tatsumi doesn't have a partner either. Even if he did, I wouldn't ask him, because any and all expenses for the baby he'd drain straight out of my paycheck."

"Where did you even get this idea?"

"That website with those stories about us!"

Tsuzuki and Hisoka both wore a similar look of horror on their faces.

"There are stories about us getting pregnant?" Tsuzuki said, terrified that the stories were worse than he had originally realized.

"Yep! Most of them are about you two, actually. Not that that's why I chose you- it's just because you're the best candidates."

Hisoka fought to keep his voice at a normal level. "Watari, you have 5 seconds to get out before I start experimenting on ways to kill a Shinigami."

With a sigh, the scientist held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, fine, I'll leave you alone for now. But, think about it, Tsuzuki! Yipe!" He barely had time to move out of the way as a paperholder flew at his head. He retreated quickly, narrowly avoiding further assaults from Hisoka.

"Ridiculous." Hisoka muttered to himself as he sat back down to resume his paperwork. Out of all the absurd things for Watari to come up with, he wanted to try male pregnancy, and had the nerve to ask him to be the guinea pig? And, as if that wasn't bad enough, the implications Watari was making about him and Tsuzuki were too much. Watari had specifically said 'get Hisoka pregnant', not to mention he said it was designed to occur as naturally as possible, meaning it was expected that he and Tsuzuki would...

"I am going to kill him!" Hisoka yelled aloud to no one, appalled that Watari would insinuate such a thing. That sort of thing would not happen, and it was none of Watari's business to talk about it. Even if it did happen- which it wouldn't- he wouldn't have anybody else knowing about it. After all, that was a highly private matter, not something that should be talked about so freely. Whatever happened between him and Tsuzuki stayed between him and Tsuzuki, and their relationship would most certainly not be taken advantage of for Watari's "science".

"Are you okay, Hisoka? Your face is redder than a cherry."

"I'll be fine once I can get my hands around Watari's neck." Hisoka grumbled.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure what Watari wants to do is impossible. At least, I think it is..."

Back in his lab, Watari mulled over his experiment. While he had expected Hisoka's reaction, he had hoped Tsuzuki at least would have been a little more excited. How was he going to get this to work if he had nobody to test it on? There were plenty of guys in the living world who'd want such a potion, he was sure, but he certainly couldn't try it on humans that were still living. Tsuzuki and Hisoka were the only two that could test it out. The problem was actually getting them to do so, and Hisoka would be impossible to convince.

But maybe...maybe he didn't have to convince Hisoka. He could just slip the potion into youngest Shinigami's tea every so often and wait for results. After all, it was only a matter of time before those two finally took their relationship seriously, no matter what they said. Watari found it painfully obvious that they wanted each other, the kid was just too stubborn to admit it. Maybe they just needed a little nudge in the right direction. Oh, yes, that was exactly what they needed. If it took too long, he could concoct a love potion to sneak to Hisoka too. Of course, the short-tempered Shinigami would be quite angry at first, but Watari was sure he'd thank him later. Or at least stop trying to kill him eventually.

A smug grin crossed Watari's face. He was so brilliant, he scared himself sometimes. Time to plan and work his magic.

-xxxxxxxx-

"So, Tsuzuki, how are things between you and bo-...I mean, Hisoka?" Watari asked the following day after work. Hisoka had already gone home, and Watari had pulled Tsuzuki aside before he left too.

"Fine. Why do you ask?"

"Just fine? Not excellent, not good, just fine?"

Tsuzuki raised an eyebrow. "It's pretty much the same as always. Is that bad?"

Watari sighed. "Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki...I expected more out of you by now!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You and Hisoka! Come on, I know you, you wanna get with your partner."

Tsuzuki's cheeks turned pink and he rubbed the back of his neck. "That obvious?"

"Are you kidding? The both of you! Want it but won't do anything about it. I'm surprised you haven't flung yourself at him already!"

"I don't know. I mean, I don't think Hisoka's ready for-"

"Oh, please. He's gotta get over it. He wants you, Tsuzuki."

"You think?"

Watari grinned. "Trust me."

It was another week before Watari noticed anything different between the pair. They were small things, but Hisoka seemed less shy than usual. The two seemed a little more open with each other, and didn't seem to mind it being obvious they were leaving work together. Watari had even caught them holding hands a couple of times. The sight almost made him giddy with excitement. Not because he had seen proof that they were finally together, but because it meant he was one step closer to realizing his experiment. It would just be silly if their relationship status alone made him so happy- and borderline creepy. Spying on them in the first place was borderline creepy, but he was doing it in the name of science, so it was alright.

The next day marked the first of several days that Watari would sneak his potion into Hisoka's drinks. He hated wasting potion, but he didn't know how long it lasted, and he had no clue when Tsuzuki and Hisoka would dance the tango, so to speak, and thus allow him to make a huge advancement in science. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like it was going to be happening anytime soon. He really wished Tsuzuki would just throw himself at Hisoka already. Maybe he needed to push them along a bit. Though, thinking about it, it was kind of cruel- and creepy- to want to force them into such a thing. After all, they needed to go at their own pace. Too bad their pace was so very slow. At least, to Watari, who was waiting to see the fruits of his labor, it was slow.

Then he reminded himself that it was for science, and that the pair would most certainly thank him for it in the end, and it was alright again.

Then, a couple of days later, the two were sent on a case. Watari had made sure to put extra potion in one of Hisoka's drinks before he left. Luckily, he had made it nearly tasteless, so Hisoka had drank it anyway. He just hoped it would last until they came back.

Two days after that, they had finished their case, and Tsuzuki called Hisoka out sick.

"How's Hisoka?" Watari asked shortly after Tsuzuki arrived at work. "Heard you called him out of work."

"Yeah, he wasn't feeling well this morning. He was being stubborn about it though, and said he was going to go to work anyway. I had to call Tatsumi myself and convince him to stay home."

"How did you know he was sick?"

"Uh...well, he stayed at my place last night after we got in from the case."

Watari raised an eyebrow, a small smirk forming on his lips. He was liking where this was going. "Was he fine last night?"

"He seemed to be."

"What's wrong with him?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "He said he didn't feel good as soon as he woke up. He actually ended up vomiting, that's when I told him to stay home. It took me a while to convince him, though. He was being unusually moody. I mean, I know he gets like that sometimes, but not that bad. He was snapping at me for everything."

"Really?" Watari could hardly contain his excitement. His potion must be working faster than he thought it would! Perhaps the pregnancy process would actually be faster in a Shinigami. "You should bring him in to see me after work."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'm not sure what he came down with, but it's making him miserable. Whatever it is hit quickly and hard."

"By the way, how was it?"

"How was what?" Tsuzuki asked, clearly confused.

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me you haven't slept together?"

The elder Shinigami stared at Watari for a moment in surprise before rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "O-oh, um...well..."

"You don't gotta hide it. Come on, I'm your best friend! You can tell me anything!"

"It's just, Hisoka doesn't want anybody else to know. He likes to keep things private, you know?"

Watari laughed. "I get it, I get it. Then you have! Soooo? How was it?"

Tsuzuki looked slightly confused again, as if wondering why he'd ask a question like that. "Uh...good? How else would it be?"

"Oh, Tsuzuki...it's okay, I get it, you don't wanna give details. I'll stop pestering you. See you later!" With a wink, he headed off to work, trying to contain his giddiness. He knew it'd work with those two eventually! A checkup after work would certainly confirm Hisoka's pregnancy. Yes siree! Until then, he just had to focus on getting the rest of his work done before Tatsumi got on his case.

-xxxxxxxxx-

Halfway through the day, Hisoka showed up to work. Since he felt better, he didn't see a reason to stay home and preferred to come in to at least get some work done. He was still snappy, however, leading to a lot of pouting from Tsuzuki for the rest of the afternoon. By the time work was over, Hisoka was ready to storm out of the place and leave Tsuzuki behind.

"Whoa, bon, not so fast!" Watari said, grabbing hold of his arm before he could get far. "I owe you a checkup!"

"I'm fine, let me go!" Hisoka tried pulling his arm away, but Watari's grip was firm.

"Nope. Not until you get that checkup. It's not normal for Shinigami to vomit."

Despite much protesting, the overly-happy scientist managed to drag Hisoka to his lab, Tsuzuki tagging behind. "It won't take long, don't worry! Now, just lay down on that table right there."

When Hisoka didn't move, Tsuzuki spoke up. "Please, Hisoka? Just let him make sure there's nothing wrong. We don't want you to get really sick if we can find out what it is and fix it before it gets worse!"

"Fine, if I agree, will you stop pestering me?"

"Yes."

With an aggravated sigh, Hisoka plopped down on the table and laid down. "Make it quick."

Humming to himself, Watari pulled up Hisoka's shirt, which the younger immediately pushed back down.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you a checkup! Now keep your shirt up." After pulling Hisoka's shirt back up, the scientist grabbed a bottle full of a clear gel and squeezed some of its contents out onto Hisoka's skin. At this point, Hisoka pushed his hand away and sat up, knowing there was something wrong with this supposed checkup.

"Alright, what is that for? A checkup doesn't require gel!"

It was impossible for Watari not to grin. "Checking to see if you're pregnant!"

"WHAT? Why the hell would I be pregnant?"

Watari laughed nervously. "Well, you see...I had to test out my potion, and, like I said before, you two are the best candidates."

"You...snuck your potions to me?" Hisoka was enraged at this revelation. "And what makes you think it would have even worked?"

"Tsuzuki DID tell me you two slept together."

At this news, Hisoka's face turned bright red as he turned on Tsuzuki. "Wh-what?"

"Sorry! He kept asking!"

"Why would you-...we-...TSUZUKI!"

Tsuzuki looked like a puppy being cornered by a bear. "I'm sorry! I didn't think it was a big deal! I thought it would be okay if he knew we cuddled! He already knew we've been together."

Watari stopped. That didn't sound right. "...Cuddled? I didn't ask if you cuddled, I asked if you slept with him!"

"I know, and I answered!"

"That's not the same thing!"

"But doesn't sleeping in the same bed with somebody constitute sleeping together? We were together, and we were sleeping. We just happened to cuddle too."

Watari slapped his own forehead. He knew Tsuzuki could be dense sometimes, but not that dense! "That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?"

"Come on, Tsuzuki! You know, got intimate? Made love?"

"Oh...wait, no!"

"Why would you ask that?" Hisoka yelled, red in the face both from embarrassment and from anger. "That's not even any of your business!"

"But...you had morning sickness! That means my potion must have worked, so you guys must've done it!"

"For the last time, Watari, I'm not pregnant! I'm a male! It's. Not. Possible!"

"How can you be sure?"

If looks could kill, Watari would have been dead in an instant. "Not. Possible."

"Can't I at least check to make sure?"

"Fine! Fine, Watari, check and realize you are wrong!" With a huff, Hisoka laid back down, allowing Watari to continue with his checkup just to shut him up and make him realize he was wrong, hopefully embarrassing him in the process. Sure enough, there was absolutely no indication of pregnancy. This discovery brought down Watari's mood quite a bit.

"Well, that's odd...you had the symptoms of morning sickness..."

"Did you ever think that maybe all your stupid potion did was make me ill?"

"Hmm...that's quite a possibility, bon. Guess it's back to the drawing board."

"That's it, I'm leaving!" Not giving Watari the opportunity to say or do anything else, Hisoka stormed out of the lab.

"Ah, Hisoka, wait!" Tsuzuki called after him before following.

The scientist gave a sigh. He had been so close! Though, if what the two had said was true and they really didn't get that far in their relationship yet, perhaps that was the reason for his failure. The potion could very well have been correct, but it wouldn't have worked without the baby-making process.

Yes, he couldn't give up now! There was still hope! He just had to keep trying. Someday...someday he would make it come true! In the meantime, perhaps he could try his hand at a love potion...