A/N: I'm in the glass case of emotion, if you find grammatical errors, please don't judge, I'm depressed over iLove You. I just wanted to thank SAM-seddie-FREDDIE, YOU'RE THE BEST! I love ya! Virtual hugs for you! And jesrod82, you two! Virtual kisses and hugs for both of you! I'm going to finish the next chapter (they'll be back together and never break up again! I'm no Dan Schneider, I won't tear Seddie apart, NEVER AGAIN!). Next chap it's called, iLove, Lobsters And Lemonade, read the bottom for the sneak peek. I'm planning on updating today, I'll hurry to finish!
Hugs to all seddiers out there. Now I'm going back to cry as I write! Peace out!
Freddie's POV
Great, I have a stiff neck, my head is heavy and I feel like shit. Maybe I'm coming down with something… flu or whatever. Wait… I'm not in my bedroom… Where am I? How did I get here? I don't have any record of the events of last night or how I end up where I am. Brad. I vaguely remember Brad, telling me that nothing was wrong with me and I also remember us hugging outside in the cold, but I don't quite remember why or how I ended up here. Everything is a blur. So I'm definitely at Brad's, I do remember something about a couch… and Sam. That's right, I know why I'm here, she broke up with me and I drove off in the middle of the night only on my pajamas and sneakers.
I opened my eyes slowly, feeling a hand brushing my hair out of my face and I prayed to god it wasn't Brad, because that would be weird and thank god it wasn't him. Carly smiled at me sweetly and continued to stroke my hair. What's she doing here? What time is this?
"Hey you" she whispered softly "how you're feeling?"
"Like shit" I squirmed a little, my head on her lap "you're here. Why are you here?"
"I called her this morning" Brad said "you needed someone who would caress your hair and although I like you man, I don't like you that much" he tried to joke, but didn't laughed.
"Thanks" I tried to get up, but Carly held my shoulders "I'm fine Carly, really"
"No you're not. Tell me what happened Freddie"
"There's nothing to tell really. She stopped by after ignoring me for a week, then she told me how boring I was and broke up with me" I shrugged "that's pretty much it"
"Oh my god Freddie, I'm sorry. I'm sure something is up with Sam, she loves you, she wouldn't break up with you over nothing, and I know she finds you fascinating"
"It doesn't matter really, she doesn't want me anymore" I sat up, Carly's immediately reached for my hand "man I feel so embarrassed. I hope your parents don't think I'm crazy or something"
"No worries. My dad is on a business trip, my sister is in college and my mom thinks you're cute. She made you special breakfast before going to work. Do you know how difficult is to get special breakfast around here? I never got one" he snorted.
"Thanks" I sighed.
"I'm sure something happened. Did everything went well on your mother's dinner?" Carly mused.
"Yeah… until she left the apartment we were fine… wait" I trailed off "why didn't I think of this before?" I stood up walking around the room.
"What?" Carly jumped to her feet, following me around "what?"
"Sam got a stranger call that morning. She told me it was Pam, but I'm sure it wasn't" I mused "it was Pete! I'm sure! She's with him Carly!" I hollered "she dumped me for him!"
"Freddie calm down… this is not possible. I'm sure that's not true" she held my hands "listen, I got you clothes, take a shower, eat something okay? I'm going to find Sam and knock some sense into her thick head" she growled, grabbing her purse "I promise you everything is going to be alright" she whispered before kissing my cheek.
Carly stormed out and I knew she was going to fight with Sam. Normally I don't like to see them fighting, but right now I don't mind. Fuck! I don't get it! I don't understand it, I don't know why this have to be so hard.
"Dude, let's eat something" Brad's voice came out softly.
"I'm not hungry" I choked a little.
"Freddie, listen… I know it hurts right now, but it won't be this way forever. Man, I know you love her and I know how much, but starving it's not going to change anything"
"Everything sucks Brad. It might seem a bit over dramatic, but I don't understand why. She gave me a shitty reason, and I can't stop thinking Pete has something to do with this" I could feel something inside of me threatening to burst out, but it wasn't tears, it was anger.
"Fredward listen to me!" he hollered, gripping my shoulders, and much to my surprise shaking me violently "stop that! Fuck man, this is so fucked up! You didn't do anything wrong. Carly is right, something is up, and that's not your fault. Sam has a very messed up head, maybe something is up with her or maybe she's just that crazy. And even if what she told you it's true, it doesn't matter! If she can't appreciate the great person you are, then screw her! You'll find someone better! Now stop being such a drama queen, sit your sorry ass at that chair and eat my mother's special breakfast!" he shoved me.
I said nothing, just did as he said. He doesn't get it, but I understand why he's telling me this. He's my friend, and I would do the same for him, but he doesn't get that I don't want anything other than answers right now. I don't want anyone else. And not being able to know what I did wrong frustrates me.
"I just want to go home" I mumbled.
"I know. Listen, eat and take a shower, then I'll drive you home, alright?" he patted my shoulder.
"I'm really embarrassed. I feel like a wuss" I said lamely.
"Don't be, okay? I'm not going to tell anyone you cried" he poked me playfully "I'll keep your dirty secret" he smirked and I scowled.
The whole time I kept thinking, where did I go wrong? Maybe if I find out I can fix it, and everything will be okay again.
Carly's POV
What the heck is wrong with this girl? I mean, why would she break up with a guy like Freddie? He's sweet, smart, handsome and above it all, he loves her just the way she is. Any girl would kill to have that, and she's just throwing it all away? No, something is wrong, something is very wrong and I'll find out what happened. First she goes MIA on us and now this? Something is up, and I'll get it out of her, using any means necessary. I'll break her.
I knocked on the door at least ten times, Pam is just a lazy ass, just like her daughter. When she came to the door I was surprised. Pam was wearing a red apron covered in flour.
"Carly… hey" I pushed pass her without saying a word and went straight to Sam's room "good morning to you too kid"
"Where is she?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.
"Sammy? Well she's not here"
"I know that by now" I said annoyed "I'm asking where is she"
"Hey, did something happen?"
"Yeah it did" I sighed "she's stupid! Your daughter is stupid and I wanna knock some sense her tough head!"
"Okay kid, tell me what happened?" Pam told me to sit, but I refused.
"She broke up with Freddie last night! Can you believe it?"
"Well… yeah"
"What? Why?"
"See, I think it' better this way Carly"
"How can you say that? They love each other, and they're both hurting, how can you say that?" I growled "how can you think they'll be okay without each other?"
"Carly, no one loves at seventeen" she smiled "no one marries and lives happily ever after with her high school love"
"No! You're wrong! There's no age to love, no color, race or sex! This is ridiculous, you obviously knows shit about love" I said, heading for the door.
"Kid…"
"No! if you see Sam, tell her I'm looking for her, and that I'm pissed! And that I'm out to get her!" I walked out and slammed the door behind me.
Whatever is going through her mind is bullshit and I know Sam is lying. I know something else happened. I know her well enough and I know she lied to Freddie. The only thing I can't understand is why.
Sam's POV
He spent the whole night telling me I was stupid. And I went there thinking he wouldn't judge me… oh well Sam! I didn't want to talk about it anymore, but he kept pushing, saying what I did was stupid, but he doesn't get it and never will. He will never know how hurts not to be good enough to keep the one you love. I always been insecure about that and know hearing from my own mother was my breaking point. The truth is; I'm afraid. Yeah, Sam Puckett, the fearless is scared shitless, because I could deal with the fact that I'll never measure up to him, but it would break me if he figured that out and sooner or later he would.
I left Pete's house around ten a.m. and went back home. I had no desire to face Pam, but I wanted to cry in my own bed. Nobody understood why I did what I did, but there's only because they don't see what I see. Freddie is frigging perfect and I'm as far from that as possible. Why nobody understands that every time he does something amazing I question myself if I'm good for him? I never was, and never will. I'm pathetic, and insecure, but my fear is real.
After years of constant torture he still puts up with me and loves me. Maybe he has a case of Stockholm syndrome, maybe he doesn't even love me at all. He's so frigging good it scares me sometimes, nobody can be that perfect and whenever he's perfect it only makes it worst for me. Sometimes I wonder if he's forcing this so called perfection for some reason. Stupid, I know and maybe it doesn't make any sense, and even if I appreciate it, I can't help but think it's too much. I never meant to hurt him, I love him, but I rather leave him before he can leave me. I guess that's what scares me the most.
I walked silently into my house, practically dragging my feet, making my way to the bedroom. The only thing I wished was to be alone, but apparently Pam was in the mood to ruin my plans.
"What do you want?" I asked, my face buried in my pillow.
"Hey kiddo, good to see you"
"Too bad I can't say the same" I scowled.
"Sammy…" I felt her sitting on the edge of my bed "I know it hurts now, but soon it will be over. You'll see" she rubbed my back, but I jerked away.
"What do you want? To hear that you were right? To hear that I know this is for the best? I do okay? But still hurts like a bastard!" I covered my head with the pillow.
"I know kid, and I'm sorry" she trailed off "Carly was here today"
"I already imagine what she wants. Guess she's taking Freddie's side" I gripped the pillow harder.
"She said she was out to get you" she snorted "can you believe it?"
"Pam… just get out of my room!" I hollered.
"Sammy…" she tried to rub my back again.
"Don't touch me" I hissed.
"Okay" she sighed "I baked some cookies you want some?"
"No. Leave" I mumbled.
"Fine" she sighed and left.
I put my headphones on and cried again, listening to Pixie Lott's Catching snowflakes. I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to see anyone, or talk to anyone I wanted to mourn in peace. I hugged my knees pressing them against my chest and sobbed.
Thought it's over now, and I cope somehow, in the cold wind blows, I hear you. What is now a dream, for a while it was real and I can't conceal that I miss you. But our love was like catching a snowflake, as it reached our hands it was already gone.
Thought our case is closed, I keep chasing ghosts. Every time it snows, I see you and I feel no cold, as you lend me your coat through the pale white glow, I feel you. Our love was like catching a snowflake. As it reached our hands, it was already gone. This love was not ours to take. It was fated to break, though it was beautiful.
Brad's POV
This is ridiculous. Freddie hasn't left the room in a week and Sam is walking around like a zombie. Not to mention Carly, who is very pissed. I always knew that one way or another he was going to get his heart broken, and Sam would be the one responsible for that. Her reason was a total lie and I knew that. Carly, Spencer, Maya, Wendy and even Gibby knew that as well. It must be something wrong she doesn't wanna say. I don't buy this you're boring, so I'll break up with you, because even if I love you, I'm tired of you even for a second. She has another reason, but she wouldn't tell anyone.
Carly tried to talk some sense into her head, but she shrugged and ignored. She told Carly to stay out of this, because it wasn't her business, and let's just say Carly didn't like that very much. Now it's extremely awkward to rehearse with the two of them, and no Freddie. I'm in charge of the tech stuff, but I'm not as bright as Freddie, and I'm a bit lost in the middle of this crossfire. Carly keeps glaring at Sam and Sam keeps ignoring her.
As for me, I tried my best to take Freddie out of his apartment, but I failed. He's so fucked up he can't sleep inside his own bedroom, because according to him it smells like her. He's sleeping in the fire escape. Thank god the weather went as crazy as Mrs. Benson, and now is hotter here than in California, so the nights are equally as hot as the mornings. Or else he would be sick by now. I haven't talked to Sam much, or anything about the break up really, if he ever needs to talk, which he avoids most of the times, I'll be there, but as for Sam… is harder with her, and I don't wanna try to guess what's on her mind.
Before the webcast, Carly told me, in front of Sam, to go check on Freddie. I was on my way out of the studio when he walked in. You could actually touch the awkward. When Sam saw him, her whole body tensed up and I could swear I saw her hand twitch towards him, like she wanted to touch him. When Carly saw him, she practically ran at his direction and asked if he was okay. Freddie shrugged and said he was good to start the show.
"And we're clear" he said with his funeral voice.
"Nice! That was the worst iCarly ever!" Carly growled.
"Yeah, it sucked" Gibby nodded.
"Well… my job is done. I'm going home" Freddie announced.
"Wait!" Sam said, and immediately all the heads in the room turned to look at her "this is ridiculous Freddie. This is hurting the show, and our friends. Why can't we be friends Freddie?" she pleaded.
"Maybe I don't want to be friends with you" he shrugged.
"Freddie please…" she walked towards him, stopping only a few inches away from him "I don't want to live in a world where we're not friends"
He almost closed the space between them, like he was about to kiss her, but his eyes were cold.
"Then kill yourself" he said before storming out of the studio, slamming the door behind and leaving Sam stiff like a board.
She kept looking at the spot he once was, her eyes were blank, like she was still trying to process what just happened and she didn't know what to make of it.
"Burn!" Gibby said lamely, earning a slap on the head from Carly.
My attention was back on Sam, who left the studio without saying a word. I could swear I saw her crying, and that's how I knew she didn't want to break up. Now I just have to find out why she did it.
Freddie's POV
First I was shocked. Then I was sad. Then I got depressed, but now I'm just pissed. I'm fucking pissed at Sam and her guts, she actually had the nerve to say what she said. I can't even look at her face right now. Mostly, because every time I do I just feel the urge to grab her face and kiss her senseless. I felt ashamed and stupid for melting down in front of Brad, for crying… maybe Sam's right, I'm such a girl. UGH!
I felt emasculated with this whole stupid thing, and I didn't like it. Brad was right, I was whipped, she had a hold on me and I couldn't break free. Maybe I was never really Mr. Macho Man, but lately I feel like a fucking puss. I promised myself I wasn't going to melt down again, but I couldn't find the will to leave the fire escape despite my mother's pleas. It only tortured me, because every time I was out there, my brain reminisced our first kiss.
Today was the first day in a week I showed my face out the apartment, and now I was super pissed. She wants to be friends? Is that what I heard? Well, too bad! I don't wanna be friends with her, not until I understand why she did what she did. I was laying on the couch, facing the ceiling, pissed out of my mind when someone knocked on the door. It better not be Sam, or else I'll snap. Sighing, I forced my legs to walk all the way to the living room and opened the door.
Patrice was standing in front of me smiling, holding an envelope on her hands, but her smile died as soon as she looked at my scowl.
"My mom asked me o give this invitation to your mom… for next week's charity event…You're okay?"
"No" I said simply.
"What's the matter?"
I walked into the apartment, leaving the door open so she could follow me.
"Not much… you know, Sam just decided to break up with me" I shrugged.
"Oh…" she closed the door behind her "you guys are not together anymore?" she asked and I could see her eyes lit up, but she didn't smile.
"Nope" I sat on the couch, throwing my legs on the coffee table.
"You don't look so good… how are you holding up?" she sat next to me and put the envelope in the coffee table.
"I'm pissed, but other than that I'm just hurt. I'm fine" I shrugged.
"No, you're not. When she broke up with you?"
"A week ago"
"How long it's been since you don't leave the apartment?" she crossed her arms giving me a stern look.
"A week… but I got out today, did the web show and everything" her glare softened.
"This is not health" she shook her head.
"Yeah, but today I did the web show just to get pissed again!" I complained.
"What happened?"
"She wants to b e friends. Can you believe it? I mean, she breaks up with me, gives me a lame excuse and wants me to be cool with that? That's bullshit! And I don't even know what I did wrong!" by then I was hollering, but she didn't seem a bit intimidated.
"Freddie, I'm sure you did nothing wrong, but you're a guy who likes perfection, and you think you have to do everything right all the time. You think that if you find out what you did wrong you'll be able to fix it and everything will be back to normal, and it frustrates you to think that maybe there was nothing wrong, because then you'll have nothing to fix. But let me tell you this… nobody is perfect"
"Wow… you can read minds or something?" I snorted.
"I guess you're easy to read" she offered me a smile "but come on Freddie, you can't lock yourself in this apartment and forget about the rest of the world. That's not acceptable" she stood up.
"I know. I'm kinda sick to be here too"
"So, let's go! Let's do something!" she grabbed my hands.
"I don't wanna… Patrice, listen, I'm sorry but I don't feel like doing anything" I whined.
"No! Freddie look, after that talk we had inside that elevator I did a lot of thinking. I thought about what you said and I actually made a decision. What happened, happened and I can't change that, but I can move on. I decided to stop behaving like someone I'm not and drop the I'm a bitch act. I want to be the Patrice I once was, not what he told me I was, and I don't wanna the girl who gives the boys what they want all the time so she can feel something. I don't wanna be this person, I can't change the past but I can focus on the future, and that's good enough for me. You made me feel like I wasn't worthless and I could have a second chance. You're the only one who really saw me, and because of that I took the time to look at myself as well. I actually solved some issues with my mother. You're better than a doctor Mr. Benson" she poked me playfully "now come on. I bet I can beat your pretty ass in Guitar Hero, I'm pretty good at it"
How could I say no? This girl is telling me I fixed her, that I made her want to be better, and now she wants to return the favor. How could I say no?
"Freddie, I never had a real friend and the only person who ever took the time to really care about me like you did that night was my mother, but she doesn't like to talk about it. Even though we don't hang out much, I think of you as a friend, when I needed you were there, and now you need it, so I want to be there. Come one, let me help you" she offered me her hand.
Maybe this isn't such a bad idea. I took her hand and smiled back, a small smile, almost no noticeable, because it wasn't real.
Sam's POV
I went back home, only to cry again, and thank god Pam wasn't there. The last thing I wanted right now was to see her face. I know she was only trying to help, but shit, I don't feel like feel like looking in her face. My room seemed to big, maybe it was only because I was feeling small. After what Freddie told me today, I couldn't help but feel crushed. He didn't even want my friendship and God, I wanted to be close to him. As soon as I saw him walking into the studio today, my body reacted and I wanted to touch him, to feel him, to kiss him.
Why is this all so hard? I want him so much, but I can't back out now. I can't. I can't. I can't. I won't! But I missed him, oh man I missed everything about him. Why is this so hard? Maybe if I tried harder, I could get into a good college, and be up to his standards… who am I kidding? Maybe I could go to Boston with him… maybe…
Knock, knock, knock. Great what now?
"Open up! Carly hollered "come on Sam! Open the fucking door"
UGH! I don't wanna open up, and see her face. We had a big fight over this whole break up thing, and the last thing I wanna do is look at her right now.
"If you don't open I'm just gonna keep screaming, then I'm going to sing the titanic theme song on your window!"
I didn't respond, maybe if I shut up, she'll think I'm not home and leave.
"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, that's how I know you'll go on…" this girl does not give up "far across the distance and spaces between us you have come to you show you'll go on" OH MY GOD! "Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on" THIS IS TORTURE "Once more, you open the door and you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on…"
"Fuck!" I gave up, rushing to open the door for her.
"Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime…" I opened the door.
"What SHAY?" I yanked her arm, pulling her inside.
"We need to talk Sam, I need to know what's wrong with you, tell me please. Tell me why" her voice was soft, but her face was serious.
"I told you before…"
"Don't give me shit Samantha! I don't believe you, I'm your best friend, talk to me please"
I sat on the couch, not wanting to face her, but I needed to get it out of my chest. However, knowing Carly like I do, she would just judge me and tell me I'm crazy or whatever and I wasn't on the mood. I missed my Freddie, I loved him and it was killing not being able to be with him, but this was the best and I would do anything for him to be happy.
"Carly… you don't understand… I can't Carly, be with him… I'm not" knock, knock, knock again "oh great, who is it now?"
Carly told me to go get the door, when I opened Pete rushed in, his face all flushed, his hair ruffled and he looked ecstatic.
"Sam…" he hugged me, lifting me off the floor and spinning me around "you won't believe what happened, I had to tell you"
He cupped my face and kissed my cheeks. I was so taken back by his visit that I forgot all about Carly. Oh shit… she was staring at us, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. Shit, shit, shit.
"Now I get it. How could you? How could you do this to Freddie? How? I can't believe it" she grabbed her bag and tried to walk away but I held her arm.
"Carly wait, I can explain" I tried to argue.
"No need Sam. I hope you're happy though… I can't believe this" she jerked away and left, ignoring my cries.
"Carly please, it's not what you think" I yelled, but she just run away "Pete… oh my god, why is everything falling apart on me?"
"I'm so sorry Sammo" he ran his fingers through his hair "shit this is my fault. Do you want me to go after her and tell her that nothing is wrong?"
"No… it doesn't matter, she won't believe you, or me…" I wiped my tears away "just… I need to be alone right now, you can tell me what you want later. Okay?"
"Okay" he sighed "I'm sorry Sam. I really am"
"It's okay"
I got into the bus with no direction what so ever. I didn't know where to go, I was lost. So I just sat there not really knowing where I was going. Half an hour later I found myself in front of Seattle Mercy Hospital, don't ask me why I'm here, because I don't know. I just thought about Freddie and the many great moments we had here that afternoon with the kids. That day I wished to have a family with him, I wanted so much to spend the rest of my life with him, and now I realize I still do.
The place was the same, nothing has changed, and I wondered if the kids were still there. The first time I've been here I was nervous as hell, and now it's no different. That afternoon was magical. I dreamed about how it would be like having a family, because I never really had one. Sure I had my mom, Mel and J'Mam-maw, not mentioning the whole bunch of Pucketts, but what I mean is a house with mom and dad, a dog and a cat. I never had that, and Freddie made me want that. Now it's too late for that.
Down the hall, I could hear that familiar giggle, and it warmed up my heart a little bit. I smiled and opened the door, greeted by one of the most beautiful sights in the world. The kids were playing, running around looking too health to have cancer. My eyes searched for one little girl in particular, and there she was sitting on a pink chair, gazing the floor. Sophie was sad, but why? Our eyes met, and I smiled but she didn't return it.
"Sam!" Andy yelled, trigging the other kids to jump on me.
"Hey kids! Calm down, I'm only one" I said, trying to get up, and break free from a pile little bald headed kids "ouch!"
"Sorry!" they giggled.
"Where's Freddie? He didn't came this week, is he with you?" Molly asked.
"No Molly… sorry" I gave her a small smile.
Ten minutes later and the commotion around me ceased, and I could walk towards Sophie. She's been awfully quiet since I got here, and I wondered if she got worst or something. The volunteer called the other kids to eat, and Sophie stayed.
"Hey Soph" I kneeled in front of her "how's going?"
SLAP! Her hand came in contact with my cheek, smacking it. I touched my face in utter shock, not moving an inch. She slapped me. Sophie just slapped me.
"You!" she pointed "you broke his heart. And you said you wouldn't. You hurt him. How could you?" she hollered.
"Soph… you don't understand"
"You bet your ass I don't" I don't think a five year old should be cursing like that…
"It's not as simple as it seems" I tried to touched her, but she slapped my hand and got off the chair, walking to the other side of the room.
"You promised me you would take a good care of him and you hurt him"
"How do you even know that?"
"When Freddie didn't show up this week I knew something was up. He was supposed to visit me yesterday so we can celebrate that I'm getting better. When he didn't show up I knew something was terribly wrong o I called Marissa and she told me what you did"
"Soph…"
"I don't know what made you do it, but I know it was a stupid reason" she scowled "I told you that if you broke his heart I would break your face, but my hand it's too good for your face" with that she walked away.
"Wanna know why I did what I did?" I stood up and watched as she stopped her tracks. I took that as a yes "because I'm no good for him Soph. He's so amazing. He deserves someone better, someone who can live up to his expectations, someone who's going to go to a fancy college like him. Someone he can be proud of, and that's not me" the tears felt hot falling down on my face.
Sophie, slowly turned around to look at me.
"When I found out I had cancer I was four. I'm an only child, and my mom can't have any other kids. I'm probably gonna die before I'm fifteen, and I'm never going to know love Sam. I'm not going to know what love feels like, and I'm not going to have the chance to find out. I'm five years old, but if there is something this disease taught me is that the time we have here is short, so we better make the best of it" she stopped for a while "I don't know big beautiful word, like in those in the Shakespeare books Freddie reads for me, but I know what love means, I saw that day when you looked at each other and I see every time my mommy looks at my daddy. I should tell you that your reasons are stupid, but I'm just going to say this; you can't predict the future, whether you're good enough for him only the time will tell, and I think you're being selfish by not letting him be a part of this decision"
She turned around and walked away, but stopped by the door.
"Don't come here until you fix this. I feel ashamed that someone with years ahead would waste being stupid. I deserve more time and I don't have it, and you have it but you're throwing it away and that disgusts me. I'm gonna go and see if I can snatch an ice cream" she slammed the door behind her.
Oh my god… she's five and she's apparently smarter than me. Did this just happen? I think I might be having a hallucination. She's five… how come… how can she… my jaw was on the floor because I just got a heartfelt speech from a five years old little girl, and maybe she's right. (A/N: Sophie reminds me of a little girl I know, and she's too smart to be five years old, just like Soph)
Freddie's POV
I spent the afternoon in The Arcade with Patrice and I must say it was the best day I had this week. She was so fun, and I could never imagine she could tell jokes. I always knew she wasn't all that bad but I never knew she could be this good. I was impressed.
"That was fun" I told Patrice while unlocking the door.
"Well, I told you I could beat your pretty ass" she snorted.
I had a little bit of fun today. Patrice was actually very nice, and she was a master in Guitar Hero, she beat my ass multiple times. The whole day was fun, but I'm way too heavy to feel it.
"Thank you" I offered my hand for her to shake.
"Seriously?" she chuckled, tip toed and kissed my cheek "just promise me something?"
"What?" I leaned against the door.
"Stop this depression thing. Lift your head up boy, you're better than this" she touched my face caringly.
"I'll try" I nodded.
She smiled and left, something made her change her mind and she walked back to me.
"I have to tell you something"
"Shoot"
"I like you" she blushed.
"I like you too"
"No… I like you. I think I'm in love with you" she blushed harder.
My eyes went wide. I wasn't ready to hear this, let alone from her. My heart belonged to someone else, and I couldn't… I couldn't feel this way about anyone else.
"Patrice I…" she interrupted me.
"Listen, just listen. No one ever treated me the way you do, and yeah I have feelings for you. I wouldn't call it love but they're deep. However, I know you love Sam and you probably couldn't be happy without her. And I want you to be happy. I'm a selfish person Freddie, but not to you, you helped me and I'm so thankful. I haven't felt this way in a long time. All I ask is for you to be my friend and if you eventually get over Sam… maybe you could give me a chance" I knew she was nervous as hell, I could see her hands shaking slightly.
"You would be my first choice" I smiled "but like you said, at least right now I can't be happy without her"
"I know. But thank you" I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead "bye Freddie" she smiled and gulped before walking away.
After she walked away I kept smiling. The first genuine smile of the day. This girl is amazing me. I fixed her, I mended her bruises and now she's willing to wait for my heart to heal so she can have a chance? This could all be good if I wasn't so in love with Sam. I can't deny Patrice is attractive, but my fucking stupid wuss heart belongs to that crazy blond, and I don't think this is going to change any time soon. Before I could get into my apartment I heard some screamed coming from Carly's. She was very mad talking to someone.
I pressed my ear against the door, because right now I don't give a flying fuck about manners.
"I mean, can you believe it? I got there, willing to give her a chance to explain herself and what happens? He's there! Oh my god how could she do this?"
"Carly calm down alright, there must be an explanation" the other voice belonged to Brad.
"What Brad? Pete was there. I saw him! He hugged her, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged!"
What… so it was him. He was the reason why she broke up with me…
"Oh man… don't tell Freddie this. Not yet. Let's figure out what's happening, then we let him know"
She dumped me for him and now they were celebrating… I knew it. I felt that familiar sting on my chest come back as I back away from Carly's door. I didn't want to hear anything else. I walked into my apartment thanking God no one was around, because shit was about to get real. I kicked the footstool and the coffee table, before smashing a lamp. I knew it. I always knew it, I was already self conscious about this Pete issue and I shouldn't believe her, I should know better, but I was stupid.
Stupid, stupid Freddie!
I need to get out of here… I need air… I need… Gibby. I grabbed my phone and called him. As soon as he heard about the break up, Gibby came by to say he was sorry, and in his Gibbyish way he told me that if I ever needed to just let shit out of my chest, his uncle owned a bar and we could go there and get wasted with no problem. I never even tasted a beer before, but shit, I'm mad, I'm fucking out of my mind and I want to get wasted.
"Hey Gib"
"Hey Freddie, my man! What's up?" he said.
"I need to get shit out of my chest"
"Then talk to me dude… I'm not Carly but I'm sensitive"
"No Gib, I need to take shit out of my chest" I said pointedly
"Oh, now you're speaking my language. Get you in five, let's get wasted!" he said a little giddy.
"Yeah, let's get wasted"
General POV
Gibby drove Freddie to his uncle's bar. Greg Gibson wasn't what you can call a nice guy, but he understood the love pain. Gibby explained to him the situation and Greg Gibson, sympathetically, gave Freddie Benson his first beer. The first taste of alcohol, made him grimace, it wasn't something Freddie was used to, but three sips later he found himself enjoying it. It gave him an immediate sensation of freedom, and Gibby felt proud of himself for being the one able to provide it.
When Gibby heard about the break up, he didn't really knew what to say, because let's face it, The Gibby is not a man of words, but actions, but he went to see Freddie anyway. Not able to think about anything good to say, Gibby simply remembered what his uncle once told him the cure for love pain is a good beer, it cleans the soul. And that was what he told Freddie. However, Gibby never thought Freddie would take his words in consideration, and he was shocked to say the least when Freddie called.
Half an hour later, Freddie Benson was doing some male bonding around the bar, hearing stories of other guys, about other girls, and other hearts broken. After the sixth beer, Freddie decided that wasn't going to cut it anymore, he needed something stronger. Marlon Hayes, a truck driver, whose wife left a couple of years ago, always hanged around the bar on his free time, and offered Freddie his first shot of tequila. Freddie Benson became a fan of the hot beverage in less than two shots.
"Freddie…" Gibby tried to take Freddie off the counter.
"Gibbay my man! The view up here is am-a-zin-g" he hiccupped "amazing-ing duuude!"
"Freddie get down" he tried to grab Freddie's arm, but he jerked away.
"Nooooo!" everybody sang.
"Don't, Gibby" his uncle told him "can't you see the boy needs this?"
"But uncle!" Gibby tried to argue "he can fall and break something, then his mother will break me!"
"My mother is a nut case man!" Freddie cracked up "she was pregnant with me for fucking eleven months… the woman is batshit!"
Everybody started to laugh.
"I miss music. I don't hear music since my girlfriend went MIA on me and then broke up with me" Freddie stopped for a while, looking sad, then started to laugh again "put some music on DJ!"
"You're the boss Freddie!" Uncle Greg turned the stereo on.
"J-LO?" Freddie yelled.
"Is there a problem?" Marlon asked, sounding ominous.
"Nah…" Freddie shrugged "ON THE FLOOR BABE!"
"On the floor!" the others yelled.
Gibby never thought in his whole life, he would see Freddie Benson dancing Jennifer Lopez on top of a bar counter, but that was exactly what he was facing right now and that worried him. Freddie would jump, wiggle his hips and sometimes try to sing along, but failed miserably.
"LA, LA LA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA!" was the only thing he knew how to sing "on the floor, la la la la!"
"Freddie…" Gibby tried to take him off the counter again, but Freddie almost kicked him in the face.
"Man I can't sing this song!" Freddie laughed, and Gibby thought he never saw Freddie this loose "dude… gimme that" Freddie snatched the bottle of tequila from Greg's hand and started to devour it.
After several failed attempts to take him home, Gibby gave up, throwing his hands in the air before reaching for his phone. It was one in the morning and Brad was probably sleeping, but he called his friend anyway. Gibby knew that he was the only one who could take Freddie back home before something bad happened. Brad's phone ringed twenty times before he picked up
"Gibby? You better have a damn good reason to wake me up at one in the morning" Brad wasn't very happy with the call.
"Brad… I need your help. See, I brought Freddie to my uncle's bar and he is a little…" Gibby looked at Freddie, using a empty tequila bottle to sing Metallica "drunk"
"Gib, what the fuck? You got Freddie drunk?" he hissed.
"Sorry man, he asked me to"
"Fine, tell me where it is and I'll be right there"
This is something I never want to see again, thought Brad, laying eyes on his drunken best friend. Freddie's hair was a mess, his plaid shirt was unbuttoned and his white wife beater was wrinkled and probably stained with liquor. Despite looking ridiculous, dancing on top of the counter, he was smiling, like a five years old in Christmas Eve. Brad shook his head, approaching Freddie.
"Brad! My friend!" he yelled "look guys, this is my best fucking friend in the whole world!"
"Hey" Brad waved "Freddie, come on. Let's get you home"
"But it's Friday night dude. I donwanna go wome!" he whined.
"Freddie, come on. It's time"
Brad yanked Freddie off the counter against everybody's pleas, paid the bill and took him outside.
"Where's the car Gibby?" he held Freddie's head while he threw up.
"Uh… we took a cab here" Brad glared at him "I thought it was better, because if we were both drunk we wouldn't die in a car crash! The Gibby is too young to die" he mused.
"Fine whatever. I don't have any money anymore. I spent it all in the cab here, and Freddie's money is in your uncle's bar now… I figure you don't have any either"
"No"
"We'll walk" Brad patted Freddie on the back, helping him getting up.
"Kay"
"I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room! Can anybody help me with these exit wound? I don't know how much more love, this heart can lose, and I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds. Wooooounds, where their leaving, the scars you're keeping. Exit wounds!" Freddie's voice cracked as he tried to sing The Script's Exit Wounds.
"And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder. And I wish you could still give me a hard time. And I wish I could still wish it was over, but even if wishing is a waste of time even if I never cross your mind. I'll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back if you ever come back. They'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat, if you ever come back. They'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on, and it will be just like you were never gone"
Brad and Gibby were carrying Freddie on the streets, and the brunet boy kept screaming his lungs out all The Script's songs he could muster, much to his friends annoyance.
"Cause I still don't know how to act, don't know what to say. Still wear the scars like it was yesterday, but you're long gone and moved on. Cause you're long gone, but I still don't know where to start, still finding my way. Still talk about you like it was yesterday. But you're long gone and moved on. But you're long gone, you moved on …It gets under my skin to see you with him and it's not me that you're with. Oh from this moment on I'm changing the way I feel yeah. From this moment on, it's time to get a real!"
"Freddie, stop it" Brad told him, making Freddie crack up a laugh.
"Dude! Sing with me" he said a little too close from Brad's face, and his friend could almost taste everything he drank tonight "And my mates are all there trying to calm me down 'cause I'm shouting your name all over town. I'm swearing if I go there now I can change your mind, turn it all around. And I now that I'm drunk but I'll say the words, and she'll listen this time even though its lust. Dial her number and confess to her I'm still in love. But all I heard was nothing! NOTHING. SHE SAID NOTHING! OOOH NOTHING! I GOT NOTHING I GOT NOTHING!"
"Quit it!" Brad hollered, trying to support Freddie's weight in his arm while Gibby did the same.
"Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I'm better off now, than I ever was with her" Freddie finished quietly.
After an awkward silence between the three of them, Freddie started to laugh again, uncontrollably, shaking and making harder for his friends to carry him. Brad decided he didn't like drunken Freddie. Something made Freddie's laughter die completely.
"I can walk" he said, almost sounding sober.
Brad and Gibby took a chance and let go of him, slowly. Freddie stood up on his own sticking his hand inside his pocket, searching for something. Brad watched him grab his phone.
"What are doing?"
"Didn't you heard Danny O'Donoghue?" he pressed Sam's number on speed dial, but her phone was off, so he called her house.
"Who?" Gibby asked.
"The Script's singer…" Brad watched Freddie, unsure of what his friend was doing.
She wasn't picking up, but he waited patiently, singing a bit more.
"What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you? What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok? I'm falling to pieces. I'm falling to pieces. They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding. 'Coz she moved on while I'm still grieving, 'coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even, no!"
He stopped as soon as he heard a female voice, muffed on the other line. His heart skip a beat, it was now or never.
"Sam… Sammy please… don't do this to me. I love you. Don't break up with me. I love you more than anything and without I'm shit!"
"Freddie? Are you drunk?"
"No… well… a little, but listen, that' not important" he hiccupped "what matters is that I'm so in love with you, please don't leave me because I'm not me without you baby. There's no Freddie without Sam. I don't know what I did wrong, but if you tell me I'll fix this chizz" Brad tried to take the phone off Freddie's hand and save him from the humiliation, but he refused to hand over.
"Freddie…"
"No listen! Listen to me. When I fell in love with you I knew this was not going to be easy, but I also didn't know it would be this hard. But that doesn't matter because I rather die trying than give up on you Sam… I can't give up on you. I'll never give up… fuck Sam! Can't you see how much I love you? Tell me what I did wrong and I'll fix it… because we can go through anything, as long as we're together… tell me what you want… I'll do it. Sammy… my little demon… I love you. So, so much. Please say something"
She was speechless on the other side of the line and Freddie choked,feeling like he was going to throw up again. His knees buckled, and he dropped the phone on the floor. Brad reached to hold his head up, while he threw up again, and Gibby picked his phone off the floor. He threw up a little bit more, before leaning his head against Brad's shoulder.
"She said nothing"
"What?" Brad adjusted his weight in one arm, while Gibby did the same.
"She said nothing… I'm sleepy"
"I know… let's get you home" the trio began to walk again, heading to the Bushwell Plaza.
"She's my lobster Brad" he whispered against Brad's neck.
"She's what?"
"My lobster… you never saw Friends?"
"Yeah but…"
"Season two, episode 14. The One With The Prom Video. Phoebe tells Ross, Rachel is his lobster" he sighed "Sam is my lobster"
"Dude…" Brad shook his head, not really knowing if Freddie had a point or this was just drunk talk.
"It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life" he chuckled "she said it… and they hold claws… around their tank… forever"
"Man…" Brad never felt so bad for someone before in his life.
After helping Freddie with one more round of vomit, he grabbed a blanket and threw over his friend, who was passed out on the couch. He had a very hurtful expression on his face that made Brad sigh, this shit was so fucked up. Gibby passed out on the armchair, but Brad couldn't bring himself to fall asleep, so he sat on the floor, contemplating Freddie's lobster theory. After half an hour, the fatigue won him over and Brad dozed off.
Pam Puckett dropped the phone with her mouth hanging open. She was speechless. The boy drank his ass off and called Sam, but Sam was sleeping on a fetal position after crying the whole night. So, Pam Puckett answered the phone. She walked to her daughter's bedroom again. Sam was in the same position, and although she was asleep, her face made it seem like she was still crying. So much pain, she thought. This can't be right. Maybe she was wrong, maybe when she told Sam those things she was thinking about herself.
Sam wasn't Pam, and Freddie wasn't Sam's father. Damn it! I have to fix this! What did I do? I'll fix this. But how to convince Sam that she was wrong? Now that she believed her? Pam knew she never been a good mother, and maybe while trying to help she inflicted pain on her child. This was wrong, and she knew something had to be done. Soon.
Little bit of next chapter:
"Excuse me?"
"You heard her!" Brad stepped in "now go there and do something, because I don't wanna clean drunken Freddie's vomit anymore!"
"That's right!" Carly said "do something or you're going to lose him, you big jerk!" she smacked Sam in the head.
"Ouch! Carly!"
"You're insecure and scared, but you gotta open up to love or else you'll be damaged forever!"
"Carly I don't-"
"I'm not done yet" Carly's voice reached a tone, only dogs could hear, fortunately the music saved the ears of those farther away from her. Only Brad and Sam didn't have the same luck "you hear me out Puckett. I'll talk some sense into your head, even if I have to shove it down your throat. Love requires an amount of effort, and it's difficult, it's hard but it's so worth the trouble. What Freddie feels for you is true love, and I know you feel it too, but you're a coward! You call yourself brave, but only a true brave person risks everything jumping in this crazy river called love. He was in, all in, but you never were. Whether you jump or you give up forever! I'm pretty sure he can find someone who's willing to jump with him"
Sam felt her chest ache with the slight possibility to lose him for someone else. She couldn't lose him. She wouldn't lose him. Grabbing a can of wahoo punch out of the fridge, she walked towards Patrice with a plan. In order to talk to Freddie, she needed to get rid of Patrice.
"You go girl!" Carly cheered.