Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Hollow Kingdom series, nor the Artemis Fowl series. Also, there is a direct excerpt from the fifth Artemis Fowl book, The Lost Colony, indicated in italics, which I have included in this story.
Not Your Usual:
"Now, tell me everything about your world," the goblin scholar said excitedly, his quill poised above the blank pages.
The group of travelers had been brought into the elf camp, provided with normal elf fare—bread, berries, and assorted vegetables—and submitted to wide-eyed stares from everyone there. At least one member of the new arrivals stared back, his eyes darting from one pretty elf girl to another. He tried his best to mask his glances as observations of the tents or trees, but subtlety was not Artemis' strong suit, and he didn't hear the question.
Holly eyed the book, which was opened to approximately the middle of the volume. Good grief, he's written a lot in that short time. "Won't the earth spontaneously combust or something if I reveal information about our world?"
"No," Qwan answered as he placed a berry in his mouth and savored the taste as it burst. His first morsel of food in ten thousand years. "Dimensional travel isn't a quotidian occurrence. Even if we tell them about the world we came from, they have no way of getting there."
"A lot of damage can be done from knowledge alone," Holly said doubtfully, her hazel eyes flitting to the human seated beside her.
"This is just for scholarly knowledge," Seylin protested. "This is the first occurrence of inter-dimensional travelers we've ever encountered. This event will be studied by all future generations to come."
"More importantly, that monster of a King will have a fit when he finds out what he missed out on," Nir added with a smirk.
"A study of your sister race in another world is a rather unique opportunity," Artemis said, tearing his eyes from the scenery.
"Are humans and elves on friendly terms in your world?" Seylin inquired after observing the interaction between Artemis and Holly. "And know of one another's existence?"
"No," Holly answered immediately. "The Mud Men—humans—have covered the globe like insects. The fairies have been driven deep underground to protect themselves from discovery. Artemis is a… special case."
"Fairies?"
"The fairy people consist of eight races, or eight Families. Elves are from the first Family. There are also dwarves, pixies, sprites, gnomes, gremlins, demons, and goblins."
"Even in another dimension, we elves can't escape you goblins," Nir said.
"Why did he just call you a goblin? Aren't you an elf?" No1 asked the handsome man whose wife was not giving birth.
Nir gave a snort. "No. He may look like an elf, but he has goblin blood."
At the visitors' looks of confusion, Seyin went on to explain the intricacies of goblin-elf relations. Artemis squirmed a little at this detailed information. It was too similar to his first encounter with Holly. Although the kidnapping had been for different reasons, the act of kidnapping had been the same, and it was not one he was proud of. Another part of him was also of the opinion that having Holly as a captured bride was enough to doom anyone to the fiery pits of Dante's Inferno, and if that wasn't reason enough to squirm, he didn't know what was.
"I think you'll be happy to know that the goblins in my world are probably the stupidest creatures in the fairy Family, and quite incapable of capturing elf brides," Holly said, giving Nir a wink.
At this, a grin spread across Nir's normally stoic features. He shot a triumphant look at Seylin, but the scholar was too busy writing down notes to notice. Then something else the girl had said caught the elf King's attention.
"You said the fairies live underground?" Nir asked, clearly aghast.
"And you live in tents. That isn't much better. At least we have beds."
"But we can at least admire the stars and dance under the moon! We have a beautiful forest in which we can walk, the wind that will lend itself to our music, and nature's bounty to feed us. Goblins live underground. To be subjected to such a fate—you must have lived such a horrible life. I'm sorry the humans in your world have driven you to such an imprisonment." Nir told Holly mournfully.
"Thank you," Holly replied in an equally sorrowful tone.
"At least you weren't a statue for ten thousand years," Qwan grumbled.
All three then turned to stare at the bemused human boy. Their accusing gazes told him that everything horrible in the world—the goblins capturing elves, the fairies hiding underground, the demons' home becoming unraveled in time and space, global warming, murder, and rebellious teenagers—were solely his fault.
"You have your own language?" No1 squealed.
"Elves and goblins both do," Seylin replied.
"Can I hear them?" No1's heart fluttered in his chest at the prospect of learning another language.
Seylin could understand the little imp's enthusiasm for the subject. Seylin had acquired quite a love of language himself, since the more magical goblins were required to learn not only English, but Elvish as well.
"I will demonstrate Elvish. It is my ancestral language, after all." Nir then proceeded to demonstrate Elvish with the sentences he had used when first teaching elves who had lost this part of their culture. As with all things associated with the elves, even their language was beautiful. Nir produced soft, almost melodic strings of words that made absolutely no sense to Artemis, but judging from the look of concentration on the fairies' faces, they were not in the same boat.
"Could you say a sentence in the past progressive, please?" No1 requested. Nir complied. "I've got it!" No1 cried in joy, reveling in the rush of new vocabulary in his mind.
"So have I," Holly chimed in.
"As have I," Qwan announced.
Nir and his tutor looked on in amazement as the three fairies started up a conversation in Elvish about their food to test this new language. No1 was saying how he wished to try the stew, since it had meat that was actually cooked. Holly told him that eating the flesh of another creature was disgusting. Qwan was telling his pupil that cooked meat was unheard of in the demon world.
"How did you do that?" Nir asked.
"It was like a bubble that burst in my mind, releasing all these new nouns, adjectives and verbs for me to use. There are even conjugations—I just love conjugations! And a case system! This is so new, so different! You have a very beautiful language," No1 told Nir in Elvish.
Suddenly remembering that his human friend couldn't understand what he was saying, N o1 guiltily switched back to English, promising himself he would speak this new language—and all the other languages he had acquired—at least once a day, just because he could. "English doesn't have a very rich case system. It makes me very sad."
Artemis jumped at this chance to join back into the conversation. "Old English used to have a rich case system, but it has gradually been lost. Modern English, excluding pronouns, really only retains the unmarked nominative case and the genitive case." No1 absorbed the information from the youth.
Seylin, recalling the language lessons he had conducted with Sable and Irina years ago, also used exemplar sentences from Goblin to demonstrate the language. Once more, the fairies learned the difficult language easily.
"Really, how do you do that?" Seylin asked.
Artemis was the one to answer this time. "It's the fairy gift of tongues, a part of their magic that allows them to speak any language they encounter."
"Of course, Goblin and Elvish don't exist in our world, so we had to hear it for our magic to learn it," Holly added.
"That is quite amazing," Seylin said. If only he'd had that ability when he was spending entire afternoons doing verb conjugation drills in his childhood.
Several hours had passed, midnight naps had been taken, and now the camp sat down to their second meal of the night. Seylin had returned to the kingdom to relay his news while the visitors continued to enjoy the hospitality of the elves as they each sampled the food in their laps. Holly had declined the stew containing deer meat and took only the bread. The others accepted both.
"I've been meaning to ask. Exactly what is that metal box strapped to your wrist?" Nir asked Holly. He looked at it with disapproval. Not only was metal associated with humans and goblins, but it also emanated a coldness that he didn't like.
"Uh… It's a bomb," she hesitantly replied.
Nir's face clouded as he dredged up his knowledge of English. "I'm not familiar with that term. What is a bomb?"
"Oh, I can help with that!" No1 eagerly offered. "A bomb is an incendiary, explosive device that is often used as a weapon and can cause extensive damage and loss of life depending on the bomb's intensity."
No1's explanation coupled with Holly's nervous fidgeting finally allowed it to click in Nir's mind. "You brought an explosive device into my camp?" he shouted in outrage.
For the normally reserved elves, this was a very alarming display by their leader. Some of the more timid elves had even dropped their tasks and hurried into their tents in terror. Qwan looked up in surprise at their host. Artemis, who had been dreamily staring at a group of elf girls giggling in the distance suddenly snapped back to reality at the outburst. No1 choked on the warm stew he had been enjoying.
"Hmm. Could've sworn we'd mentioned that," Holly deadpanned.
Nir was just about to demand an explanation when Qwan began to tremble, dropping his wooden bowl. "I sense a change coming," he said in a quivering voice. The others felt it, too. There was a pull in everyone's gut, like something was insistently trying to tug it out of their bodies. Artemis wondered briefly if the sensation was a symptom of food poisoning.
Suddenly, Hunter burst into camp, clearly excited. When he noticed the bowls of stew and bread lying around, he gave Nir an indignant look.
"You couldn't have waited until I got back to start the meal?" he demanded.
"If you don't mind, I was just about to ask these people why they brought a dangerous device into my camp," Nir replied testily.
Hunter looked around expectantly before returning his gaze to his friend. "Well, where are they?"
"They're right here," Nir pointed behind him, but when he turned around, he saw only empty bowls and breadcrumbs scattered on the grass.
Nir immediately called on his subjects to search the tents and woods for the strangers. After an hour of combing through every inch of elf territory, there was still no sign of them. It was as if they had simply vanished into thin air. Searching his own portion of the forest, Nir came upon Hunter digging in a bush.
"Here, little elf girl. I have yummy deer meat for you." Upon his approach, Hunter stood up and shot him a smile. "No luck, I'm afraid. I was sure this would do the trick, too."
"The elf girl didn't eat meat," Nir informed him.
"That is just not right," Hunter replied. "Oh! I almost forgot. I have news to tell you."
"What is it?"
"Arianna had her baby and they're both healthy as can be," Hunter replied cheerily.
At the news, it dawned on Nir where the strangers had disappeared to and he called off the search.
The next night, as Miranda was describing the newborn to him, she mentioned that he should avoid Catspaw for a few weeks. It turned out the goblin King was irritated with him for—she quoted—monopolizing all the fun.
"What nice people," No1 said to his companions as they floated through the stream.
"Yes, they were," Artemis agreed, perhaps a little too quickly. Holly shot him a suspicious look, but he avoided her gaze.
"Next stop, Hybras," Qwan announced.
"Or in some cultures, Hell," No1 said, as their destination rushed toward them.