To the readers of my previous stories: you know how much I love sunrises :D

Chapter 12

Kenyan's pov:

Everybody sits in silence after my comment. They look surprised, what; can I not be capable of believing in love?

"We should get moving," Nick says after we're done resting. We continue to follow the train tracks. We walk in silence.

It must be past midnight. After an hour or two more of walking, we stop. To the right is a green meadow with tall grass. It will hide us from the train or any other thing that might be looking for us. Everybody passes out. Sleep comes instantly to them, but to me it doesn't. I am stuck with my own words echoing in my head, "I do believe in love, so I know it's worth it." Love. Yes, I believe in it. But the truth of the matter is, is I don't know if it really is worth it. All its done is brought me much pain.

I continue to think a while longer. Finally, I find sleep. I wake up early in the morning, it is still dark. Everybody is in a heavy slumber. I stand up and start wandering; I will be back before they wake.

I push the grass this way and that as I walk through. I pick wild flowers and weave them into a chain. I continue walking until I find a small river. I put my already bare feet into the icy water. I get chills all over my body.

I stare at my reflection in the water. I feel slightly ridiculous in my Tarzan outfit. I look at my bare chest. I look at the bags under my eyes. I look for who I once was but find him no where. I use to be good. I think of my one, big mistake. I look at my reflection again. I see him, just for a split second, then all I see is the horrible person I've become. Only I know what I've done, I haven't ever told any body. I look at myself in disgust. I throw the flower chain into the water. It blurs my reflection. I watch as the flowers are carried away in the current.

I close my eyes. I see what I always see when my eyes shut, her. That's one reason I can never sleep. I can't stop watching her. I open my eyes to see the forest on the other side of the river. It starts glowing as the sun rises from behind the horizon. I can feel its warmth spread over my face. I open my mouth to laugh as it tickles my skin. It even tastes lovely. It reminds me of her: beautiful yet forbidden.

I close my eyes, there she is again. I imagine that the warmth on my tongue is her mouth against mine. I wrap my arms around her but find only air. I open my eyes again. The sun continues to ascend. I want her so badly, but I know I will never have her. A tear rolls down my cheek, "Jess," I sob at her name.

I let myself cry for a while. Afterwards, I wash my face with the cool water. It feels nice and refreshing. Finally, I decide to just go in for a quick swim. I stay where the water is shallow, going no deeper than my waist. I dunk my head under. It's so cold; it gives me a head ache. I feel more awake now. I get out and shake the water out of my hair with my fingers.

I start back for where everybody was. I lay down where I was before. I don't sleep, but I do pretend to. Five minutes later Prim shakes me awake. I pretend like I've just woken up. I stretch and make myself yawn.

Soon we are walking again. People seem to be in a bit better spirits today. Sanders and Thereasa loudly sing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. It gets annoying really fast. Nevertheless, I put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy that they're feeling so high-spirited.

My stomach growls. Lily looks down at it and laughs, "Hey guys, maybe we should find something to eat."

My eyes trace her dark skin. She is identical to her sister except she is about two inches taller. She has smooth black curls that frame her face and her voice is slightly accented.

This seems to be what I do every time I meet a new girl. I look at her physically: can't compare to Jess. Then I look at her personality: can't compare to Jess. Then I look at how I feel about her emotionally. Nothing can ever compare to Jess.

We wait as Nick weaves a net and catches some fish in a river. I think it's the same river I went to this morning. It is. I see my flower chain caught on a rock near the shore. I quickly rip it to pieces by stepping on it. I don't want anybody to see it; they would know that the sort of weaving isn't nature made.

Nick catches seven fish. There is one for each of us. We struggle in building a fire. First Sanders tries rubbing the two sticks together, then Nick, then Thereasa. It ends up being Lilac to get it started. I help add leaves and grass to fuel the flames.

We cook the fish. I listen to the conversations and force myself to laugh when I find it appropriate. Appear happy and no one pays any mind to you I remind myself as the laughing and smiling become difficult. Appear sad and everyone pries at you, looking for your secret.

I shiver at the thought of people knowing my secret. Appear amused, look entertained, smile, laugh, joke. Yes, appear happy. But don't ever appear sad.

Ok I am sincerely sorry if my story seems kind of lacking. I'm having to force myself to stay on top of writing. So I promise, the next chapter should have some more umph to it