Now, before I start the story, I would like to tell you three things:
1) READ ANGELTALES'S RANT THINGY! (second to last page or the eighteenth review) I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID! AND THANK YOU! NOW I HAVE IDEAS FOR THE NEXT FIVE CHAPTERS OR SO! READ IT OR I'LL HIT YOU WITH A BRICK! (Wait, I gave you run-away-from-brick passes before, right?)
2) I have nothing against people named Rachel or William. (Except for this kid who was in my third grade class...grudges are one of the few things I remember easily...) I chose the name Rachel because it sounded hyper. Then I flipped to a random page in my dictionary, which has a freakishly long list of names, and randomly pointed at one and ended up with William. It was either that, or Bob, since I suck at coming up with names. You'll see what I mean later.
3) My Japanese is actually much better than this, but this is what Google Translate (which sucks at translating, by the way. I was trying to figure out what direction each of these [东南西北] were, and Google said it meant truck, which is 卡车.) would give me if it was operated by otaku's or if I asked a person who watches a lot of anime but fails at grammar to translate.
"Where's Lychee-chan? She said she would meet us here at six o'clock!" Yaya said.
"Maybe it's because you read the note wrong, dechu. There might be a secret message, dechu!" Pepe suggested.
"Or it might just be because you dragged us out here at six in the morning instead of six in the afternoon like the note says," Rima pointed out.
"Oh, so that's what PM means!" Yaya said. This caused everyone to glare at Yaya, who had woken everybody up at five in the morning after receiving the note from the currently absent author, and everybody being Amu, Tadase, Nagihiko, Rima, Hikaru, Rikka, Ikuto, Utau, and Kukai. Then, the peace was shattered.
"Umm, Narrator-san, could you not be so dramatic?" Tadase asked. Ignoring Tadase, the characters were not at all prepared for what was going to happen next.
"KONNICHIWA MINNA-CHAN DESU~NYA1!11 WATASHI RECHARU DESU~NYA11!" a girl with obviously died pink hair screamed. Her voice sounded unnaturally like someone scratching a chalkboard with their fingernails, and her pronunciation was horribly off too.
"Oh great. Another otaku trying to speak Japanese," Rima said with obvious sarcasm as the girl ran towards them.
As the girl walked closer, she asked, "Isn't watashi Nippon shugoi desu~nya!"
"Can anyone understand what she's saying? It sounds like a question, and it would be rude not to answer," Nagihiko hissed.
"Maybe we should ask Narrator. She seems to know what's going on," Amu suggested. Suddenly, a neon pink notebook appeared in Amu's hand and flipped to the first page. Text magically appeared on the page.
How to Understand Rachel-Speech
"KONNICHIWA MINNA-CHAN DESU~NYA1!11" translates to "Hello everyone."
"WATASHI RECHARU DESU~NYA11!" translates to "I'm Rachel."
"Isn't watashi Nippon shugoi desu~nya!" translates to "Isn't my Japanese amazing?"
"No," Hikaru helpfully informed her after reading the page. The characters, having to star in many stories written in English, could speak both Japanese and English perfectly. Of course, "Recharu"* ignored him and began to "play" with the charas, also known as squeezing the life out of them.
" MINNA-CHAN ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!1!11!" she yelled while squeezing the charas. Another line of text appeared in the book.
"MINNA-CHAN ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!1!11!" translates to "All of you are so cute!"
"Thank you Narrator-san!" Tadase yelled to no one in particular.
That attracted Recharu's attention, and being the insane stalking fangirl she was, she immediately dropped the oxygen-deprived charas to glomp the characters.
"Watashi heard anata say that desu~nya!11! :(" Recharu yelled, breaking the fourth wall.
Of course, Ikuto, having the most experience with insane stalker fangirls, immediately jumped into a tree and left the remaining characters to deal with Recharu.
"KYAAAAAAAA DESU~NYA!1!1!" she screeched while running towards the characters, who had started running as fast as they could to get away from Recharu. Rima, being the slowest, was soon glomped by Recharu.
"KYA DESU~NYA!1!1!111 ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!111! ANATA AND WATASHI KARAOKE NOW, DESU~NYA!1!1" she yelled.
Amu, who was a safe distance away from the monstrosity, finally noticed the new lines in the book.
"Watashi heard anata say that desu~nya!11! :(" translates to "I heard you say that! I'm angry!"
"KYAAAAAAAA DESU~NYA!1!1!" and similar phrases translate to "KYAA!"
"ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!111!" translates to "You are so cute!"
"ANATA AND WATASHI KARAOKE NOW, DESU~NYA!1!1" translates to "Let's karaoke now!"
Poor Rima, she thought.
Rima was now being forced to sing numerous English songs with a very off-key Recharu, most of which she didn't know.
"LOUDER DESU~NYA!" Recharu screeched during the middle of a particularly annoying song that was playing on a karaoke machine which had appeared out of nowhere. Rima was spared that horrible fate when Kukai made the mistake of walking out in the open while trying to get away from Recharu, who stopped torturing the petite blond in order to glomp her favorite character.
"OMG KUKAI DESU~NYA!11! WATASHI HAVE AN ONII-TAN 2 DESU~NYA!11!1! ONII-TAN'S NAME IS WILLIAM, DEMO WATASHI DAISUKE CALL ONII-TAN [insert random combination of syllables]* BECAUSE ITS MORE NIPPON DESU~NYA!11!" Recharu squealed.
"Hey, Narrator, what's she saying?" Kukai asked.
Amu, who was apparently just as dumb, yelled "THE BOOKS SAYS SHE SAID 'I HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER TOO! HIS NAME IS WILLIAM, BUT I LIKE TO CALL HIM [insert same combination of syllables as before]BECAUSE IT SOUNDS MORE JAPANESE!' THANK YOU NARRATOR-SAN!" This of course, distracted Recharu long enough to let Kukai run away, but of course, Recharu had something to say to Amu as well.
"DOKI DOKI DESU~NYA1!1 ANATA HAVE PINK KAMI TOO DESU~NYA!11!" she screamed while rapidly shaking Amu. "ANATA NO OUTFIT IS SO KIREI AND KAWAII DESU~NYA!1!1!" she squealed. She would have said more if Tadase had not burst out into the open in his Platinum Royale Chara-Nari and used his Holy Crown attack on the inhuman being.
"HOLY CROWN!" Tadase yelled. Unfortunately, his attack did nothing and passed straight through Recharu.
"Kira-Kira desu~nya!1! ^_^" Recharu giggled while batting a few stray sparkles from the attack.
"HOW DARE YOU! COMMONER, WHEN WE CONDESCEND TO THE LEVEL OF ATTACKING YOU, YOU SHALL PAY ATTENTION!" Kiseki, who had miraculously recovered from Recharu's fangirl spasm, yelled from inside Tadase. Thankfully, his voice was partially muted because of the transformation.
"OMAE MEAN DESU~NYA!1!1" Recharu screamed. Then, as if on cue, she suddenly turned into one of those dramatic main characters and shouted, "WATASHI NO KOKORO! ANROKKU!" the area around her was surrounded by an energy so otaku-ized that the characters could not even bear to look at it.
"CHARA-NARI!1! ANNOYING OTAKU!1!" she yelled a few seconds later. Although nothing about her appearance had changed, her level of annoying suddenly seemed to rise. "FAILED NIPPON DESU~NYA!1!11" she suddenly screeched, hurling an attack in Tadase's direction. The attack caught him off-guard, but he still managed to counter it with Holy Crown. Suddenly, as if it was a badly written fanfiction, the characters, with the exception of Hikaru, who was banging away on his calculator thingy planning boring business junk, burst out into the open in their Chara-Nari's and used their attacks on Recharu.
"Nightmare Lorelei!"
"Juggling Party!"
"Go! Go! Duckies!"
"Warm Sunshine!*"
"Heart Rod!"
"Blaze Shoot!"
"Golden Victory Shoot!"
"Holy Crown!"
Like in all of those girly shojo magical girls, their attacks joined together and hit the enemy, Recharu, with full force. Or would of, if her special otaku Mary-Sue powers hadn't made it go right through her.
"Rainbow iru desu~nya!" she squealed while watching the attack hit a faraway house, which immediately caught on fire and exploded into fireworks. The characters were scared now. After all, who wouldn't be after seeing an attack that could almost kill someone pass right through a person?
"FANGIRL SPASM DESU~NYA!1" Recharu yelled when she stopped watching the fireworks. Almost instantly, the characters were violently knocked down by some invisible force.
"We'll have to find another way to knock her out. Our attacks won't work on her," Utau stated. She jabbed her trident, which went straight through Recharu, a few times to prove her point.
Hikaru, who was still dealing with stocks and sales, suddenly looked up from his calculator thingy and said one word. "Otaku," he said as if it had a magical meaning.
Recharu suddenly stared at her wrist as if looking at a watch. "GOMEINASAI, MINNA-CHAN! WATASHI HAVE TO GO EAT BREAKFAST NOW! SAYONARA!" she yelled while sprinting to who-knows-where, leaving the characters in shock about how sudden her departure was as they changed back to their regular forms. After a few minutes, Yaya spoke up.
"Yay! She's gone! Yaya didn't like the scary weirdo but now she's gone!" Yaya cheered .
"I wonder what she said though...Amu-sempai, what did you do with the book?" Rikka asked.
"Eh! The book! Where is it!" Amu frantically answered. "Sorry, I think I lost it...*" she answered after a few minutes of effort wasted on finding the book.
"Come on, Kusu-kusu, let's leave. I didn't even want to come in the first place." Rima said, walking away.
"WAIT, DECHU!" Pepe yelled. Once she had everyone's attention, she asked, "Doesn't the narrator sound like Lychee-chan, dechu?"
"She does! They both share the same lack of humor!" Kusu-kusu giggled as the characters walked away.
"And the voice! It sounded so much like a seven year old! Just like Lychee-chan!" Pepe giggled.
"Kusu-kusu, Pepe, are you coming or not? Everyone else already left," Ran asked.
"Oh, I guess they did! We'd better go catch up!" Kusu-kusu said. The three charas hurried to catch up with everyone else, leaving two questions behind. What happened to the book? Who is the narrator? The world may never know.
A pigeon pecked at the ground, hoping to find some bread crumbs anyone might have dropped. Just as it was about to fly off, it noticed a small neon pink book lying beneath a bush. The pigeon did not know that it would eventually influence a very important event and picked it up and dropped it in a tree.
Darn. No bread crumbs fell out. It thought as it flew away.
"YOU MEAN IT'S REALLY OVER NOW!"
"Yes."
"REALLY!"
"Yes."
"FINALLY! I CAN HURL BRICKS AT THE PERSON WHO MADE ME READ THIS THING NOW!"
"Remember to set the bricks on fire! It'll hurt more that way!"
But I'll let you figure out the answers to those questions yourself! ^_^
*I know this has nothing to do with the story, but when I was adding Recharu to the dictionary since the little red line thingy really annoys me, one of the spelling suggestions was retard. Quite fitting, don't you think?
*I'm really bad at coming up with names, as you might have guessed with "Recharu," which is really just the Japanese romaji spelling for Rachel. If anyone has a random combination of syllables that's not a real actual name that sounds somewhat boy-ish, please tell me since I'll probably bring up William and "Recharu" in another chapter when I don't feel angry enough to shout throughout the whole entire thing.
*Random attack I made up for Rikka. It sounds so retarded...
*I'm too lazy to translate all of that, so I'll just translate it the next time the book appears. If you can't figure out what something means, then ask me for the translation.
Well, this chapter is about how annoying it is when people
a) Stick random Japanese words in there for no reason so they can brag about how much Japanese they know even though they use them incorrectly.
b) Make the characters magically understand English and American culture because they're too lazy to research and attempt to make their stories reasonable.
c) Don't try to give their OCs a real actual Japanese name without giving a reason. Or
d) Make their OCs say a random string of Japanese words commonly seen in shojo manga and anime so they can be cute.
Problem A:
Okay, so yeah, sticking random Japanese words in your fanfics, does make you feel smart, but that doesn't mean we, the readers, like it. It messes up the flow of the story, and you really can't combine the two languages together while keeping it grammatically correct while mainly using English. It's fine if you stick a "hai!" or "baka" every once in a while, especially if it makes the sentence flow better. Example:
Baka. You really can't do anything right, can you?
Stupid. You really can't do anything right, can you?
I'm sure we can all agree that the first one sounds better. Also another thing that's been bothering me lately is how people keep on saying minna-chan or minna-san instead of just plain minna. Let's use some logic here, okay?
Minna=Everyone, everybody, everything,
Minna-[insert honorific]= a person named Minna.
If you use minna-chan or something, and logic is applied, your story will turn out like this:
Annoying Mary-Sue: Ohayo, minna-san!
Character: Who's Minna! And it's morning! I thought it was eleven PM!
See? I insulted Mary-Sues, explained the meaning and usage of two Japanese words, taught you about logic, and made fun of chat format in just two lines!
Problem B:
In almost every songfic I've seen so far, the song is in English. Let's make something clear, okay? THE CHARACTERS ARE JAPANESE, AND THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN JAPAN! So to put it calmly...to put it calmly...you know what? I'll just shout instead. THE CHARACTERS DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH...THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO ENGLISH SONGS...THEY LISTEN TO JAPANESE SONGS. I can hear you guys thinking "but I don't know any Japanese songs!" Well, did you know that THE CHARACTER SONGS ARE IN JAPANESE! ANYBODY HEARD ABOUT VOCALOID! That's right! JAPANESE PEOPLE HAVE THEIR OWN MUSIC.
If you don't know any songs in Japanese, just stick with the character songs. If you're thinking, "OH-AM-GEE THAT IS SO LIKE, YOU KNOW, UNCREATIVE!" then if it's so uncreative, then why hasn't anyone used them yet! PHILOSOPHY (my own, by the way, so it shouldn't make sense) STATES THAT CREATIVITY IS BEING UNIQUE OR DOING WHAT IS NOT NORMAL, AND UNCREATIVITY IS USING WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED BECAUSE YOU CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER IDEA! (Did that sound like a philosophical quote? I made it up as I typed and it's very badly thought out.) So therefore, using the character songs is creative. If you really, really, really want to use an English song, give a valid reason, such as the song was dubbed. You get to use the song you wanted, and I get to spread logic to the world! Everyone's happy! See?
Now, let me quote a few thousand fanfics right now, ok?
"YAY! WE'RE GOING TO AMERCIA/THE US/LAND OF HAMBURGERS/UNITED STATES!" -Yaya, or a very OOC Amu, and sometimes an OOC Rima. Let's skip the plane ride and everything and go to the part where they're in America.
Character: Hey look! A sign in ENGLISH which I CAN'T read that says "mall!"
Another Character: I'll go ask a random stranger for directions even though I shouldn't be able to understand any English at all!
The story can go two ways at this point.
Random Stranger: The mall is North of here, and I'm telling you this because I MAGICALLY knew that you wanted directions to the mall, even though I didn't understand what you were asking, and I'm not pointing to where it is because I know that you'll MAGICALLY understand me.
Or
Annoying OC/Mary-Sue That MAGICALLY Happens to be the Random Stranger: HALLO! AND OMG DID I TELL YOU THAT I SPEAK JAPANESE AND ENGLISH! I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE HERE IN THE US AND YOU'LL MAGICALLY LIKE ME AND ALL OF THE GUYS ARE GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I'M SUPER-ANNOYING JUST BECAUSE I'M A SUE!1!11! OH,AND DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE FIVE CHARAS, WHICH IS ONE MORE THAN AMU!
Yeah, and did I mention that I hate both of those? If the characters are going to be able to understand English, give a decent reason. Kill the Sue as well.
Problem C:
I'm Chinese, so back in elementary school boys would come up to me and speak some random phrase in gibberish such as "ejadlifbpqbbahtejulx" or something along the lines of that and ask me what it meant. I still see this problem in many fanfics today, where people don't bother to SEARCH ON GOOGLE FOR A LIST OF JAPANESE NAMES and give their OCs names like "Atika" or junk like that. Then there are people who go like "Hey, that's a nice name! I'll just make it more Japanese looking and name my OC that!"
Examples: Mary = Maari Emily = Emirii Elizabeth = Erizaabeto
See how messed up that looks! And it takes a lot for me to say that! I usually don't make fun of names people choose-
-because you go by the name of a fruit, which is NOT NORMAL!
-but I hate it when people think that RANDOM COMBINATIONS OF SYLLABLES AND ENGLISH NAMES WITH A DIFFERENT SPELLING make Japanese names.
The thing that's weird, is that OCs with normal Japanese names are usually side characters, and OCs with messed up attempted-Japanese names are usually the annoying Mary-Sue leads. Maybe it's telling people that to be a good writer, you have to do some RESEARCH.
Problem D:
(Hey! That looks like your expression when your teachers give you a homework assignment that involves drawing, Lychee-chan!)
Anyways, the typical female otaku-
-she means it as an insult-
-knows these words, and if they're intelligent, more: kawaii, nya/nyan, ohayo, doki, baka, desu-
-actually, I don't think any of these idiotic 250s know what it actually means-
-Yuuko-quit-interrupting-or-I-will-erase-you-from-my-memory, watashi, daisuki, arigato, and I think that's what the average fangirl knows. It's also what the typical idiotic illiterate 250-ish badfic writer adds to the ends of their annoying Sues' sentences! *exaggerated*
Example:
Annoying Mary-Sue: Hello, kawaii-nya-ohayo-doki-baka-desu-watashi-daisuki-arigato-nya!
Nice Side Character: Hello!
Notice the difference between the their lengths.
A Not-So-Quick Note from the Author:
Thank you for putting up with my sucky writing for seven chapters! I never expected so many reviews because of how bad of a writer I am! Nineteen might not be much to you, but I still fangirl every time I get a review or remember the amount of review I have. I also want to know if you think I'm too annoying and repetitive. Do I seem like I'm rushing throughout the chapters? TELL ME!
The chapters seem to get longer and longer...this one is nine pages and over 3,400 words long! That's one of the main reasons I update so slowly. The other reason is because I don't want my parents to find out that I have a fanfiction account. If they did, they'd probably make me write more on my homework assignments. Next chapter will probably be about Mary Sues. Or I might be lazy and give you a whole entire chapter about logic. Virtual cakes and cookies to everyone who reviews! (This reminds me- have you noticed that bipolar people/tsunderes/yanderes always have their hair up in a ponytail or pigtails if it's long enough? Even the real life ones!)
Also, I don't think anyone actually reads the guidelines, so I'm going to post the most important part here.
Entries not Allowed:
Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.
(So remember, we don't care about your grocery list, and we don't want to see a whole entire story about your life either. Also, even though this story has really long rants, it still has a story.)
One or two liners.
MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story.
Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc.
Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.
Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.
(I wish I remembered this while I was typing "Chat" and that chapter about illiteracy. I could have been lazy and skipped those!)
Chapter Summary: Are you Japanese? Bilingual? Intelligent? A good author? Not a crazed otaku fangirl? Wanting to improve your writing? Have common sense? Not writing for praise only? If none of those apply to you, then don't use any Japanese in your stories. At all. None. Or even better, get off this website so we won't have to see your horrible "stories" ever again.