Sam's POV
"Get out of here" he opened the door "go! Get out!"
"Freddie…" I tried to touch him, but he pushed me.
"Get the fuck out of my room Samantha"
"Okay… I'll go. You need time to think. I'll talk you… just think about it Freddie…" I begged.
"I'm not going to ask you again… get the hell out of my room" he shoved me out of his room "get the hell out of my house!" he shoved me out of his apartment, choking on his words "get the hell out of my life!" he said before closing the door at my face.
My legs gave up and I fell to the floor, and broke down crying. That was it. That was the end. I sobbed silently; burying my head on my knees, wishing the ground would open and swallow me. I shouldn't do what I did, but it was better for us. Why can't he see it? Why is this so hard? Why does this hurt this much? It's like my whole body aches, like his words ripped through my insides, and shattered my heart. I needed to get out of here, but where to go? I couldn't tell Carly anything yet. I didn't want to go home and face Pam, and I also couldn't go to Wendy's, because that was the most stupid idea ever. So I called the only person I knew that wouldn't judge me.
"Sam?" he said sleepily.
"Can I come over?" I choked.
A week earlier
"That wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be" I told Freddie when he pulled over in front of my house.
"I told you it wouldn't be that bad" he smiled at me.
We just arrived from Marissa's birthday dinner. A whole bunch of Bensons were there, imagine the torture. But most of them were actually pretty nice towards me, aunt Jennifer, uncle John and Stephanie were my favorites. Jennifer can cook very well, and unlike Marissa, she isn't a neat-freak, who only cooks disgusting things that supposed to be health. Who cares about tofu and shit? Crazy people, that's who. Uncle John was a marine guy, so he automatically bonded with Gun Smoke. They told me some interesting stories about war and shit, and I'm pretty sure they used to kick some ass back in the day. Stephanie was just a little cutie pie, she grown up so much, and now she's very fond of Freddie. I guess the whole pie in the face thing made her fall in love with him, and now she calls him Fredpie. Can you see why we bonded? Lara, Marissa's sister, was exactly the opposite of her, which is good enough for me. She told me a few stories about Crazy that I never, ever could imagine. Apparently, Crazy used to be a bad ass motherfucker when she was younger, but then she started to date Mr. Benson, and things changed.
"Eh, whatever. Still, I don't like that Amanda girl. She was hitting on you all night" I whined.
Disgusting Amanda, wasn't so disgusting anymore, now she was a bit of a whore. Just when I laid my eyes in her, I knew I wouldn't like her. And I didn't. she was wearing a mini-skirt that was smaller than Patrice's clothes, a tight tank top, that I'm sure could fit in Stephanie and hooker boots. I'm not going to comment on her makeup, because it sure made her look like a cheap streetwalker. On top of everything, she kept hitting on my man, aka her cousin. Yuck! The rest of the Bensons were pretty boring. Freddie's grandparents weren't there, but by the way he talked about them, he seemed to adore them.
"Sam… Sam" he chuckled "first of all: ew! Second: she's my cousin!"
"Won't your parents cousins too?"
The smile on Freddie's face died. I knew he didn't like to talk about his dad, and I had the feeling something bad happened between them. I wish he would just talk to me about it, but whenever I tried, he just pushed me away. I understand, I don't like to talk about my dad either, but I shrug off the subject whenever someone talks about it. But Freddie, he gets all weird and nervous. I also noticed that any of Freddie's relatives talked about his dad, and when Lara first mentioned him, she quickly regretted and tried to change the subject.
"Well… my grandparents were cousins, which makes my parents distant cousins. Amanda is my aunt's daughter. So ew" he faked a smile.
"Oh, like your granddad was your other granddad's cousin?"
"Uh huh" he gave me the fakest smile I've ever saw.
"But shouldn't I worry? Seems to me, Bensons like to marry between Bensons" I smirked.
"Ew Sam!" he sighed "but I don't want to talk about that…" he leaned forward and kissed my neck.
"Freddie. Why don't you tell me about your dad, you never talk about him" I whimpered when he nibbled my earlobe.
"Because it's not important. Less talk, more kissy" I was going to protest, but my lips were covered by his soft ones, making me shut up.
Freddie Benson had the softer lips in the world. He deepened the kiss by forcing his tongue all the way into my mouth, I whimpered, moving my tongue to meet his. He was very determined to make me forget the subject. I felt his hand snaking into my dress, squeezing my thigh hard enough to bruise, moving his hand upwards to my center. He wasn't playing fair, I guess that daddy issue is going to have to wait, now mama has a more interesting game to play. My payback was biting his lower lip hard, my hand making it's way up to his groin. He growled into my mouth, digging his finger into my underwear, rubbing me eagerly. I moaned, doing the same to him, stroking his rocket over his jeans.
Tap, tap, tap on the window of his car. We broke apart, quickly fixing ourselves.
"Mom?" I said, rolling the window open.
"I know who I am. And I also know what you two kids are up to" se looked pointedly.
"Uh, hi Pam" Freddie waved nervously.
"Hey Sweet Lips" she forced a smile "get your ass inside Sammy, we don't want the neighbors saying shit about you, right?"
"No" Freddie answered for me "sorry"
"No problem kid" Pam nodded "you coming in too?"
"Can't, it's late, I have to go home" he turned to look at me "see you tomorrow?"
"Sure" I gave him a chaste kiss.
"Ah, wait!" he grabbed my arm when I tried to exit the car "did you talk to your mother about what my mother talked to us about?" he's so cute when he's nervous.
"Ah, shit. Forgot!" I gave him an apologetic smile "why don't I tell her now?"
"Okay" he leaned forward, kissing me again.
When he tried to pull away, I grabbed his face, making him stay where he was, forcing my tongue all the way into his mouth. He moaned softly, trying to break free, but I wasn't having it, I wanted control, and I get what I want. And I was winning, because he was caving, moving his tongue slowly against mine, until my mother cleaned her throat.
"What?" I growled.
"Inside! Now! And you" she pointed at Freddie "go home, your mother must be worried"
"Sure ma'am" Freddie blushed.
"Bye Fredelicious" I gave him a peck on the lips and exited the car.
I waved goodbye, watching my sweet boyfriend leaving. Oh, is that pathetic that I already miss him? Because I do, a lot. I was seriously considering go further with Freddie, we've been dating a while now and even though I freaked out when we tried to go there last time, I wanted this very much. I wanted him with every ounce of my being.
"So?" Pam said, awkwardly.
"Oh, right…" I took off my jacket.
"How was tonight?"
"Nice. Crazy wasn't that crazy, and some of that people in Freddie's family are not that bad" I shrugged, going to the kitchen.
"Uh. Worming up to them already?"
"Maybe" someday they'll be my family too "listen, I have to talk to you about something"
"Shoot" she leaned against the counter.
"See, the thing is. Marissa wants to get to know you, so she invited you to a dinner, Friday night. And you can take Marvin too"
Pam looked at me for a while, like she was analyzing her options. I can't blame her, Marissa is pretty crazy, and if I could I wouldn't be a around her much, but I guess I'll just have to get used to her, since one day she'll be my mother in law anyway.
"Fine. I'll go"
"Okay" I smiled "going to take a shower and sleep, tomorrow I'm going to the beach with Freddie, Carly, Brad and the rest of the gang"
"Go ahead kid. Do you have a condom or pills or whatever?"
"Mom! I'm not going to do it" I whispered the last part "tomorrow!"
"Oh right, I believe you" she said sarcastically.
"Whatever. I'm going to bed!" I walked away "be ready to go by seven, or else, crazy will get all feisty!"
Freddie's POV
I was so glad things went well with Sam and my family. I really wanted them to like her and seems like almost everyone did. Except Amanda. Ugh! She used to be very yuck, now she's a little whory, like she wants to be a hooker or something. And talk about weird, she kept flirting with me the whole night! I was afraid Sam was going to slash her throat, but she behaved really good. I was still surprised with the whole thing, Sam bonded with at least five or six of my relatives, and she even brought a gift to my mom.
Mom was warming up to her as well, even though she refuses to admit, I know for sure she likes Sam. She's a little afraid that Sam will corrupt me somehow, but I know Sam better than she knows herself, and she's not that bad of an influence. She is smarter than she let it show, she likes to read things like Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, she loves Paul McCartney and The Beatles. Her favorite album is Disintegration by The Cure and she's actually pretty good in math. Sam also is a great cooker, I could tell when I ate her cupcakes and she thinks I don't know, but she actually does her homework now and studies a bit.
I looked over my pretty girlfriend. She was laying flat on her back, eyes closed, arms stretched out on the beach chair. Man she is some something. When the sun shined over her blond locks, it made her look like a golden angel hovering over my life, bringing her light and lightening up my whole existence. Her hair looked even prettier with these pigtails she's wearing today, it makes her seem somewhat angelical.
"You're staring" she caught me, without even looking at me.
"Oh… was I?" I faked shock.
"Yes you were Fredward"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" I turned on my side, watching her smile.
"Oh, I have an idea"
Before I knew Sam was on top of me, each leg to my sides, her mouth attached to my neck. Her attack was so sudden, I was afraid we're going to fall from the beach chair I was lying in, but as soon as I was able to regain control, I wrapped one arm around her waist bringing her to a more comfortable position, and closer to me. Sam's hand went to my hair and she pressed her lips against mine like there was no tomorrow.
"What's got into you?" I managed to ask when she pulled away to suck on my Adam's apple.
"I had a dream about you last night Benson… and it made me all wet, in fact I'm still wet" she whispered into my ear.
"Sam… don't say things like that when we're in public!" I groaned, grinding her against my crotch.
"Why? Can't handle it Benson?" she bit on my earlobe.
"No, but what I just planned to do to you has to be done in somewhere… where we can be private" I sucked the skin above her collarbone.
"Ah Freddie!" she threw her back, begging me to do it again.
"Seriously you guys?" Brad groaned, standing behind Sam, with his hands on his hips.
"Get out of here!" Sam stuck her tongue out at him.
"We're in a public place!" he whined "keep your hands off each other"
"Shut it Brad!" Sam said, going back to suck on my neck.
"We better go anyway Sam. We have the dinner tonight and I don't want to be late, besides, won't you hungry?"
"Eh…" she pulled away, still on my lap "a little"
"Then let's go" I said, getting up and taking her with me "where's Carly and Wendy?"
"They're putting their stuff inside Wendy's car" Brad started to get our stuff off the floor "they want to eat at this small restaurant, right there by the shore"
"Nice!" Sam bounced, putting on her beach dress.
"Brad… get going" I shoved him.
"Why?" he asked suspiciously.
"Just go, here's the key, wait by the car, we'll be right there" I gave him a look, telling him he oughta get the hell out of here.
"Fine! Don't take too long" he left, carrying the two beach chairs in each arm.
"What did you just kicked him outta here?" Sam asked.
"Because I didn't want to do this in front of him"
I wrapped my arm around her waist kissing her. This kiss was different from every other kiss we ever shared and I didn't know why. I just had a feeling in the bottom of my stomach, telling me to make the most of our time together, you know, like some of those feelings you have when you think something is about to go wrong. This kiss wasn't fired up but it wasn't chaste either, it was tender and longing, like I was trying to keep that moment branded inside my mind forever. The sun shining, the birds singing and the wind made it all seem even more memorable. I pulled away breathing heavy, touched her forehead with mine and sighed.
"I love you" I whispered against her lips "so much"
"I love you too…" she sighed, wrapping her arms around my neck tighter "that was deep. What was that for?"
"I don't know. I just needed to. Let's go Princess. Let's feed you" I kissed her hand and took her with me to the car, grabbing the rest of our stuff.
It might sound weird, but the whole time we were in the restaurant I kept looking at Sam. The way she laughed, the way she moved, the way she talked, and even the way she ate. I had bad feeling and I didn't know what it was, but something told me that my perfect little love bubble was about to be messed up. I shook the thought away, focusing in the present. I didn't need to be scared, she loved me, and she was here with me, and that was all that mattered.
"Are you okay dork?" Sam asked when Carly and Wendy started to gossip and Brad went to the bathroom.
"Yeah… I'm fine"
"Are you nervous about tonight?" she smiled sympathetically.
"No… I just… I guess I'm a little tired" I shrugged.
"You're sure?" just then Sam's phone started to ring. She looked over the screen and I could swear I saw something wrong with the look in her eyes, like she didn't want to answer it but probably should.
"Who is it?"
"My mom, gotta get this. Be right back" she kissed me in the side of my head and left.
There was something wrong about that phone call, whenever Pam called, Sam just groaned but answers her anyway. She has this look on her face, like she's annoyed by the call but happy her mother cared enough to call. I was one hundred percent positive that wasn't Pam. What to do? I can't ask her, she'll just lie to me, and I also can't eavesdrop, that will be wrong. But what if she's talking to Pete? What if he's calling her again, trying to get closer to her? Man, I gotta stop being paranoid, if she's saying that's her mother, then that's her mother and period!
I guess Brad realized I was looking, because when he exited the bathroom the first thing he did was glance over to Sam, who stuck her tongue out at him. She smiled at me before going somewhere else to talk on the phone. That can't be a good sign, I know she's not talking to Pam, but I gotta trust her. I have to trust her.
"Hey" I could feel the awkward when Brad looked at me. This subject was still a little uncomfortable between us, and I knew he knew that too.
"Hey" I nodded.
"So?" he started to play with his food, trying to keep his eyes away from me.
"Dude, it's okay. It's her mother"
"So why did you look so… intrigued?" he dropped the fork.
"Because of the dinner tonight. I'm a bit nervous"
Brad raised one eyebrow, he knew I was lying, but I gave him a please I don't want to talk about it look, so he sighed and nodded.
"Alright, but if you need, I'm here"
"Okay"
I tried not to worry about that phone call, maybe it's Pam, maybe they're having problems and Sam doesn't want to tell me. Yeah, that's probably it. Carly and Wendy excused themselves to go to the bathroom and Brad just kept his mouth shut, he knew something was bothering me, but he also knew it wasn't something I wanted to talk about in the moment, so he chose to play with his phone and not say a word.
"Hey, I'm back" Sam kissed my cheek and smiled at me, but I knew she was hiding something from me.
"So? What did Pam want?"
"Oh… just… talk about a few stuff" she shrugged.
"What kind of stuff?" I insisted.
"She's been bugging me about tonight. Are going to eat that?" she pointed at the leftover in my plate.
"No go ahead. Why is she bugging you?"
"Just, the basics, like what she should wear and stuff" in less than a minute she ate all the food in my plate "yo Brad! Where's Carly?"
"Bathroom with Wendy"
"Oh. Hey babe, pay the bill, I'm going to find Carly and ask her to do my makeup tonight okay?" she pecked me in the lips, but I held her head still, telling her I wanted a real kiss "wow, that was nice. Be right back"
"Okay dude, I know you don't want to talk, but just… man, tell me what's wrong"
"It's just… I woke up with this weird feeling in the pit on my stomach, but I'm sure it's nothing"
"What do you mean? Like a bad feeling?"
"Yeah… it doesn't matter though…"
It doesn't matter, everything is fine.
Sam's POV
I was at Carly's getting ready for the big dinner. My mom and Marvin are going to meet me here and we'll all go together across the hall to have dinner with Mrs. Benson. I was nervous as hell, not that I care about what my mom or Marissa thinks, but still, this seemed to important for Freddie, so I wanted things to go as smooth as possible. Fat chance Pam and Marissa are going to get along, and maybe they'll even hate each other, and that will suck. I really don't need Crazy finding any more problems on my relationship with Freddie, I really don't need the drama.
"You look amazing" Carly told me.
"Yeah, thanks. I'm nervous" I breathed.
"Don't be, even if your mother and Mrs. Benson hate each other, Freddie still loves you, and that's what matters. Right?" she rubbed my arms.
"I know, but still some peace will do us some good" I stood up, looking at myself in the mirror. I wasn't so bad.
"Relax okay? Look, you're beautiful"
My reflection amazed me, I didn't look a lot like myself, but a little bit like Melanie, still I managed to be prettier and that was amazing. I was wearing a short black dress, with thin straps and a lot of layers. I borrowed Carly's red fuck me heels, and I was planning to drive Fredward insane the whole night. And I also couldn't complain about the makeup. Carly put on some dark shade that made my eyes pop, pink blush and the strawberry lip gloss I knew Freddie loved.
"Hey girls!" Maya said, knocking on the half open door.
"Hey" we said.
"Your mom is downstairs Sam" she came closer to me and gasped "you look so pretty"
"Thank you Maya. God I'm nervous" I can feel the sweat beginning to collect on the palm of my hands.
"It makes sense, but remember, every first time makes us nervous, but things get better eventually" Maya smiled, and I remember why I liked her more than any other girlfriend Spencer ever had.
"I hope you're right. Okay, let's do this chizz"
Pam and Marvin were downstairs talking to Spencer. Marvin was all dressed up, with a black buttoned shirt and dark jeans, and Pam was decent with a yellow dress and less makeup than what she usually wears. They were asking Spencer what the hell were those sculptures that anybody seemed to understand, and poor Spencer was trying his best to explain to them the concept of his art. Maya cleaned her throat and everybody looked upstairs. When Spencer glanced over Carly, his smile died and he walked away to the kitchen. He's still mad at her, and that was killing my poor best friend. I better have a nice chat with this shithead soon, he can't treat his sister like that, it's wrong, and Spencer knows how much Carly loves him. This shit has to stop. I squeezed her hand, and she faked a smiled, but I knew that on the inside she was dying.
"Hey you look fancy Sammy" my adorable mother said with a laugh.
"Thanks mother" I scowled.
"You do look adorable Sam" Marvin smiled at me, and gave me two thumbs up.
"Thanks Marv. So? Let's go?"
"Yeah, we better get going" Marvin grabbed mom's hand and offered me his other hand, which I took gladly.
"I want deets later" Carly yelled as we walked out the door.
"Sure Shay" I took a sharp breath, trying to keep my cool. This is all so awkward "let's do this thing"
Marvin knocked on Freddie's door while Pam checked herself in her pocket mirror one more time. I could feel my damp hands shaking a bit, the last thing I needed was for Freddie to noticed how nervous I was, so told myself to calm down. Frederly opened the door, and Jesus, the boy was handsome. He was wearing a black v-collar sweater, that emphasized every perfect shaped muscle of his body. He smiled at me and reached for my hand, planting a small kiss there. He lifted on eyebrow, noticing how wet my palm was, so I just yanked my hand back, kissing him on the mouth.
"Hey dork, let me in will ya?"
"Sure thing princess Puckett" he got out of the way so my gang and I could get in "Marvin, Pam" he shook Marvin's hand, and my mother gave him a kiss on the cheek. Ew, awkward.
"Hey kiddo, where's your folks?" Pam ran her hand through Freddie's perfect hair.
"Uh… my mom is the kitchen… oh this is Gun Smoke"
"How's going?" Marvin held his hand to Gun Smoke, who shook it and patted him on the back "I'm Marvin, Sam's…"
"Step dad?" I glanced over to Pam, not sure of what to say. I didn't really know what Marvin and I were.
"Yeah, we can call it that" she shrugged "you're Freddie's step dad?"
"I'm. Nice to meet you Mrs. Puckett"
"Oh dear, call me Pam. So, Freddie here told me you're his couch"
"Yeah, I'm training the boy" he patted Freddie on the back, with the slightest force. Two years ago, that would be enough to send him to the ground, but not anymore "Marissa is just finishing the dinner, she'll join us soon. Can I get you anything? Water, coffee?"
"Do you happen to have a beer or something?" Pam asked, sitting on the couch.
I put my hand in my face, and Freddie chuckled silently.
"Uh… no, Marissa doesn't like having alcohol in the house. Can I get you a soda?"
"Yeah, okay" Pam shrugged "you want one babe?"
"Yeah, I'll take one" Marvin sat down next to Pam.
"Uh… Sam, can you come here for a sec?" Freddie grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers.
"Sure" I let him lead me to his bedroom, ignoring Pam's smirk.
As soon as the door closed behind us, I let out a sigh of relief. Tonight was going to be very awkward. He smiled at me and sat on his desk chair, putting me to his lap. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt so safe when I was this close to him, I felt protected and loved and that was the best feeling in the world. For a while the only sound in his bedroom was our breathing and the wind coming from his open window. I could stay this way forever and do nothing, just listening to him breathing, just this close to his body, in peace… everything was peaceful, until he started to chuckle, then he started to laugh like a crazy person. I had to lift my head to look at him.
"What the heck Freddison?"
"Oh…" he couldn't breathe, let alone speak, something must be really funny "tonight… is going… to be… my god" he cracked up "really awkward"
"No shit…" I glared at him, but his laugh was so contagious that I had to join him "ah… Fredbag, you think we can make it?"
"I think there is a slight possibility" he kissed my exposed shoulder "you smell so good"
"Thanks Frednub, you don't smell so bad either" I kissed his cheek, the corner of his mouth, his chin and finally his lips.
"Huh…" Gun Smoke cleared his throat "your mother is in the living room, get your ass in there"
"Sure" Freddie nodded "we'll be right there"
Pam's POV
This Marissa person is really disturbed, and that's coming from me. Something is terribly wrong with this woman, but she seems to be a good mother. When she walked into the living room I wasn't sure what to expect from her, but as soon as she opened her mouth I knew why Sammy called her crazy. While waiting for her to finally come and meet us I couldn't help but analyze the Benson's apartment. Freddie once said he wasn't rich, but that place was a lot better than my house, doesn't matter what he says, I still think they're fancy people.
Much like her son, Marissa Benson was extra polite, but a bit snooty. She wrinkled her nose a lot; one would think she smells dogshit under her nose all the time. But I guess that must be something good about her, since her boyfriend, that Gun Smoke dude, seems to be a good person. I glanced over their living room, thinking that I never saw a TV that big before, and I'm pretty sure those paints hanging on the walls were expensive. We were all sitting in the living room, Marvin and I in the big couch, Marissa and Gun Smoke on the small one, and Sam and Freddie shared an armchair. Marissa didn't seem all pleased that my daughter was sitting in her son's lap, however not Freddie or Sam seemed to mind.
We were talking about ourselves, I found out Marissa was a nurse, that she was way too overprotective of Freddie and that he was her only son. I couldn't help but laugh when Freddie told me she was pregnant with him for eleven months. Poor kid. Gun Smoke told us his real name after I asked why the hell a mother would name her kid that, and despite the fact that Joe was a cute name, I'll stick to call him Gun Smoke. He and Marvin engaged on their manly conversation while I was stuck with Marissa. Nothing about her life seemed to be thrilling, but I had one curiosity, that was eating me alive and I needed to know.
"So…? What about Freddie's father? Is he dead? Alive? What's his name?" I blurted out.
Freddie, Marissa and Gun Smoke exchanged uncomfortable glances, and she faked a smile. Freddie's expression towards his mother, told me that he didn't want her to say a word about his father.
"He's uh…" I could tell she was thinking about a lie.
"So? Is the food ready?" Sam asked, getting out of her boyfriend's lap "I'm starving!"
"Yeah… me too" Freddie glanced over to his mother, almost asking for help.
"Sure, the lamb is almost ready, but I have an opening. Follow me" Marissa led us to the fancy dining room, and I'm pretty sure that chandelier coasted more than my car.
The whole dinner I kept thinking about a few things. Something has been bothering me since Sam and Freddie started to date. This boy was way too good, and my daughter was who she was, there was no way this relationship could go places. When we finished the lamb, I decided to ask Freddie his plans for the future.
"So Freddie… what are your plans for the future?" Sam glared at me, but Freddie simply smiled.
"Oh, I'm planning on going to college, MIT is my first choice. Maybe get a job in the pear company" he shrugged.
"My Freddie will get in any college, he's a straight A student, and he's very bright" she said proudly.
"Yeah, he's a frigging genius" Sam patted him on the back.
"I try"
"MIT huh? It's a big institution" Marvin said.
"Yeah, but Freddie will make it. Anybody want some coffee?" Marissa collected our plates.
"Sure" Marvin, Gun Smoke, Freddie and I said.
"No Fredward, you're too young to drink coffee, besides it's not good for your health" what a controlling freak.
At least his woman can make a good coffee, and a good lamb. About the food I can't complain. Marissa was telling me the evils of alcohol, but I was too busy paying attention on Sam and Freddie. He was playing with her fingers and she was awfully eager, smiling at him. I could see how much my daughter loved this boy, and I was sure she would end up getting hurt. He's way too good, he's out of her league, and even though he seems like a good kid, he's also a man, and men are liars.
"What about you Samantha? What are your plans for the future?" Marissa asked.
"I uh…" Sam glanced over to Freddie, then at me "I still don't know…"
"Sam is really smart, and capable. She just doesn't like to show her nerdy side" Freddie looked at her in awe.
"Shut up Fredbag" she said with a smile "you're the nerd here"
"Oh come on Sam, you and I both know that you have a nerdy side" he poked her playfully.
"And we both know that if you don't shut up you won't have a girlfriend anymore"
"Okay, okay. You know that denial is not just a river in Egypt right?" she smacked him in the head, but he continued to laugh.
"Samantha!" Marissa condemned her behavior.
"Oh mom, it's okay"
"Anyway, as I was saying" Marissa glared at Freddie "how come you don't know what you want to do with the rest of your life?"
"I don't know, I'm seventeen, I'm not worried with the rest of my life right now" Sam shrugged.
"Let's not talk about it" Freddie stated "desert mom?"
"I'll be right back" she glared at Sam before exiting the room.
After we said our goodbyes Freddie wanted to drive Sam home, like the gentleman he is, but his mother told him that since Marvin had a car and we were going in the same direction he didn't have to go. I could see he wanted to though, but he is too much of a good boy to disobey his mommy dearest. Unable to be away from each other, they spoke on the phone the whole trip, like seeing each other's face every day wasn't enough. I' now I'm not the best mother in the world, but as a mother I have to need to protect my kid from getting hurt, and the way I see it, this relationship will hurt her one way or another.
This boy is going off to college sooner or later, and I might not be good in math, but I know Boston is far away from Seattle. Sam won't make it to a fancy college, so probably she will just get a job on Marvin's bar after graduation. Freddie will go to MIT, and they'll keep a distant relationship. He'll find another girl, one who's as smart as him, and even though I believe he loves Sam, he's a man, and men only think about one thing: sex. He'll bump at this smart ass chick, probably from a welt family. He'll bend down to pick up her books, fingers will brush and they'll exchange glances. Before we know it, Sam will be in the past, while he moves on with his new chick. My daughter will be devastated and permanently damaged. She'll end up like me, with a crap job and sleeping around to try to fill the void. I can't have that; I will not let that happen.
"Everything went well tonight" Marvin broke the silence when we walked inside the house.
"Yeah, well" I shrugged.
"I'm going back to work" he kissed my forehead "be back in the morning. Bye girl" he waved going into our room.
"By Marv" Sam waved, still on the phone with Freddie.
"Bye honey" I watched Sam go into her bedroom, talking on the phone with that boy.
"Pam? What's wrong?" Marvin asked me while heading to the door.
"Nothing, I'll be waiting for you. Now go" I kissed him and he left.
I walked over to Sam's bedroom. She was lying on her bed laughing at something Freddie said and toying with her hair. By the look on her face I knew my girl was deeply in love with that boy, but maybe it's not too late to save her from a deception.
"Sam?" I called.
"Yes?" she didn't even bother to look at me.
"We need to talk" I used my serious tone to grab her attention.
"Ah… sure. Listen babe, I'll call you later alright? Momma wants to talk… I don't know… okay good night… love you too… bye" she hung up, still grinning like a fool.
"Sam…" I approached my daughter and sit on the edge of her bed.
"Mom" she sat close to me, Indian style.
"We need to talk kiddo"
"About?"
"You and Freddie"
"What about me and Freddie?"
"I don't think this relationship of yours is a good thing" she looked at me with wide eyes.
"What? Why not? Freddie is a great guy, he's a good influence, he helps me study, he helps me stay out of trouble and he loves me"
"I know he's a good kid, and I know he loves you, but Sam, let's face it… that boy is a little…"
"A little what?' she hollered.
"Too good, baby. He's too good, too smart, too clean, too polite. And you baby… you're different. You'll never measure up to him" it hurts every bit of tell this to my kid, but it's a necessary pain.
"What?" she whispered softly.
"You Sam, don't know what are you going to do with the rest of your life, and you don't like to study, or work and you don't make any effort to get into a good college. Freddie is going to a fancy institution, he'll meet smart people and he's going to do great things" I breathed "honey, all I'm saying is, I don't want you to get hurt, and we all know that he's going to go to this college in Boston, and he'll meet a girl who's much more… at his standards and you baby… you'll get your heart broken"
"No!" she hollered standing up "he won't do this to me! He won't leave me! He loves me! You're wrong!"
"Baby…" I tried to touch her, but she jerked my hand away.
"You're wrong okay! He'll stay here if I ask him to" she said cockily.
"And that will be bad either way. He'll stay, and he'll regret and before you know it, both of you will be unhappy because you'll be a constant reminder of what he missed and what he could've been. He'll blame you for his failures and you'll feel like shit. And before you know it, he'll be living you behind, simply because he can't take anymore"
She stopped and stared. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. Maybe I was speaking for myself, for what happened to her dad, but still it was a real concern.
"Baby… I would like to say that you'll be alright and you'll be enough for him, but we both know that isn't true. That boy needs so much more. Here's what's going to happen: one – he'll leave to Boston and leave you behind. Sooner or later he'll figure out you're not worth the trouble of a distant relationship, and after he meets someone else who's more likely to be a better fit he'll leave you. You'll going to stay here, working at Marvin's bar and filling the void in your life with alcohol and random men. Two – he'll stay here, with you and soon he'll regret his decision. He'll regret his life and he'll regret being with you. He's going to reach his breaking point, where he will just crack. He'll make his bags and leave you, and you baby… you're going to stay here, working on Marvin's bar, filling the void in your life with alcohol and random men. Either way, you'll be damaged"
She didn't say anything, just stared at me, with no expression on her face.
"Kiddo, I'm saying this because I don't want you to go through what I've been through with your father. The last thing I want is for you to be like me" I touched her face and she didn't move an inch.
"You're speaking for yourself, because my father never loved you. You don't know what love is. Freddie loves me and he'll never regret being with me. You say that because nobody ever loved you. You're bitter" her voice was dripping with venom, but her face remained expressionless.
"Okay Sam, suit yourself, but at the end we both know there is a slight possibility you're not good enough for him and you know it" maybe that was unnecessary, but now she hurt my feelings, I had to pay her back somehow. But most of all I had to make her see... I had to protect her.
Sam's POV
After she left, I stood still, not moving any inch of my body. I was so shocked, angry and hurt, that my own mother would tell me I'm not good enough to the one I love. My heart was shattered. I always thought I wasn't deserving of Freddie's love, I always knew he could do better and when Patrice told me that I actually believed her. Freddie and Carly told me I was wrong, and I wanted to believe them more than anything, but the doubt remained there, hiding in the back of my mind. Now my own mother brought that up, and I can't help but think that maybe she's right. I mean, she's my mom, she wouldn't tell me this if it wasn't true.
I always knew this was true, I always knew he was too good for me. I sat on my bed, breathing heavy, not sure why my whole body was sore. The emotional pain was so sharp and contagious that made my body physically hurt. She was right. There was only two ways this relationship would go down, and none of them involved me and Freddie living happily ever after.
I couldn't get into a fancy college like he would, because let's face it, even if I do get better grades in senior year, it won't make up for my whole school permanent record. And I also couldn't ask him to stay; I couldn't do that because it wasn't fair. I knew how much he wanted to go to MIT, and I couldn't and wouldn't prevent him from accomplishing that. She was right, he would find someone better than me, someone who really deserves him, and he would forget all about me. And I don't blame him. I can't blame him for wanting better.
Not bothering to take off my shoes, I laid on the bed and felt the first tear rolling down my cheek. I touched it, as a way to acknowledge it was there, and that trigged the other ones to fall out. Like that, I cried myself to sleep, thinking that maybe it was better for everyone if I just… give up on him.
I avoided Pam as much as I could. I went to grandma's and spent the week there, not wanting to face her any time soon, and I appreciate that she understood and didn't came looking for me. J'Mam-maw said I could stay with her as long as I wanted, now that she moved to her new apartment on the other side of the town. I also turned off my phone, ignoring the calls of Carly and Freddie. She would just give me advices that I don't need right now, and Freddie… when I'm around him I can't think straight. I needed some time to think and make decisions, and I came to a conclusion, that's why I'm standing in front of Freddie's bedroom window, at ten thirty pm on a Tuesday night, watching him.
Benson was sitting on his bed, flipping through the channels on his TV, but not really watching anything. I could tell he was upset, I've been ignoring him for a week now. I sighed, it was time to set things straight. I tapped on his window, and he immediately jumped off the bed. He ran off and opened the window, helping me in.
"Sam! Where the hell have you been? I called you, stopped by your house, your mother said you went to your grandma's but she didn't want to tell me where her house was! I was worried sick, couldn't you give me a call? Damn it Sam!" he put his hands on his head "couldn't you answered your cell phone?"
"I was bored" I pushed pass him, and sat on the edge of his bed.
"Bored? You were bored? Bored of what?" I argued.
"You"
"Wha-what?"
"You were boring me Freddie, I mean, you're always doing good stuff, and taking me to fancy places and giving me fancy stuff, but you're kinda boring Freddie"
"Oh…" he started to laugh "that was a good one. Come on Sam, tell me what's wrong"
"Wanna know the truth? You're too good, too nerd and too boring. I thought I could do this chizz, I thought we could be together, but I'm what I'm and I need more, you know… this isn't working" I lied.
"What?" he whispered "I don't understand"
I needed to lie, if I told him the truth he wouldn't let me go, he was going to try to convince me to stay with him and thing would go downhill. I needed to save at least our friendship.
"Freddie… you're a great guy, but a girl like me, needs more than that. I like bad boys, adrenaline and adventure. You're… not the most adventurous person that I know" I touched his face "look, we can be friends, like we were before, you'll be the cute little dork I pick on and I'll be the lazy blond you hate so much"
"No!" he slapped my hand away "bullshit! Why are you doing this Sam? I thoughT you loved me!"
"I do… but Freddie… love is not enough" is not enough for you, you deserve better.
"Not enough? So all this love I feel for you it's not enough? This whole month we spent together is not enough? What about the dinner with our mothers? That wasn't enough?" he hollered.
"That opened my eyes Freddie. Things were getting serious, and I needed to think if this is what I want"
"I don't believe you" he scoffed "I know there is something that you don't want to tell me"
"Freddie…" I sighed "I do love you, a lot, but like I said before, I need more than love, and I don't want things to get to a point where we can't get back to how we were before. Love is good, but Pucketts need more. That's why I couldn't go all the way with you… because we're not meant to be"
"No… Sam… please, tell me this is all a big joke. I don't believe you. A week ago you told me I was the one for you, that you loved me, that you wanted me" he cried "and now you're telling I'm not enough, that my love is not enough for you? That you're bored with me?"
"Listen Benson, I do love you okay, I just feel… I feel… I don't feel like myself when I'm with you and I don't like it. I feel like a wild bird in a cage, I feel stuck. Besides, I'm seventeen years old, and I can't settle for only one guy just yet…" okay, that last part was harsh and unnecessary, but I needed him to let me go. This was better for both of us.
Freddie didn't speak. He looked like me when Pam talked to me the other night. I could tell he was hurt, I knew it was my fault, but this way was better, for the both of us, we needed this. He needed this.
"You…" he trailed off.
"Let's stay friends, okay? Please, for Carly? For iCarly?"
"Stay friends?" he repeated.
"Yeah… listen this way is better okay?"
"Better? For who Sam? For you? Because it certainly isn't better for me!" he yelled "you don't think my love is enough, fine!" he walked out of the room and came back again "you know what? Fuck you! You're bored with me? Fine, whatever! You don't wanna be with me? Screw you!" he growled.
I tried not to cry. I never thought Freddie of all people would talk to me like that, but I guess I deserve, I'm hurting him, but only because I can't tell him why.
"You know what else Sam? If my love is not enough for you, then I'll just take it back, I'll take it all back. You don't want it? I'll give it to someone who will appreciate it" now was hard not to cry. The thought of him loving someone else crushed my soul.
"Good… so can we still be friends?" I managed to say, trying not to choke.
"Get out of here" he opened the door "go! Get out!"
"Freddie…" I tried to touch him, but he pushed me.
"Get the fuck out of my room Samantha"
"Okay… I'll go. You need time to think. I'll talk you… just think about it Freddie…" I begged.
"I'm not going to ask you again… get the hell out of my room" he shoved me out of his room "get the hell out of my house!" he shoved me out of his apartment, choking on his words "get the hell out of my life!" he said before closing the door at my face.
My legs gave up and I fell to the floor, and broke down crying. That was it. That was the end. I sobbed silently; burying my head on my knees, wishing the ground would open and swallow me. I shouldn't do what I did, but it was better for us. Why can't he see it? Why is this so hard? Why does this hurt this much? It's like my whole body aches, like his words ripped through my insides, and shattered my heart. I needed to get out of here, but where to go? I couldn't tell Carly anything yet. I didn't want to go home and face Pam, and I also couldn't go to Wendy's, because that was the most stupid idea ever. So I called the only person I knew that wouldn't judge me.
"Sam?" he said sleepily.
"Can I come over?" I choked.
"What's wrong?"
"I broke up with Freddie… I have nowhere to go" I sobbed, trying to keep quiet.
"Why? Never mind, you can tell me when you get here. Want me to pick you up?"
"No… I'll be right there…"
"Come, my parents are not home, so we'll have the whole night to talk about it"
"Thanks Pete"
I stood up, still shaking and sobbing, but I managed to get my ass out of the Bushwell plaza and take a bus to Pete's house. He opened the door and his arms for me, I broke down crying again, while he rubbed my back, and the rest was all a blur.
Freddie's POV
(A/N: emotional scene, I wrote it to the sound of Erik Hassle's The Thanks I get, and I honestly cried)
I'm not sure how I got there, I only know I was wearing pajamas and driving like a crazy person, my head was a mess and I didn't want to be home, not now not ever. My room smelled like her, her frigging apple perfume, the cologne I gave her for Christmas. Everything smelled like her, including my bed, and I couldn't stand it. I hated her, why did she have to go and do this to me? All I did was love her, and that's how she thanks me? That's the thank I get? That's all I deserve? To hear that I'm boring and that my love means shit to her? Why would she do this? I thought she loved me, a week earlier she was telling me she loved me, how did everything changed this much this quick?
I held your hand, is this the thanks I get?
Why? What did I do wrong? Why things had to go this way? I glanced over the white house with a big porch, my eyes blink a little, but I couldn't cry even if I tried. The pain burning my chest was insanely strong, but somehow my eyes stayed dry, I couldn't cry one single tear. I pulled over and practically jumped off the car, knocking on the back door. The lights were off, so I figured everybody would be in bed by now. A few minutes later, the kitchen light was on and somebody unlocked the door.
I took you in, is this the thanks I get?
"Dude, are you okay?" Brad rubbed his sleepy eyes.
"I'm boring" I stated.
"What?"
"I'm boring. Haven't you heard? I'm boring"
"No you're not! What are you talking about?" he rubbed his arms, and that was the first time I noticed how cold it was.
"Sam told me I was boring"
"What? Why?"
"She broke up with me" I said, ignoring his question.
Half a chance, the thanks I get?
"Dude… what?"
"She said I was boring, that my love wasn't enough for her and that she couldn't settle for one guy at the age of seventeen" I shrugged.
"Man… I don't know what to say… I'm sorry" he put his hand on my shoulder, but I slapped it away.
"I don't need your pity" I growled.
"Freddie… come inside, let's talk about it" he tried to touch me again, but I shoved him.
"No! I don't even know what I'm doing here… I just… I needed to get out of there! My fucking room smells like her Brad! I love her I can't take her out of my mind! Why? Why she did this to me?"
A twist of plans, is this the thanks I get?
"Dude, come on… if she doesn't appreciate you, then she doesn't deserve you" he tried to touch me, probably to get me inside of the house since it was cold outside, but I shoved him again "Freddie… come on"
"Why? What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?"
"You did nothing wrong! There is something very wrong with her!" he hollered.
"It's my fault Brad. I shouldn't been so nice, so good. See, she's right, I'm boring! I'm fucking boring!" Brad grabbed my shoulders, trying to get me to calm down.
I tried to push him away, but Brad wrapped his arms around my arms, hugging me. I squirmed a bit; trying to break free, but he held me still, letting me punch his back, letting me try to hurt him. He held me still as my tears fell down and soaked his shirt as I tugged on the thin material as my life depended on it. Everything hurts, every bit of my soul hurts, and I can't understand why she did this. I don't know why she did this. Why wasn't I good enough? Why I was never good enough for anyone? I wasn't good enough for Carly, or to my father, and now I'm not good enough for Sam…
The days hurts. The nights hurts. The light hurts. My eyes hurts. The darks hurts. My heart hurts. It all hurts.
Brad dragged me inside his house, and placed me on his couch. My tears were falling on their own accord, but I wasn't sobbing anymore. It was like an open tap, just falling and falling, nonstop… I'm falling. Brad was sitting on the armchair, saying something, and I could see his mouth moving, but I couldn't listen, I couldn't understand. Everything was a blur, and I couldn't stop wishing I was having a bad dream.
I loved you. I loved you. I made you. I hate you. I hate you. I miss you. Miss you.
My eyes got heavy, and his living room seemed darker than before. Soon I was dozing off, getting lost inside my own mind. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted her back. I wanted her…
Okay guys… don't worry, this is a Seddie fic and it will have a happy ending. And I know a lot of you thought the break up would have anything to do with Pete or Patrice, but no, Pam was the one who trigged it. The Pete secret will be reveled in two chapters or so, as for Patrice… a twist of plans in her storyline, but you'll know when it's time! Don't be mad at Sam (I'm a little bit) I promise you everything is going to be fine! Next chapter is going to be called iHurt. Have you ever seen Freddie Benson drunk? Wait for it!